Interesting. Discuss.

[Leigh 87]

I have good friends; one cheated on her ex 3 times, and told her ex about TWO of the times..

 

The other girl was a nude model for two men she knew. While she had a bf who she was very devoted to and treated very well. She had no urge to be intimate with another man in their 20 years together so far. She is not even tempted, she is crazy about this man.

 

My rant?

 

People are going to ASSUME these girls are "low quality" in general, overall, JUST because of that one bad thing they did. Both girls have college degrees, they volunteer in their spare time to help the disadvantaged (it is not for their college major either, they have done it since age 14 because they really enjoy helping other people out).

They have lovely personalities and are good looking.

 

HOW exactly, are they low quality ? They do not live like they are bad quality women, NOTHING they do is low quality, only their actions of the past were low quality things to do.

 

How are they low quality NOW though, when every daily movement they nay is NOT low quality, and has not been since they cheated/modelled nude?

 

The girl who nude modelled has never cheated and is a fantastic wife. Totally devoted. Took care of him when he lost his job more than once. Cares for an autistic child. STILL works for charity despite working 60 hour weeks.

The other girl who cheated 3 times on her ex has NEVER cheated again and is married with a child.....she DID NOT cheat since and I DO NOT think she is just a cheater by nature. She was just 19 when she cheated.

 

 

Discuss.

 

WHY do people so readily assume girls who do these things are bad people?

 

Those women moved on from their deviant ways and were totally devoted wives and never strayed.

[Leigh 87]

I relate to this topic because for one year of my life I slept around because I was in a bad way mentally.

 

When the other 8 years of dating I was in 2 plus year long relationships OR I totally withheld from sex in between relationships! Yet because I have slept with about 20 guys at age 27, I know some men would assume I AM promiscuous.

 

I just don't get labels and judgments passed on due to ones past, when I do not act promiscuous in the slightest now, and I was not promiscuous for 8 years of dating and yet only was for one year out of 8 years?

 

I just don't really understand how people can assume a person is a certain way due to ... well, something they once did.

 

I mean, I am no skank. I am not promiscuous. I never enjoyed casual sex even when I tried it honestly.

 

I feel the same way about my friends. The way we live our lives is very clean, very honourable.

[Priv]

Assuming '87 is your birthyear you slept with 20 men just a few months ago up to last year or so. This thread is more about convincing yourself that your not promiscuous and not 'low quality'. You are not 'low quality', and there are worse things to be than promiscuous, lots of people are. But this happened too recent to be able to claim you shouldn't be labeled for your past. We all get labeled by our actions.

 

 

As for your cheating friend, se was 19 and just very young. The other, assuming she didn't tell het husband/BF, just a very ****ty move on her part. Otherwise, no harm done.

[Leigh 87]

Assuming '87 is your birthyear you slept with 20 men just a few months ago up to last year or so. This thread is more about convincing yourself that your not promiscuous and not 'low quality'. You are not 'low quality', and there are worse things to be than promiscuous, lots of people are. But this happened too recent to be able to claim you shouldn't be labeled for your past. We all get labeled by our actions.

 

 

As for your cheating friend, se was 19 and just very young. The other, assuming she didn't tell het husband/BF, just a very ****ty move on her part. Otherwise, no harm done.

 

 

 

 

But I'm not promiscuous. I have a bf. I have zero urge to sleep around.

 

How can i be promiscuous when i dress conservatively and don't sleep around?

[MidwestUSA]

But I'm not promiscuous. I have a bf. I have zero urge to sleep around.

 

How can i be promiscuous when i dress conservatively and don't sleep around?

 

 

You're capable of it. You've done it (very, very recently).

 

That's what people look at. Bragging about it here (drunk out of your gourd, the guys on the train, strangers in a foreign country, for god's sake) didn't help your cause. Some would call that skanky behavior. Some would even say the amount of cleavage you show in your avatars here is NOT conservative, oh my!

 

 

But, again, like with the issue of children or a degree in social work, you're here to convince yourself.

[janedoe67]

OP, it all depends on what is more convenient for each of our purposes.

 

Those who feel better defining you by that one period of your life will do so.

 

Those who don't won't.

[CarrieT]

You're capable of it. You've done it (very, very recently).

 

That's what people look at. Bragging about it here (drunk out of your gourd, the guys on the train, strangers in a foreign country, for god's sake) didn't help your cause. Some would call that skanky behavior.

 

Good one, Midwest...

[Leigh 87]

No, that is you being judgmental and assuming I am capable of something I have no interest in.

 

You are assuming I liked sleeping around and will therefore do it again.

