joystickd Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I noticed on a thread that turning down someone because of height, sexual past, etc is a judgment. People like what they like. If they don't like you someone else will. That is not judging. It's just their preference. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
DorkBreakfast Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Sounds reasonable to me. Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I would prefer someone who has a sexual past similar to mine is a preference. I would prefer someone who has a low number of partner because having a lot of partners necessarily means she she had a slutty phase and that means she is irrational, impulsive and has mental/self esteem issues is a judgement. Does that help? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Sounds reasonable to me. It does until you reject a woman because of her sexual past or as the LS women call it slut shaming. Why get mad at a man's preference then say he is shaming the woman? Makes no damn sense. Preferences with them are cool until they get rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 I would prefer someone who has a sexual past similar to mine is a preference. I would prefer someone who has a low number of partner because having a lot of partners necessarily means she she had a slutty phase and that means she is irrational, impulsive and has mental/self esteem issues is a judgement. Does that help? The thing is that is his preference. He has the right to make that choice. Hiding that fact only makes it harder on the women that have had a "slutty phase". Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Its not so clear cut JS. Sometimes its simply preferences and sometimes there is an element of both and sometimes its judgmental (they avoid that type of person because they look down on their nature/character/behavior). With tattoos some people think it looks unattractive or detracts from the person's natural beauty so their preference is 'ink free'. Others will prefer not to have an inked person, but if the right person came along they will overlook it or will be okay with an artistic/special tattoo, but will judge a person with a barbed wire or tribal tatt or a Chinese lettering tatt as trendy wanna be hip conformist and a bit lame in style. Others will see sleeve tattoos or neck tatts or the punk low brow multi tatt look, and look down on the person as trashy and lower intelligence. Its not really a preference - they judge people with them negatively so wont associate with them. I see the same thing when it comes to promiscuity or height or weight or career or socioeconomic status. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Its not so clear cut JS. Sometimes its simply preferences and sometimes there is an element of both and sometimes its judgmental (they avoid that type of person because they look down on their nature/character/behavior). With tattoos some people think it looks unattractive or detracts from the person's natural beauty so their preference is 'ink free'. Others will prefer not to have an inked person, but if the right person came along they will overlook it or will be okay with an artistic/special tattoo, but will judge a person with a barbed wire or tribal tatt or a Chinese lettering tatt as trendy wanna be hip conformist and a bit lame in style. Others will see sleeve tattoos or neck tatts or the punk low brow multi tatt look, and look down on the person as trashy and lower intelligence. Its not really a preference - they judge people with them negatively so wont associate with them. I see the same thing when it comes to promiscuity or height or weight or career or socioeconomic status. But its their choice to reject someone because of what they believe is compatible with them. It's not a judgment. Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 The thing is that is his preference. He has the right to make that choice. Hiding that fact only makes it harder on the women that have had a "slutty phase". I put it as simply as I could. IF you're not getting it - I don't think I can make you understand. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I prefer to date a woman who has confined her sexual relations, as I have, to LTR's or marriage = preference I prefer <same> because I don't like slutty women = judgment. Tone. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 I prefer to date a woman who has confined her sexual relations, as I have, to LTR's or marriage = preference I prefer <same> because I don't like slutty women = judgment. Tone. I agree tone matters but with some of the women of LS the very fact they got turned down because they have a high number of partner/casual sex is an issue no matter how you say it. If it was just tone they would be so willing to act shady and hide that fact Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 I put it as simply as I could. IF you're not getting it - I don't think I can make you understand. I understand but the fact is you just want men to accept anything. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Then, the choice can be to accept their 'judgment' of one's preference for what it is. Or, argue it. There's always a choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Then, the choice can be to accept their 'judgment' of one's preference for what it is. Or, argue it. There's always a choice. That is true. It's crazy as men when we get turned down and fuss about it we get told to suck it up. The moment one of these women on here hear about a woman getting turn down because of age or casual sex/# of partners it's an issue and they are getting judged. I have never seen a post where a man whined about being judged and used that word. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I understand but the fact is you just want men to accept anything. lmao no I really don't. I would never want to be with a man who thinks I'm a slut. Why would I want any of those men to accept me with the highish number of partners? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 If we were watching "Family Feud" and the question came up... "What do people lie about most when it comes to their past?" The number one answer will be their sexual history... Unless someone is given notice under the table about someone who they knew intimately, I dont see how someone could really make a determination..You are almost never going to get the real story...Just like they say about the "Volvo driving soccer mom"... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I would prefer someone who has a sexual past similar to mine is a preference. I would prefer someone who has a low number of partner because having a lot of partners necessarily means she she had a slutty phase and that means she is irrational, impulsive and has mental/self esteem issues is a judgement. Does that help? Same facts, same results. Do the labels/does the tone...really matter? I think I'm just restating/rewording what GoreSP said. But if she meant something else, here is another way to look at it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted April 1, 2014 Author Share Posted April 1, 2014 lmao no I really don't. I would never want to be with a man who thinks I'm a slut. Why would I want any of those men to accept me with the highish number of partners? Everyone forms opinion of someone based on their own set of beliefs. Would you still say it was judging if they rejected you and didn't call you a slut? I'm thinking with you it wouldn't matter whether or not you got called that. You are bothered by the simple fact you got rejected because of your past and therefore either way it's a judgement Link to post Share on other sites
