Olivia25 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 A little background: I am recently married (3 years), we dated for 5 and have one child. After my child was born I ran into some complications and my husband was very supportive. He is a good provider (employed), picks up around the house, and is over all a good guy. My problem is that I am no longer physically attracted to him. I don't want to have sex with him because it isn't any good, its never been "great", just ok. I guess it doesn't help that we have both put on weight and when I see him naked I cringe and want to run away. I don't even want him rubbing my arm or touching me because I get annoyed. We argue over little stuff quite frequently. and i honestly dread going home from work because i feel "stuck" at home with him. We are in couples counseling and I honestly don't think it is working. I want to take my baby, move out and start over by myself. I don't know what else to do. Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 A little background: I am recently married (3 years), we dated for 5 and have one child. After my child was born I ran into some complications and my husband was very supportive. He is a good provider (employed), picks up around the house, and is over all a good guy. My problem is that I am no longer physically attracted to him. I don't want to have sex with him because it isn't any good, its never been "great", just ok. I guess it doesn't help that we have both put on weight and when I see him naked I cringe and want to run away. I don't even want him rubbing my arm or touching me because I get annoyed. We argue over little stuff quite frequently. and i honestly dread going home from work because i feel "stuck" at home with him. We are in couples counseling and I honestly don't think it is working. I want to take my baby, move out and start over by myself. I don't know what else to do. Glad to see you're both doing your part Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 What about exercising together? It may actually bring you closer. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Counseling isn't a magic pill and can take a long time to show results. Have you considered individual counseling? I think it's worth the effort to try for your child. You say he is a good guy, and the optimal environment for kids is a family with both parents in the home. It sounds like you already have the attitude that it's pointless& won't work, which sets you up to fail. Happiness really is a state of mind, and positive thinking can change your perception. Your husband isn't responsible for your happiness, you are. What makes you happy and brings you joy? Your issues are common ones that can often be resolved. Marriages ebb & flow. There will be good years and bad years. Having small kids can really stress a marriage, but if you stick it out, the good times will often come again. This is the point of the "for better, for worse" vow- to keep you committed during the down times. I think you should try to view this as one temporary phase of your marriage, and not see it as a sign that you shouldn't be together. Maybe finding a new marriage counselor, getting more exercise, eating healthier, thinking positive & being patient will get you through this phase, and eventually your marriage can evolve into a more fulfilling relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I want to take my baby, move out and start over by myself. Just you and the baby. Well, 50% of the time it'll be just you, when the baby's with your husband. You know that there's a good chance that things will turn out that way, right? Link to post Share on other sites
A O Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 A little background: I am recently married (3 years), we dated for 5 and have one child. After my child was born I ran into some complications and my husband was very supportive. He is a good provider (employed), picks up around the house, and is over all a good guy. My problem is that I am no longer physically attracted to him. I don't want to have sex with him because it isn't any good, its never been "great", just ok. I guess it doesn't help that we have both put on weight and when I see him naked I cringe and want to run away. I don't even want him rubbing my arm or touching me because I get annoyed. We argue over little stuff quite frequently. and i honestly dread going home from work because i feel "stuck" at home with him. We are in couples counseling and I honestly don't think it is working. I want to take my baby, move out and start over by myself. I don't know what else to do. Take "your" baby and move on, will be the best for all concerned. You sound too far gone (you're showing too much contempt towards him) for counselling which only ever works when your heart is in it. Other than that, there are times when women lose the physical urge so to speak, after having a baby, if things were pretty good before that then you may want to seek out a medical specialist (or search the net for info) along the lines of post-birth change and what not. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 He has to be dissatisfied and frustrated as well. He knows something is up and is missing a healthy love/sex life. It will be a sting but you need to be upfront and lay it all out there that you are no longer sexually attracted to him in his current state and if he doesn't lose some weight and change his habits that you are going to go bonkers and will be at great risk of leaving or of screwing around with some other guy(s). Then get him the book "The Married Man Sexlife Primer" and the "Mindful Attraction Plan" both by Athol Kay. He will have one of two reactions. He will either tell you to screw yourself and let you go. (which may also manifest by not doing anything) Or he will take it seriously and work on himself, lose weight, dress better, become more proactive and become more attractive to you. That may take multiple months or even a year or so. .....now here is a word of warning, if he does start losing weight, looking better, becoming more assertive etc etc and you keep giving him the brush off and you keep getting fat and do nothing about it, OTHER women will start to find him attractive and if you keep treating him like crap, he'll be tempted to take up some of the other offers. This is something that both of you are going to have to work on together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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