sara86 Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I’m getting married soon. I had my bachelorette party and my mother-in-law was invited. It was at a strip club which everyone knew in advance including my fiancé. Now my mother-in-law was very hands on with the strippers. And later in the night I and 2 of my friends saw her go backstage with a stripper. When she came back it was obvious she had done something, she was rearranging her skirt and was all sweaty. There is no doubt what happened. About 3 years ago my fiancés parents nearly split because his dad got caught cheating. They worked it out but it was a rough time and my fiancé didn’t handle it well. For all I know they may have made agreements that this sort of behavior is allowed. So do I tell anyone or not? And if I do who do I tell? Is it wrong to wait until after the wedding to tell (if I should at all)? Link to post Share on other sites
semicharmedlife Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 there is nothing to "tell" since you really do not know what happened, if anything...not really your business anyway...so keep it to yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 There is nothing to tell since you don't know what happened. For all you know she could have constipation. Don't stir things up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
King_Crimson Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Yeah, I wouldn't really stir the pot on this one. Just leave it alone... if she did cheat, then obviously their relationship isn't doing too hot and at some point it will be either fix or dissolve on its own. And on a side note, this is quite the party-animal mother-in-law you have haha. My God, I'm just picturing any of my past SO's mothers going 'back-stage' with a stripper and it's just blowing my mind! Did you guys all high-five her when she came back? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sara86 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Share Posted August 29, 2013 There is nothing to tell since you don't know what happened. For all you know she could have constipation. Don't stir things up. You are right, I don't know what happened. What I do know is that she went backstage, not to the toilet. Now of course she could have been having a friendly chat to one of the strippers but I know what goes on back stage as we all do, she wasn't there to say hi to a stripper she thought was cute. This was noticed by my friends who pointed it our to me, I am not imagining this. You are right too that I shouldn't stir things up but I really didn't want to start a marriage with a secret like this. If he found out at a later date that I knew this it wouldn't play out well, we have always said no secrets. In this situation am I supposed to break that? It makes me sick what she did, that is of course assuming she hasn't got some agreement with her husband that it's ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sara86 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Share Posted August 29, 2013 Did you guys all high-five her when she came back? Not at all, I don't approve of what she did. Her and her sister had words just after that as well. I have no idea what it was about but it was fairly heated. There was a lot of pointing going on but they did hug at the end so I really have no idea. Given it happened the moment she got back I assume it has something to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
King_Crimson Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Not at all, I don't approve of what she did. Her and her sister had words just after that as well. I have no idea what it was about but it was fairly heated. There was a lot of pointing going on but they did hug at the end so I really have no idea. Given it happened the moment she got back I assume it has something to do with it. Life's too short Sara, just let it go. You can talk to your SO about it, but don't make it a huge deal. You really don't know what happened. On a side-note: you know, I just realized now that you're most likely talking about a MALE strip club haha... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sara86 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Share Posted August 29, 2013 I just realized now that you're most likely talking about a MALE strip club haha... Yes of course. You can talk to your SO about it, but don't make it a huge deal. You really don't know what happened. If I tell my fiance he will be devastated. If I don't tell him and he finds out I kept a secret he will be devastated. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 If I tell my fiance he will be devastated. If I don't tell him and he finds out I kept a secret he will be devastated. Since you really don't know for a fact that anything happened, telling him that something happened would be starting a rumor, creating needless drama, perhaps making false accusations. It will cause unimaginable distress for your fiance and probably destroy his image and respect for his mother. How do you think it would affect your relationship with your future mother-in-law? Which is better, not saying what you don't know, or creating a big family scandal over something that you imagine might have happened but can't be sure of? I think the answer is obvious. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 (edited) Yeah, you can't be 100% sure something happened, so why start a riot over something you are not sure about? Your fiance's reaction will most likely be highly defensive and might even ruin YOUR relationship. He might see it as his fiance trying to smear his mothers clean image (considering you don't have facts). The mother can easily deny it and you will be the bad guy. An outsider bad-mouthing a parent/sibling is always a dangerous line to walk on. Best case scenario, no one will care. Worst case scenario, you get your fiance to go against you for starting rumors and possibly seperating his parents (no one wants to hear something like this about their parent, even if it were true), the mother-in-law will for sure not like you after this and will make your life a living hell. I just think you would get a long of anger against you from all of this. Somethings are better to ignore and move on. It's not your problem. If they're meant to breakup they will do so at their own pace. Edited August 30, 2013 by emva07 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 Who knows. Maybe the MIL's sister will say something. The way you describe it, she wasn't too happy with your future MIL's behavior. You would think that the future MIL would use better sense and behave herself. It doesn't make her look real good in front of her future DIL and puts you in a tough position. Do you know the future MIL's sister very well? Maybe you could ask her and tell her the situation your in. That is if you can trust her enough. If not then keep it to yourself. If by chance you fiancé find out, then explain to him the situation you were in and have him talk to his Mother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OnThePursuit Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 Well it's sad fact of life for some males that they are not so desired and maybe got someone to settle for them. Those women are not really happy and clearly looking for fun elsewhere. I'm betting if that husband saw what you saw, he wouldn't be too happy about that, even if you don't know what happened backstage. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 30, 2013 Share Posted August 30, 2013 If by chance you fiancé find out, then explain to him the situation you were in and have him talk to his Mother. If you remain mum about the whole damn episode, which is quite reasonable since you don't know squat, then you won't have to explain anything. But if you go around discussing it with the sister or others who were there and it does blow up, then you are going to find yourself right in the center of the brewhaha and no good can possibly come of it. This is a classic scenario where the only smart move is to see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. This kind of juicy drama is hard to many people resist––resist anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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