Any guys like doing "women's" work?

[ja123]

Looking at my personality and preferences, I'd do best with a guy who likes to do the shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc.

 

 

I'd happily take out the garbage, mow the lawn, change the faucets, paint, etc.

 

 

I've tried to fit myself into what is typically expected of a woman, and I can do it but I find myself frustrated and irritated quite frankly.

 

 

I once had a male roommate and anyone looking at his stuff versus mine would have thought the gender roles were reversed.

 

 

The fact of the matter is, I hate clothes shopping, but could spend hours in a hardware store.

 

 

I'm also a big brush strokes kind of person who'd like to have someone who is more detail oriented and organized.

 

 

I'll be the leader and he'll be the administrator, in other words.

 

 

Would it be possible to mention this on an OLD profile?

 

 

Would I offend potential mates?

 

 

How is the best way to word this?

 

 

Does anyone know of the Myers Briggs type (or astrological sign! lol) for such a guy I seek?

[ja123]

As for the Myers Briggs, I am an ENFP.

 

 

My polar opposite is ISTJ.

 

 

I could use someone like this in my life, but I could also see the 2 of us fighting like cats and dogs. Especially if I have the capacity for risk and great creativity, then he might find himself uncomfortable and I stifled, if I try to compromise.

 

 

Is there any winning to this?

 

 

I'm also a Gemini, FWIW.

[RonaldS]

I like cleaning the house. It can be meditative, and I just like the feel of a clean house. Being in the middle of a city, shopping is something that's done on a daily basis, vs taking a day to go out and shop for the week or two weeks or whatever.

 

When I was married, I often did the cleaning of the house....partly to help out, partly because I liked having the house clean, and partly because my XW wasn't very good at it. Eapecially the bathrooms.

 

A lot of that comes from the fact that for a lot of my adult life was spent not being in a relationship, so I didn't have anybody else around to do those things and viewed them not as 'gender chores', but just things that needed to be done to not live in filth.

[ja123]

Thanks for replying.

 

 

I'm pretty good at keeping the bathroom and kitchen clean: partly because I don't like filth in those areas, and partly because of they resemble more of a hardware store.

 

 

I can do dishes and pots if someone else does the shopping and cooking.

 

 

I guess the administrative types of tasks (even though majorly important!) don't interest me for 3 reasons: 1) usually don't require breaking a major sweat; 2) generally lack creativity (apart from cooking!); 3) are not permanent.

 

 

The 3rd reason is actually significant to me, personally. I get frustrated with the fact that you can spend all this time cooking and then it's gone in an instant and has to be done again. I'd rather plant an orchard and pick the perennial fruit, even though it's back-breaking.

 

 

At the same time, I don't feel good if I haven't eaten properly, so I do not underestimate the value of cooking. I'd just prefer to have someone who is really into that while I'd contribute in other ways.

[regine_phalange]

My ex boyfriend fits your description. He liked to clean, cook, dress up and had a very feminine sense of interior design. Virgo with cancer ascendant, if that's of any help.

[ja123]

Thanks Regine!!! It's good to hear that such men exist! Would he have felt emasculated, if the woman took on the more typical male role?

[regine_phalange]

Thanks Regine!!! It's good to hear that such men exist! Would he have felt emasculated, if the woman took on the more typical male role?

 

To be honest, I prefer another type of man. I already have those traits myself, so I like someone who completes me, not a clone of me. I have no idea about the emasculation thing, maybe a man would be more suitable to answer this question.

[acrosstheuniverse]

A lot of that comes from the fact that for a lot of my adult life was spent not being in a relationship, so I didn't have anybody else around to do those things and viewed them not as 'gender chores', but just things that needed to be done to not live in filth.

 

I agree, I would lose respect for a male seeing housework as women's work. It's simply stuff that needs to be doing so you're not living in a dump. Changing the bedding, keeping the bathroom clean, doing the dishes, getting clean laundry organised, cooking homemade meals... if a guy is incapable or unwilling in any of those areas it's an instant massive turnoff. I've dated guys who haven't changed their bedding or cleaned their toilet the whole few months we've been seeing one another and needless to say, we never ever spent any time at theirs.

 

A guy that can keep things clean and make healthy homemade meals is a minimum requirement for me in a relationship. Much, MUCH more important than a man who can fix a dripping tap or change a tyre.

[ja123]

Well, Regine, I guess I'll have to find a guy like your ex or date a typical woman!!