 

Plus you stupidly overlooked the fact I was abstinent OR in long term relationships for 8 years and only slept around for a period of less than 1 year.

 

It is all about "assuming" things. You "assume" I am capable of something.

You do realise a conservative girl has as much chance of sleeping around? Since, ya know, I WAS conservative BEFORE I slept around? I never did FWB, I was "good". People who sleep around start as conservative lolz. They have to start from some point where they were not previously sleeping around. I know I was for about 8 years, very sexually conservative. Not kissing guys in between relationships?

 

That is my whole point. Some of the kindest people are overlooked! Because they cheated a few times when they were young? Because they had a slutty period? I personally think my two friends are really good people, and it is INSANE how some guys would judge them as not worthy of a relationship? When you judge someone as a bad person for, say, cheating, how can you judge every element of their lives? Well anyone who would call me a skank NOW, when I am not actually being a skank, has delusional problems. My two friends are better people than most. Sorry but they are the ones volunteering in the soup kitchen, doing their regular community duties, one girl drives older people in the community to their appointments just because she enjoys helping people.

 

 

I just don't understand the premise of ASSUMING a person is going to behave a certain way.

 

If it is a serial cheater, fair enough. Some girl who slept around after a bad break up and hated doing it?

 

Well for starters, I hated it. So yeah. I kind of know who I am and what I hate/ enjoy. I wouldn't exactly dabble in anything that I HATED.

[Leigh 87]

OP, it all depends on what is more convenient for each of our purposes.

 

Those who feel better defining you by that one period of your life will do so.

 

Those who don't won't.

 

 

 

Why on earth do I need to convince myself anything?

 

 

I don't think badly of myself. I don't think I am a skank.

 

You are crazy if you think I believe these things about myself:lmao:

[Leigh 87]

Assuming '87 is your birthyear you slept with 20 men just a few months ago up to last year or so. This thread is more about convincing yourself that your not promiscuous and not 'low quality'. You are not 'low quality', and there are worse things to be than promiscuous, lots of people are. But this happened too recent to be able to claim you shouldn't be labeled for your past. We all get labeled by our actions.

 

 

As for your cheating friend, se was 19 and just very young. The other, assuming she didn't tell het husband/BF, just a very ****ty move on her part. Otherwise, no harm done.

 

 

 

Yeah it was really crappy of her, she did nude modelling for two gentlemen she knew for years, she did it once though.

 

She did it once, a few days to a week after meeting her now husband.

 

She never did it again so I didn't judge her for it.

 

If she repeatedly did it than ya, BIG problem.

[Candy_Pants]

Why on earth do I need to convince myself anything?

 

 

I don't think badly of myself. I don't think I am a skank.

 

You are crazy if you think I believe these things about myself:lmao:

 

You come here to convince yourself of many things. One only has to look at your threads to see that.

[Keenly]

Some one who cheated on their last partner is capable of cheating on their next partner, and is therefore low quality, because who wants to have increased chances of getting their heart broken?

 

 

Also, I don't want a woman that shows her naked body off to other people. Call me greedy but I want to be the only one she wants be naked on front of, and thus, would be low quality in my eyes.

 

You get irritated at people for passing judgments... but that's their right. Do you want to force everyone to share your opinions on suitable mates ?

 

You pit something out there, and when some one asses and comes to their own conclusion, you jump on them when it doesn't line up with yours. Is that fair? I don't think it is.

[Leigh 87]

Some one who cheated on their last partner is capable of cheating on their next partner, and is therefore low quality, because who wants to have increased chances of getting their heart broken?

 

 

Also, I don't want a woman that shows her naked body off to other people. Call me greedy but I want to be the only one she wants be naked on front of, and thus, would be low quality in my eyes.

 

Right. So she nude modelled once in her life. She has also never cheated on this guy in 20 years, is totally devoted and supported him after he lost his job for years, and has a masters degree.

How is she low quality? A woman who regularly volunteers, has a masters degree and has been a devoted wife and mother is NOT low quality?

 

Low quality is = not striving to get a career, cheating on partners as MORE than a one off thing and not being a very nice person.

 

You get irritated at people for passing judgments... but that's their right. Do you want to force everyone to share your opinions on suitable mates ?

 

Yeah but if people claim I am a skank, what am I CURENTLY doing to earn that title? I am not out wearing short skirts, I don't go to clubs and I am loyal and devoted to my bf.

 

No hard evidence to support me being a skank right now. Plus no one knows how I felt about what I did; I hated it and I don't do things I hate and that are traumatizing.

