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Something I've noticed about myself and my social skills


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I don't do so well at informal gatherings and parties where the people are of a certain ilk. I'm a very old fashioned guy who doesn't have a smart phone, not a foodie, not big on traveling, etc. Yesterday I was at a BBQ where the people were talking about restaurants, fun spots to visit, etc. I just don't do well in these type of conversations, so I found myself listening in and only adding in a one liner here and there. To be honest, I felt quite awkward. They were also talking business, but to be honest I don't know much about business terms or talk.

 

I'm a guy who does best at talking about relationships, emotions, movies, sports and experiences. When people start talking business, politics, food or places, I just don't have much to add.

 

I also realize in informal gathering I just don't do so well socializing. For whatever reason, I'm much better when it's a formal meeting, where we all sit in a circle and people share (at length) one at a time (only if you want to). For whatever reason, I do well here, where I can talk to the entire group and all eyes are on me for that minute or so.

 

But when it's an informal hang out, I find myself much more quiet and I often listen more than I share.

 

It's kind of weird! Haha. Can anyone else relate, or is this just me??

 

I like food but I don't have a Yelp account (let alone being an elite Yelper), I like staying home (so when people talk about they wanna go here, go there, I'm quiet as a mouse; I just like quiet nights at home), etc.

 

For context, these were people I see about once/twice a month, although yesterday was my first time seeing them in maybe two months. I don't feel too strong a connection to them, hence probably why I felt even more awkward yesterday.

 

But yeah, I find I'm much more comfortable in a "let's gather around as a big group and share one at a time" versus a free for all "socialize with whoever you want" and you get the usual clumpings (most popular kids with most popular, medium with medium, and low with low).

 

I wonder if it has anything to do with my flare for enjoying being center stage in a formal setting, but informal I become very quiet and shy. I just prefer to listen than talk in informal settings.

 

Anyway, am I alone in this regard???

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Nope, introvert ?

 

When i meet a new group of ppl, i tend to sit on the sides or in a corner and listen.

It takes me a while to warm up, open up, contribute ... it's lucky that i have a hobby in reading a lot of weird stuff.

 

I also have a hard time controlling my tonality when all eyes are on me and keeping the crowd focused on me.

I have a feeling that i transmit a message of 'it's ok to talk over me' once they get to know me.

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Nope, introvert ?

 

When i meet a new group of ppl, i tend to sit on the sides or in a corner and listen.

It takes me a while to warm up, open up, contribute ... it's lucky that i have a hobby in reading a lot of weird stuff.

 

I also have a hard time controlling my tonality when all eyes are on me and keeping the crowd focused on me.

I have a feeling that i transmit a message of 'it's ok to talk over me' once they get to know me.

 

 

I think over the years I became less and less extroverted. I used to be an extrovert I think, or at least, an introvert with extroverted tendencies... but recent years I've become more sort of private. I much prefer 1 on 1 vs. an informal "party" where I feel easily lost in the crowd.

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