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My girlfriend and her guy friends...


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So me and my girlfriend have been talking for a couple months now, we decided to become commited to each other about 3 weeks ago.

 

Anyhow I have been noticing alot lately she gets a decent amount of texts messages from guys. I ask her about them and she sais they are friends from highschool etc. She sais its just small talk like hey how ya been, whats new etc.

 

Now normally in a situation like this I would not be worried, however something happend one day that caused me to freak out.

 

I got on her computer one day to check my facebook. Well she forgot to log out. Well when I brought up the facebook site a message popped up from some guy. I couldnt help myself but to read it. Anyway I started looking at the dates of these conversations she was having with this guy.

 

When we first started talking to each other she was having sexual conversations with this guy. He was sending her pictures of his penis and she was sayig how bad she wanted it and what sexual positions she likes etc. She even sent him a picture of her in her bra. God only knows if she sent anything else I didnt see. When I seen all this my blood pressure sky rocketed and I almost blacked out. I drove to her work and asked her what all this stuff was about. She apologized and told me I wasnt supposed to see it ( which I saw by accident ) but still.

 

Keep on mind this was going on when we first started talking, before we were together as a couple. I noticed the longer me and her were talking the conversations between her and that guy slowed down a lot and turned into more of hey whats up , whats new etc.

 

I told her I was not comfortable with her talking to this guy anymore and she seemed to be upset but agreed to stop talking to him. I guess she has been friends with this guy fornseveral years.

 

 

Now with all that said this leads me back to her and texting these guy friends. I have no idea what she talks to these guys about but she always assures me I have nothing to worry about that its just small talk. She even offered to show me all her messages. I said no that I didnt need to.

 

Someone please help me I dont know what to do. This is really bothering me. She got upset and said she will just quit talking to all guys besides me, I told her no that Im not like that.

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so whats the problem?

 

she did what you asked regarding the guy she had sent pictures to in the past (although she had clearly chosen you over him anyway), so whats your problem now, her texting her guy friends?

 

You've been go out 3 weeks - if you want this to work you need to chill out bro! You either trust her or you don't, if you don't your wasting your time, if you do then it doesn't matter what these guys want from her, she comes back to you!

 

 

My gf gets hit on a lot by guys, not even friends, just strangers - the amount of times I've been waiting for her in a bar or café and she'll walk in, and she'll turn heads, and I've seen guys try there corny line or whatever before she sees where im sitting...I guess I could be jealous - but im not, cause its me shes looking for, me she'll sit down with, me she'll be coming home with, me she'll be eating breakfast with....so if anyone has cause to be jealous its every other guy in the room - not me!

 

Let her guy friends be jealous of you not the otherway round, you've got the girl! don't drive her away!

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I guess what it comes down to is that I'm scared to lose her. I have this feeling that maybe one of these other guy friends and her could be having a similar conversation and I dont know.

 

I guess I just need to stop worrying myself in the ground and try my best to believe what she tells me.

 

I guess since I have been cheated on in the past, it has permantly messed me up. Ill just stop myself from bothering her about the topic anymore before she loses interest in me.

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acrosstheuniverse

Maybe you could turn your worries into a productive discussion with your gf about boundaries, the things you've been through in the past that have caused you to feel the way you do.

 

She has every right to have guy friends and she wasn't doing anything wrong talking to this guy like that before you got together. I still speak to male friends that I've slept with or briefly dated in the past, even a couple that I loved at one point. I would never have an inappropriate conversation with them now that I'm in a relationship, I was a proper filthy girl back then with some of them.

 

Honestly, I can barely remember what they look like naked and I never think about anything sexual that happened unless for some reason I tried to make myself. They are just friends now, nothing more than that. If my new bf came to me and said it bothered him, I'd be glad of the opportunity to reassure him and tell him that I wouldn't act like that around anybody now we were together. Perhaps just hearing her tell you that she agrees having conversations like that would be inappropriate now would be enough to set your mind at rest if neither have you have explicitly discussed what you think is infidelity or not?

 

I would make sure your gf knows that you're not asking or telling her not to speak to her male friends any more and that you trust her to act with respect to your blossoming but nascent relationship. The last thing you want to do is make her think you're trying to control her.

 

Also you could maybe seek some counselling or therapy to address the understandable trust issues you've been left with since being cheated on.

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The bottom line is this. There is nothing you can do. You do not control the situation. If she loves you, she will choose you and the other guys will fade away over time. If not, she will dump you or cheat. However, who wants the latter type of person in their life anyway? The only thing you can do is trust her and go forward with the relationship or break it off. Trying to control who she speaks to is pointless as you can't monitor her every second of the day.

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^^^^

What he said.

 

You will lose her though, you know that right?

 

Eventually.

 

If you don't break up at some point, cancer or a heart attack will do the job. If you want to prevent the inevitable, you have to do three things:

 

1: Eat well.

2: Get some exercise. Take the stairs once in awhile.

3: Don't be a jealous and controlling prick. It's not attractive, and it'll drive her away eventually.

 

Sounds like you're doing pretty good on the third one at least. A jealous and controlling prick would either make her stop talking completely to other guys, or whine so much about that she would stop it by herself.

(until a less whiny guy came along)

 

And you know where the line should be drawn? Exactly where you drew it. Friends are fine. Friends that want to bang her so badly that they send her dickpics? Way over the line.

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