Author joystickd Posted April 1, 2014 Author Share Posted April 1, 2014 Crazy thing is the same people that complain about being judged are doing the same thing they complain about to other people. You get what you give. Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I make assumptions about someones character based on their past. I think that more often than not our prior decisions do define who we are- so for me it is rational to assume this and that about someone based on their history. I don't see it as a judgment, more so realistically influenced ideas. There are, though, some people who are capable of dramatic positive change, and who are even better because of their prior mistakes, but I think that is kind of rare. If you are using logic that is more often than not reliable then I think it is unreasonable for people to be offended at you 'judgments'. Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 Everyone forms opinion of someone based on their own set of beliefs. Would you still say it was judging if they rejected you and didn't call you a slut? I'm thinking with you it wouldn't matter whether or not you got called that. You are bothered by the simple fact you got rejected because of your past and therefore either way it's a judgement I never got rejected because of my sexual past. Actually, the only partner who ever asked how many guys I slept with wassuper insecure. I've posted my opinion on the subject many times already and it didn't change. Link to post Share on other sites
JourneyLady Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 (edited) Let me reword a former posting... It's the difference between I prefer to date a man who has a job and I prefer not to date some low-life lazy ass guy who doesn't work and sits on the couch all day munching chips and watching tv. The former is a preference and all things being equal I "might" go out of that preference if everything else works and there's a good reason he wasn't working and he's likely to find a job again at some point. The latter is a bunch of assumptions I make about the guy based on ONE fact about him. He may be out there looking every day and not sitting on the couch. He may have had a fantastic career for 15 years and is now looking because the industry he was part of has gone downhill. (Like a mine geologist I dated.) Me? This is kind of the way I feel about baldness. I don't generally approach guys who are bald because I'm really into hair... However, if one approached me and seemed into me and everything else was right, I would be willing to go outside that preference and see what's there. It might be that a "life lesson" was in store and I'm about to find out why bald is sexy. You just don't know. If I remain closed off to that life lesson, in the end I might be less of a person. My reasoning is that we are here for exactly that -- life lessons. [i shall qualify this and say that in my age range about half the men are retired and have stopped working - so a job isn't truly a requirement.] I hope that clears it up. A preference is free of emotional attachment and pre-conceptions of other ideas about the person not based on fact. In the "many sexual partners" case, supposing she was married to a guy with a cuckold fetish and he made the relationship based on putting her out there? Or was kidnapped and held as a hostage like those ladies in Chicago, but was forced to put out? Ask yourself what you would consider extenuating circumstances? If there aren't any, and you extrapolate more "facts" from one fact, then that's a judgement. I may have had fewer sexual partners based on having been married three decades. A woman who had been single all that time would not have had that and her "picker" might have led her to pick guys who are pump and dumpers. It could be that she's learned her lesson and is not a party girl. You don't have to consider circumstances, but it's less judgmental if you do. Edited April 1, 2014 by JourneyLady 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 Let me reword a former posting... It's the difference between I prefer to date a man who has a job and I prefer not to date some low-life lazy ass guy who doesn't work and sits on the couch all day munching chips and watching tv.. love love love the comparison. Can't believe I didn't think of it before... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I noticed on a thread that turning down someone because of height, sexual past, etc is a judgment. People like what they like. If they don't like you someone else will. That is not judging. It's just their preference. The real question from my part is: do you really care? I don't. I'm not gonna say to someone I reject "I reject you cause ....", but if he considers me judgmental, it shows me my opinion was good to reject him in the first place cause he is a ****ty person. Either way he'll be rejected, so why care? Link to post Share on other sites
jba10582 Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 If there aren't any, and you extrapolate more "facts" from one fact, then that's a judgement. I guess it's my engr brain that finds this funny, but I read a lot of stuff on here that seems to do some of this. Simple solutions to things are nice when available (not just in the relationship world). I guess also, a lot of the very core level (philosophical) things are not really even agreed upon and extrapolating things to grandiose level doesn't always make sense to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 We all judge, actually dating is judging. We all like what we like and if someone doesn't like us for any reason it is their choice and their loss, same way if we choose not to date someone for any given reason it is our prerogative. I personally do not like to date women who have a high number of partners and that is my choice and if someone doesn't like that is their problem because I won't change my way of choosing my partners because they think I am in the wrong. It all comes to personal choice and there is plenty of people who do not care about numbers so why bother with the ones that do? Just move on and look for someone who is compatible with you. See, that I'm totally fine with. This is a preference. What I don't like is the assumption that some people have that a higher number of partners = coodies. Or mental illness. Or self-esteem issue. etc etc etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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