 

 

Thanks for replying.

 

 

Can any guys respond to the emasculation question?

 

 

I have deep respect, love, and appreciation for men, so it's not my intention to emasculate anyone. If I'm with a typical dominant type of guy, then I do play the woman's role, but I guess it just bores me, so I'm looking for something different ... especially if he has good fashion sense and wants to put together my wardrobe, too!

[dichotomy]

Been single and a single home owner.

 

Men's work... Women's work... meh...I can do much of it well, and what I can't do well - or don't want to - I can pay someone to do. I mean yes I enjoy some of both types (for instance gardening or cooking), but most of it just needs to be done - so I do it well ...and doing something well is enjoyment.

[BetrayedH]

I enjoy 'administrative tasks.' I don't mind laundry, have always done my own ironing, do dishes, vacuum, wash sheets, clean bathrooms, etc.. In my household, I like everything to have its place. I don't feel emasculated by any of it and I don't think anyone who knows me would call me feminine.

 

However, during my marriage my wife was a very dominant personality. I'm pretty laid back. We both had FT professional jobs but she managed the finances, made sure we saved for vacations and Christmas. These are typically more male responsibilities and she came from a patriarchal household. I can definitely say that over time, she lost respect for me as the 'man' of the house.

 

I would tend to be less inclined to think that the man would feel emasculated if you found someone like me that enjoys the typically more feminine tasks. But I would be very concerned about the woman seeing her man as less than a man if he takes a more passive role. It even translated to the bedroom where she became less inclined to have me play a dominant role (and that is eventually a turn off for a lot of women).

 

Just saying, I would be cautious of both sides of the coin. I think a woman playing a more dominant role in a relationship can have unintended consequences, even when both partners originally agreed that it was a good fit.

Edited May 28, 2014 by BetrayedH

[dichotomy]

BH....You also have a special talent for domestic couch "cleaning"

[BetrayedH]

BH....You also have a special talent for domestic couch "cleaning"

 

Ha! You got a LOL for that one. Yeah, instead of cleaning the couch, I just burn it. He, he.

[Haydn]

I do nearly all of the housework. (When my cleaner is on holiday;)). I have always had 50-50 RS. I have always done the food shopping. We shop for clothes together. As a dad with girls my outlook did somewhat change. I am a male role model for them as far as i know what that is. Protect and care. But i have always been pretty independent in RS. Not sure i would term it women`s work anymore. I coo over pretty things with my girls and then put on a deep victorian voice as i put out the rubbish.

[Shepp]

I love cooking, I do all our cooking...My fiancé broke our toaster making toast

 

But in general I wouldn't be the dude your after! I clean if I have to, if no one else is gonna not cause I enjoy it, but typically feminine things (damn my would be out for my blood for putting "cleaning" and "typically feminine things" in the same sentence But you know what I mean, right? ) aren't my bag. At all. I cant iron, I cant fold clothes, I suck at wrapping presents and my tool box is very well organised so I'm not up for my fiancé rifling through it, lol. But that's by the by it doesn't mean another guy wouldn't!

The world takes all sorts after all!

[serial muse]

My H is very fond of cleaning. He's a bit more of the "surface whirlwind" while I'm a bit more "deep clean"-oriented; on the other hand he'll do it every weekend while I'm a bit more "it'll keep for another week".

 

I might prefer more deep cleaning from time to time (and secretly I'll switch out the sponges or he'd keep using the same filthy grey one until Ragnarok), but hey, he's out there doing it and I'm benefiting so I'm not complaining. You do you, hubby.

 

Only trouble is he's a bit bossy about it; he likes the cleaning done a certain way. So does that added psychological dimension make it stereotypical man's or woman's work?

 

And is it gender specific to distinguish "neat" vs. "clean"? H is a tidier; he dislikes clutter. But that doesn't mean things are "clean", IMO. To me, "clean" = thoroughly scrubbed and dirt/dust-free.

 

Oh, I suppose I'm straying from the OP here. Just pondering.

[littleplanet]

Looking at my personality and preferences, I'd do best with a guy who likes to do the shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc.

 

 

I'd happily take out the garbage, mow the lawn, change the faucets, paint, etc.

 

 

I've tried to fit myself into what is typically expected of a woman, and I can do it but I find myself frustrated and irritated quite frankly.

 

 

I once had a male roommate and anyone looking at his stuff versus mine would have thought the gender roles were reversed.

