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Monogamy is really for the wife's/girlfriends to control??


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I was having a conversation with a male (seperated) friend who told me he was Monagomous to his wife but... She took advantage of it to get her way with things.

 

Says when she became mad with him... Would hold out from sex.

 

He never cheated on her but was always non-confrontational but enabled her to use sex as a tool to get what she wanted.

 

Now he's reasons for why a lot of Men are not Monogamous is because, if the girlfriend/wife is always arguing with them and upset, the Man can just call so and so, until the partner realizes it's a losing battle. The Man is not engaging in the argument.

 

If your partner is not faithful... The relationship doesn't stand a true chance.

 

Some Men who are faithful use other means to cope... Like alcohols, drugs, or an outlet.

 

I wanted to know what people thought on my friends opinion on this when it comes to Men being faithful.

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AShogunNamedMarcus

Some people aren't made for monogamy. Just like some people aren't made to hold jobs. Whether you think it's good or bad doesn't matter. We're all different.

 

Just don't pretend to be the monogamous sort if you really don't believe in it.

 

If your significant other uses your monogamy against you in a vindictive way, call them on it. Give them hell about it and don't stand for it. If they can't handle that, then you'll know they do not respect you. Sometimes people need a kick in the ass (figuratively). If they can't handle the kick in the ass, maybe a kick to the curb will be the thing for them.

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man_in_the_box
I wanted to know what people thought on my friends opinion on this when it comes to Men being faithful.

 

Your friend is a doormat.

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eye of the storm

There should be no weapons in a marriage. If there are and one person is using them then you have bigger problems than monogamy.

 

If you want an open marriage, ask for one. Just because your spouse is acting like an ass doesn't mean you have to cheat.

 

If you spouse refuses sex because you didn't do the laundry (or whatever) then you need to demand MC or a D. Or go to IC and figure out why you think it acceptable to stay married to someone you are in an adversarial relationship with.

 

Marriage should be a partnership. You should be a team.

 

I can see no valid reason for a spouse to cheat. If the marriage is bad enough you have to go outside of it, fix it or get out.

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Your seperated friend is bitter about his own failed relationship & that's coloring his perspective on everything.

 

Many people are happy & monogomous with no petty manipulations or substance abuse.

 

For one person to use sex as a punishment in a relationship is a problem. But it's not the only model out there.

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Grumpybutfun
I was having a conversation with a male (seperated) friend who told me he was Monagomous to his wife but... She took advantage of it to get her way with things.

 

Says when she became mad with him... Would hold out from sex.

 

He never cheated on her but was always non-confrontational but enabled her to use sex as a tool to get what she wanted.

 

Now he's reasons for why a lot of Men are not Monogamous is because, if the girlfriend/wife is always arguing with them and upset, the Man can just call so and so, until the partner realizes it's a losing battle. The Man is not engaging in the argument.

 

If your partner is not faithful... The relationship doesn't stand a true chance.

 

Some Men who are faithful use other means to cope... Like alcohols, drugs, or an outlet.

 

I wanted to know what people thought on my friends opinion on this when it comes to Men being faithful.

 

I think this is nonsensical garbage. Men cheat because of something they lack in themselves, not due to anyone's actions or inactions.

G

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I was having a conversation with a male (seperated) friend who told me he was Monagomous to his wife but... She took advantage of it to get her way with things.

 

Says when she became mad with him... Would hold out from sex.

 

He never cheated on her but was always non-confrontational but enabled her to use sex as a tool to get what she wanted.

 

Now he's reasons for why a lot of Men are not Monogamous is because, if the girlfriend/wife is always arguing with them and upset, the Man can just call so and so, until the partner realizes it's a losing battle. The Man is not engaging in the argument.

 

If your partner is not faithful... The relationship doesn't stand a true chance.

 

Some Men who are faithful use other means to cope... Like alcohols, drugs, or an outlet.

