Arabess Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Let's say there was someone in your life which had put you through complete agony. Through time you got somewhat over it. Enough to at least feel relatively normal. This wasn't the end of a 3 month 'we dated'....this would be your long term relationship with 'love and promises'. MONTHS LATER....this person gets in touch with you, trying to start up a dialogue. Do you at least respond with a 'hi' but no thanks? Do you talk to them to try to settle as past 'no closure'? (putting it mildly) Do you entertain the idea of trying one more time? Do you tell them to kiss your A$$? Do you keep up your NO CONTACT rule you started early on and have managed to follow for months and don't respond in any way? I always advocate the last one. I don't do go-backs. I don't forgive and forget. Even when a 'Welcome home...I'm glad you didn't get shot in the war'...would be appropriate. Think about the person who most impacted your love life and how you would respond if they contacted you today. Let's say email. (meanon...empty PM box...grab beer and brown paper bag for my hyperventalating.....hahahaha!) Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 LOL you know my reply!!!!! PM box empty, Beer ready ...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted March 29, 2004 Author Share Posted March 29, 2004 Originally posted by meanon LOL you know my reply!!!!! PM box empty, Beer ready ...... Nothing like a friend in a time of need. In your own past relationships.....what would you do?? You can drink some wine and answer once your tipsy. HAHAHAHA! Link to post Share on other sites
Cpunch75 Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess Let's say there was someone in your life which had put you through complete agony. Through time you got somewhat over it. Enough to at least feel relatively normal. This wasn't the end of a 3 month 'we dated'....this would be your long term relationship with 'love and promises'. MONTHS LATER....this person gets in touch with you, trying to start up a dialogue. Do you at least respond with a 'hi' but no thanks? Do you talk to them to try to settle as past 'no closure'? (putting it mildly) Do you entertain the idea of trying one more time? Do you tell them to kiss your A$$? Do you keep up your NO CONTACT rule you started early on and have managed to follow for months and don't respond in any way? I always advocate the last one. I don't do go-backs. I don't forgive and forget. Even when a 'Welcome home...I'm glad you didn't get shot in the war'...would be appropriate. Think about the person who most impacted your love life and how you would respond if they contacted you today. Let's say email. (meanon...empty PM box...grab beer and brown paper bag for my hyperventalating.....hahahaha!) whats the point of going back? they are most likely to repeat past behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 If it's possible to clear the air then I think that's the thing to do... I don't believe in having a lot of negative energy and feelings looming out there... that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 If the ex was a biggie, I'd respond to his e-mail. Why? Because he was so important. Every so often someone comes along in your adult life, just when you think your beyond such things, and knocks your socks off. Unless the person was abusive or psycho, and I don't think this guy was, I'd at least hear what he has to say. And I'd want him to hear what I had to say, too. Connections matter in certain keystone relationships. This sounds like it was one of those. Hear him out, Arabess. And if you feel like it, give him hell. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 If I'm answering honestly, for myself, I would answer the email in a polite way and inform him that you have no desire to open old wounds and therefore will not correspond with him in the future. Tell him how much he hurt you, wish him the best in his life and try to let it go. Good luck, Arabess. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 If it was toxic once to you, then it will be toxic again. I agree, Arabess...I've had to learn my lesson the very hard, painful way. That's to move forward and NEVER go back, because that is what you end up doing. If you've managed to recover, grow, and move on from something and someone that caused you a great deal of pain (or caused you to sacrifice too much for your own sake), it will be no good. Believe it or not, I believe this kind of person (that one that was toxic for you) knows they have this effect on you. They had their chance and time with you, it's tough luck for them now. It's like a moth to a flame...you'll always get burned. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 You can drink some wine and answer once your tipsy. HAHAHAHA! You bad girl you made me tipsy Barbie I have been married for generations, I don't have that many long term past relationships. In the brief spell I was unattached I wanted variety The long lost love of my youth I stayed in touch with until it became clear it was doing him harm. Then no contact, despite several attempts to stay in touch. I think you should put aside your pride and trust your gut instinct. If he was clear about what needed to be done and didn't deliver then don't get in touch. If there is ANY doubt about whether he knew how you felt then give him an ultimatum by email. I don't believe in them normally but you can not afford to waste your time and risk your heart on this man. Don't call him. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I'd simply respond: "Been there, done that...No Thanks!" But depending on how much of a sh*t they were, I might choose the latter. Of course, it might get complicated if he actually takes you up on the offer!