 

 

The fact of the matter is, I hate clothes shopping, but could spend hours in a hardware store.

 

 

I'm also a big brush strokes kind of person who'd like to have someone who is more detail oriented and organized.

 

 

I'll be the leader and he'll be the administrator, in other words.

 

 

Would it be possible to mention this on an OLD profile?

 

 

Would I offend potential mates?

 

 

How is the best way to word this?

 

 

Does anyone know of the Myers Briggs type (or astrological sign! lol) for such a guy I seek?

 

 

 

me Irish mum swore up and down like a sailor that she'd be *&%#$ is she ever raised a helpless male......(when it came to domesticity.)

What rubbed off was learning a thousand little things that never made me feel emasculated - they made me feel independent.

 

I had a girlfriend one time who used to fix the truck - while I cooked dinner.

But then she'd go out with her sister to girlie it up, while I stayed home, put the game on tv......and handyman my way around the house - making sure to drag everything as close to the tv as possible to be able to track the game.

 

Which only goes to show this pendulum can swing both ways.

 

But my real forte came with kids. Babies. Babies are a riot.

Couldn't keep me away from them.

And it gets even better when they get older!

 

So do opposites really compliment each other when they are truly opposite-sided? I've seen it work.

"Women's" work is just work, most of the time.

It's been given short shift for so long that many men do think there's something wrong with it.

 

But winding up on the "manly" divide can sometimes mean losing out on a lot of fun. It's not all just drudgery.

I used to bring the kids home from gocery shopping with sore ribs.......

(giggle fits from Mr. Comedy Shopper)

.........and then cook up the spare ribs.

 

So in answer to the question:

The only potential mates you're likely to offend are the ones that see this division of labor in strictly conventional and traditional terms.

The more freewheeling creative types? Not so.

A man doesn't have to be gay to be a neat-freak.

A woman doesn't have to be butch to enjoy fixing the car.

[Frank2thepoint]

Looking at my personality and preferences, I'd do best with a guy who likes to do the shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc.

 

...

 

Would it be possible to mention this on an OLD profile?

 

Would I offend potential mates?

 

Thanks Regine!!! It's good to hear that such men exist! Would he have felt emasculated, if the woman took on the more typical male role?

 

I'm a single man living on my own, so there are no "roles" for me. I have to cook, clean, and fix things around my apartment all on my own. But if I had a woman in my life, particularly if we lived together, I still wouldn't expect "gender roles for cohabitation" to occur. But I would want an equal distribution of duties, such as cooking and cleaning. Even working together on that such as she tackles cleaning the bedroom, while I would be cleaning the bathroom, for example. Same goes for cooking, such as she cooks some days, I cook on the other. These are obviously not set in stone, so there would be room for compromise. If she likes to cook everyday, then I will just clean. Whatever agreement we come to.

 

The only thing I do not do is decoration. I have no talent for it, no artistic touch. I need a woman for that to give a feminine touch to our abode. Even now I have chaotic organization on my desk, shelf, and closet. I can find things among the chaos, but they are not in a pretty order. I do fold socks and underwear, hang my shirts on hangers, but that's it.

 

As for a woman taking over "man's role" and the man doing "woman's role", this would definitely feel emasculating to a man, especially an old fashioned man. So you would face resistance from men on online dating. But there are men that embrace the role reversal. I don't know how you would word it for an online dating profile, but some of the examples you've written would help to clarify any misunderstandings potential mates would misinterpret.

 

 

 

He liked to clean, cook, dress up and had a very feminine sense of interior design.

 

Well, Regine, I guess I'll have to find a guy like your ex or date a typical woman!!

 

You should come to NYC ja123. There are plenty of men here who call a plumber if their toilet doesn't flush, when all they need to do is look inside the toilet tank and replace the broken lift chain. There are plenty of men that call AAA/tow truck if their car has a flat, instead of breaking out the jack, wrench, and the spare donut. Obviously I'm not this type of man, but you'll have your choice of vain men that love to decorate themselves especially.

[thefooloftheyear]

I am a cleaning maven...but I cant cook...PB&J? No problem...I can do that...

 

TFY

[Silly_Girl]

I'm so naive! I am still shocked when I read posts about 'women's work' and it's linked to 'emasculation'. Even my grandparents shared responsibilities equally.

[Targetlock]

it does bother me that we still live in a society that that kind of work is considered to be 'womans work', can't it all just be equal but then again I suppose I'm open with these sort of things and i don't really label or categorise these kind of jobs as 'womanly', just seems an old school way of thinking.