 

I wanted to know what people thought on my friends opinion on this when it comes to Men being faithful.

 

Your friends views make no sense to me personally.

 

This seems unrelated to monogamy so much as he and the woman he's in a relationship with are petty and immature and the way both of them tackle problems is to resort to passive aggressive means.

 

When you're in an open relationship it isn't supposed to be a free for all where you have sex with someone else because your SO is upset with you...:confused: Couples in open relationships have boundaries, discuss things and have to probably do a lot more of that than monogamous couples who don't have to think about these other factors.

 

I think it's juvenile to believe that non-monogamy is necessarily a free for all or substitute for open communication and constructive problem solving.

 

In any event I've never heard a woman cheated on or a man cheating explain that they do it when their SO is upset and then the cheated on party then "realizes its a losing battle" so stops arguing....this is nuts :laugh:. Arguments will occur in most relationships and its just very silly and immature that a person's response is that they will go and screw someone else....also....does the one they are having sex with when their gf is mad realize that she is just a pawn in that couple's childish game, where he's only using her because his gf is mad and he's trying to teach her a lesson? It's crazy!

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The flip side to "she's withholding sex because she's angry" is "she is not in the mood for sex because she's angry".

 

 

Why should anyone, man or woman, be obligated to put out regardless of the current state of affairs in the relationship?

 

 

No one should use sex as a weapon, but no one should expect to anger a significant other and still have a happy sex life.

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A lot of women use sex as a weapon...I totally disagree with it but I don't think it should give men the 'right' (for lack of a better word...) to cheat.

 

No reason is good enough to cheat. If there is a problem with your relationship, you try to fix it or you leave.

simple as that.

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Candy_Pants

IME it's been men who "hold out" on me. I'm a very sexual person (duuuh) and after a while it must lose its appeal. Or it has for a few LTR bfs. Then I get cranky and complained, which isn't sexy btw, so sex won't happen for weeks on end.

 

Then I stayed single and got laid pretty much whenever I wanted :). And ended up marrying a man with a higher sex drive than I do!!

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Withholding sex is going against what you promised as a spouse. You don't try to blackmail or manipulate your spouse in a true loving marriage. So, no, your friend is wrong.

 

There are some women who do this, and they frankly are just being bad wives. Not that a woman should just give it up whenever her husband wants, but in a loving marriage, a woman should want to have that connection with her husband and meet his physical needs (within reason).

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I think this is nonsensical garbage. Men cheat because of something they lack in themselves, not due to anyone's actions or inactions.

G

 

Often we agree, Grumps. Not this time. :D

 

Perhaps, but for many (not all) individuals in a sexless marriage, the lack of sex and the lack of control over that becomes a very real motive to cheat. And for many in a weak moment (which I read was shown in a study to be near the end of a day when the will power is the lowest), it can be the reason for the act of cheating. Ask them a day or week or month earlier and they would have agreed with you.

 

The fact is in a marriage or relationship, our actions or inactions influence our partner's actions or inactions. To think otherwise is rather naive.

 

Withholding sex is going against what you promised as a spouse. You don't try to blackmail or manipulate your spouse in a true loving marriage. So, no, your friend is wrong.

 

There are some women who do this, and they frankly are just being bad wives. Not that a woman should just give it up whenever her husband wants, but in a loving marriage, a woman should want to have that connection with her husband and meet his physical needs (within reason).

 

Agreed and well said.

 

Just as the act of cheating is a betrayal of the marriage vow, so the inaction via sexual withholding is a betrayal of the marriage vow.

 

I did not vow to be celibate. I vowed to be faithful.

 

As did she.

 

No, that does not mean we have as much sex as one person desires, but it does mean that we both try to help our partner honor his or her vow by honoring our own vow.

 

Withholding sex or having sex with another person are both ways to do the opposite.

