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Are you a Jealous type?


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It's so strange to me but ever since i started to date my husband i just fell so much for him that i always had this sense of trust, i just felt that i didn't want the headaches of wether he was going to cheat or not, i felt life was more simple and if he ever did then it would be his loss and not mine and i have always had that mentality, and that i just know what i have and feel confident i guess.

When it comes to my husband though, oh boy!, he is extremely jealous lol i was standing with my husband one time and his friend was on the other side of me and my husband just grabbed me by my sides closer to him and far away from his friend, yup he is definitely the jealous type. I just wish my husband wasn't so jealous, i respect him so much but sometimes it gets ridiculous :rolleyes:

 

Jealousy is a huge issue in most relationships, do you find yourself to be a jealous type, if so how come, what about your significant other?

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Nikki Sahagin

Yes, very much so.

I am very territorial/possessive of what I feel is 'mine'.

I do my best to hide it. Whether I hide it as well as I think is another matter. I NEVER admit to my jealousy though :p

 

All my boyfriends have also been the jealous type. Like attracts like? They didn't tend to hide it. Perhaps they felt they could be more honestly about there jealousy?

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Never.

 

If I'm dating a girl, I trust her.

 

If other guys stare at her or hit on her, I actually laugh.

 

Because, at the end of the day...she's choosing to be with me.

 

I guess I feel that jealousy is insecurity.

 

Then again, I always get dumped.

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It's so strange to me but ever since i started to date my husband i just fell so much for him that i always had this sense of trust, i just felt that i didn't want the headaches of wether he was going to cheat or not, i felt life was more simple and if he ever did then it would be his loss and not mine and i have always had that mentality, and that i just know what i have and feel confident i guess.

When it comes to my husband though, oh boy!, he is extremely jealous lol i was standing with my husband one time and his friend was on the other side of me and my husband just grabbed me by my sides closer to him and far away from his friend, yup he is definitely the jealous type. I just wish my husband wasn't so jealous, i respect him so much but sometimes it gets ridiculous :rolleyes:

 

Jealousy is a huge issue in most relationships, do you find yourself to be a jealous type, if so how come, what about your significant other?

 

No.

 

I'm not naturally jealous. I realize when I am jealous in relationships it is usually because this person is doing something to make me feel insecure and the relationship is somehow not stable, hence my jealousy.

 

But when I am secure, know they are committed, we have good communication etc I'm not jealous. I've dated one person who was jealous and he was also the one person I was jealous with, but the whole thing was unstable hence both of our jealous behaviors.

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Nikki Sahagin
Never.

 

If I'm dating a girl, I trust her.

 

If other guys stare at her or hit on her, I actually laugh.

 

Because, at the end of the day...she's choosing to be with me.

 

I guess I feel that jealousy is insecurity.

 

Then again, I always get dumped.

 

Jealousy is insecurity really, for sure.

But I think it is a very natural, instinctive behaviour in humans and animals so I basically accepted mine long ago. I see it as my inner toddler/pet cat...like, 'what? You got a new cat/I have a new sibling. How DARE you!'

 

Also, when non-destructive, it can add spice!

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Yes, very much so.

I am very territorial/possessive of what I feel is 'mine'.

I do my best to hide it. Whether I hide it as well as I think is another matter. I NEVER admit to my jealousy though :p

 

All my boyfriends have also been the jealous type. Like attracts like? They didn't tend to hide it. Perhaps they felt they could be more honestly about there jealousy?

 

my husband is very territorial for sure thats the word i would definitely choose, haha i swear if he were a dog he would pee on my leg to mark his territory:laugh::lmao: sometimes is too much.

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Jealousy is insecurity really, for sure.

But I think it is a very natural, instinctive behaviour in humans and animals so I basically accepted mine long ago. I see it as my inner toddler/pet cat...like, 'what? You got a new cat/I have a new sibling. How DARE you!'

 

Also, when non-destructive, it can add spice!

 

Spice fading (and my ex assuming that it's just supposed to be there, that it should never fade and that you don't have to maintain or add to it) is why I got dumped lol.

 

Maybe I just need to learn to be more insecure >.>

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BlessYourCottonSocks

I am jealous. Only because I know some woman can't count. I trust my boyfriend, but not other woman. They don't give a toot if the man is single or not. Ultimately, it depends on my boyfriends actions. But I do get jealous if I hear he is going out to the bar or something like that. Just because I wonder if he finds other woman more attracted than me. But that's my own insecurity issues I have to deal with.

 

A little jealousy is healthy. I think it's cute when my boyfriend gets jealous, but I just show him extra love so he feels more secure, as he would too.

