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Would you date someone a lot more intelligent than you?


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I've read of quite a few women complain of the fact that having a phd makes it more difficult for them to get a date because the men get intimidated. I'm starting to think that this applies to women as well. It's rare that two people of radically different intelligences click but it does happen. I think if a woman met a guy that she clicked with but she knew that he was more intelligent than her, most would not feel uncomfortable. But I will admit that most guys don't like feeling inferior to their spouses. A lot of women state on their OLD profile that they are looking for a guy that is intelligent but what I think they really mean is a guy just as intelligent as they are.

 

So, here is my question: women, if you're looking at a guy's OLD profile are you turned off when it's clear that the guy is way more intelligent than you?

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I'd prefer more intelligent. That way I'm assured I can be as professorial as I want without fear that they're not getting my references and/or I'm intimidating them. My sense of humor can also sometimes rely on a knowledge of information I feel is common sense to know, but you'd be surprised how uncommon common sense is. So it would be nice to make some of those highbrow jokes I sometimes want to make but not sure if I can.

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If he's far smarter than I, I might not stimulate him enough, and he might get bored with me. However, I would take that risk in a heart-beat, because my kids get his genes. :)

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I noticed your reference to PhD's. I care far more about actual intelligence than education. People with big degrees usually have to be quite smart, but the raw material is what I want in either case.

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When a man of interest knows more than me and he is both generous with his knowledge and patient with me I feel safe and cherished. Men that like me tend to get the same charge when I display my intelligence for reasons unknown. I sense they perceive a refreshing depth of character which seems to surprise and delight them. I have never been with a man who didn't get a kick out of my intelligence. Although my choices are limited by my intelligence for sure I wouldn't stifle myself for any man even if I could.

 

Lastly while the ones who have loved me would beg to differ, most of them have had superior holistic intelligence. I know volumes technical information but I often lack common sense and am prone to wearing shirts inside out and even two different shoes. This seems to intensify their affection for me.

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So, here is my question: women, if you're looking at a guy's OLD profile are you turned off when it's clear that the guy is way more intelligent than you?

I would honestly prefer a guy who is a lot more intelligent than I am. Haven't found him yet ;)

Ha, is that a kind of a humblebrag way of saying "Well sure I'd like someone more intelligent, but where would you find one?" ;) (just ribbing you...)

 

Lastly while the ones who have loved me would beg to differ, most of them have had superior holistic intelligence. I know volumes technical information but I often lack common sense and am prone to wearing shirts inside out and even two different shoes. This seems to intensify their affection for me.

Ha ha... I think of myself as pretty capable in a number of spheres, but I have walked out of the house wearing a T-shirt with the pocket back on my shoulder blade. :o

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Having a PHD doesn't necessarily mean a person is more intelligent than you.

 

A girl I know from high school almost has her PHD. We were always around the same when it came to measures of intellect.

 

She simply worked REALLY hard, picked an area of study she was better than average at, and decided to pursue an academic career path.

 

I don't think she is more intelligent than me simply because she has a PHD. I could get one if I wanted to, based on my college entrance scores albeit, I would get in the area of psychology and not in a heavily science based field....

.... I choose not to pursue a path in academia. A regular degree is more my style.

 

I am not sure why a person with a PHD would have a more broad rang of things to talk to you about, either; in fact, some intellectually "brilliant" people have strange personalities and are VERY focused on ONE very narrow area of study.

Not all PHDS, in other words, have a whole lot to talk about besides the one area they do such extensive amounts of study on.

 

It IS commendable to pursue a PHD but it is not by any means an indication that your date is going to be " beneath you" when it comes to topic of discussion and keeping up with one another.

 

I love to pick the brains of PHD and master students and I absolutely love talking in depth about their topics and in turn, they seem to enjoy re hashing their area of passion and even looking at it from a different angle/point of view based on our conversation.

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I was at the zoo one time making facts up about the animals to impress one of my ex's and the woman next to us started to parrot what I was saying to her boyfriend. Then later I heard another person talking about it. I had the whole crowd going and that's the dynamic I like. I don't want to hear them parroting my girlfriend instead.

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A PhD is not necessarily an indicator of intelligence.

 

That being said, I think it works the other way round more often than not - most women do not want to be with men who are much less intelligent than them. It isn't usually the men being intimidated by intelligence, IMO. Some men do get intimidated by financial and career success, but those are again not necessarily directly correlated with IQ.

 

In fact, most people on the lower end of the scale do not usually recognize folks on the higher end, just as how it would be much more difficult for someone without any guitar proficiency to differentiate an amazing guitar player from an average one. Not PC, but true. The Dunning-Kruger effect is also proven to be quite real. So frankly, I would not be worried about 'much less intelligent' men being intimidated by 'much more intelligent' women, because they would not know that she is. They may just be intimidated by other things (the aforementioned financial situation, etc), or put off by things completely unrelated to intelligence.

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I wouldn't be turned off but I'd be worried about how the date would go.

 

My ex was a really intelligent guy he didn't have a PhD but he was just intelligent in the way that if he read anything he would retain that information. It just made it difficult for me to communicate with him, especially when he was around his best friend who happens to be in the field of IT and was also very intelligent. But he did not even have a degree.