 

 

You pit something out there, and when some one asses and comes to their own conclusion, you jump on them when it doesn't line up with yours. Is that fair? I don't think it is.

 

Yeah but you paint my friends with the one brush when they are really good people to everyone around them, for all you know thay are nicer people than you, and they help out more people in their lives then you do.

 

What makes them low quality and you not?

 

They are educated, attractive and altruistic PLUS they have never cheated or nude modelled since.

 

They were not repeat offenders.

 

Nothing about their LIVES scream low quality.

 

Next thing you will be saying that, if Bill Gates had been an ass in college, he is therefore LOW QUALITY, even though he is an AWSOME philanthropist?

[Keenly]

I don't think you understand Leigh. You don't get to ask for some ones opinion and then tell them they are wrong when you don't agree with it. It's an opinion, MY opinion.

 

I don't need to justify WHY I feel the way I feel about both of your examples. I just do. That's my answer.

 

I am entitled to my opinion and my judgment, and I'm not weak enough to let some one else change my mind for me.

 

 

I would advise you to be less concerned with the thoughts and judgments of others, especially complete strangers from halfway around the world.

[KaliLove]

How is anyone even finding out about their pasts (or yours, for that matter) in order to judge them? Are you girls going around telling people?

[Leigh 87]

How is anyone even finding out about their pasts (or yours, for that matter) in order to judge them? Are you girls going around telling people?

 

 

 

One girl told her current partner about her cheating ways bit omitted on incidence. He is totally head over heels for her and they are about to get engaged, they are the most in love couple I have ever met, so her cheated in the past has not affected her ability to be an outstanding gf.

 

The other girl has told her bf she once modelled nude for two guys she knew once.

 

She didn't tell him she did it a week after she met him.

 

But hey, she has been faithful for 20 years to her now husband and has supported him financially for years. Not too shabby of a partner.

 

 

 

And I personally tell men about my past only when they are really into me and want to take things further.

 

I have had a conservative guy not balk at my slutty phase. He could see the way I now carried myself and it was obvious I was a very loving, loyal person who didn't need the d*ck on a regular basis.

[Keenly]

One girl told her current partner about her cheating ways bit omitted on incidence. He is totally head over heels for her and they are about to get engaged, they are the most in love couple I have ever met, so her cheated in the past has not affected her ability to be an outstanding gf.

 

The other girl has told her bf she once modelled nude for two guys she knew once.

 

She didn't tell him she did it a week after she met him.

 

But hey, she has been faithful for 20 years to her now husband and has supported him financially for years. Not too shabby of a partner.

 

 

 

And I personally tell men about my past only when they are really into me and want to take things further.

 

I have had a conservative guy not balk at my slutty phase. He could see the way I now carried myself and it was obvious I was a very loving, loyal person who didn't need the d*ck on a regular basis.

 

This is what's awesome about every person on earth being different. They both have people who love them for them, past and all.

 

I get judged all the time, and I don't let it get to me, because I know in awesome

 

 

Example : one girl told me she didn't date people that smoke pot because they are all stupid losers who don't have their **** together.

 

I could only laugh and delete her number , and laugh at the irony of an unemployed 23 year old woman, fluent in text speak but not proper English, who said her favorite hobby is going to parties, called me stupid and implied I didn't have my life together.

 

 

I found it funny, rather than letting it get to me.

[Candy_Pants]

How is anyone even finding out about their pasts (or yours, for that matter) in order to judge them? Are you girls going around telling people?

 

If it's a prospective partner, yes. They should know. Unless they insist on not knowing.

[Leigh 87]

I don't think you understand Leigh. You don't get to ask for some ones opinion and then tell them they are wrong when you don't agree with it. It's an opinion, MY opinion.

 

I don't need to justify WHY I feel the way I feel about both of your examples. I just do. That's my answer.

 

I am entitled to my opinion and my judgment, and I'm not weak enough to let some one else change my mind for me.

 

 

I would advise you to be less concerned with the thoughts and judgments of others, especially complete strangers from halfway around the world.

 

 

 

 

 

But how can you prove they are low quality human beings?

 

They could actually be nicer to more people than you are?

 

They could help more people out then you do?

 

 

They could be loyal for 20 years like one of them has, which is longer than you have ever BEEN in a relationship for, so yeah, I am fairly sure that nude modelling chick is just as likely to REMAIN faithful as you are (to not cheat).

 

And you do realise that the VAST majority do not consider a professional who has been loyal for 20 years to a husband and has supported him through the loss of many jobs, as "bad quality" simply cos she posed nude before for money.