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I am jealous. Only because I know some woman can't count. I trust my boyfriend, but not other woman. They don't give a toot if the man is single or not. Ultimately, it depends on my boyfriends actions. But I do get jealous if I hear he is going out to the bar or something like that. Just because I wonder if he finds other woman more attracted than me. But that's my own insecurity issues I have to deal with.

 

A little jealousy is healthy. I think it's cute when my boyfriend gets jealous, but I just show him extra love so he feels more secure, as he would too.

 

So true! Women can be very malicious, even if the man is married they still go at it like bait, don't know why they really don't respect the ring on their finger! A few of my husband's female coworkers have been so friendly in front of me yet he puts them in their place which i love :p i just don't get it they don't even wait for their wife to not be around they act so desperate in front of him while am there and he jut grabs me closer and kisses me ;)

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Huh. I wonder this about myself. I wouldn't say I'm jealous in the sense that I restrict my husband's (or, in the past, any other partner's) movements, or feel the need to constantly check up on him. He has lots of female friends, and for the most part, I've always been cool with them, and the ones I wasn't cool with was for a very specific reason. :) He has boys' nights out, and I'm fine with it. I don't feel the need to haunt his Facebook or track his car movements or implant a chip under his skin.

 

That said, though, I definitely do have insecurity left over from a previous partner's cheating, and that can be difficult to manage when I get triggered. My husband isn't particularly sensitive to this, having never been through it himself, which can be frustrating because - while I understand that it's my issue - his understanding would go a long way to helping me through it when it happens. I suspect this is a common problem.

 

Anyway, I don't know if that all adds up to "jealous type" or what.

Edited by serial muse
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I don't know how jealous I am relative to other people, but it can be a very destructive emotion and when I feel it I'll try to sort it out without involving other people too much. I've found with experience that expressing jealousy doesn't tend to work out too well. I think a lot of that is related to people feeling ashamed of their own jealous feelings and therefore "punishing" other people for their expressions of jealousy - while sometimes, perhaps, deliberately invoking jealousy with game playing. It's therefore one of the most difficult emotions to discuss unless you're discussing it with somebody who acknowledges that they too can have those feelings and isn't therefore going to judge you harshly for it.

 

I can recall being concerned about a boyfriend's developing friendship with a female colleague - and noticing marked differences in his behaviour towards me when she was around. I tried to discuss it with him, and the result of that was that he then slept with her and blamed it on me for being too insecure - accusing me of trying to stop them from being friends (which I hadn't done) and so on. I really felt like it was just one ****ed up manipulation on his part. I handled it badly, but I think sometimes when people put you in situations like that you have to forgive yourself for not reacting as well as, with hindsight, you might have wanted. He was somebody who claimed to never feel jealousy, but I saw signs of it here and there - and I think his own jealous tendencies/denial of them contribute to his bad behaviour.

 

Unless somebody is jealous to a scary degree (trying to isolate you from other important people in your life, wanting to know your every move etc) then I think it's a fairly normal emotion - and I would be understanding of it in a partner. I'd rather that a) they had some capacity for jealousy and that b) they owned it. After past experience, I'm a tad mistrustful of people who claim to be completely free of jealousy. I think that would be a very rare state of affairs in a human being, and I'd be concerned that maybe it was more likely that they were refusing to acknowledge their own more negative emotions. Reaction formation can far more unhealthy and destructive than a bit of normal, human jealousy.

Edited by Taramere
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No I'm not. I don't really care if my bf flirts with other girls. Personally I like doing the same and expect my bf to know better than throw jealous tantrum.

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todreaminblue

i don't really like jealousy as a trait it makes me uncomfortable......i don't like when a partner feels jealous.......because then i try my hardest to make them not feel jealous...had oen guy go hoem from a nightclub (i was jsut dating him) and come back with a knife because soem guy was tryign to get on with m4e...dont like jealosuy at all.......dont like mediating with jealous guys and knives.....risky

 

 

 

my ex wasnt jealous unless he was working away.....because that is when friends males would try and come on to me.,..he dditn mind guys lookign at em when he was around.........they would say things about him most of them were true btw ...i would have to end the friendships......and my ex was jealous basically because he was cheating.......guilt complex.....when my ex cheated i didnt get jealous just extremely hurt.......andwhen these guy friends told me ...i knew there motives were ulterior....so therefore not true friends......that hurt too....they seen sex and they tried to get it by hurting me.......i didnt get jealous or even ...i just shut down..to heal myself..so i give my trust again...tiresome......jealousy is tiresome............ deb

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I remember hussling my girlfriend into a booth when she started laughing at a waiters jokes one time. Boy did that start a fight. :lmao: So I qualify for sure.

 

I think some need to understand that when we don't do stuff like that we usually get burned for it. No jealousy is not a good thing.

