Who Doesn't Want Kids?

[Leigh 87]

Are there many men who don't want kids?

 

I have never wanted kids and have always had a set dream to rescue animals and foster children at a later age, and provide them with a better chance in life.

 

I don't believe that you need kids to be optimally happy in life, I feel that you can experience as much joy and contentment without kids.

 

Also, how do you know whether you want kids or now? I am fairly against having kids, I really don't want them albeit I do LIKE hanging with kids, I like kids, I just HATE the idea of my own.

 

Anyone else feel this way? Do you fear that there are like minded adults who want to live the high life and travel overseas and do all the things you cannot easily afford with kids?

 

Are there many men like me who want to dedicate their money to a comfortable life and helping others/being altruistic?

 

Discuss.

[Standard-Fare]

How old are you?

 

I've always felt that kids aren't in the picture for me. But it was much easier to feel that way when I was younger and this was a sort of "theoretical stance." Now I'm 33 (and single) and I realize that the actions I take in the next couple of years will effectively seal my fate on this issue. And I won't lie, yes it does scare the crap out of me sometimes. And yes, I've had some sleepless nights over it.

 

I'm great with kids and I love being around them. I do occasionally envy my friends with children. Also, I once had a serious pregnancy scare and I got a lot of support from friends, including some comments like, "You were meant to be a mom."

 

It's a major life decision and you have a finite amount of time to make it. For me this is the aspect of being a woman that sucks the most. But it's unchangeable.

 

Personally I'm trying to pay attention to my gut instincts within the next couple of years, and if I can conclude very seriously that I need to be a mother, I will take whatever path I need to take to make that happen. Whether that's adoption, sperm donation, what have you. I just know I need to feel really FIRM on this issue before I make any decisions of that nature.

 

I'm sure I'm not helping this discussion, just sharing some thoughts.

[snappytomcat]

I felt this way when I was younger,but when they are your own kids its really different,i never regreted having them,and ive been an animal rescuer since before my kids were born.

I also have a very good friend who never desired having kids,she loves kids but didn't think they were for her,she would rather hang out with her friends kids,and then hand them back when she got tired of them,well now shes 43,and wants kids badly,even had a few invitro sessions,which none worked,she really feels bad she didn't have them sooner,and from the looks of it,it doesn't sound like invitro is going to work in her situation.

all that being said,its a personal choice.

good luck in whatever you decide to do,and thank you for helping out homeless animals,thats my passion too!!!

[Under The Radar]

I want my very own Muppet ......

 

 

Kermit will do, but I much prefer Gonzo.

 

 

Although, if Sesame Street existed, I'd definitely be down with a hug from Grover ...... yep, I've always wanted his scraggly blue arms to hold me .

[topaMAXX]

As humans, it is our primary purpose to reproduce....

[The dot]

As humans, it is our primary purpose to reproduce....

 

No, it isn't. We already have more people in the world than we can feed. The last thing we need is more of them.

 

In my case, I've known since I was 8 years old that I didn't want kids, and the older I get, the more relieved I am that I never had any. I'd rather spend my time traveling, reading, exercising or whatever else I feel like doing than running around worrying about where my kids are, who they're talking to or which websites they're looking at.

 

As far as I can see, kids are great if you don't have a life of your own that you love, they give you something that fills your time. In my case, I don't need that because I have so many other things going on.

[CarrieT]

I never did.

 

I knew in my teens I didn't want children. I was fortunate to have multiple relationships with men who didn't want children.

 

It shocked the hell out of me when I was very active on OLD that I agreed to go on a date with a guy who had three pre-teens. Part of the reason I agreed to the date was because he told me he had is kids 50% of the time and he had a nanny (knowing he wasn't looking for a replacement).

 

Was even more shocked that we all fell in love - he and I as well as his kids with me and I with them.

 

For me, it helps tremendously that they have been raised well, are extremely intelligent (in line for Ivy League colleges), and can be reasoned with. Part of why I never wanted children was because A) the birthing process scared the heck outta me, B) I really dislike infants and babies, and C) I was afraid of passing on some undesirable hereditary traits. By becoming the Stepmother to pre- and now-teenagers, I've bypassed the step and in a few short years, they will be off to college and my new husband and I will have a little freedom - but even the 50% time we have now is pretty spectacular...

[Candy_Pants]

I traveled before having kids. Had A LOT of fun. And am now very excited about my new adventure; being a mama!! We want at least 5.

 

It's cool you don't want kids. At least you figured that out. Just make sure you're on BC, use condoms, or one of you is sterilized.

[Phoe]

I never wanted kids until I turned 24.

 

Now I'd like one. Just one.

 

However, if it did not happen, that would not devastate me.

[thefooloftheyear]

Most people want kids...Its a common thing for young/immature women to say they dont want kids...Most wind up changing their tune as they mature.

 

OP, I will tell you that if you are definitely dead set on not having kids, there are going to be many men that will see that as a dealbreaker for them...You cant really blame them for that...

 

TFY

[acrosstheuniverse]

I never wanted kids until I was 22 and my nephew was born. In that instant, I realised that I really wanted to become a mother someday.

