Why Pretty Girls Date Average Looking Guys or Ugly Guys

[kmarks]

I notice this just about every day. Every time I go to a grocery store, a cafe, anywhere really, anytime I see a pretty girl, 9 times out of 10, the guy she is with is either average looking, or below average looking. He may be noticeably short, or noticeably fat, or both short and fat. Greasy hair, poor or nonexistent fashion sense, or just flat out looks like a bum.

 

Anyway, while it is frustrating to see beautiful girls choosing ugly guys, broke guys and abusive guys as boyfriends, at least I have a better sense of why.

[emva07]

what is your sense of why?

[Balzac]

You're funny. Many urban dwellers never set foot in a grocery store. Most upscale restaurants, ticketed arts venues, sporting events and such are full of beautiful women - on the arms of avg looking successful men. It's all about the dynamics of opportunity.

 

Grocery stores deliver. Maybe you're very young? Live in the burbs in a flyover zone? Probably different there.

[nescafe1982]

I don't know that I agree this is an actual trend (I've seen so-so gals with hottie guys, and average couples together too), maybe this is confirmation bias.

 

BUT if there is a trend, maybe it can be explained by market philosophy and, well, gender stereotyping. Isn't that what folks on these boards do so frequently after all?

 

In a dating market where a woman's hotness is a valued commodity, she will have more "purchasing power" than her more homely sisters. Now, if she's looking to pair with the hottest men out there, it would follow that she is more likely to get them, right? But what if she (or women for that matter) were not gauging potential mates on their hotness? What if she looking for a funny guy, with a good personality, who will adore her absolutely? If these are her sought-after traits, then she may end up with a man who is anywhere from Johnny Depp to Awww Geez on the hotness scale.

 

But that answer depends on the assumptions that 1) there is a trend to begin with; 2) dating is a free market; 3) hotter women perform better in that market; and 4) all women are looking for assets other than looks.

 

In other words, it's a crappy answer... for a misguided question. So YMMV.

[charlietheginger]

Usually the hot guys don't want to be tied down

[StanMusial]

Girls are pretty and guys are ugly.

 

Why do you think women are called "the fairer sex"? Sure as hell not due to their having a greater sense of equity or justice in life.

[Phantom888]

My GF showed me pictures of people she dated before, and I was pretty shocked. Most of those guys were bald, overweight, short and really physically unattractive by modern standards. My GF is really attractive blonde bombshell, so I never really understood why she would look past those physical first impressions. She did tell me in the beginning that she thought I wouldn't be interested in her because I was too "hot", and hot guys have inflated egos. But the thing was that I never perceived myself as being super good-looking. I'm a cute Asian dude, not some GQ model. I think in the end she just thought the super attractive guys didn't have the personality that she seeks. I mean, Kevin James can get a hottie any time. Go figure.

[123321]

The way men see and evaluate women is not the same way women see and evaluate men.

[1987_chris]

Its more annoying how they date guys who are *******s

[abby2]

Because good looking guys are more likely to cheat so it would make girls feel insecure. And since they have the good looking features they can be players. Also most of them don't like to be committed in a relationship. I understand why pretty girls choose average looking guys.

[BlametheIrish]

I go for men from all walks of life and appreciate men with many different looks to them. I tend to dare men who arent always conventionally attractive because petsonality trumps,looks any day of the week. I still only date men I find attractive on the inside and out , but Id rather date a man who was kindhearted, funny, intelligent and okay in the looks dept. Vs. a really hot guy who was a total ditz or had zero sense of humor. And in my experience really hot men tend to think they're gods gift to women and should be treated as such. I pefer equality in relationships and men who dont think looks is the most important asset.a person can have.

[PJKino]

I dont see it much at all most couple are pretty evenly matched in looks

[CrystalCastles]

Maybe because those guys are fun to be around? Maybe they make the girl laugh, they make her feel special, and the guy and girl have something to talk about?

 

I've liked average or below-average guys before. We started off as friends and became something more. I went for those guys because of the reasons I listed: they were intelligent, funny, caring, attentive, and we had good chemistry. It was easy to look beyond their looks. But maybe that's just me. Many guys have called me "attractive" before, but really I'm quite awkward and I prefer to get to know someone first before I'm willing to take it to the next level.

[FitChick]

Maybe those women have male friends who wish/pretend they were the boyfriend. They know they don't have a shot so become perfect gentlemen and the women don't feel defensive around them. If they are not physically affectionate, that is usually the case.

[Babolat]

OK, I will be the one to say it, because these average guys have big penis's, which is what all woman want, right?

 

I never gave this much thought until post divorce. New friends, and old, starting telling me my ex wife and I did not "match" in looks. When I asked what they meant, they said "you are a very good looking man, and though she is attractive, she was not your attraction match". So, I as an above average looking man, married, well, what I now know to be an average looking woman.

 

She never looked average to me though (until near the end that was) when dating and first married. I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

 

And, now that I have been single for 3 years, and have dated a bit, most of the woman were/are hotties, like 8 - 10s. And, guess what, I am still single....

 

Looks are very important to me, yes, but it does not matter to me what you think she looks like, it matters to me what I think she looks like. And, I know I have a catch if she becomes more and more attractive to me the more I am with her.

 

My ex gf. bombshell, amazing natural beauty. And she became more beautiful as we dated, but, her lifestyle started causing her to look unattractive to me.

 

My female best friend is very attractive. The more time I have spend with her the more beauty I see in her though.

