Personality types and dating

[edgygirl]

Recently I've been exploring more the subject of the Briggs Myers / Jung "Personality Types". It has opened a new world for me, and it's changing my view on dating and relationships.

 

It is also making me realize many things about myself and my worldviews that I originally didn't understand the source.

 

I am an ENFP and according to them my best match are INTJs - basically introverted geeky/tech/scientists/entrepreneurs, people which I'm usually really attracted to. At first glance they seem to be the my opposite but end up being similar in more ways than not. I think I understand better now why I never match with arrogant people (usually S types).

 

So my question is: can we, in your experience, be more successful in dating by choosing people for relationships based on how their personality type matches ours according to Briggs Myers?

[Els]

Well, firstly, like any psychological construct, Myers-Briggs is fallible. Especially as most people have theirs done via online tests, which aren't really accredited. They do give a rough picture and are fairly interesting, but I wouldn't put much more stock in them than that.

 

So, no, I absolutely do not recommend going around choosing people solely based on their Myers-Briggs test results.

 

That being said, I think that once you are in a LTR with someone, things such as Myers-Briggs do help provide insight into how each person perceives the world and handles relationships. By learning such, you can learn how to compromise with each other and understand the reasoning behind what they do.

 

I'm INFP and the bf is INTJ (we each took tests a few years into our R ). The FP vs TJ part does cause a bit of conflict, but rectifiable via understanding how each others' brains are wired. There are a few posters here who claimed to be INTJ's - similar to my bf. A few of them, I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole, solely based on reading their views about women and relationships.

 

Hence why I say that personality types help, but there is so much more to compatibility.

[edgygirl]

Totally agree with your super valid points Elswyth. And some INTJs do appear to be total misogynists.

 

But, see... you are living proof that it does work! NFs and NTs are said to be a great match

 

Thing is I am realizing more and more I can't do S (Sensing) types. When I look back, any S type I tried to date didn't work out and I never fell for them. I'm just wondering if it can be that accurate, at least to show you which types really don't work with your personality type.

[todreaminblue]

I think to judge and assess character and personality type in regards to having a relationship with that person .....the only judgement that matters is yout own and the person who is also going to be part of that relationship.......that dynamic is always going to be unique..no two people are the same apart and when that si a union or pairing of two people who are not the same..... the uniqueness....is about as varied as how many sets of couples could be made on the planet...huge...complex.....head hurts.......

 

 

it was a very interesting test i got pegged as a humanitarian....funny that huh...lol......

 

 

i do not give questionaires when i date someone or say fill this out first or i wont date you dont know many people who have...i do however observe and am reserved as to who i am interested in...hardly ever happens....which i got pegged at too...so some truth to what was tested...not good enough to base choose a life partner with...that takes time ....and getting to know the person.....and a heart and history that can never be tested but just need to be known and understood and accepted....deb

[Els]

Totally agree with your super valid points Elswyth. And some INTJs do appear to be total misogynists.

 

But, see... you are living proof that it does work! NFs and NTs are said to be a great match

 

Thing is I am realizing more and more I can't do S (Sensing) types. When I look back, any S type I tried to date didn't work out and I never fell for them. I'm just wondering if it can be that accurate, at least to show you which types really don't work with your personality type.

 

Yeah, I think it may be useful in a pinch as a general guideline. But some of the online tests are inaccurate to begin with, and most people don't take the professionally-administered ones. Heck, the bf and I took the online ones, so I don't even know if our results are correct. I also occasionally get INTP on some of them, though I get INFP way more often.

 

I'm just afraid you'll dump prematurely based on the test and then potentially lose a great guy that way.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I got kind of interested in this recently, too! I agree with Elswyth...it is certainly interesting, but not something to base dating around. While it was fun for my guy and I to take the test and see where we both fell after being together for a while, I don't know that I'd use it as a "screening" tool.

 

I will say, though, that taking the test has shed a little bit of light on our relationship. We both took it when we first got back together, as part of our counseling and trying to understand one another and communicate properly. We are INFJ (me) and INTJ (him). So despite how similar we are, that feeling vs. thinking is huge when it comes to relationships! And while I already knew that he was almost annoyingly logical, while I can be almost annoyingly emotional, having some kind of profile to put with it helped us be able to say "Hey, this is just how (he/she) is, (he's/she's) not being (overly logical/overly emotional) just to drive me crazy, that's just the way (his/her) mind works. How can we make sure we communicate properly, given our differences in this crucial area?"

