Why do men play mind games??

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I know women play mind games too, but this thread is only about men (especially ex boyfriend's) and their mind games. :-)

 

Men, feel free to explain furthermore and women, share your stories!

 

I read this article and this is why they said men play mind games. What do you think? Is it true?

 

1. They feel emotionally insecure

 

Some men play games with women because they are emotionally insecure. He is not sure about how he really feels and hence feels that it is better that he plays games rather than expose his emotional insecurity to the woman he is with.

 

2. They are not ready to show their vulnerable side yet

 

When a guy is not sure where his relationship is heading and is confused about revealing his real self he begins to play games with the woman he is with. He wants to see how well she actually understands him and once he is sure of the way she will react will he be able to reveal his vulnerable side and stop the games.

 

3. They try to build intrigue

 

By playing mind games men also try to build intrigue. In the same way that women use the hard to get strategy, men use the game ploy. By confusing the woman they get her thinking about them to a point she where gets desperate to unravel him.

 

4. This helps in building interest

 

Mind games also makes a man interesting. A lot of women don't take interest in men who they can understand easily. A man who plays mind games with her begins to appear more intelligent than the others and thus holds her interest longer.

 

5. They just like to tease their woman

 

A lot of men play games with women because they just like to tease the woman they are with. They will blow hot and cold and totally confuse a woman about how they feel about her.

 

6. They want to project a macho impression

 

A lot of men want to project a macho alpha male impression. They do so by playing games with women. The more mind games they play, the more the women seem to want him. When a man is completely upfront with a woman she sometimes tends to get turned off. But an alpha male never gets turned down and by playing these mind games holds his woman's interest.

 

7. He just wants to see how far he can take these games

 

Some men play mind games just for the fun of it. They like to see the woman's reaction and see how far they can get away with by playing these games. These men generally are quite childish and do it all for a laugh.

[2fargone]

As a man, I feel offended by the generalization.

 

 

Having said that, I don't play mind games. I'm either not sure about what you want from me, so perhaps avoiding. Or I clearly see a potential for you and me and then I'm very open, but also very direct.

 

 

I guess I would need examples of these 'mind games', because I don't get the slightest idea. Furthermore, I don't like labels....

[elbe]

I think this reads way too far into a man's actions. Indecision is different than deceit. If a man is "playing games" he is probably not very interested in you and expects that you can read between the lines.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

As a man, I feel offended by the generalization.

 

 

Having said that, I don't play mind games. I'm either not sure about what you want from me, so perhaps avoiding. Or I clearly see a potential for you and me and then I'm very open, but also very direct.

 

 

I guess I would need examples of these 'mind games', because I don't get the slightest idea. Furthermore, I don't like labels....

 

I'm not trying to offend anybody. And I didn't mean to put a label on men, I'm just talking about the men that DO play mind games. So forgive me, didn't think I would need a disclaimer.

 

My ex for example who just told me he isn't in love with me:

 

1. I tell him I'm going out to lunch with a guy friend (he asked what I was doing) and he said "Oh I bet he wants to f&*^ you and I said "wow you must really not be in love with me if you can say that" and he says, "yes I can"

 

2. He just comes into my room (when my door is shut) and just stares at me and tries to make conversation but never has anything to say.

 

3. Always wants me to come out and be with him

 

4. Cuddles me. Kisses me. Etc.

 

5. Emails me at work for my opinion on things for his house

 

6. He asks about my guy friend and I said I known him for years and I know his brother, so he mumbles "oh great, I just got good news"

 

7. He gets jealous

 

8. Tells me I look gorgeous

 

9. Hugs me...tightly and long.

 

The list can go on. A man breaks up with you, but gives you mixed signals. He says he isn't in love with you and then he says he is. What's with the mind games?

[fluffyfluff]

Why?

 

Because it makes them feel powerful and in control.

 

I would not recommend this type of man。

[mtnbiker3000]

Women are just as capable, if not more, of deceit, manipulation and control (ie., 'games')!

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Women are just as capable, if not more, of deceit, manipulation and control (ie., 'games')!

 

Did you not read the very first sentence? haha guess not.

 

But yes, I am fully aware of it. And to be honest, it's usually to get the guys attention and to see how far he would go for us...

[mtnbiker3000]

Did you not read the very first sentence? haha guess not.

 

But yes, I am fully aware of it. And to be honest, it's usually to get the guys attention and to see how far he would go for us...

 

You are trying to make generalizations to gain understanding about your RS and BU. You are going in the wrong direction...

[reddragon588]

You are generalizing all men based on your ex.

 

If you want a more accurate generalization of men, men do not play mind games. We say what we mean, we base our actions on what we mean, and we don't have hidden meaning behind what we say.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

You are generalizing all men based on your ex.