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It's been my experience that my GFs needed to have a good fight / heated discussion from time to time. They like see / feel the passion and emotion that guys have when he is fully engaged in an argument (whether he is right or wrong). Otherwise, if we never had fights or heated discussions from time to time... the women doubted my feelings for them.

 

It's also been my experience that my GFs liked it when "I took it from them" from time to time. You know, knock the stuff all the table, throw them down on it, yank their panties to the side, spit on it and show them who the man is and "put them in their place" by %$#@ing the hell out of them.

 

I agree with the others... Your buddy is a pu55y.

 

You are dating emotionally immature women. I'd suggest raising your standards.

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I think the idea that the wife/girlfriend "controls" monogamy is ridiculous. How does that explain the men (or women for that matter) who are getting plenty of sex from their SO and who still cheat?

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I think the idea that the wife/girlfriend "controls" monogamy is ridiculous. How does that explain the men (or women for that matter) who are getting plenty of sex from their SO and who still cheat?

 

It doesn't, because there are many reasons why someone cheats.

 

The controller btw is the one who has the lower desire/need for sex. This may be either partner.

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Grumpybutfun
Often we agree, Grumps. Not this time. :D

 

Perhaps, but for many (not all) individuals in a sexless marriage, the lack of sex and the lack of control over that becomes a very real motive to cheat. And for many in a weak moment (which I read was shown in a study to be near the end of a day when the will power is the lowest), it can be the reason for the act of cheating. Ask them a day or week or month earlier and they would have agreed with you.

 

The fact is in a marriage or relationship, our actions or inactions influence our partner's actions or inactions. To think otherwise is naive

 

Influencing someone due to inaction (aka no nookie) still means you lack the integrity, honor or work ethic to get out of a marriage that isn't working or getting the medical or sexual, or marital counseling you need to make it work rather than being a cheater and living a lie. Like I said, this is about lacking something in yourself, not the actions or inactions of others. It is our choice to cheat, and it is also our choice to fix a problem, work on a problem or walk away from the marriage altogether rather than cheat. I stand by what I said.

Not naive, just believe in taking personal responsibility for our actions rather than blaming them on others and getting our needs met through a lack in our character which is what cheating is.

Best,

Grumps

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I don't even get what the point of the OP is. But responding solely to the title (which made a lot more sense)... sure it is (or isn't). As much as the woman's monogamy is (or isn't) for her husband/bf to control. Take your pick, just remember that it goes both ways.

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Smilecharmer

This premise that women control their mans monogamy would only be true if only men who never got sex were the only ones who had extra marital affairs. Most BSs will say they had a good sex life so no, wives don't control their husbands monogamy by giving them sex. A lot of men who are not getting sex in marriage don't have affairs....so the theory breaks down on those two points. Men cheat because they want to cheat. An excuse of my wife doesn't give me sex, nags me or listen to me is just convenient for them to justify to themselves what they already want to do. My sister and her husband had sex every single day and he still managed to hire skanks off Craigslist and have affairs over the years. He even admitted to me that she was an attentive lover, but he wanted more.

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I was having a conversation with a male (seperated) friend who told me he was Monagomous to his wife but... She took advantage of it to get her way with things.

 

Says when she became mad with him... Would hold out from sex.

 

He never cheated on her but was always non-confrontational but enabled her to use sex as a tool to get what she wanted.

 

Now he's reasons for why a lot of Men are not Monogamous is because, if the girlfriend/wife is always arguing with them and upset, the Man can just call so and so, until the partner realizes it's a losing battle. The Man is not engaging in the argument.

 

If your partner is not faithful... The relationship doesn't stand a true chance.

 

Some Men who are faithful use other means to cope... Like alcohols, drugs, or an outlet.

 

I wanted to know what people thought on my friends opinion on this when it comes to Men being faithful.

A woman who plays games like this is a dumped woman in my book. I dont deal with this crap. I dont need to cheat...I can just dump the gal and find a woman who wants to make passionate hot love.

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