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Is it normal to want a relationship?


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Isn't it normal to want to fall in love and have a human connection? Isn't it normal to not want to be single? I understand that it isn't necessary to be in a relationship, but I still long for that companionship and trust. That security of coming home to someone and being able to confide in that person.

 

I've been out of a LTR for a year, and I've only recently felt like dating again. I'm not actively pursing anyone at the moment, but I'm torn between the idea of being strong and single and the idea that it's normal to want that human companionship. I feel somewhat lost without it most days. I don't want to be the type of person who must be in a relationship to be happy, and I'm doing pretty well considering what I've been through in the last year. Still, it feels like something is missing. Is this a valid feeling, or am I trying to use a relationship to fill a void? Am I missing a relationship because the void is now more apparent with him gone?

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lovebug_5858

I think its normal.

I find myself wanting that person to just talk to. I like being independent and not having to check in with someone, or say where I'm going or what I'm up to every 5 minutes like most couples these days, but I also miss cuddling and confiding and just having that one person that will support you. I have friends, but I do miss that one niche that a relationship fills.

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I think its normal.

I find myself wanting that person to just talk to. I like being independent and not having to check in with someone, or say where I'm going or what I'm up to every 5 minutes like most couples these days, but I also miss cuddling and confiding and just having that one person that will support you. I have friends, but I do miss that one niche that a relationship fills.

 

I think we are wired to want companionship whatever form it takes. But there is something different about being in love. I miss that, but I feel like I shouldn't need it. I feel like I should be okay on my own, but the truth is that I do want a relationship.

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lovebug_5858
I think we are wired to want companionship whatever form it takes. But there is something different about being in love. I miss that, but I feel like I shouldn't need it. I feel like I should be okay on my own, but the truth is that I do want a relationship.

I say don't feel guilty about that. Get out there if you think you're ready. Have fun :)

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todreaminblue

Define normal for me......when every one is unique in what they feel try to define what is th eaverage expectations in regards to feelings on relationships when most peopel dotn really express it often in a graph that you can chart.....

 

 

what ever you feel is "normal" for you...all th ebad all the good....the dreams you have are normal they are expressions of what you desire what you know what you feel or what you want to feel.....

 

dont let anyone tell you, you are abnormal for dreaming of what would make you happy.....unless happiness means eating human liver with fava beans...that si a little left of center.......but normal for a cannibal i guess..... i have been told most of my life i am abnormal, freak ,among other insightful comments by so called normals........retarded whatever so much so, sometimes i believe it.....then i have been told i am amazing.......i am awesome and i deserve to be happy i tend to err on this side more ...why....because that truly makes me happy......god loves me and god has always whispered people are nto meant to walk alone.......so yeah ....human connections are why we are here.......

 

 

 

 

to connect to be part of the human race which includes touch love happiness sadness and everything in between....the human experience means touching others as well...to me the real way to touch hearts is to have relationships with people who have heart..

 

 

 

i have many dreams one of them is to be with someone special who gets all of me...and wants to stay like i want to stay....who would never intentionally have something mean to say, who loves me in every way, who can see my flaws and still open doors....for me...for him....for us...and that is normal for me.i have high hopes..has been that way since i was little...... i am hard wired that way by loving hands....so of course i have love to give and love to take back.....as do you as does everyone just differently and uniquely you...you are you for a reason you feel what you feel for a reason or a season or an hour....its all relative to you and who you are....and if it is normal for you to feel that you wish to be in a relationship then who can say it isnt normal...no one...deb

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I think we are wired to want companionship whatever form it takes. But there is something different about being in love. I miss that, but I feel like I shouldn't need it. I feel like I should be okay on my own, but the truth is that I do want a relationship.

 

Both of your feelings are valid.

 

If you're American, you've been inundated with the image of the independent man. All he needs is his 4x4, his dog, and something to fix. From a wiser-view, Buddhists may note the impermanence of everything, relationships in particular. From either view, you "should" be content w/in yourself.

 

But you're also human. Touch depravation is a well documented phenomena. Neurologists would point out the physical benefits of love and affection. Psychologists would point out the necessity of these things for a "healthy life".

 

Being able to go where you want, when you want, with who you want is awesome. Until there isn't anywhere you particularly want to go, or there is somewhere, but you don't have anyone to go with. Never-mind sex at that point: most folks would settle for a comforting smile and a familiar laugh.

 

For a lot of people, the holidays are when those feelings set-in. For me, its this time of year: being a half-hour drive from gorgeous beaches but having no one to share the sunset with, or go camping, or go hiking. Worse yet, I find the easiest way to cope is to avoid places where couples and/or single women are. That eliminates a lot of venues.

 

But enough thread-jacking. It seems to me that you need to ask yourself what is really preventing you from seeking what you want: (1) the feeling that you shouldn't "need" it, or (2) the trade-off of losing your freedom.

 

If the former, since when are "wants" affected by "needs". Do you need ice-cream, fireworks, or oral sex? No. But why should that stop you from eating ice-cream under some fireworks while getting :eek:'d till you :D?

 

If the later, either find a partner who has a strong independent-streak and will allow you your free-time, or focus on the notion that everything in life is a trade-off, ying-and-yang, yada-yada-yada.

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I feel weak that I want a relationship, and I feel scared to try for fear of not finding one. I think that sums up my feelings.

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I feel weak that I want a relationship, and I feel scared to try for fear of not finding one. I think that sums up my feelings.

 

You certainly aren't alone on that one. I often view dating the same way I view

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  • 3 weeks later...
I feel weak that I want a relationship, and I feel scared to try for fear of not finding one. I think that sums up my feelings.

 

I think that's the confusing thing: the desire for a relationship is a response to that part in all of us that is vulnerable, that recognizes that none of us is an island. The fallacy we tend to believe is that vulnerability equals weakness. Vulnerability is neither weak nor strong, it just IS what we all are, whether we want to admit / are capable of admitting it or not. We are neither independent nor dependent, but interdependent, and that is a dynamic position because it balances two opposite poles of being (independence and dependency).

 

So, I think it's perfectly natural / healthy / normal to want a relationship. I guess you then have to examine what you want it FOR, beyond the most immediate answer of "companionship." For instance, this past year has made me realize that perhaps part of what I want in a relationship is validation of parts of me that I have ambivalent feelings about. I used to think that there was nothing wrong with wanting a relationship to serve as succor or as a healing agent for our genuine weaknesses / neuroses / etc. After all, love DOES heal, as none of us enters relationships completely whole and free of hang-ups. But it seems the law of attraction is that if we're seeking validation of some sort from outside, we gravitate towards the very source LEAST likely to grant it, and thus we perpetuate our own psychology outside ourselves. You and I both have experienced this very thing. It seems the reason is that we seek not so much the actual VALIDATION as the repetition of the EXPERIENCE that originally deprived us of validation, so that we can master that experience and rewrite history as though that lack of validation never existed.

 

It's so screwed up, isn't it? But I think it points to why we have to be aware of and work on ourselves all the time in order to attract and keep the relationship we want, that truly will provide the companionship we so naturally yearn for.

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