 

I'm 26 now and would like to try for kids around 30 if everything else is in line (my career, the right partner, stable home life, steady finances). I'd be happy with just one to be honest, although two would be preferable.

 

Something about meeting that gorgeous little baby boy, knowing he was part of my family, and I don't know what else, just overcame me with emotion and in that moment I knew I'd swim through shark infested waters for him and give him everything I have if he ever needed it. Sadly I don't see him any more because his parent (my sibling) has cut me out but it's been a year and a half now and I guess I'm coming to terms, although I miss him every day.

 

I make my desire to have kids someday clear to a guy within the first few months of dating, as I wouldn't want to be with somebody dead set on never having them. At the same time, if I didn't have them I don't think my life would suck or anything, I am very into my career, voluntary work, my friendships etc. Maybe it'd be different if all of my friends suddenly had kids and I felt left out but right now barely any of my mates have had kids, maybe one or two out of lots of people. We are all quite focused on careers and stuff first, and will think about a family once we're in our thirties.

[oz-missy]

A mate of mine is so against having children he took the situation into his own hands and had a vasectomy at the age of 34.

 

Another friend (32 year old) is currently in a relationship, he hands down does not want children, his girlfriend started by saying she doesn't but now she does. He's now in the unfortunate position of looking to end the relationship because he doesn't want to be the person who prevents her from having a child.

 

So yes, there are men out there that do not want kids. At all.

[Radu]

I didn't want any until about 28-29.

Now i'm ok with them, want them, but it probably won't happen until my late 30's.

[Standard-Fare]

I never did.

 

I knew in my teens I didn't want children. I was fortunate to have multiple relationships with men who didn't want children.

 

It shocked the hell out of me when I was very active on OLD that I agreed to go on a date with a guy who had three pre-teens. Part of the reason I agreed to the date was because he told me he had is kids 50% of the time and he had a nanny (knowing he wasn't looking for a replacement).

 

Was even more shocked that we all fell in love - he and I as well as his kids with me and I with them.

 

For me, it helps tremendously that they have been raised well, are extremely intelligent (in line for Ivy League colleges), and can be reasoned with. Part of why I never wanted children was because A) the birthing process scared the heck outta me, B) I really dislike infants and babies, and C) I was afraid of passing on some undesirable hereditary traits. By becoming the Stepmother to pre- and now-teenagers, I've bypassed the step and in a few short years, they will be off to college and my new husband and I will have a little freedom - but even the 50% time we have now is pretty spectacular...

 

What you're describing would be an ideal situation for me. And I'm right with you with the three reasons you listed for not wanting children.

 

Of course your situation fell in your lap, it's kind of hard to actively seek out an arrangement like that.

 

Once with some friends I said "I'd really like to be a stepmom" and everyone got a good laugh out of that. Not a popular sentiment, I guess!

[Els]

There are more men who don't want kids than women who don't, although I'd agree that both are probably in the minority. Still, that's no reason to make a life-altering move that you do not essentially want to make.

 

Hold out for someone who shares your views, IMO.

[dragon_fly_7]

OP, I'm a 27 year-old woman and don't want kids. I simply have no desires to ever get pregnant. I've always felt like this since my early teens.

As humans, it is our primary purpose to reproduce....

And make my kids miserable as soon as they find out I never desired them?

 

The world is overcrowded already and there are many neglected and abused children from those that should have never reproduced.

[RedRobin]

While I enjoy children, I have never wanted the experience of giving birth.

 

I had my tubes tied at a young age to make sure that happened... I was not a fan of pumping lots of chemicals in my body for decades. It did wonders for my sex life too... No worries about unintended consequences.

 

My only concerns these days are stds...

 

....one thing... Lots of men claim to not want children, then change their minds later. My now ex h didn't want kids when we married... But I believe that him seeing his friends go off and have kids plus pressure from his family made him want them a bit more...

 

Not enough for him to agree to stay home with them... So we chose not to have them... I believe this rather untapped desire of his fed into the reasons why we divorced... I wasn't about to chuck all the years I spent slogging through school just so he could have a family and he could play fun time dad. Saw that all of the time with my female friends. Guy is basically an absent dad except for the fun stuff. Oh, and a paycheck. Which I don't need.

 

I would have liked to adopt with my fiancée who died. He was an amazing father to his two sons. I am still close to them.

Edited April 18, 2014 by RedRobin

[Leigh 87]

I love spending time with my friends kids.

 

I am just STRONGLY against having them. I always have been.

 

I am never going to want to dedicate my life to a single being, when there are SO MANY kids and adults for that matter, that could use my help.

It is just not feasible in my mind; having kids doesn't make sense for me in 2014, when women have options to do as they please with their bodies and finances.

 

I couldn't give a rats about giving birth; I am not scared of it. I am just very much against having my own children for so many reasons which I would happily write long essays on due to being so passionate about NOT having kids.

 

It is hilarious when people assume I am selfish or that life is never going to be as happy for ANYONE, childfree.

One ignorant young lass, never travelled or had any life experience, was like " Leigh you are fcked in the head, I mean like, like, having kids is what life is about, without them what is the point in life?"

