How long after a breakup before dating again?

[artsygirl78]

Is anyone finding themselves out there dating immediately after a serious breakup? I find myself in the weird (although some might say positive) situation of all of these guys coming out of the woodwork to pursue me, especially one in particular who told me he had a crush on me for three years. It feels . . . surreal. It was the last thing I was expecting. I just broke up a month ago with my ex, I was deeply in love with him but we weren't compatible, and I am just starting to heal. I thought I would be grieving and nursing my heart for the next 6 months, at least.

 

 

I feel like I need to move on and don't want to isolate or waste time - I am 40 years old, not 25 - but emotionally I am still in that phase where I feel in love with my ex and feel like no other guy is going to compare to him. How long did you wait after a breakup to get out there? How did you know you were ready, or felt like you could really fall in love with someone new?

[malin819]

wait at least 4-5 months because right after you're trying to fill that that empty space and you will surely break a few hearts

 

That's my personal experience anyways..

[Cunning_Linguist]

I don't think there is some technical rule of like 3.78 months or whatever. It's just whenever you feel ready. Some people heal faster than others.

 

I would suggest you put yourself out there so you can meet new people and fill that void he left behind. Flex those social muscles and enjoy yourself out there.

 

Also, be very careful about investing in a new relationship. This is your chance to take it slow and really get to know someone before committing to another relationship. While also maybe having some fun being single.

[mammasita]

I dated 1-2 months after, but like you, compared everyone to my ex. It took me about 6 months to be "free" of that.

[EasyHeart]

I feel like I need to move on and don't want to isolate or waste time - I am 40 years old, not 25 - but emotionally I am still in that phase where I feel in love with my ex and feel like no other guy is going to compare to him. How long did you wait after a breakup to get out there?

Wait until that feeling goes away.

 

There is no magic formula to tell you how long that will take. Breakups are a trauma; treat them like you would any other injury. You need to heal before you can be emotionally available to another person.

 

How did you know you were ready, or felt like you could really fall in love with someone new?

When you feel open to accepting attention from someone else and aren't thinking about (or comparing them to) your ex.

[Ninjainpajamas]

You can't "force" yourself to move, there's a consequence you know to "giving it your all" because "you're so in-love" tied to your heart, it's a like a weight...why people think they can just meet someone new and fall head over heels all over again is beyond me, IMO if that's what you're doing then you're more in-love with the idea love than the actual person.

 

The quick rebound people usually get back on the wagon a month or two...an amazing recovery from being so in-love with one person and then soon enough to another...miraculous really, totally doesn't question their perception of love and their state-of-mind at all!

 

The second level is most common...like 4 to 6 months, because we all know how years can be banished with six months, it's like that key number between long and too long...so most people "move-on" then miraculously fall head over heels for someone else...totally not another coincidence, totally not a rebound!

 

The third level is people who were actually hurt and took the time to at try to do something about their emotions first before moving on...and/or so jaded they can't.

 

You should really work through those emotions...but like most people you won't, which will leave you increasingly vulnerable and primed for a rebound, men can smell the stench of a broken-hearted woman, it's like a flapping fish in front of a bear...it's the perfect opportunity where you're not using your head or even really your hurt.

 

So good luck, I'm sure you'll be back here soon! but my advice, depends on how important that last relationship really was, and how much damage you actually want to repair and/or learn from the past...if you're operating off anxiety and a fear of not being loved again and all that crap, then you're likely to get involved with another man who is going to waste your time, so in the end a lot of people waste their own time.....trying NOT to waste time...ironic isn't it.

[d0nnivain]

I feel like I need to move on and don't want to isolate or waste time - I am 40 years old, not 25 - but emotionally I am still in that phase where I feel in love with my ex and feel like no other guy is going to compare to him.

 

 

There is no set time to wait but until you are over the phase where you compare every new person to the EX you aren't ready to date.

[artsygirl78]

You can't "force" yourself to move, there's a consequence you know to "giving it your all" because "you're so in-love" tied to your heart, it's a like a weight...why people think they can just meet someone new and fall head over heels all over again is beyond me, IMO if that's what you're doing then you're more in-love with the idea love than the actual person.

 

The quick rebound people usually get back on the wagon a month or two...an amazing recovery from being so in-love with one person and then soon enough to another...miraculous really, totally doesn't question their perception of love and their state-of-mind at all!

 

The second level is most common...like 4 to 6 months, because we all know how years can be banished with six months, it's like that key number between long and too long...so most people "move-on" then miraculously fall head over heels for someone else...totally not another coincidence, totally not a rebound!

 

The third level is people who were actually hurt and took the time to at try to do something about their emotions first before moving on...and/or so jaded they can't.

 

You should really work through those emotions...but like most people you won't, which will leave you increasingly vulnerable and primed for a rebound, men can smell the stench of a broken-hearted woman, it's like a flapping fish in front of a bear...it's the perfect opportunity where you're not using your head or even really your hurt.

 

So good luck, I'm sure you'll be back here soon! but my advice, depends on how important that last relationship really was, and how much damage you actually want to repair and/or learn from the past...if you're operating off anxiety and a fear of not being loved again and all that crap, then you're likely to get involved with another man who is going to waste your time, so in the end a lot of people waste their own time.....trying NOT to waste time...ironic isn't it.

 

 

 

This sounds a little angry - I only posted my thread because, quite frankly, I am the type of person that is a serial-monogamist, I really do give my all when I love someone, and it does take me time to heal afterwards. I am indeed the kind of person to take time to work through my emotions. The relationship before this one, I went to the other extreme and closed myself off from dating at ALL. I was looking for other people's advice and experiences, because I have never had men pursue me immediately after a breakup - this is just new to me and I wasn't sure what the "right" or "wise" thing would be to do. I am not looking to rebound, but I know I don't want to go back to years (and years) of not dating. I very much want to meet someone and have the chance to get married, I am trying to not repeat past mistakes.