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todreaminblue
I remember hussling my girlfriend into a booth when she started laughing at a waiters jokes one time. Boy did that start a fight. :lmao: So I qualify for sure.

 

I think some need to understand that when we don't do stuff like that we usually get burned for it. No jealousy is not a good thing.

 

why is that gaius i am curious why is no jealousy not a good thing......deb

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why is that gaius i am curious why is no jealousy not a good thing......deb

I don't know why really, I just know that when I was younger I was an idiot and didn't care all that much about the women I liked/dating interacting with other guys. I would even bring my male friends around to hang out with us often. And it almost always ended up with the girls getting involved with another guy. :confused: Maybe they just take it as not being loved if you're not fighting for their attention on some level. Or maybe it was viewed as a beta quality and a huge turnoff. Whatever it was I've found being primal and jealous when you need to be works a lot better.

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I don't know why really, I just know that when I was younger I was an idiot and didn't care all that much about the women I liked/dating interacting with other guys. I would even bring my male friends around to hang out with us often. And it almost always ended up with the girls getting involved with another guy. :confused: Maybe they just take it as not being loved if you're not fighting for their attention on some level. Or maybe it was viewed as a beta quality and a huge turnoff. Whatever it was I've found being primal and jealous when you need to be works a lot better.

 

I think there is something in that, though expressions of angry jealousy are almost always going to take a person into dodgy territory.

 

For me, when I've felt jealousy it has tended to correspond with feeling disrespected. That feeling can come from a place in yourself (maybe feeling a bit below par, or getting a few knocks to your confidence) or it can result from another person genuinely just not treating you with respect. A partner flirting with other people - well, a lot of human interaction is flirtatious in its quality. Often unintentionally. There are times somebody has told me I was being flirtatious with a man I was talking to, and I've thought "eh? I thought I was just being friendly and sociable."

 

There's just a point at which a person's flirtatiousness with others starts to take on a disrespectful (to their partner) tone - and when people tolerate disrespect, that's as bad (or potentially even worse) than demonstrating some jealousy. It's that old "I know it when I see it" thing. I don't think anybody can really dictate what that point is or should be, but I do think that when people are in a relationship it's important that they have a similar perspective on where the boundary between normal sociable flirting and "disrespectful to your partner" flirtation is.

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todreaminblue
I don't know why really, I just know that when I was younger I was an idiot and didn't care all that much about the women I liked/dating interacting with other guys. I would even bring my male friends around to hang out with us often. And it almost always ended up with the girls getting involved with another guy. :confused: Maybe they just take it as not being loved if you're not fighting for their attention on some level. Or maybe it was viewed as a beta quality and a huge turn off. Whatever it was I've found being primal and jealous when you need to be works a lot better.

 

 

i think there is a double standard with jealousy from a male perspective and a female perspective....if a female is jealous she is considered clingy and insecure where as when a man is jealous he is considered tarzan and protecting his territory ....to me its a bit of a pissing contest between men..guns drawn at twenty paces........i think it has two distinct divides between male and female jealousy.......

 

 

 

when i had a baby sister i never got jealous.....i wanted to take her in backpack to school for show and tell.....later on in her life that she got the cars and the money and always accepted home when seh messed up ...i had to make it on my own i noted that my sister got these things i am not retarded but i couldnt feel jealousy.....i just loved her regardless.......i am not materialistic either so yeah never really coveted what she had..... the only time i ever got hurt was when my step father, her genetic father would incite her to laugh when he called me names(she was too young to realize it hurt me) by making rhymes and songs out of my chubbyness...... that wasnt jealousy that was just hurt that he couldnt love me the same way he loved her he was an asthetically driven man...and i woudl strive my hardest to do evrythign to make him happy.....by working my ass off beign the best at evrythign i did..nevr good enough....hads to try harder till i burnt out...then he woudl get pissed......didnt know he was my step father but it all makes sense now that i do know...a bit of self therapy......also makes sense to me why when my partner cheated i never got jealous only hurt........that he didnt love me the way i should be loved......so yeah sob story ....hence no jealousy...maybe that is a huge positive my step father was an ass to me .........smilin.....if i like a guy and he doesnt like me and likes someone else same thing.....i just get hurt.....i dont feel jealousy .....and my serious relationships dont tend to involve jealousy on any one side as i can be trusted to ensure it doesnt need to stay if it rears its head...........deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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i think there is a double standard with jealousy from a male perspective and a female perspective....if a female is jealous she is considered clingy and insecure where as when a man is jealous he is considered tarzan and protecting his territory

 

That's true. I think in some situations a jealous woman will be considered to also be aggressive rather than clingy - but again, there is that double standard whereby aggression isn't considered attractive in women. Generally I think women do face some special challenges when it comes to handling jealousy.

