imimmature Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 my girlfriend and me were fooling around and she seemed in to it so i kept progressing untill i insterted my self in her. and again she seemed in to it and she wasnt telling me to stop (she usually does) and so i kept going untill she told me to stop and she sounded more annoyed than anything. so she goes to the bathroom and she comes back crying and says how could i do this to her and how could i have not known it wasnt ok. and i said i was sorry but it didnt seem like she minded. now she hasnt actually said that ive raped her but ive had friends in this same situation and it mostly seems like the girl (wether shes my friend or not) is doing it just to make the guy seem like a bad guy. but now that im in this situation i feel horrible and my girlfriend wont even talk to me...i think that something this severe should be talked about but she rarely ever likes to takl about our problems let alone something of this magnitude...im confused should i just let her have her time and come to me when she wants to or should i push the subject and tell her it needs to be resolved...i love her a lot and would never do something like this and i just hope she knows that but i feel so bad i just want to die Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 how old is your gf? because in this kind of situation she seems very young if she acted that way.. i would say don't push her to talk... but show her that you are sorry.. send flowers or cards or a teddy bear and tell her you are sorry other then that let her make the first move Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 It doesn't sound like rape...it sounds like guilt. If you REALLY stopped when she told you to stop, then you did nothing wrong. It sounds to me like she got caught up in the moment and let herself go further than she meant to. Now, she's regretting it, so she's trying to throw the blame on you (or trying to make you "the bad guy", as you put it). You need to talk with her -- if for no other reason than to lay out future boundaries. Every couple should discuss sexual boundaries long before that time arises...it's too easy to get caught up in the moment and go past those limits (as she seems to have done). Link to post Share on other sites
Author imimmature Posted June 18, 2004 Author Share Posted June 18, 2004 well we've actually been dating for almost a year now and we've had sex many times before so its not like it was a first time thing, we're also both 20 years old and like ive said ive heard of girls trying to accuse their boyfriends in situations similar to this alot at this age, and she said the same thing most guys tell me their girlfriends have said "well i didnt say anythign cause i didnt wanna make u mad" or something very close to that. also while i know that no one thinks rape is ok she espescially thinks that rape is the worst possible thing Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 It does sound like you are currently having some *other* problems in your relationship. Could your girlfriend be in a bad relationship period where she feels not listended to enough, not loved enough, not taken care of enough? Did she complain lately you are not romantic, you give her not enough attention or anything like that? Did you have a big argument lately? I might be wrong but this is "typical" behaviour of a girl who is feeling used for sex...and not loved enough. I felt that way a few times when I had relationship problems .....like my bf should have known I did not feel like having sex. But I either told him immediately i was not in the mood or I did not tell him anything about itafterwards because I realized he can not read my mind! Could have him figured I did not want to have sex in that moment he would have not done anything just hugged me and cuddled me. Women can usually read emotions on their partner's face better than men. Another woman could have understood immediately she was not in the mood for sex, you probably couldn't. Your gf has to realize that you can't read her mind or understand her as good as another woman would. My advice is you tell her you are sorry, you buy her a little cute gift (as swtbonita suggested), don't really push the subject but until you can talk about it become sweet and romantic towards her. Show her you care about her. If you have other issues, try to resolve them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imimmature Posted June 18, 2004 Author Share Posted June 18, 2004 yeah we are havin some rough times right now and its been that way for a few months now on and off..but if anything from what she tells me and my friends is that i give her too much attention. and thats what ive been thinkin is i should have known but i didnt and im sorry for it and i would never do something like that to her. also as a side note every time i try to get her something like flowers or a teddy bear its just something meaningless and stupid to her (she says the same thing when her mom or grandma gets her those sorta things) she just doesnt like flowers or teddy bears and sentimental kinda crap like that:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 I agree that rape is about the worst thing that can happen. I should know -- I was raped. The number of times you've had sex in the past has no bearing on anything. She can still change her mind and still decide she doesn't want to go as far as you have before. Having sex with a girl once (or even a hundred times) does not give you license to do with her as you please. However, all of that being said, you are not a mind reader. If she didn't say "no", "stop", or give any indication that she didn't want you to go on, you did not rape her. IF she DID say one of those things or give some other form of indication (even if you were sure she "didn't really mean it"), THAT is a problem...THAT is rape. I still say you need to talk with her about what her boundaries are. No matter what you think, those boundary lines WERE crossed the night this happened. (Again, I'm not saying it was rape...she could've gotten lost in the heat of the moment and crossed them willingly; but, the fact is, she wouldn't be upset if her boundary lines hadn't been crossed.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author imimmature Posted June 18, 2004 Author Share Posted June 18, 2004 im not saying i have permission to have sex with her whenever i please im just saying that it wasnt a first time sort of deal where it got too far too fast. but i do agree with your thinking of certain lines being crossed but id tend to agree with the idea that she just didnt want sex at that time and again i should have known but i didnt, obviously there is no quick fix but i just hope that i can fix this between us and not have it be an issue that gets tucked away and causes and issue between us later on down the line (which is usually what happens with most of out problems)...thanks for the advice tho everyone Link to post Share on other sites
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