[maysj18]

My boyfriend is the funniest, sexiest man I know; however, if I hadn't gotten to know him as a friend before we began dating, I probably wouldn't have given him a second look. He is very average but has tons of things going for him that some of the super hotties I've dated didn't, and obviously those things are far more important to me then him being a 10 on my hotness scale.

[Phoe]

I'm decent looking, but all my exes were unattractive to the point that people actually commented. Wondering how they got me. Wanna know how they got me? They asked me out.

 

I've never been asked out by an attractive guy. If I just waited around for a cute guy to ask me out and tossed aside the guys I dated simply because of their looks, I'd be a dateless virgin right now.

 

 

The "ugly" guys asked me out, so I went out with them. The good looking guys did not ask me out, so I did not go out with them.

 

 

Simple.

[Elliotte]

As a contrast, I would be curious to know if any women have dated men who were objectively much more attractive than them, and how that made the women feel?

 

In my experience I would guess there's a double standard at work. Men who land a much prettier woman tend to be applauded more than woman who land a much more attractive man. Not that this is the main cause, but certainly it seems much less of a social norm for an "below average" woman to land a really attractive guy.

[melell]

It is interesting, because personally I like guys that like me, regardless of how they look, just as Phoe said. I am not one to go after someone that isn't interested...

 

Most of the guys that make it known that they like me average looking really nice guys, or good looking 'charmers'.

 

How that plays out depends on what I am looking for- and physical appearance isn't a deal breaker for me at all.

 

As a girl, if someone is really nice, and nice to me, that is enough for me to at least entertain the idea. I would take someone way below average in looks, but above average smarts, over someone who was really good looking but not at all smart.

 

I had this same thing in the last two years of high school. Turned down the really 'desirable' guy for the quietest, strangest guy. It was social suicide, I did it anyway. That mentality for me has gotten stronger in the 8 years since.

[PJKino]

I'm decent looking, but all my exes were unattractive to the point that people actually commented. Wondering how they got me. Wanna know how they got me? They asked me out.

 

I've never been asked out by an attractive guy. If I just waited around for a cute guy to ask me out and tossed aside the guys I dated simply because of their looks, I'd be a dateless virgin right now.

 

 

The "ugly" guys asked me out, so I went out with them. The good looking guys did not ask me out, so I did not go out with them.

 

 

Simple.

 

Yeah people are as shallow as their options most people who claim theyre moral bastions thats why they dont care about looks the truth is they just cant afford to be that picky about looks

[Phoe]

Yeah people are as shallow as their options most people who claim theyre moral bastions thats why they dont care about looks the truth is they just cant afford to be that picky about looks

 

Are you calling me shallow? Lol

[melell]

Yeah people are as shallow as their options most people who claim theyre moral bastions thats why they dont care about looks the truth is they just cant afford to be that picky about looks

 

 

I would tend to agree with this (not at all that Phoe is shallow), people a lot of the time seem evenly matched to me. You don't often see relationships last when one person has better options than the one they are with.. pretty sad really.

 

I do care about looks, but care about smarts much more. I will think that I am doing really well for myself if the person I am with is exceptionally intelligent haha. I think that we are most of the time crazy shallow at the core of it. The things we have we see as a reflection of ourselves, and we want to look good in one way or another.

[MissBee]

I notice this just about every day. Every time I go to a grocery store, a cafe, anywhere really, anytime I see a pretty girl, 9 times out of 10, the guy she is with is either average looking, or below average looking. He may be noticeably short, or noticeably fat, or both short and fat. Greasy hair, poor or nonexistent fashion sense, or just flat out looks like a bum.

 

Anyway, while it is frustrating to see beautiful girls choosing ugly guys, broke guys and abusive guys as boyfriends, at least I have a better sense of why.

 

And why is that?

 

In any case, looks are in the eyes of the beholder. There is absolutely no objective way for us to determine who should be with who based on looks. Even these pretty girls, perhaps if you pointed them out to me I wouldn't think they're that pretty. It's all subjective and because of that these pretty girls with men who are average may very well be attracted to them and based on their own taste like that kind of guy...as well as relationships and who you fall for encompasses A LOT more than looks. It's not as simple as you simply liking someone who looks good or "as good as you", whatever that means.

[carhill]

While beauty certainly is in the eye of the beholder, when this subject comes up, I recall the marriage of a certain pretty woman to a relatively nondescript country boy as an example, perhaps an extreme one, of what the OP is addressing.

 

In my demographic, I rarely see such apparent 'mismatches', possibly because the pretty women, and even average women, here have a substantial pool of men to choose from, so they make the best of that. I have more mismatches of universally good-looking (head turners) men with average women than the reverse. This used to puzzle me but once I learned more about demographics it made sense. Supply and demand, combined with men being the pursuers. It all works out.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I notice this just about every day. Every time I go to a grocery store, a cafe, anywhere really, anytime I see a pretty girl, 9 times out of 10, the guy she is with is either average looking, or below average looking. He may be noticeably short, or noticeably fat, or both short and fat. Greasy hair, poor or nonexistent fashion sense, or just flat out looks like a bum.

 

Anyway, while it is frustrating to see beautiful girls choosing ugly guys, broke guys and abusive guys as boyfriends, at least I have a better sense of why.

 

 

Most of this has nothing to do with pretty girls at all.

 

It centers instead on your complete inability to pick-out attractive men from the female standpoint. Most of the phenomenon that's left, beyond that, is a function of your own insecurity.