Single mothers, when do you have sex?

[PogoStick]

When dating a new guy, how do you handle sex with a child at home? Do you wait until the child is visiting daddy?

Send the kid for a sleepover with friends?

Wait until the kid goes to bed?

 

Do any of you avoid sex while your child is in the home? Only have sex at the guys place?

 

Has your way of handling the situation changed with the child's age?

 

***

 

The one lady I experienced this with was unique; a big political activist for gays, immigrants and women (and an American immigrant herself). There was no father in the picture, and she raised her child to be very independant. She had no problem telling her boy at ten years old to just leave the house, go to the park, go see your friends, don't come home until XYZ. She didn't bother with babysitters either. Often, she would leave him alone and stay the night at my place.

 

It worked out well for us with no problems. Lack of sex was never an issue. However, I think her parenting was unlike any typical American woman. I actually preferred her style vs helicopter parents.

[JennHenn]

 

 

Often, she would leave him alone and stay the night at my place.

 

.

 

Wait, she did what?

[kaylan]

at 13? sure (and Id tell my kid to have friends over for a sleep over, and Id likely have a family member or trusted friend or neighbor check in on them still.)

 

at 10 years old? No fvking way.

[ses]

Really?! She may be an awesome activist but her priorities are f'ed up. I wouldn't feel comfortable at all with a guy telling me he left his young child home alone to spend the night with me. I think that's incredibly irresponsible. What about hiring a babysitter? As Kaylan stated, it would be different if the child were into their teen years and I could ensure they were able to be sufficiently independent. I would probably still prefer someone to be with them. Single parents can/do make time to have sex with their partners without being selfish. I'm sure schedules must be coordinated between the couple but that's not a big deal. A person shouldn't have to compromise the safety of their child to do so.

[Chocolat]

I'm no helicopter parent, but there is no way I'd leave my 10yo home alone overnight.

 

Personally, I didn't have sex in my house with the kids home until I remarried. If they were at their dad's or on a sleepover, I would, but I didn't force those situations to occur.

 

The age of the children was irrelevant for me.

[irc333]

I'm no helicopter parent, but there is no way I'd leave my 10yo home alone overnight.

 

Personally, I didn't have sex in my house with the kids home until I remarried. If they were at their dad's or on a sleepover, I would, but I didn't force those situations to occur.

 

The age of the children was irrelevant for me.

 

Meh, just lock the bedroom door. Problem solved.

[eye of the storm]

There is a huge difference between being a helicopter parent and child endangerment. Leaving a young child home alone all night so you can go out and screw is just that, child endangerment. Kicking a child out of the house and telling them to not come back so you can screw in peace is really really bad parenting. Why have a child if you are just going to continually kick them to the curb so you can get your rocks off.

 

Being a single parent does not mean you no longer have a sex life. It just means you have to be more careful, get your scheduling down, and be discreet.

 

But being a parent means putting your child's welfare and safety ABOVE your wants.

 

That kid wasn't independent, he just knew he had to take care of himself because his mother was to busy screwing and worrying about others to worry about him.

Edited April 13, 2014 by eye of the storm

[TAV]

How many kids of your own do you have, OP?

[mammasita]

10 yo home alone overnight is ****ing insane. My son is 13.....I have no issues going out and leaving him home, but I still don't like the idea of leaving him alone overnight.....

[PogoStick]

I didn't ask a single question about what anyone thinks of the parenting skills of a woman I dated years ago. I asked several questions on how other single parents handle sexual relationships.

 

I have no kids of my own. I've noticed many more single parents in the dating pool now that I no longer live in a major city. So far from the responses I'm feeling I should just date younger, childless women.

[Mrin]

So much wrong there...

[Forever Learning]

Sorry OP, but my mind is blown about leaving a 10 year old home alone. And in order to go out and screw someone? That makes me nauseous.

 

I have a 10 year old. Can't imagine leaving him alone until he is 14 or so, and proves he can handle it being alone for SHORT periods of time.

 

My son is a Boy Scout, and they train the Scouts in how to handle all types of emergency situations. I only wish all kids were Scouts, boys or girls.

 

Single moms or dads with children should always get a responsible sitter for their kids under age 13-14 (depending on the kid) when/if they choose to date or go out to socialize. Kids safety, and emotional security, must be top priority.

 

My heart breaks for the kid told to go 'hang out at a friends house' so single mom or dad can screw their boyfriend/girlfriend. Disgusting.

 

I will go without dating and sex as necessary, for as long as necessary. My kids come first in all situations. That's not just lip service, that's a fact and how I choose to live my life.

