ladeeda Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 My bf has a really good childhood friend he has known for several years. They grew up together and ran in the same circles, went to school together etc. It's a girl... and they were never more than friends. He sees her like a sister and was friends with her past boyfriends and family too. She moved away a few years ago and they don't really talk much anymore. They see each other like once or twice a year when she visits her family. I have met her too and she is really nice and a cool person overall. So she is here now for summer break and my bf is going to meet up with her to catch up. He told me about it and asked if it was okay. I said yea definitely and tell her I say hi. The thing which kind of irritated me was that they met up close to where I live and he didn't ask once for me to come join them. They hung out talking for hours and I was only 15 minutes away. (Side note my bf and I don't live together. He lives about an hour away from me). And he didn't even ask to come see me after he hung out with her. Even though he was so close by. I am upset by this and I don't know how to handle it or if I am overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 It's okay to be upset. You've got three choices. 1) Attack 2) Ignore 3) Disclose your feelings about the situation WITHOUT blaming, accusing, or #1, attacking. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ladeeda Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 But is it even worth disclosing? I don't want him to think I need attention. She is his friend first. I have only met her once. And they are catching up. Maybe I feel a bit ignored? I am not sure why though! Confused now ... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Sometimes people get their feelings hurt. He may have thought it was no big deal. I doubt he meant to hurt you. Tell him that you would have liked to have been asked to join them or have him come over when his visit with her was done. If you can talk calmly, you will not have this problem next time she comes to town. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 But is it even worth disclosing? I don't want him to think I need attention. She is his friend first. I have only met her once. And they are catching up. Maybe I feel a bit ignored? I am not sure why though! Confused now ... To me, it's worth disclosing. But only in a calm manner. Life is a series of bids for attention. When we consistently do not receive the attention we desire, we begin to act out, sometimes in terrible ways. You can say, "I think I felt ignored by not being invited. It hurt and I'm not sure why, but it still hurt. I'm still confused as to why I feel this way." Nothing about disclosing your feelings in that way is threatening, or aggressive. And he *should* have no problem with it. If he does, there's a bigger problem than the oversight of him not inviting you/asking how you felt about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 It's ok that you are hurt by this. Thing is, you have him all to yourself 354 days a year. You can let her have him for half a day, don't you think? Also, I cant help but wonder: if this were a guy childhood friend - would you have reacted the same? I think you should let it go. It's not like he's doing this regularly right? Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Nothing wrong with the way you feel at all. Nothing wrong with bringing it up....in a non confrontational manner......"Babe, my feelings were hurt that I wasn't able to see you when you were but 15 minutes away the other day" Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 My bf has a really good childhood friend he has known for several years. They grew up together and ran in the same circles, went to school together etc. It's a girl... and they were never more than friends. He sees her like a sister and was friends with her past boyfriends and family too. She moved away a few years ago and they don't really talk much anymore. They see each other like once or twice a year when she visits her family. I have met her too and she is really nice and a cool person overall. So she is here now for summer break and my bf is going to meet up with her to catch up. He told me about it and asked if it was okay. I said yea definitely and tell her I say hi. The thing which kind of irritated me was that they met up close to where I live and he didn't ask once for me to come join them. They hung out talking for hours and I was only 15 minutes away. (Side note my bf and I don't live together. He lives about an hour away from me). And he didn't even ask to come see me after he hung out with her. Even though he was so close by. I am upset by this and I don't know how to handle it or if I am overreacting? You have no reason to mistrust him or think something is going on between them, so just assume that they were catching up and sharing laughs from the past. Two friends just catching up, that's it. If it was a guy friend he met up with, same circumstances, would you feel left out and hurt? Maybe he was tired afterwards, maybe it was real late by the time they said goodnight. Try not to take it personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts