Guys what are you relationship milestones generally?

[CherryBlossom200]

Hey everyone,

 

I've recently dated a few oddballs who seemed to zoom into 6th gear pretty much straight away. So I wanted to know from you normal guys what do you see as your relationship milestone (even if you really like the girl!)

 

1) Introduce her to your best mates

2) Take her away for the weekend

3) Meet your parents

4) Push for exclusivity (subjective I know)

5) Ask her to be your girlfriend

6) Tell her you love her (subjective again)

 

I'm just intrigued by your responses

 

Thanks

 

xx

[PegNosePete]

What do you mean by milestones? Events that I would remember the date of, in say 3 months time or more?

 

1) First have sex

 

Err.. yeah. I think guys don't really take as much note of the dates as women do. We're from Mars you know....

 

Or are you more interested in what a "normal" timescale of these events would be (if such a thing as "normal" exists)?

[CherryBlossom200]

Yeah I mean how long do you generally take to do these things? I want to know from a 'normal' emotionally healthy man! I know every situation is different so I get that.

[PegNosePete]

Ahh, OK, here's what I would "normally" expect although of course it very much depends on the circumstances

 

1) Introduce her to your best mates: 1 month

2) Take her away for the weekend: whole weekends away depend on schedules, and I generally have quite busy weekends. Could be anything from 2 weeks to 3 months

3) Meet your parents: 3 months

4) Push for exclusivity: 2 weeks

5) Ask her to be your girlfriend: not a fan of this mechanic, I wouldn't

6) Tell her you love her: very much depends on too many factors... certainly not before 3 months

[CherryBlossom200]

Pegnose that's really interesting thanks!

 

Some of the milestones are much shorter then I would have thought - especially the exclusivity one. Would you generally ask her to be exclusive to you or just kind of expect it? Also why wouldn't you ask her to be your girlfriend? This one is always an interesting discussion point for us girls! From our experience, guys just prefer to assume it which in our 'venus' world always confuses us But still thanks for your answers, very insightful!

[PegNosePete]

Well that is a whole new thread I think, but to summarize my own opinions...

 

I don't do the whole multi-dating thing that seems to have come form across the pond, and I am looking for someone who feels the same. I don't have to ask for exclusivity or the whole GF/BF thing because if she's still seeing other guys after 3 or 4 dates with me, then I'm not really interested in seeing her again anyway.

[Els]

I think the only milestones I have are:

 

1) 'Official' status, you both acknowledge each other as bf/gf and start introducing to friends and family

2) The first time you have sex

3) Moving in together

4) Marriage

[Mascara]

Well that is a whole new thread I think, but to summarize my own opinions...

 

I don't do the whole multi-dating thing that seems to have come form across the pond, and I am looking for someone who feels the same. I don't have to ask for exclusivity or the whole GF/BF thing because if she's still seeing other guys after 3 or 4 dates with me, then I'm not really interested in seeing her again anyway.

 

I agree with this, we have less formality here in the UK with this stuff.... you're pretty much exclusive once you've decided you like a person enough to have 3 or 4 dates. And we don't tend to have the "bf/gf" talk, you just sort of are.

 

The idea that you could be seeing someone for 2 months and say that it's ok to date others because you "haven't had the exclusive talk" is alien to us, or at least to anyone over 30. Only people who know how things are done in the States seem to think that's necessary.... I remember as a kid, the phrase "going steady" was odd to us, we'd hear it on American shows. "Exclusive" seems to be the same thing.

[Aquanut]

Milestones in general but not particular order. Some are optional. There is no timetable since every relationship is different.

 

First meeting

First date

First kiss

First time staying over (sex)

Sharing wi-fi passwords

First time you let her drive your car

First time you let her use the remote for the tele ;-)

First out of town trip together

Meeting the friends

Meeting the family

Facebook official, optional but important to some ;-)

Exchanging keys to each others homes

Moving in together

Getting a pet together

Going to the doctor together

Getting engaged

Getting married

Having kids

Getting divorced

 

The exclusivity talk and define the relationship talk are completely optional. I've never asked anyone to be my girlfriend- ever. I did ask someone - after the fact- if it was ok that I introduced her as my girlfriend - we were in the early stages at the time. To me bf/gf just means you are holding yourself out to friends and family as a couple. You sometimes need a label when making introductions. Boyfriend/girlfriend seems reasonable.

 

Views on multi-dating are discussed very early- first few dates. I don't multi date once the relationship starts becoming physical - anything beyond a simple kiss. The women I have dated have all had similar views. Because of this no formal exclusivity talk has been needed. We are exclusive from the beginning even if there is no commitment to remain so.

[Andy_K]

Milestones I note when dating:

 

1) Sex (1-3 dates normally. Sometimes 4)

2) Meeting friends (any time after sex)

3) 'Relationship' status (Anything from a few weeks to a couple months. generally whenever her insecurities pipe up enough for her to raise the subject. Sometimes I might bring it up first if I think it's on her mind)

4) Saying the L word (normally 3-6 months)

5) Going on holiday together (same as above)

 

After that I'd pretty much consider it a serious long term relationship.

Edited January 23, 2014 by Andy_K