 

I only wish everyone did the same, it would be a better world and the upcoming generation would be a much better one.

[PogoStick]

Well there's a vote for no sex. Fair enough but definitely a deal breaker.

 

That's funny. At age 13 I was around 6 ft tall and being paid to babysit other kids. I would have laughed at suggesting I still needed a sitter. In fact I had my first paid summer job at age 12, working hot 10 hour days in agriculture. I could certainly handle tucking myself in. Maybe city kids are just soft.

 

At age 10 I would be left home all day alone in the summer. I didn't burn the house down. Actually I started a cookie business. Baked fresh every morning, then I walked to construction sites and sold them. Oh well, I guess kids today can have their xbox.

Edited April 13, 2014 by PogoStick

[salparadise]

With all of the single mothers I've dated, our time was when the kids were with the other parent. Same for me as a single father. In the longest, most significant relationship our schedules aligned and we would not allow any flip-flopping by the former spouses. Sex with kids in the house was not an issue because we didn't see each other when we had the kids. We waited a very long time before even introducing them. Leaving the kids (teenagers) alone overnight was never a consideration.

 

Dating a single parent comes with limitations. I passed on two really nice women that I would have dated because the kid's dads live out of state and are virtually out of the picture. Dinner out followed by occasional quickies at my place is not my idea of a great relationship.

[ses]

I'm only 25 and don't have children yet but I spend a lot of time taking care of my 7 month old nephew by myself while his parents work. Even if he were 10 years old and a guy wanted to get down with me while I was in charge of him I would never leave him alone as he's my responsibility and I could never ever forgive myself if something were to happen to him. He would still regarded as a child by the law and social norms.

 

I don't understand why you mentioned the fact that she left her child alone to hook up with you. It doesn't make you seem studly. It would bother the hell out of me to know a guy left his kid to hook up with me and I would hope it would ring alarm bells for him if I ever pulled that move. We would be fundamentally incompatible. It's common sense.

 

You may have been independent at a young age but that's not the case across the board. You may say/do everything right, but a child can still get themselves hurt very easily both with and without supervision. We're criticizing her parenting choices because her actions were irresponsible. If childless couples are able to coordinate schedules, so can couples with children. It's not easy but possible and worth the effort. Again, why not hire a babysitter for the night? Many couples do it. Or just have sex while the child is asleep (white noise helps).

[xxoo]

Leaving a teen home alone overnight so that you can have sex with a dating partner sounds like a great way to become a grandparent. After all, consider what they are seeing modeled.

 

Trusted friends and family can be a good resource if a single parent needs time to date and have sex.

[thefooloftheyear]

I didn't ask a single question about what anyone thinks of the parenting skills of a woman I dated years ago. I asked several questions on how other single parents handle sexual relationships.

 

I have no kids of my own. I've noticed many more single parents in the dating pool now that I no longer live in a major city. So far from the responses I'm feeling I should just date younger, childless women.

 

 

You would be best advised to find someone with the same situation....I have a friend of mine who is in his 40's but has no kids...The things he complains about when dating women with kids wouldnt be an issue for me because I am a parent and have that perspective...

 

It might be a bit harder, but in the end, it will be a better move,,,It wont be just because of the sex, but so much other dynamics as well...

 

TFY

[TigerLilly78]

 

Being a single parent does not mean you no longer have a sex life. It just means you have to be more careful, get your scheduling down, and be discreet.

 

But being a parent means putting your child's welfare and safety ABOVE your wants.

 

That kid wasn't independent, he just knew he had to take care of himself because his mother was to busy screwing and worrying about others to worry about him.

 

 

 

Yea totally agree with this this and that! it feels wonderful at that age to have your parent more interested in their bfs then you yea that hits home I had a dead beet mom like this as well and yes I called her a dead beet cause that's what it is..its not cause she's from another country its just being a crap parent.

[Els]

So far from the responses I'm feeling I should just date younger, childless women.

 

If you are expecting someone who will kick her 10 year old out of the house whenever you want to have sex, and who will also leave her 10 year old alone at home to go sleep over at your place.... yes, you should probably just date childless women. The other option is single parents with kids over 18 years of age.

 

Seriously, it's not even an 'American' thing. I grew up in Asia and no responsible parent does **** like that. Yes, a few responsible parents do leave their 10 yos at home, but that is because they have to go to work to feed their child and have no choice. Leaving your 10 yo kid at home to screw a boyfriend is incredibly immature and reeks of poor decision making, and it is generally considered as such worldwide.