 

If you want a more accurate generalization of men, men do not play mind games. We say what we mean, we base our actions on what we mean, and we don't have hidden meaning behind what we say.

 

OF course I'm trying to understand my ex. That's why I came here to see if you men would understand it. I'm just heartbroken </3 I just wanted clarity and I guess I can't find it.

 

If you say what you mean, and your action are true, then how can someone say something and do another?

[regine_phalange]

Because they think it makes them interesting. Yawn.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I'm sorry guys. I just am generally confused and with my ex's actions I feel like he is too. Because this whole week he has been acting like we are together again and nothing happened. I was just trying to understand my situation better, that's all.

[reddragon588]

If you say what you mean, and your action are true, then how can someone say something and do another?

 

Because they're lying.

[mtnbiker3000]

I'm sorry guys. I just am generally confused and with my ex's actions I feel like he is too. Because this whole week he has been acting like we are together again and nothing happened. I was just trying to understand my situation better, that's all.

 

You seem to be relatively new here based on your join date. Just stick around a bit and all will be revealed

[2fargone]

A man breaks up with you, but gives you mixed signals. He says he isn't in love with you and then he says he is. What's with the mind games?

 

 

You're still hanging on to a man that you are broken up with. How should that make the man feel ?

 

 

When people are broken up with eachother, a large part of the trust that should have been there is gone. There is a resistance against opening up to the other person.

 

 

You can call that playing mind games. I see your responses to him as manipulative.

I'll be specific: "wow you must really not be in love with me if you can say that" is what you say when you want to hear the opposite.

 

 

So who is playing the games here ?

[Woggle]

Because for the most part it gets them the results they want.

[jba10582]

I love this question..and really don't have any idea how to answer it and win (or lose) in any situation. game playing as in what ?...as in drifting emotions in time versus some nonsense belief system (BS) or something else?... this is great.... and is great to read the gender of people's opinions on who plays more games, or even who allows themselves to be in these games more?

[happydate]

I know women play mind games too, but this thread is only about men (especially ex boyfriend's) and their mind games. :-)

 

Men, feel free to explain furthermore and women, share your stories!

 

I read this article and this is why they said men play mind games. What do you think? Is it true?

 

1. They feel emotionally insecure

 

Some men play games with women because they are emotionally insecure. He is not sure about how he really feels and hence feels that it is better that he plays games rather than expose his emotional insecurity to the woman he is with.

 

2. They are not ready to show their vulnerable side yet

 

When a guy is not sure where his relationship is heading and is confused about revealing his real self he begins to play games with the woman he is with. He wants to see how well she actually understands him and once he is sure of the way she will react will he be able to reveal his vulnerable side and stop the games.

 

3. They try to build intrigue

 

By playing mind games men also try to build intrigue. In the same way that women use the hard to get strategy, men use the game ploy. By confusing the woman they get her thinking about them to a point she where gets desperate to unravel him.

 

4. This helps in building interest

 

Mind games also makes a man interesting. A lot of women don't take interest in men who they can understand easily. A man who plays mind games with her begins to appear more intelligent than the others and thus holds her interest longer.

 

5. They just like to tease their woman

 

A lot of men play games with women because they just like to tease the woman they are with. They will blow hot and cold and totally confuse a woman about how they feel about her.

 

6. They want to project a macho impression

 

A lot of men want to project a macho alpha male impression. They do so by playing games with women. The more mind games they play, the more the women seem to want him. When a man is completely upfront with a woman she sometimes tends to get turned off. But an alpha male never gets turned down and by playing these mind games holds his woman's interest.

 

7. He just wants to see how far he can take these games

 

Some men play mind games just for the fun of it. They like to see the woman's reaction and see how far they can get away with by playing these games. These men generally are quite childish and do it all for a laugh.

 

Because like attracts like. An insecure man attracts an insecure woman because that's where they are at emotionally speaking. They use control, manipulation in a form of games to cover their insecurities.

 

A secure woman as well as the secure man don't play games. They express authentically, so much so that they are extremely repulsive towards insecure men and women that both run away from them.

Sometimes what we are afraid of is expressing the truth and being authentic. That requires some balls to stick to your views and opinions without falling into depression, anxiety and worries!!

 

A true Alpha male doesn't play any games, because he will always be authentic. He will say -- why am I wasting my energy on games when I can concentrate all my energy in finding my life partner or follow my dreams. They usually have a focus mission, which is why they seemed to be aloof genuinely. Not this N.C crap that insecure males play or blow hot and cold. When a confident male has a focused mission, his life all of a sudden gets interesting to a potential woman. She then wants to know all about him or perhaps share a part of her with him to pursue his goal or maybe she has similar goals and both of them pursue together!