 

Not sure if that made much sense...but I definitely think it's a cool thing (and almost eerily accurate, in my case!).

[KungFuJoe]

Recently I've been exploring more the subject of the Briggs Myers / Jung "Personality Types". It has opened a new world for me, and it's changing my view on dating and relationships.

 

It is also making me realize many things about myself and my worldviews that I originally didn't understand the source.

 

I am an ENFP and according to them my best match are INTJs - basically introverted geeky/tech/scientists/entrepreneurs, people which I'm usually really attracted to. At first glance they seem to be the my opposite but end up being similar in more ways than not. I think I understand better now why I never match with arrogant people (usually S types).

 

So my question is: can we, in your experience, be more successful in dating by choosing people for relationships based on how their personality type matches ours according to Briggs Myers?

 

hey I just took the test and came out ENFP.

 

ENFP buddies! Yay!

[ThaWholigan]

Hah, I got ENFP too

[kiss_andmakeup]

I am an ENFP

 

hey I just took the test and came out ENFP.

 

ENFP buddies! Yay!

 

Hah, I got ENFP too

 

ENFP :o:o

 

Damn all you extroverts!!

Edited August 28, 2013 by kiss_andmakeup

[Betterthanthis13]

I always get ENTP- I'm one letter off for this thread!

[Star Gazer]

I'm an ESFJ... but I've never really used it to determine compatibility, and I don't really think it's appropriate to. MB tells us how we gather and process information, which I don't really think speaks to compatibility at all. That said, if you understand how your SO gathers and processes information, you can make your relationship stronger. In this way, MB is a lot like the Five Love Languages. Having one love language over another doesn't make you compatible or not, but understanding your partner's love language can make you a stronger pair.

[almond]

There have been some studies conducted by compatibility researchers that indicate that those with more type preferences in common felt more satisfied with the communication in their relationship.

 

However, people with very different personality types who are capable of understand and working with the differences often reap the rewards - couples with significant differences are able to learn from each other in a wider range of ways, and also, diversity of skills and such makes for good teamwork.

 

Either way - I do not think this is a practical tool for general dating. It can be somewhat interesting and fun to investigate with your partner, but I would advise to keep it light, and to not put too much stock into it.

 

Oh and I'm an ENTP.

[EasyHeart]

We had a really long thread on this topic a year or so ago. This place was swarming with NFs, who are relatively rare in the real world.

 

Draw your own conclusions.

 

There are a few posters here who claimed to be INTJ's - similar to my bf. A few of them, I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole, solely based on reading their views about women and relationships.

HEY!!! I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW!!!

[EasyHeart]

Here it is: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/water-cooler/321722-w-hoo-personality-test-time

 

From Post 139:

 

So obviously we have way more NFs around here than in the general population, but I got curious enough to do a little analysis of the answers in this thread.

 

First, for comparison, this is the distribution of the four temperaments in the general population:

 

SJ: 41%

SP 33%

NF: 14%

NT: 12 %

 

Now here is the distribution of people on LS (at least the ones who posted in this thread):

 

SJ: 15%

SP: 5%

NF: 52.5%

NT: 27.5%

 

SJs and SPs -- the most common personality types -- are massively under-represented and the usually uncommon NTs and NFs are running this place. NTs are about 250% more common here and those ridiculous NFs are 375% more likely to be here than in a general population.

 

It's even more stunning when you compare Intuitive Types (Ns) with Sensory Types (Ss). In an average population, roughly 25% of the people would be Intuitives; around here 80% are intuitives!!! We essentially flipped the world over and created an Intuitive Bizzaro World!!!

 

Why do you think this place is a gathering place for NFs and NTs???

 

And how can we get rid of the NFs so we can turn this place into Paradise?

[salparadise]

I am an ENFP and according to them my best match are INTJs

 

So my question is: can we, in your experience, be more successful in dating by choosing people for relationships based on how their personality type matches ours according to Briggs Myers?

 

I've been paying attention to MBTIs as well, and I believe there is validity in the notion that certain types tend to be more natural fits than others. I am INTJ and my ideal type (theoretically) is ENFP. My best fit thus far was an INFP who is outgoing and communicative. I dated an ENTP for awhile and that was not a good fit at all. It's hard to say whether it was more an individual thing or if it can be attributed to type. Even outside of the dating context I can see that I develop rapport very quickly with NFs and have some difficulty with SF/STs.