 

I think it's something we learn about/teach eachother from a young age, in the playground. Girl friendships often involve bitter feelings of jealousy, possessiveness over best friends etc. Jealousy is something we learn to feel shame about, and conceal, from a young age. I remember after having that discussion with my ex about my concerns (re his friendship with the colleague and the lack of affection he demonstrated to me whenever she was around) and just knowing that however I expressed it it was not going to end well. He spoke to her about the concerns I raised, and of course that conversation led to them sleeping together - then saying it was all my fault because I'd put the idea into their heads.

 

So you could argue that men who play games that are designed to make their girlfriends jealous are "worse" than women who play those jealousy inciting games...because whereby the jealous boyfriend can use the opportunity for a macho display, the jealous girlfriend is in a very difficult situation because there's no jealous reaction that isn't "wrong". All she can really do is hide her feelings and try to be cool. Which isn't something that women who value honesty are going to be very happy about doing.

 

On the other hand, if the boyfriend feels honour bound to react in an aggressive way it can result in violence (of the sort you see breaking out in pubs over women). So stereotypical expectations of how the respective genders should deal with jealousy can be harmful to both.

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todreaminblue
That's true. I think in some situations a jealous woman will be considered to also be aggressive rather than clingy - but again, there is that double standard whereby aggression isn't considered attractive in women. Generally I think women do face some special challenges when it comes to handling jealousy.

 

I think it's something we learn about/teach eachother from a young age, in the playground. Girl friendships often involve bitter feelings of jealousy, possessiveness over best friends etc. Jealousy is something we learn to feel shame about, and conceal, from a young age. I remember after having that discussion with my ex about my concerns (re his friendship with the colleague and the lack of affection he demonstrated to me whenever she was around) and just knowing that however I expressed it it was not going to end well. He spoke to her about the concerns I raised, and of course that conversation led to them sleeping together - then saying it was all my fault because I'd put the idea into their heads.

 

So you could argue that men who play games that are designed to make their girlfriends jealous are "worse" than women who play those jealousy inciting games...because whereby the jealous boyfriend can use the opportunity for a macho display, the jealous girlfriend is in a very difficult situation because there's no jealous reaction that isn't "wrong". All she can really do is hide her feelings and try to be cool. Which isn't something that women who value honesty are going to be very happy about doing.

 

On the other hand, if the boyfriend feels honour bound to react in an aggressive way it can result in violence (of the sort you see breaking out in pubs over women). So stereotypical expectations of how the respective genders should deal with jealousy can be harmful to both.

 

so true tara.....i do think women are "conditioned" to respond in a certain way and jealousy is something that is not a desired trait in women..liek you i agree it i smore acceptable in men...

 

 

.as far as playground goes i was a bit of a loner and yes loners get lonely ......but i wasnt jealous of other girls....i guess i had the responsibility of looking after my little sister(so my mind was occupied) so i would just make sure she was ok she used to get picked on so basically when i was at a school i was on duty at lunch and recess anyway.......and when i wasnt i was in the library or writing poetry or doing something for me same with after school i was on duty my parents both worked..... so never got to develop feelings of jealousy or had time for friendships in general on weekends i went out with my family or worked in the shop with my mother...after school i had to look after my sis at home ..........does jealousy involve sadness ...because if it does maybe i do get jealous......i really dont think i do...... maybe a little frustrated when i cant show my feelings..or i feel soemone is blocking me from doing exactly that........which is what you talked about......but i get over it.....deb

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does jealousy involve sadness ...because if it does maybe i do get jealous......i really dont think i do...... maybe a little frustrated when i cant show my feelings..or i feel soemone is blocking me from doing exactly that........which is what you talked about......but i get over it.....deb

 

I think jealousy involves all sorts of the less great feelings we can have. One of my favourite psychologists said that the first conflict we have involves basic trust v basic mistrust, and it's a conflict we encounter periodically throughout life. One which influences the way we deal with all kinds of interpersonal conflicts.

 

When I've felt jealous, I feel unbalanced. It goes at my ability to manage the basic trust v basic mistrust internal conflict - and it reminds me of times in the past when I felt my trust was being betrayed - so sadness comes into it too. Mixed up in there is the fear of loss and also anger about being disrespected. Frustration about not being able to express all of that without potentially putting the final nail in the relationship's coffin.

Edited by Taramere
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When I first started dating my bf, he wasn't showing ANY jealousy, not even the slightest bit. This made me feel like he was indifferent about me and he wouldn't care if I were with him or someone else.

 

No jealousy at all can give a person the sense of being unimportant

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