[salparadise]

I have a friend of mine who is in his 40's but has no kids...The things he complains about when dating women with kids wouldnt be an issue for me because I am a parent and have that perspective...

 

It might be a bit harder, but in the end, it will be a better move,,,It wont be just because of the sex, but so much other dynamics as well...

 

This is what I have found... that people who have never had kids are missing a small but rather significant chunk of perspective that is fundamental to a parent. It's just something they do not develop due to not having had the experience...

 

I had one woman (no kids) who used to second guess my thinking and decision-making after my daughter turned 18. This woman's attitude was that my daughter was an adult and no longer my responsibility, she could do whatever she wanted and didn't have to take my advice or follow my rules... as if the relationships lasts exactly 6570 days and terminates. She really did not get it, and she had no lack of intelligence- she was just clueless (not the same thing). In all fairness, her father did not do much parenting even when she was a child, much less after she became of age.

 

But yea, there is a huge piece of experience that they simply will never be able to understand the way another parent does.

[Shepp]

That's funny. At age 13 I was around 6 ft tall and being paid to babysit other kids. I would have laughed at suggesting I still needed a sitter. In fact I had my first paid summer job at age 12, working hot 10 hour days in agriculture.

 

Whaa!? You know the average is like 5"1-5"2? That's crazzyy tall!!

 

 

Anyway not needing someone to check on you at 13 is very different from 10!! I was spent loads of my time out on the beach, park, farm, woods with my friends at 10 but my folks Would never of gone out all night without making sure my brother or his girlfriend was going to be in to watch out for me!

[Haydn]

As a single dad, of course i have sex at home if i have Gf. But obviously my daughter would not be privy to this! She would be sound asleep with her bedroom door closed.

 

As an aside a 10 year old should never be left alone.

[Fluttershy]

I am seriously feeling ill. I know a woman who left her two kids, 3 and 5 home alone to go hang out with friends while her husband was at work. She figured it was fine because it was only for an hour or so. I imagine had he not lost her kids completely she would have left them at 10 overnight and thought nothin of it.

 

Sending them out to play at ten... Not so big of a deal ImO. But overnight. Never ever right to do when you want sex. Hire a reliable babysitter and don't be such a tight wad with your money.

[MissBee]

I'm not a mom, but my last boyfriend was a dad who had his son from Fri-Sunday and on Tuesday nights. Obviously the weekend was the most convenient time for us to get together but was also when he had his son. Sometimes he would have his mom watch his son for a few hours or sometimes he and his ex would work something out so we could go out, but for a large portion of our relationship I did not sleep over when his child was around. I felt that was the right thing to do.

 

The first time he suggested I sleep over while his son was there, I was a bit uncomfortable and chose to sleep on the couch instead. He however came and got me in the night and we went to the bedroom and he locked the door. Normally I guess his son would wake up in the morning and come into his room, so he locked it and I remember him going down on me in the morning while his son was knocking and he told him he would be out in a few minutes. I felt sooooooooo uncomfortable with it lol!

 

I think that might have been the only time (or at least only a handful of times) that we did anything sexual when his child was in the same house. Other than that, I would sleep over on nights of the week when he didn't have his son and that's when we'd have sex or he'd come by my place after work, we'd have dinner, hang out, or go see a movie and come back to my place and have sex. My current bf is child-free and it's a lot easier for both of us, but were I to date a father again, I would absolutely not feel comfortable with him leaving his 10 yr old overnight alone to sleep with me and I also would not feel comfortable having sex in his house with the child there. I guess I am old-fashioned in that regard, because if I were a single mom, I would feel very uncomfortable with my child's father bringing women over and having sex with my child there....and you don't need to have sex in front of them for them to know what's going on. Likewise, if I were a single mom, unless I am engaged to be married, I really wouldn't want to have some man sleeping in my bed and us having sex while my child is around. All sex would have to be coordinated where my child isn't at all around.

Edited April 14, 2014 by MissBee

[Lyn77]

This can be a tricky situation. I've been a single mother for 2 years now, I have a 12 and 14 year old.

I don't make it a habit to have random sex, however, when I am dating someone I get together with them the nights I do not have my children, or if my children are staying over at a friends house or their grandparents.

 

The men I have dated do not have children, so it was easier.

I have not had sex in my home when my children were there.

I actually do not want my children meeting a man either, unless we are seriously committed to each other.

It can be hard to get your own adult needs fulfilled being a single parent, but that is a sacrifice you make.

Try to maintain balance and you can make it work.