Crush I confessed to is moving out of the country. Should I send this card?

[Teknoe]

Quick review:

 

-Fell for a coworker last August

-Wrote her an innocent encouragement card in September. Friendly overtones. Nothing extreme. NEVER GAVE IT TO HER

-Found out in January she was leaving the company for good in June

-Decided in early February to ask her out, since I figured got nothing to lose

-She politely declined, saying she sees me as a good friend and she didn't want to complicate things

-A few months later, she announces she's moving out of the country for good

 

It's been 4 months since my asking her out. It was awkward for a week after the initial ask out, but then it's been very cool between us the last 3 months and 3 weeks. In fact, just last week, we actually attended a Memorial Day baseball game together, just the two of us. She asked me to come to her place so she could drive us (the baseball field was closer to her place than mine).

 

While I have no crush aspirations any longer, I still do have the encouragement note I wrote for her back in September. It's pretty sweet. Not romantic, but hand written, brief and definitely a friendly encouragement. Since I have her address thanks to the baseball game experience, I was wondering, should I mail her this note before she leaves?

 

Just want opinions here. Again, I don't think I want anything out of this other than to bless her. But I also don't want to present the wrong vibe and get her thinking that I'm still fighting for her, so to speak. Don't think the note would suggest that, but I definitely don't wanna come off as creepy or anything, lol. Doubt sending the note would be, but who knows how she might perceive it? I think the last 4 months she would perceive it well, because we went back to being good work friends quite smoothly, and I think in those 4 months she developed a deeper trust and sense of respect for me.

 

Anyway, should I mail it before she leaves, or should I chuck the note and leave the friendship be with the baseball game as our last memory?

[clia]

I don't think you should send the card.

[Frank2thepoint]

I think the last 4 months she would perceive it well, because we went back to being good work friends quite smoothly, and I think in those 4 months she developed a deeper trust and sense of respect for me.

 

Anyway, should I mail it before she leaves, or should I chuck the note and leave the friendship be with the baseball game as our last memory?

 

If you think "she has developed a deeper trust and sense of respect" for you, then what is the point of the card?

 

If the card was just something friendly, then it's redundant at this point. If you want the card to break through to her so you can have a wonderful relationship, well I don't think that will happen since she only sees you as a good friend.

 

Let her go, hopefully you guys can stay as pen pals, and maybe something might happen in the future from the correspondence.

[Teknoe]

I don't think you should send the card.

 

Reason(s)? Just out of curiosity

 

 

If you think "she has developed a deeper trust and sense of respect" for you, then what is the point of the card?

 

If the card was just something friendly, then it's redundant at this point. If you want the card to break through to her so you can have a wonderful relationship, well I don't think that will happen since she only sees you as a good friend.

 

Let her go, hopefully you guys can stay as pen pals, and maybe something might happen in the future from the correspondence.

 

Hmmm, I see your point. It would seem a little forced if I were to mail it to her. Could also come off as creepy/stalker-ish, which I definitely don't want. I don't think it would if I sent it, considering how sweet the note is, but you never know how someone might interpret it.

 

To explain a little more, the card is to encourage her to look on the bright side of things. Since she is a teacher and had a tough class this past school year, I decided to write an encouragement note that tomorrow is a new day... I even included a famous Bible verse (she is Christian) about how when we trust in God, our strength is renewed. It's pretty friendly/sweet, but not romantic or (overly) cheesy. It's very short too.

 

So yeah, was thinking I could say "Was cleaning out my room and found this card. Meant to give it you earlier but it just got lost lol. Open it when you have a bad teaching day in _____"

 

So there would be some MYSTERY behind it too, since she is asked not to open it until she has a bad work day. My friend told me girls enjoy mystery and that it might make her ALMOST WANT to have a bad day just so she can open it

 

anyway, I see the point for not sending it. Might be pointless and just a little too forced. Unless our students are pen pals, then I can send the card in a future batch... that would make more sense I think. But to send it on its own? I might come off a little weird possibly in her eyes? Haha. Maybe I should just leave it be and leave the friendship on a "high" note. Guess at this point I'll do nothing and just wait to see how things progress.

[iris219]

I don't see the point of giving someone a card written months ago.

 

You could consider giving her a new card that wishes her good luck in her new endeavors and asks her to stay in touch.

 

Also, I don't think you should send it. Give it to when you see her again. If you won't see her again then it sounds like you're not good friends and the card isn't appropriate anyway.

[somedude81]

Is she going to have any sort of going away party?

[Teknoe]

I don't see the point of giving someone a card written months ago.

 

You could consider giving her a new card that wishes her good luck in her new endeavors and asks her to stay in touch.

 

Also, I don't think you should send it. Give it to when you see her again. If you won't see her again then it sounds like you're not good friends and the card isn't appropriate anyway.

