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Not being able to be yourself with your GF


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Has anyone ever felt that they just can't be themselves with their partner? i guess it's a fear of, if i just be who i am.. this person might not like me and our relationship might end...

 

is it unreasonable for me to feel as comfortable with her as when i am on my own? I just don't want to put energy into being someone else...

 

Just curious if anyone has had any experience with this - and can offer advice...

 

THANKS Ladies and gents.

:)

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lollipopspot

How long have you been seeing this person?

 

In the beginning, if you really like her, it's natural to want to please her and not do something or reveal something about yourself that you feel may cause her to reject you.

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Bwahahaha all the time!

 

The only people I can be myself with a fellow freaks unfortunately with whom it's impossible to have a relationship.

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To be honest, I wouldn't even get into a relationship with them in the first place. I know the perfect relationship doesn't exist, but a few times I've met people in the internet who really were a near-perfect match. Ever since I've become hopeful I'll meet 'em irl too, while that's harder of course because everyone has a pokerface in reality nowadays. :(

 

I guess that's what dating is for. Getting to know each other. There's no shame in saying that you just don't feel "it".

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If I can't be myself then there isn't a point in being with them. I would want my SO to know who I was because anything besides that is deception.

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I've always been myself, because I don't see any point in being in a relationship if I couldn't be. A partner, to me, is a safe haven, someone whom I can trust to accept me for who I am without needing to put on social graces for. For an introvert, that is a HUGE deal - my SO is the only person whom I can interact with consistently without 'draining my meter'. The only person who can slip inside my bubble comfortably, because he knows me so well.

 

Ah, I think I've gone on a bit of a tangent there. :laugh: But yes. IMO not being able to be yourself with your partner is awful. I could understand if it's the early stages of dating and you're just starting to feel each other out, but you should ideally get to the point where you're comfortable being yourself, quite quickly with the right person.

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If you can't be your best self with your partner, they're just not the right one for you.

 

By that I mean, you might feel that you can't do things that really make you happy, or show your honest opinions, around your partner - that's bad.

 

But if you mean you can't "be yourself" because you feel you can't be a brat when you are with your partner, or act like an arse in situations when you normally would, then your partner is probably good for you.

 

Sounds like this is a new relationship, and you're too scared to try to be yourself in case your partner rejects you. But you can't keep up a false front forever. So I'd say, be yourself. It's better to find out now that you two are incompatible, than to find out 12 months down the track.

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whichwayisup
Has anyone ever felt that they just can't be themselves with their partner? i guess it's a fear of, if i just be who i am.. this person might not like me and our relationship might end...

 

is it unreasonable for me to feel as comfortable with her as when i am on my own? I just don't want to put energy into being someone else...

 

Just curious if anyone has had any experience with this - and can offer advice...

 

THANKS Ladies and gents.

:)

 

How long have you two been together?

 

What do you think she won't like about you?

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Thanks for all the feedback - this has been my first long relationship.. we've been together for about 2.5 years, then broke up.. and now working on getting back together.. but to be honest, i can'tr really feel like myself when i'm with anyone... only by myself.. so, maybe that means i have issues - i dunno... it's not that i'm someone else when i'm with her... i am honest, we are open.. she even knows about this issue - i tell her, i want to be myself with her.. and i want to be an open book.. what i find draining.. is, that i just can't stop thinking of her when i'm with her.. rather than just allowing myself to be myself... not sure if that makes sense... just thinking way too much what she's thinking i guess... i'm heavily introverted... but, i try too hard to be an extrovert... and friendy and sociable.. she's very extroverted... i guess, if i was really being myself.. i'd just be very quiet... and not talk so much... i should just try that...

 

thnx everyone!

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Thanks for all the feedback - this has been my first long relationship.. we've been together for about 2.5 years, then broke up.. and now working on getting back together.. but to be honest, i can'tr really feel like myself when i'm with anyone... only by myself.. so, maybe that means i have issues - i dunno... it's not that i'm someone else when i'm with her... i am honest, we are open.. she even knows about this issue - i tell her, i want to be myself with her.. and i want to be an open book.. what i find draining.. is, that i just can't stop thinking of her when i'm with her.. rather than just allowing myself to be myself... not sure if that makes sense... just thinking way too much what she's thinking i guess... i'm heavily introverted... but, i try too hard to be an extrovert... and friendy and sociable.. she's very extroverted... i guess, if i was really being myself.. i'd just be very quiet... and not talk so much... i should just try that...

 

thnx everyone!

 

Hi, I think you're worrying too much about being the "perfect version" of yourself for your gf. It sounds like you're trying too hard to change yourself to be more sociable and fun in order to "match" her. That's why you find it "draining." You sound really burdened with trying to be someone you're not.

 

I'm an introvert and my bf is an extrovert, but I let my bf do all the talking and he lets me be a good listener. We're like puzzle pieces fitting into whatever that's missing in us. We bring out the best in each other.

 

What you have to do is accept that you are an introvert and that you cannot really change that. I'm sure your gf loves you the way you are (that's probably why she's with you from the beginning) and since you two have been together for quite awhile, it's likely she probably knows "who" you truly are by now. And I feel that if she was an extrovert, she'd make conversations all fun and animated so that you could enjoy the conversation naturally. Do you actually enjoy having conversations with her?

 

What did she say when you told her about your issue?

 

Btw, mind asking why you two broke up before? Was it because of this problem?

Edited by xxmusical
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Hi, I think you're worrying too much about being the "perfect version" of yourself for your gf. It sounds like you're trying too hard to change yourself to be more sociable and fun in order to "match" her. That's why you find it "draining." You sound really burdened with trying to be someone you're not.

 

I'm an introvert and my bf is an extrovert, but I let my bf do all the talking and he lets me be a good listener. We're like puzzle pieces fitting into whatever that's missing in us. We bring out the best in each other.

 

What you have to do is accept that you are an introvert and that you cannot really change that. I'm sure your gf loves you the way you are (that's probably why she's with you from the beginning) and since you two have been together for quite awhile, it's likely she probably knows "who" you truly are by now. And I feel that if she was an extrovert, she'd make conversations all fun and animated so that you could enjoy the conversation naturally. Do you actually enjoy having conversations with her?

 

What did she say when you told her about your issue?

 

Btw, mind asking why you two broke up before? Was it because of this problem?

 

Thanks for that wise feedback - i appreciate it and have copied and pasted it - and reading it a few times.

 

I do enjoy conversations with her... but a lot of the time i'm too self conscious and self aware and i get exhausted... i've always been super talkative since i was young... but, lately... i dunno.. maybe i wish the conversations could go deeper sometimes... and i feel like she has been making an effort to connect with me more and we can go into cool topics.. but usually it's me rambling on.. and i'd love to hear her rambling on sometimes about things she believes in that i find interesting... and i think she's not really thinking of anything and has nothing really in her mind at the time.. she's just being... which is cool too..

 

we broke up because i didn't feel there was a true connection between us and i was very insecure - she later admitted that she had back-ups because she was insecure being with me - she never cheated - but, just had other guys in mind in case we broke up... she has since gone through a lot of realizations and grown up a lot - realizing that she had problems as a serial dater etc... anyway that's another story...

 

when i told her about this - she has been very open and supportive... and she is open to trying to establish a strong connnection between us...

 

i dunno... maybe i'm just too needy... and i need her to connect to me more.. i need to feel we are connected to each other... it just feels like she's doing her thing in life.. and i am doing mine... and we're in a "relationship" granted we're working on getting back together and only just started seeing each other again... but... maybe i should be more positive and give her a chance...

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I may take some heat for this but yes be yourself...but...... if you got any notable insecurities or need to express fear or weaknesses specifically about your manhood/desirability/attractiveness/body parts/relationship value/jealous or worry about other men ...etc ....work on expressing those things with buddy, your dad, or a therapist or a coach...and fix them yourself.

Edited by dichotomy
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I may take some heat for this but yes be yourself...but...... if you got any notable insecurities or need to express fear or weaknesses specifically about your manhood/desirability/attractiveness/body parts/relationship value/jealous or worry about other men ...etc ....work on expressing those things with buddy, your dad, or a therapist or a coach...and fix them yourself.

 

i have seen a therapist, and i've expressed my fears and insecurities and issues to her, and friends and family... i'm very open. I just have issues being myself when i'm with her, and other people for that matter - i don't feel comfortable... i feel like i need to impress - just gotta work on it i guess...

 

thank you again for all your feedback :)

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