Need a woman's perspective on my relationship situation

[thefilmguy24]

Ok, I’ve already done a thread on here about my situation. But I want some input from the woman’s perspective on my situation. If you haven’t read my previous thread, here’s the link...thehttp://http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/484661-she-may-have-cheated-but-don-t-have-100-proof Basically everything has been good with us but some things do bother me a little bit. I’ve pretty much let go of whatever happened last summer in the Philippines, but sometimes things trigger the memories and it kind of gets me down. Other things that bother me are how she is not as affectionate. She shows her love to me by different means but sometimes I just wish that she would kiss me when she gets home from work or randomly kiss me. Or even hear her say “I love you” by her own account instead of saying it when I say it first. I mean I made a list of the pros and cons of her personality/attitude. The pros were more than the cons which is good. But sometimes I just wish she would do these things. I don’t need her to do them every day but every once in a while would be nice. I am a man and it does feel good to have your ego stroked a little bit or showed that you’re appreciated. Other things that kind of bother me is that I’m always thinking of romantic things to do or just do things for her when she drops her little hints and surprise her. I know I’m not supposed to expect anything, but she never plans anything for me and I kind of get of disappointed when I tell her about things I want to do and they never happen.

 

I just want to know from a woman’s stand point is this normal behavior? Someone on here told me that the reason she may be like this is because she does feel guilty of whatever she did in the Philippines and is keeping me at arm’s length because I may find out the truth and she’s bracing herself. I don’t know if that’s the case or if it is the way her personality is due to watching her parents growing up since they are not affectionate with each other but they are happily married for over 30 something years. Even no kissing during sex, is that normal? Speaking of sex, is once a month during our weekend getaways normal? I haven’t seen her initiate sex in a long time. I have always been the one to initiate the intimacy. Are there ways to bring back the initiation from her? At first when we broke our dry spell in February, she was trying to get her libido back and has even discussed on getting some “toys” to help our sex life a little bit. But it seems like it is diminishing a little bit and just wants me to “wham-bam thank you ma’am” type of sex at times. Other time it’s passionate and intense. She also never really wants to please me in the bed. She doesn’t give me oral as much. If I ask, she’ll do it but sometimes when I do ask she won’t do it. I don’t want to beg or pressure her so I’ll just let it go.

 

I know I need to bring these things up with her. I don’t know if it’s the way I bring something up or the way I explain things, but she takes things out of context and gets angry with me. So what are they best ways to bring these type of issues with her without her getting upset and taking it the wrong way? Please any women that can shed any light on this, please give me any advice on this. Thank you.

[K0203]

You're complaints remind me of the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. Apparently we all have one we prefer. A different way to express and receive love and it's what causes a lot of stress in relationships although every other aspect can be great. So your 1st love language may be 'Physical Touch', your second sounds like 'Words of Affirmation'. Hers may be different. She may have 'Receiving Gifts', 'Acts of Service', or 'Quality Time'. I suggest you read or even read the simple summary of the book. It really clarifies how to commit in relationships for the happiness of each other.

[thefilmguy24]

You're complaints remind me of the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. Apparently we all have one we prefer. A different way to express and receive love and it's what causes a lot of stress in relationships although every other aspect can be great. So your 1st love language may be 'Physical Touch', your second sounds like 'Words of Affirmation'. Hers may be different. She may have 'Receiving Gifts', 'Acts of Service', or 'Quality Time'. I suggest you read or even read the simple summary of the book. It really clarifies how to commit in relationships for the happiness of each other.

 

I actually have just read that book. I've actually been thinking of giving the book to her so she can read it to see what she thinks of it.