 

To your first point, it's because the card is written in a matter that is anytime, not just "Happy 25th birthday!" for example. It's to encourage her after a bad teaching day, which a teacher has every now and again.

 

Your 2nd point, she had an "office staff" card which I wrote in. It was a sweet little message. It wished her well and I told her to keep in touch. Essentially what you wrote, I wrote. Except of course, it wasn't a personal card I bought for her... it was part of a staff card. Which I suppose isn't a bad way to leave things on.

 

3rd paragraph, she's going to be moving what 10,000 miles away. I don't think I'm close enough that when she does visit in the summer she'll call me to hang out. We were work buddies mostly, although we did hang out once 1 on 1 and that was Memorial Day recently for a baseball game.

 

 

Is she going to have any sort of going away party?

 

Probably, but it will probably be with her closest friends (of which I am not). So yeah.

 

I probably won't see her again unless they decide to do some kind of last second staff-related going away party. I doubt they will.

 

Thanks for the feedback everyone. For right now, I'm going to leave it be. It doesn't feel right so ... I think when in doubt it's best to do nothing. We did talk about exchanging pen pals between our students come December-ish... so maybe if we start that program up that might be a good time to send the card. So I guess it's just wait and see how things progress (or not).

 

In general though, I shouldn't give it much thought and move on. Especially since she isn't romantically interested in me. I guess, if I were to be honest with myself, I want to send the card as a way to impress her or show her how much I care(d) for her, and that it might linger with her and leave her feeling like I was very genuine and maybe, JUST MAYBE, she might consider some kind of on-going relationship (friends, pen pals, etc.)

 

In reality though, I probably need to shelf the card and move on. Only send it if a door opens, but if not, it is what it is.

[somedude81]

Yeah, if there is a good chance that you will not see her in person before she leaves, then don't bother with a card.

 

Regarding your lingering feelings and hopes, she's moving 10,000 miles away. Considering that you've never been romantic with her, I can't see why'd you want to start a long distance thing with her. Heck, aren't you going to be living with a woman in the near future?

[Teknoe]

Regarding your lingering feelings and hopes, she's moving 10,000 miles away. Considering that you've never been romantic with her, I can't see why'd you want to start a long distance thing with her. Heck, aren't you going to be living with a woman in the near future?

 

Still up in the air. She seemed to say yes in her last contact with me, but that's now a week ago. She's kinda gone off the radar since, and I'm contemplating whether to call her or not, but I sent the last email and figure I'll let her contact me next whenever she's up for it.

 

In other words, I'm feeling like she might have been re-evaluating the situation and might have gotten cold feet. So at this point I'm expecting the worst (i.e. Hey Tek, I decided to go in another direction). So we'll see

[Teknoe]

Regarding your lingering feelings and hopes, she's moving 10,000 miles away. Considering that you've never been romantic with her, I can't see why'd you want to start a long distance thing with her.

 

BTW I wouldn't be opposed to a LDR if I felt the girl was right for me. After going to the baseball game with her a week ago, I find she's still attractive, and she is fun to hang out with. I know relationships are based on a lot more than that, but those two things aren't a bad start.

 

I mean, if she suddenly contacts me and goes "Remember when you asked me out and I told you I didn't want to complicate things? Well, I would be open to it now" (which 99.99% would never happen ANYWAY since it would be so long distance), I honestly would probably still say "Cool, yeah let's see where this can go"

 

Because she hasn't reached back, I've "moved on" romantically although there's still a part of me that would give it a shot if she changed her mind. You know what I mean?

 

Honestly, I think a LDR might be kind of cool. I naturally love to write, and if I were in a LDR I would be typing a lot... texting GChatting... and that's something I really enjoy... especially with a cute female LOL. If she's my GF, all the better!

 

LDR would also give me plenty of space to do what I like, on a selfish note, such as play my video games (I still got many hour consuming RPGs I want to beat lol) and watch my Netflix/sports. Sure, I would lose the physical part, which as we all know is a great perk of being in a relationship, but I think I'm a lot more mental than I am physical, to be honest. I like to just lay there, stare at the stars and just talk for hours with a cute girl. I enjoy that maybe just as much as you know what. I guess I'm wired a bit differently from your average guy... which probably explains why I get along better with females than males as friends.

 

But like I said, all of this is a moot point as she's not changing her mind and she probably will only always see me as a friend. I've made my peace with it a long while back, but I guess was just hanging onto this note as a "final bullet in the chamber" sort of thing. A last resort that if I sent, what's the worst that could happen? She's moving 10,000 miles away anyway. It's uplifting too so it's not like it's a hate note for never dating me. But yeah, I'll do nothing for now.

[whichwayisup]

Anyway, should I mail it before she leaves, or should I chuck the note and leave the friendship be with the baseball game as our last memory?

This sounds good. Let the last memory be it.

