cloudyskies Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 My husband doesn't know that I now know he masturbates daily. I thought for a long time that my husband had been masturbating. I now know he is doing it everyday well watching porn. He was caught in the act on tape many times and if he thought i was getting up he stops immediately as if oh no I don't want to get caught. He doesn't know that I know. It makes me feel as if i am not good enough for him or what he sees in those porns is what he really wants. As he is masturbating he is talking to those girls as if they are really there. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 "Getting caught masturbating"!!!??? How old is he, 13? Are you his mom? (BTW, I don't suggest that 13 year old boys shouldn't masturbate - just that they should be very discreet.) Probably EVERYONE who masturbates should be discreet, unless they want to work it into their relationship. I agree that you can have some legitimate discomfort if you are an unwilling witness to this act. But do examine your attitudes and feelings a bit. Are you suggesting that he should NEVER masturbate? And NEVER look at porn? If so, why? Link to post Share on other sites
Kizzyfur Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I've been reading a lot of these posts about women being upset that their man masturbates. Hell, I thought mine was weird cause he doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
findinmyway Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 It would bother me if he were deliberately hiding it, and the talking thing is kinda wierd. I hid it from my H in the past, and it was a clear indicator in our RS that he and I didn't have a good sexual RS....and I felt guilty for doing that while we were having problems. May not mean that in your RS. But, if it were me---and I thought it was an indicator of our problems, I would ask him about it. Not like it's a bad thing, but why is he hiding it. I have to admit--I was in a RS with another guy and watching him masterbate was a BIG turnon. Tell your H you would like in on the action.... Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 What exactly is wrong with him masturbating? And the talking thing is not necessarily weird - some people like to be vocal during sex. He was caught in the act on tape many times What does that mean exactly? Have you set up a hidden camera or something? and if he thought i was getting up he stops immediately as if oh no I don't want to get caught Given the way you sound so disturbed about masturbation is it any wonder that he doesn't want to "get caught" by you? I'm with SoleMate on this one - ... do examine your attitudes and feelings a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 The "caught on tape" thing is wigging me out. Please explain. Is he masturbating instead of having sex with you? I can see where that would be bothersome. Communication is key so why not talk it over with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Please tell me that "caught on tape" does NOT mean that you've intentionally placed hidden cameras around to see what he doesn't when you aren't around! Marriages (and relationships, in general) are built on TRUST. If you feel you have to invade his privacy to get at the truth, then your marriage has MUCH bigger problems than your husband's autoerotic activities! You seriously need (both individual and marital) counseling if that's the case! Link to post Share on other sites
findinmyway Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Ooh, yes, please tell us what's behind the "caught on tape" comment. I don't think there's anything wrong with talking to him about it....for two reasons: 1) it will relieve your concerns, ie. is he doing that because you don't please him 2) it will make him more comfortable knowing you two can talk about it. However, I do not think it's ok to tape someone. That is the ultimate invasion of privacy!!! My exH did some pretty invasive things....tape phone recordings, even after we divorced and I had my own home! He actually got in my attic and wired my line!!! He also followed me around, etc. ANYWAY--it is the worst feeling in the world. The only time I think anything like that is remotely ok is if you have confronted him about something and he continues to deny it when you know he's lying. Then I think it's appropriate to do something to gather tangible evidence. But even then, the tape thing is creeepy. Ok, I got way off the subject, but it's a wierd thought that someone would tape their spouse masturbating Link to post Share on other sites
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