 

I still don't try to pre-qualify based on MBTI but I do give extra consideration to ENFPs. Since this natural rapport is something I absolutely won't compromise on, I think it would be a good bet that I end up with a NF eventually.

[Els]

I am INTJ and my ideal type (theoretically) is ENFP. My best fit thus far was an INFP

 

Really!?!

 

I could've sworn that if it hadn't been for the INTJ/INFP conflict, our communication issues would have been waaaay easier to resolve.

 

I mean, we've pretty much succeeded by now, but holy baloney, it took like 5 years...

 

Guess the INFP/INTJ pairing is more common than I thought it'd be.

[MrTurk]

 

So my question is: can we, in your experience, be more successful in dating by choosing people for relationships based on how their personality type matches ours according to Briggs Myers?

 

At least its better than the women that use Astrology to choose who they date.

[salparadise]

Really!?!

 

I could've sworn that if it hadn't been for the INTJ/INFP conflict, our communication issues would have been waaaay easier to resolve.

 

I mean, we've pretty much succeeded by now, but holy baloney, it took like 5 years...

 

Guess the INFP/INTJ pairing is more common than I thought it'd be.

 

There is still a huge amount of variability between individuals within a given type, so I don't think you can assume too much. It's always going to be more about the individual than the type. But yea, NFs and NTs are generally thought to be good matches. Also, communication skills are learned and they're habitual. If you're having communication problems try active mirroring- it works. There is also variability in attachment styles and so on. Are you the INTJ or the INFP?

[KungFuJoe]

 

So my question is: can we, in your experience, be more successful in dating by choosing people for relationships based on how their personality type matches ours according to Briggs Myers?

 

Dunno. I'm an ENFP and my wife is an ESTJ and we get along amazingly well. What does Briggs Myers say about that matchup?

[Els]

There is still a huge amount of variability between individuals within a given type, so I don't think you can assume too much. It's always going to be more about the individual than the type. But yea, NFs and NTs are generally thought to be good matches. Also, communication skills are learned and they're habitual. If you're having communication problems try active mirroring- it works. There is also variability in attachment styles and so on. Are you the INTJ or the INFP?

 

Yes, certainly, I tend to view psychological types as interesting broad guidelines, nothing more. There is much, much room for variety within those.

 

I am INFP, and the bf is INTJ. We are quite 'typical' in that most of the characteristics of those types and their communication styles do describe us quite well, though. Communication can certainly be learnt, by anyone willing to put in the effort, I agree. I simply thought that it would be easier for similar types.

[Divasu]

Thing is I am realizing more and more I can't do S (Sensing) types. When I look back, any S type I tried to date didn't work out and I never fell for them. I'm just wondering if it can be that accurate, at least to show you which types really don't work with your personality type.

 

Sensing personality types pay more attention to information that comes in through his/her five senses.

 

Intuitive personality types pay more attention to the patterns and possibilities that he/she sees in the information he/she receives.

 

Source

[MrCastle]

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

 

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

 

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

[salparadise]

Yes, certainly, I tend to view psychological types as interesting broad guidelines, nothing more. There is much, much room for variety within those.

 

I am INFP, and the bf is INTJ. We are quite 'typical' in that most of the characteristics of those types and their communication styles do describe us quite well, though. Communication can certainly be learnt, by anyone willing to put in the effort, I agree. I simply thought that it would be easier for similar types.

 

Even though you are both introverted/intuitive, you are distinctly different types. His Jungian type description is introverted intuition with thinking, and yours is introverted feeling with intuition. So your dominant functions are different. You are more similar than many other combinations would be, but you still process differently. Still, I suspect individual differences in awareness and communication patters are what you were perceiving as difficulties. People of different types often find that they are more compatible than those of the same type.

 

I ordered this book a few weeks ago and just received it today. It's not a casual, easy read but I think it will be worth the effort.

Jung Personality Types

[Debbie2508]

Hmm,interesting thread. I'm ISTJ, as was my ex. We were brilliant together to start with,when all was wonderful and new. We spent hours telling one another how much in love we were etc. But we could never seem to communicate when things were tough. We never argued or said a bad word to each other,we both sort of clammed up and avoided discussion . Is this typical ISTJ behaviour??