 

But if you look closely between a secure male with a focused mission and an insecure male with no mission or vision at all, an insecure male has to duplicate the objectivity of this secure male by being aloof, independent, exciting and thrilling like a roller coaster but all without any mission. So unlike the real secure male, an insecure male has to keep playing and inventing new illusions. You can't keep playing games forever to keep a healthy relationship going, because it is based on an illusion. Whereas a secure male with a focused mission will keep moving along authentically because he has a goal to reach and another goal to contemplate. It's dynamic and exciting and is authentic because it is real. This is then not a game, but his authentic game and the woman who wants to be with him will enjoy him for being who he really is.

 

It's funny that many men these days are afraid to be who they really are. Children have dreams, but they can not yet realize them. When these children grew up into adults, they have the same dreams but they have the ability to realize them. Most of the time, these men are so insecure and afraid to follow their dreams. No dreams and desires = no focus and no feeling of security because they had not done something they felt accomplished. This is the same with insecure women.

Edited December 2, 2013 by happydate

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

1. I tell him I'm going out to lunch with a guy friend (he asked what I was doing) and he said "Oh I bet he wants to f&*^ you"

 

 

Hoooooooooooooooooooooow is there any "mind game" in this???

 

 

It is completely the obvious truth... otherwise the guy friend (provided he isn't family, neighbor, or coworker, etc.) wouldn't have had interest in going to lunch with you.

[Treasa]

I'm not trying to offend anybody. And I didn't mean to put a label on men, I'm just talking about the men that DO play mind games. So forgive me, didn't think I would need a disclaimer.

 

My ex for example who just told me he isn't in love with me:

 

1. I tell him I'm going out to lunch with a guy friend (he asked what I was doing) and he said "Oh I bet he wants to f&*^ you and I said "wow you must really not be in love with me if you can say that" and he says, "yes I can"

 

2. He just comes into my room (when my door is shut) and just stares at me and tries to make conversation but never has anything to say.

 

3. Always wants me to come out and be with him

 

4. Cuddles me. Kisses me. Etc.

 

5. Emails me at work for my opinion on things for his house

 

6. He asks about my guy friend and I said I known him for years and I know his brother, so he mumbles "oh great, I just got good news"

 

7. He gets jealous

 

8. Tells me I look gorgeous

 

9. Hugs me...tightly and long.

 

The list can go on. A man breaks up with you, but gives you mixed signals. He says he isn't in love with you and then he says he is. What's with the mind games?

 

I read the post where he broke up with you. Your ex comes around and is attracted when you show him you don't need him, and when you show you don't really care at all. You suddenly become interesting again, because he doesn't know if he still has a hold on you.

 

If he makes a comment about how your friend probably wants to **** you, just shrug and say, "Yeah, most likely," and then leave.

 

The less of a hold he feels on you, the harder he's going to try with you. You're finally being a challenge again, which you haven't been in a while. As soon as you start to go to him, he pulls away again.

 

Just stop interacting with him altogether. He's not good for you, and you aren't happy.

[crederer]

I've never been anything but completely honest in a relationship. Not going to lie though, some women thought that was me playing games cause they weren't use to such honesty. Seriously.....

[salparadise]

A man breaks up with you, but gives you mixed signals. He says he isn't in love with you and then he says he is. What's with the mind games?

 

I'm just heartbroken </3 I just wanted clarity and I guess I can't find it.

 

If you say what you mean, and your action are true, then how can someone say something and do another?

 

I just am generally confused and with my ex's actions I feel like he is too. Because this whole week he has been acting like we are together again and nothing happened. I was just trying to understand my situation better, that's all.

 

You haven't given us much to go on as far as his true motivation is concerned. What did he say was the reason he broke up with you?

 

What seems apparent is that he wants you to want him, and remain attached. He enjoys being pursued for the validation and ego gratification in a narcissistic sort of way. He is probably insecure in some aspect of himself. A mature, emotionally healthy man would either reciprocate, or let you go if he wasn't interested. Playing with your emotions this way tells me that he's needy on the one hand and emotionally stunted or unavailable on the other. My guess is that even if he came back and you were in a relationship the push-pull dynamic would continue.

 

What reason did he give you?

[kellkell]

Because they can.

 

Because they are childish and insecure and normally pretty selfish.

 

Someone who plays games is disregarding the others feelings completely..

[Imported]

Why do men play mind games??

 

 

I'm just trying to get the high score OP, don't be hating!

[mikecr50]

Everybody plays games! It's finding out what the game is and why. Amazing anyone has a relationship anymore. Sometimes it's a defense mechanism, sometimes they're just mean users. I thought I was dealing with a defense mechanism- ouch did that burn.