 

Don't send the card. You two aren't really great friends, buddy's and co workers. You had a crush, asked her out and she wasn't interested. Leave it at that.

[Els]

I don't think you should be sending long, flowery cards... but I don't see how a simple 'all the best!' card would be amiss. If you want to, that is. It's not necessary either.

 

I do get what you mean re: the mental aspect of LDRs. When my SO and I were long distance I was amazed by how fulfilling that aspect alone seemed to be to him. During the initial stages, we'd stay up for hours til the crack of dawn just talking, and it was quite the unforgettable experience. Still, rose-tinted glasses fade, and when they do, realistically LDRs are very, very difficult to maintain for the long term.

 

I don't think anything will come out of this one either (since she already rejected you), but just warning you for the future, since you seem to have quite the rosy picture of LDRs.

[Teknoe]

I don't think you should be sending long, flowery cards... but I don't see how a simple 'all the best!' card would be amiss. If you want to, that is. It's not necessary either.

 

I do get what you mean re: the mental aspect of LDRs. When my SO and I were long distance I was amazed by how fulfilling that aspect alone seemed to be to him. During the initial stages, we'd stay up for hours til the crack of dawn just talking, and it was quite the unforgettable experience. Still, rose-tinted glasses fade, and when they do, realistically LDRs are very, very difficult to maintain for the long term.

 

I don't think anything will come out of this one either (since she already rejected you), but just warning you for the future, since you seem to have quite the rosy picture of LDRs.

 

 

Haha I kinda do. Well, interestingly enough, after not contacting her since school ended 10 days ago, she texted me this past Sunday morning.

 

Her: Hey! Are you gonna be at school later this week?

 

Me: Yo. Yeah. Sup?

 

Her: Can you do me a huge flavor? I left my tall wooden stool in my room. And would like to keep it. Can you bring it your classroom? I'll even let you borrow it for the school year

 

Me: Done!

 

So it kinda opened a door in the sense where I can now mail her the encouraging note... and write a brief 2nd note to introduce the purpose like...

 

"Hey, so as I was cleaning my room, guess what I found! A note I had written to you and meant to give you way back in September, but got lost in the shuffle. Anyway, saw it and wanted you to have it before you moved out of the country. All the best in ____! KIT"

 

A little white lie-y I guess, since I've had it all this time and it hasn't been buried, but I also want to play it casually and non-chalantly... and in this sense, I don't think my white lie hurts.

 

Anyway, she leaves Sunday, so if I'm mailing anything, it needs to be soon. Any last second opinions? I feel like since I last posted here where I said I'll send it if some door opens... I feel like Sunday's text exchange might have been that door. Maybe?

 

I think I'll just do it. It's a sweet quick note meant to encourage her, and although it's dated September 2013, it's a timeless kind of note since it's about her teaching career. I guess it can't hurt to send it at this point. I mean, what's the worst that could happen right. She ignores me forever... hey oh well. But maybe, just maybe, it might bless her in some way. That's worth a stamp isn't it. Sending it with NO expectations

[Teknoe]

So, the note has been sent. I decided what the hey. Figured it could bless her, and I figured I had nothing to lose.

 

She should be receiving it tomorrow and I guess she'll text me or something saying thanks or whatever. But, it's now out of my hands and it's now going to her. Everything from now on is going to be how she receives it, and I'm cool with however she decides to take it. One thing is for sure, I won't have any regrets... usually you regret what you don't try/do versus what you did do/try.

[whichwayisup]

So if she doesn't respond back at all, you won't be hurt or disappointed?

[Teknoe]

So if she doesn't respond back at all, you won't be hurt or disappointed?

 

 

1. I doubt she won't reply at all in some form or fashion... it would be very unlike her... BUT... if it does happen... see #2 below

 

2. No. Ironically, I told her this very quote when we went to the baseball game just the 2 of us a few weeks ago:

 

"One theory I've heard about relationships is not to have expectations of others. You can't control them, so forget it." This was in response to how she hates going out with friends to events where she's hardcore into, but they are like "meh." Lollygaggers. So yeah, I've kind of adopted that philosophy in some ways. I can't control someone else.

 

If she never replies, it's all good, man. At least I sent it, and didn't chuck it or keep what was intended for her, ya know? That would be far more depressing in my view.

 

No regrets, brother!

[Teknoe]

quick update: I haven't heard from her yet. granted, she moved to another country so... I'm sure she's uber busy. Like I said though, no regrets, and still honestly feel that way. In fact had I *not* sent it, I would probably be asking myself why didn't I or what if.

 

I rather do something that's caring and within bounds, than not and regret it in that way.

 

I'm sure I'll hear from her eventually, but if she truly decided to "off" me so to speak, I exit with no regrets, only lessons learned.

[Teknoe]

It's been a month since I posted in this topic.