 

HOW does posing nude for money make her low quality? If she gives more to charity than you and she is a nicer and more giving person to more people than you then sorry, she is a better person than YOU.

 

People who are the kindest and give back the most to others are the best people in my eyes.

 

Someone who is very altruistic IS NEVER low quality.

[TalesoftheWireMonkey]

There's a couple of concepts here you are missing.

 

1) Noble acts don't cancel out the poor choices you made earlier. As good and wonderful as you are from this point on, if you gives blood daily, Move to Africa to feed starving children and run into every burning building you see to save ferrets and goldfish it doesn't discount a bad behavior you had in the past. Life isn't a checks and balance sheet where you keep a Karmic score of "Oh I did two good deeds today so I'm one ahead of the one sin I committed yesterday."

 

2) Yes you can be a better person than you are during a short period of your life if you compare it only to yourself, but if you compare to the myriad women who have never had a slutty phase who have never cheated on anybody then it doesn't work.

[Leigh 87]

This is what's awesome about every person on earth being different. They both have people who love them for them, past and all.

 

I get judged all the time, and I don't let it get to me, because I know in awesome

 

 

Example : one girl told me she didn't date people that smoke pot because they are all stupid losers who don't have their **** together.

 

I could only laugh and delete her number , and laugh at the irony of an unemployed 23 year old woman, fluent in text speak but not proper English, who said her favorite hobby is going to parties, called me stupid and implied I didn't have my life together.

 

 

I found it funny, rather than letting it get to me.

 

 

 

Smoking pot doesn't equate to a deadbeat though. I had a predisposition to a mental health condition so unfortunately it sent me mental for a number of years.

 

I fail to see how me sleeping around for less than a year of my life, permanently makes me low quality, when that was not who I normally am 95% of the time?

 

How does sleeping around for less than 1 year, overshadow two long term relationships and NO SEX for 8 years?

I literally never have sex in between relationships. I am back to that now, after my skanky period.

 

I have been pure for more than 5 times as long as I slept around for? How does it make sense that I am still low quality?

 

How can you prove and measure my worth as a partner and person due to sleeping around a few too many times within a short space of time?

 

That proves NOTHING as to the sort of loyal and loving partner I am now.

 

 

I am probably a lot nicer and a lot more generous and loving than most girls you will ever meet frankly.

[KaliLove]

If it's a prospective partner, yes. They should know. Unless they insist on not knowing.

 

I must have misunderstood..I thought she said that others were judging, not just serious partners.

[Leigh 87]

There's a couple of concepts here you are missing.

 

1) Noble acts don't cancel out the poor choices you made earlier. As good and wonderful as you are from this point on, if you gives blood daily, Move to Africa to feed starving children and run into every burning building you see to save ferrets and goldfish it doesn't discount a bad behavior you had in the past. Life isn't a checks and balance sheet where you keep a Karmic score of "Oh I did two good deeds today so I'm one ahead of the one sin I committed yesterday."

 

2) Yes you can be a better person than you are during a short period of your life if you compare it only to yourself, but if you compare to the myriad women who have never had a slutty phase who have never cheated on anybody then it doesn't work.

 

 

 

 

 

Yes it does. People who dedicate their lives and time to others are WAY better people than some bitchy girl at the office who gossips about other people all day sand has never given a cent to charity, yet has never cheated.

[KaliLove]

 

 

 

Smoking pot doesn't equate to a deadbeat though. I had a predisposition to a mental health condition so unfortunately it sent me mental for a number of years.

 

I fail to see how me sleeping around for less than a year of my life, permanently makes me low quality, when that was not who I normally am 95% of the time?

 

How does sleeping around for less than 1 year, overshadow two long term relationships and NO SEX for 8 years?

I literally never have sex in between relationships. I am back to that now, after my skanky period.

 

I have been pure for more than 5 times as long as I slept around for? How does it make sense that I am still low quality?

 

How can you prove and measure my worth as a partner and person due to sleeping around a few too many times within a short space of time?

 

That proves NOTHING as to the sort of loyal and loving partner I am now.

 

 

I am probably a lot nicer and a lot more generous and loving than most girls you will ever meet frankly.

 

As Keenly said, you cannot ask a question of opinion and then argue when people disagree with you. Everyone thinks differently. You may not feel like you are 'low quality' (whatever that even means), other people might think you are. You're probably not going to change their minds so why bother?

 

If you're holding out for universal popularity, you're going to be waiting for a very, very long time.

[Leigh 87]

I am not sure why my laptop did that silly lovey face above that post, apologies.