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 "If it was toxic once to you, then it will be toxic again." I totally agree. What is really bizarre is how quite wonderful relationships can degenerate into horror over time. You always wish it would go back to being nice but, as Fedup says, it seldom does. People who start treating you nastily do so for some good reason, logically to get you out of their lives. Piss on them if it happens to be convenient sometime later on to have me back in their lives to use me in some way. Of course, all this depends on circumstances. But, generally speaking, when someone is bad enough for you to get them out of your life it's much better if they STAY out of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Well i am going to apply his to friendhip rather then a relationship, but anyway, i had a friend, who was mostly online, she did go to my school, but we never saw each other, we talked for hours every day then one day she just blocked my SN. Then 3 months later(on my birthday) she unblocks me and i try to fix my mistakes(i insulted her bf) and rebuild the friendship, but it fell through, and she blocked me again, now i blocked her just for insurance that she cant talk to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted March 29, 2004 Author Share Posted March 29, 2004 You guys were supposed to 'reflect' on what you would do if it happened to you! HAHA! I have too much pride....I'll gnaw off my fingers before I would call. That's the advice I give....and have now been called on it. I just had to do something in the way of a post so Meanon wouldn't have to deal with this all alone....I can be QUITE pathetic!!! I DO think there is a fine line between forgiveness and being a SCHMUCK! I also think sending my 36 point Word Document with the word 'F*CKERSH*T" is a little much. It is quite pretty and colorful though. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 i would not respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 If it happened to me, I'd be verrrrrrrrrry tempted to reply back and be a monsterbitch deluxe. However, those things are best left to fantasy. Arabess, you're a sharp, wise woman. You know that the very best thing you can do is keep up your no contact rule. So what if he contacts you and you don't reply? You owe him no explanation. Sometimes silence speaks volumes. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I think it would depend upon how much I still cared. If I couldn't trust myself to keep it light and non-hostile then I probably would not respond at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted March 29, 2004 Author Share Posted March 29, 2004 Originally posted by brashgal If I couldn't trust myself to keep it light and non-hostile YEAH.....that would be so in character of me.....'light and non-hostile'!!!! TOOOOOOOOO funny! Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I'm just here to provide comic relief today. I'm like Fancy, I'd like to rip him a new one but probably better not to go down that road. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 YEAH.....that would be so in character of me.....'light and non-hostile'!!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!! Barbie once posted a SMALL extract from an email to this guy and it shocked the LS Forum to it's core I have too much pride....I'll gnaw off my fingers before I would call. That's the advice I give....and have now been called on it. You see I know pride is part of who you are. If you need it to keep body and soul together so be it but otherwise it's not a very good reason for doing something. There may be other very good reasons for not contacting him. No one said anything about forgiving him. I just had to do something in the way of a post so Meanon wouldn't have to deal with this all alone....I can be QUITE pathetic!!! Hey I didn't mind but glad you posted . You are NOT pathetic, this is pay back for all that wise advice you give others. We all need it sometimes. I also think sending my 36 point Word Document with the word 'F*CKERSH*T" is a little much Oh I don't know - he's had WORSE Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted March 29, 2004 Author Share Posted March 29, 2004 I posted that right before I got sick. I had forgotten about it. OH GAWD....... I've never tried to mislead any of you that I had any class......LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I've never tried to mislead any of you that I had any class......LOL! You didn't need to, you are a class act Barbie Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I've never tried to mislead any of you that I had any class......LOL! You have class, my lady. More than you'll ever know. Link to post Share on other sites
dolphinsunshyn Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 If this person meant a lot to me, I would be flattered that they contacted me. Afterall, I think it takes a lot of pride swallowing to to contact someone after a breakup especially if I knew I was the one to cause the breakup. Arabess, only you can decide if you want to give a second chance or not. If not, I would still be courteous. I would probably try to make him feel a little guilty as well. Personally, I would tell him that it is nice to hear from him again. Tell him how great your life is going and how much you have grown after your spit. Maybe even throw in a "I've never been happier". Then, I would say that I hope he is doing well. Wish him the best for the future and leave it at that. But, since I don't know much about your situation or the relationship, a simple "get lost a**h***" may be more effective. I think you'll know what is best. You seem to give great advice to everyone else. Just trust your insincts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabess Posted March 29, 2004 Author Share Posted March 29, 2004 All I can say is BEER 4. IceHouse..the beer of Champions and SCHMUCKS. HAHA! I hope Paul's new spell checker works like a peach..or I'll be posting in 'slur' before the night is out!!! Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Yes new spell checker works a treat. CHEERS Link to post Share on other sites
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