 

She still hasn't reached out to me, not even to say "Oh hey, I got your note. Thanks."

 

I froze my FB account, but she's got my email. I'm kinda wondering if the card made it to her in time, or if she left the country early. Anyway, still no regrets. Maybe a small hit to my ego though, but I knew that risk coming in. If she did truly get my letter, and chose to completely ignore it, I have to admit I'm slightly shocked. I don't think it was romantic in ANY view, but since it was a hand written note and snail mail and she knew that I like(d) her more than as a friend, I can see how she might have interpreted it as a "try" on my part.

 

At any rate, it's done and I can't go back, even if I wanted to. Just thought I'd share this update.

[AnneT1985]

I wouldn't send it. Best of luck to you! xx

[FoolishMan]

It's been a month since I posted in this topic.

 

She still hasn't reached out to me, not even to say "Oh hey, I got your note. Thanks."

 

I froze my FB account, but she's got my email. I'm kinda wondering if the card made it to her in time, or if she left the country early. Anyway, still no regrets. Maybe a small hit to my ego though, but I knew that risk coming in. If she did truly get my letter, and chose to completely ignore it, I have to admit I'm slightly shocked. I don't think it was romantic in ANY view, but since it was a hand written note and snail mail and she knew that I like(d) her more than as a friend, I can see how she might have interpreted it as a "try" on my part.

 

At any rate, it's done and I can't go back, even if I wanted to. Just thought I'd share this update.

 

You would forever be wondering if you should have sent it is you didn't. Now you are wondering what may have happened.

 

I would personally file this experience and just move on without any more queries. If destiny deems this person will be your friend (or more), she will come back into your life. Right now, she is thousands of miles away trying to settle down to a new life. In short, you are not likely to see her in the near future ( but hopefully not never).

 

You gave it a shot by asking her out and you gained some good memories from some time together. Time to let it lie and move ahead

[Teknoe]

You would forever be wondering if you should have sent it is you didn't. Now you are wondering what may have happened.

 

I would personally file this experience and just move on without any more queries. If destiny deems this person will be your friend (or more), she will come back into your life. Right now, she is thousands of miles away trying to settle down to a new life. In short, you are not likely to see her in the near future ( but hopefully not never).

 

You gave it a shot by asking her out and you gained some good memories from some time together. Time to let it lie and move ahead

 

 

True that. Thanks. Good, encouraging message.

 

Agreed. Filing it under "what's done is done." If our friendship is to resume, I'll let her reach out to me next. I don't want to be the guy who messages her 2-3x in a row before she initiates one of her own.

 

Also, I wonder sometimes if I'm too chatty and not "mysterious enough." But, it's hard to deviate from my nature. When I feel comfortable particularly around a female I find attractive, I go into "deep share" mode. I guess it goes back to my teenhood years where all I ever wanted was to have 2-3 close female friends and a close male friend or two in a small little group. Think Zack Morris Saved By The Bell.

 

So whenever I see a "Kelly Kapowski" I tend to overshare in hopes maybe that it will increase my connection with the girl.

 

Maybe not the healthiest thing... and it hasn't really worked all these years, so maybe it's time I reel back a bit and save the personal stuff for when we're really close (either as true friends or dating)

[Teknoe]

Damn, I went against my gut. Couldn't help it. I emailed her last night, and she replied back today. Didn't mention the letter, and neither did she. It was a nice reply on her part... well thought out and equally as lengthy as mine.

 

Of course, I replied and asked her this time BTW did you ever get my letter in the mail?

 

So we'll see what she says.

 

Guess I just couldn't help myself there. I rather know for sure than be left wondering. I guess I'm not over it as I would like to believe.

[rester]

What's done is done, but I would have written a new card that wished her the best of luck. An encouragement card that was meant to cheer her up when she was having a bad day seems inappropriate when she is embarking on a new, exciting phase of her life. I would let it go.

[Eternal Sunshine]

You may not think that the note was romantic but guy friends that don't have romantic interest in us don't just go around writing snail mail encouriging notes. The very act of making that effort I would read as romantic interest.

 

She probably didn't reply and distanced herself because she didn't want to lead you on. That's what I would have done.

[Teknoe]

Eternal, I can see that.

 

So her reply was "Yeah I did get your note. Thanks! I'll keep it somewhere safe."

 

Remember, there was a letter explaining the context of the note and the note is sealed in a smaller envelope. It's to encourage her after a bad day at work, so even though she is embarking on a new adventure, she will still have a bad day on the job sometime. It is my hope that going home and opening that note will cheer her up. I don't care about the romantic implications this may cause at this point, because I'm pretty sure she will never fall for me, and that's more than perfectly OK.

 

I can't help but think of that scene from Guardians of the Galaxy, lol.

 

Anyway, I think NOW I'm ready to fully move on. I just had to know. Now I'm potentially dating someone, so I've moved on