Sad to see many people are not able to see that many child free folks are just as happy as large families.

 

Even if I was wealthy I wouldn't want kids. That is even more money I could then have to give to the kids who need life saving cancer treatments yet who's parents cannot afford it.

 

I don't hate kids; I HATE the idea of ever having them.

 

My boyfriend doesn't want kids at all costs which is alright, he doesn't believe he will be unhappy without kids, it was just something he thought would be nice.

I have told my boyfriend I am NEVER having his kids. He has chosen to stay with me, and that what he feels about me is worth not having kids for. He doesn't believe he will find someone he feels this way about. He is 30 and has met a lot of women.

 

We are going to re visit the issue of kids/no kids every year, I will force him to walk if he thinks for a second that he won't feel complete without kids.

[jay1983]

Sometimes it's not planned, the girl I was seeing got pregnant with my son when I was 21. Although that was a bad time for that to happen, young and dumb, making little money not being able to provide much. It did put me on the right track to getting my stuff together. I get him on the weekends and every thursday night and I love spending time with him. I can usually buy him whatever he needs, however I was recently laid off and now I can do much. I also have to pass up job offers in different states because then I can't be there for him.

[MissBee]

Are there many men who don't want kids?

 

I have never wanted kids and have always had a set dream to rescue animals and foster children at a later age, and provide them with a better chance in life.

 

I don't believe that you need kids to be optimally happy in life, I feel that you can experience as much joy and contentment without kids.

 

Also, how do you know whether you want kids or now? I am fairly against having kids, I really don't want them albeit I do LIKE hanging with kids, I like kids, I just HATE the idea of my own.

 

Anyone else feel this way? Do you fear that there are like minded adults who want to live the high life and travel overseas and do all the things you cannot easily afford with kids?

 

Are there many men like me who want to dedicate their money to a comfortable life and helping others/being altruistic?

 

Discuss.

 

Does your guy feel the same? That's the most important thing.

 

I'm the opposite, I've always wanted kids. But I also want to live "the high life" (whatever that means ) and travel. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. My goal is to be able to have both. Of course I might have to make some concessions or do things differently than if I were child-free but I don't think children necessarily mean: no money and can't go anywhere or do anything. Not in my life plan. My goal is to have enough money and freedom in my career where I can travel, take my kids, leave them with trusty family sometimes if I want alone time with my spouse etc. The other trade off is that for me I'm gonna have my kids later in life. I'm in my twenties now and am almost positive that I won't have children until I'm in my 30s. The life path I'm on now allows me to do lots of what I want to do and I think now is the time when I can do that freely before kids come along, that way I think by time kids come around I will be happy for the new additions and not lamenting over things I didn't do, as I'd have given myself time to live as a single, child-free woman.

 

But I know for myself eventually the "high life" would feel empty if I had no children and a family of my own, especially as I get older. I can't imagine myself being 80 years old with no kids, no grandkids, or anything. That's the greatest joy to me and while I am certainly happy to be without children right now and can focus only on myself, go anywhere on a whim, spend money only on me etc...as I get more successful and have more money and as I get older, I don't think the "high life" will be as appealing and my new idea of the high life will be family vacations, children, etc. It's totally individual though. I have always wanted children and can likewise understand how some people may not. What's important as I said is that the person you're with esp if you are serious about them feels similarly.

Edited April 18, 2014 by MissBee

[GorillaTheater]

Depends on when you ask me.

[DorkBreakfast]

I don't want my own children. I have given thought to adopting at some point though.

[kodakgirl]

When I was younger I never wanted kids, but now in my mid-twenties I feel I might... although I'm not sure. I know I am SO not ready to even seriously think about it. But it's also possible I won't ever be healthy enough to have my own kids and the thought of never ever having any makes me very sad. I would certainly consider adoption but I would prefer my own genetic kids... I would love to see myself and especially my partner in them.

 

I don't think I'd be able to say for sure either way unless I was actually in a very serious relationship with the kind of man I want. I know I don't want kids just for the sake of having them-- I want kids to be a natural extension of the love my partner and I have for each other, a shared experience we feel we want to embark on. And I don't have a partner and am not entirely sure I ever will, so for now it's sort of a moot point anyway.

[pink_sugar]

I've often been undecided about kids, but decided they would be a positive addition in my life when I'm older (In my 30's). I know a lot of people having kids in their 20's, but at 25, I'm still not even close to being ready. I suspect I won't be settled for awhile...finances aside...I want to travel and build my career. While I'd like to have kids eventually, I'm not desperate for motherhood like many other women. I figure if for some reason I cannot have children, it wasn't meant to be. I'd probably consider adopting one child. I'd like to have at least one or two of my own eventually...but it's not in the cards in the near future.

Edited April 18, 2014 by pink_sugar

[Silly_Girl]

 

As far as I can see, kids are great if you don't have a life of your own that you love, they give you something that fills your time. In my case, I don't need that because I have so many other things going on.

 

That's really not how it works

 

For many people adding kids in to an already fantastic life is the icing on the cake. Most people don't have kids because they're bored/unfulfilled.