But then again i work as a male carer in a largely all-female staffed care home so i kind go against the stereotype anyway.

[ja123]

Thanks Everyone for responding. You know, I'm surprised now, looking back on this thread, that I haven't been utterly blasted and accused of being totally sexist. Only a few mild comments were made. Thanks, folks!

 

 

@acrosstheuniverse I appreciate independent people who can do both, but I guess it's just a question of preference for certain tasks, so I'm thinking about who would compliment me.

 

@ dichotomy I'm single, too; so, I have to do everything as well. You didn't mention which tasks you prefer, though. Do you have a preference?

 

 

@ BetrayedH I'm pretty laid-back and not at all a picky, nagging, ball-breaker. A house ought to be clean enough to be healthy, but dirty enough to be happy, IMO. I wouldn't see the man as less of a man at all, but as a very solid partner. I would absolutely cherish and show my appreciation to a man like this. I couldn't imagine ever taking him for granted in any way. I would just look at him, and beam, and marvel!!! It would be cool to find someone like you.

 

 

How could a woman word this on her profile so it would attract you?

 

 

I don't see this as necessarily changing the dynamic in the bedroom, if the woman really respects all the effort her man has made to do everything around the house. IOW, I could see a guy who does the administrative tasks still being more dominant in the bedroom. But, would it be possible for a man to appreciate a woman who was more dominant in the bedroom, but found it very attractive for him to be more submissive? (i.e., it turns her on, not off)

 

 

@ Haydn Like I asked dichotomy, do you have a preference though? And how should a woman state her preference on an online dating profile?

 

 

@ Shepp A lot of masculine men not only love to cook, but are very good at it. Look at all the high-end chefs around the world? Most are men.

 

 

I guess if I were with someone like you, then we'd both need our own toolboxes! haha

 

 

@ serial muse Haha I think it's funny that your hubby is bossy about how the cleaning is done. Yes, that kind of adds another dimension. I could find some bossiness cute, if it were done in an instructive manner (I'd listen wide-eyed but be chuckling inside) rather than nagging.

 

 

@ littleplanet I love it!!! "Babies are a riot." So, cute!!!! Yes, I think I'll need someone who is more freewheeling and doesn't mind if things get shaken up a bit. I'd still like to "girlie it up" every now and then. But how cool is that for a chick to fix a truck?!!! And the guy who cooks, yet watches sports?!!!

 

 

@ Frank2thepoint Yeah, I'd be concerned to find a vain, prissy, nag (re: NYC men who are vain and like to decorate themselves). I'm not saying that I don't want a guy who can't change a tire. For me, it is a question of personal preference. I'm single, too, so I have to do all of it. It's just that I thought it would be nice to find someone who is complimentary. You talk about splitting the chores, but do you have a preference?

 

 

It's a good idea, like you say, just to give some examples on a profile. This might come off better than saying I want a guy who wants to do house chores. lol

 

 

@ thefooloftheyear I'm actually a good cook. If someone were doing the cleaning, then I'd pony up and cook!

 

 

@ SillyGirl and Targetlock It would be nice to not have labels, I suppose. I didn't really think of the implications when I started the thread. I was just looking for a thread title that would be succinct. How else could I have titled it?

Edited May 29, 2014 by ja123

[FitChick]

Cancer men are home oriented generally speaking. Or find a different sun sign who has two or more Cancer planets. Some men prefer dominant women. Mention your preferences in your profile and be the one to contact them first.

[Els]

I'm not sure if you can divide household chores like that. The 'traditional women's chores' take up much more time than the 'traditional men's chores' for very good reason - the 'traditional man' was also the breadwinner. The chores in themselves aren't an equal distribution. So no, I don't think most guys would be down with him doing all the cooking and cleaning while you just took out the trash and mowed the lawn and did maintenance every now and then. Unless you have VERY big and immaculate lawns or are doing home remodelling, the cooking, cleaning, and groceries would take much more time.

 

You could try and reach a compromise. Maybe he cooks and you do the trash and maintenance, and you both share the cleaning and groceries?

[thefooloftheyear]

I'm so naive! I am still shocked when I read posts about 'women's work' and it's linked to 'emasculation'. Even my grandparents shared responsibilities equally.

 

Well...It should be women's work, if he is the sole provider and she is the SAHW/M....

 

TFY