 

There are currently two guys that have been interested in me. We haven't met yet but one is very intelligent and has a PhD and have been in various impressive jobs. The other is intelligent in a different way he has travelled a lot and is doing a degree but has won some funding to do so.

 

I don't know for me that's more attractive however I am again a bit worried about how we would communicate as I think it's difficult to try and impress someone when you feel that you are not mentally at their level. I would say my intelligence is of average level.

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Having a PHD doesn't necessarily mean a person is more intelligent than you.

 

Agreed.

 

(10 character minimum)

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My husband is reading this over my shoulder and stated "I am a complex machine and you are a single-celled organism by comparison."

 

Im laughing so hard, i can barely see the keys...

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My husband is reading this over my shoulder and stated "I am a complex machine and you are a single-celled organism by comparison."

 

Im laughing so hard, i can barely see the keys...

 

Hmmm.... Yep, I can picture that now..... :laugh:;)

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I know you can.... Oh God, he can be so funny.....!

I had to edit and spell-check that post, I made so many typos....!

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Intelligence comes in many forms... It's important to find someone whose form of intelligence compliments or supplements yours...

Edited by RedRobin
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Eternal Sunshine
Intelligence comes in many forms... It's important to find someone whose form of intelligence compliments or supplements yours...

 

I prefer street smarts to book smarts. There are many academics for example that I find incredibly boring even though they are probably highly intelligent.

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regine_phalange

Intelligence is not the same in every person. It's hard to tell who is more intelligent from two partners.

 

Some people are logical thinkers.

Some have a language/word intelligence.

Some are people-intelligent and know how to interact with people.

Some are very self aware and know how to handle their emotions, can read other people brilliantly.

Some are able to write music, be creative with musical instruments.

Some can control every muscle of their body, they are body-intelligent.

Some have strong spatial/visual intelligence.

 

All these tendencies make each of us different, with different talents, ways of learning, processing information.

 

I love someone who is intelligent in a different way than I am, has different ways of thinking and processing stimuli, different interests. It's an enriching experience.

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I've read of quite a few women complain of the fact that having a phd makes it more difficult for them to get a date because the men get intimidated. I'm starting to think that this applies to women as well. It's rare that two people of radically different intelligences click but it does happen. I think if a woman met a guy that she clicked with but she knew that he was more intelligent than her, most would not feel uncomfortable. But I will admit that most guys don't like feeling inferior to their spouses. A lot of women state on their OLD profile that they are looking for a guy that is intelligent but what I think they really mean is a guy just as intelligent as they are.

 

So, here is my question: women, if you're looking at a guy's OLD profile are you turned off when it's clear that the guy is way more intelligent than you?

 

 

I think that is more about the guy being concerned that people in his social circle will think less of him, or his accomplishments will be overshadowed, if he is with a woman who has some external certification of her 'intelligence'.

 

 

My ex-H supported me getting a Masters (same as him)... but would not support me getting a PhD... even when I got a full scholarship and stipend. Didn't matter. He didn't like appearing to be the 'inferior' one professionally to his friends and family. Then he cheated on me to make sure everyone (including me) knew he was 'in charge'...

 

 

Of course, it didn't work. What an idiot.

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If an intelligent woman speaks in the forest and nobody is around to hear, is she really intelligent? :confused:

 

I know you can.... Oh God, he can be so funny.....!

I had to edit and spell-check that post, I made so many typos....!

^^ See Red this is what I'm always talking about. What smart women have to do to survive in dating. Major ego management! :p I liked your unedited post better by the way.

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If an intelligent woman speaks in the forest and nobody is around to hear, is she really intelligent? :confused:

 

 

^^ See Red this is what I'm always talking about. What smart women have to do to survive in dating. Major ego management! :p I liked your unedited post better by the way.

 

 

haha... well, I didn't want to start out the day with a debate... but since you insist... I'll repeat it (best as I can remember).

 

 

... I was debating that lots of guys know when a woman is more intelligent than him... when a woman has the uncanny ability to repeat everything a guy says or does, that's when lots of guys decide that dumber women make better partners...

 

 

Those men who are accustomed to bit of subterfuge or are not terribly self-aware will come across this... and their reaction to it (ie taking it as a challenge and opportunity for growth or becoming intimidated) will decide whether the relationship proceeds or flounders.

 

 

In my ex's case.... the look of incredulity on my face when he said "I'm calling the shots from now on" probably was the nail in the coffin. Externally I did my best not to laugh out loud... Inside I was thinking "are ya now"... Silly boy. It's pretty sad in my case. I really loved him... he'd just been drinking a bit too much of that fundamentalist cool-aid living in the South.

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no to a moron who confuses opinion with fact, or somebody who can not keep up with or add to discussion, I had some guy after me because he found me "interesting" he said, he wanted me to be his entertainment, a human good book to pore over, pretty much - nowarrimean, like?

Edited by darkmoon
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So, here is my question: women, if you're looking at a guy's OLD profile are you turned off when it's clear that the guy is way more intelligent than you?

 

Interesting. I've never met a woman that worried if a guy was MORE intelligent, only LESS.

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