why do women get fat after marriage

[slimjim]

A wise man once told me that when you first see a woman---thats the thinnest she will ever be. and if you want to see what she will look like in 25 years, look at her mother. whats the deal with women after they marry that they fatten up?? i have 2 female cousins that looked really good --after marriage they had a kid ( i KNOW the kid argument - tell that to all the supermodels that have them and then go back to work) and totally blimped. both of their husbands left, one went with an aerobics instructor.

 

 

no guy wants to marry a girl and then wake up with this triple sized bon-bon eating behemeth laying beside him. i know that love is unconditional, but isnt it a sign of disrespect toward the spouse if she gains weight like that??? i mean big, elephant type weight, not due to a gland problem or anything, just due to eating 2 buckets of chicken and doing nothing but watching oprah. this also applies to the guys too, ladies, to be fair. you dont want ot be seen with a beer -gutted slob. this can be overcome with discipline and respect for one's spouse. any thoughts????

 

( i can hear all the "he's so shallow " argument from women now- probably fat ones!!!) i'm talking about 25 -40 year old women, obese, and not a natural mid age spread---voluntary obesity. once you trap a guy into marriage and get that 50% community property locked up, to heck with the commitment stuff??? work out at the gym because you are hunting with the pack, and once you have your prey, he is to just take me as i am, not this fallacy i have been hooking him with. is that it?? and how do you breach the subject with your wife, who you can be "so honest with" without a bull whip and elephant tranquilizer to protect yourself from her rage????

[WWDDFD]

Because they know they've won, and don't have to look their best to catch another man.

 

 

Threaten to leave and they'll thin up =) (kidding... eesh)

 

 

 

 

My plan is to encourage my future wife to exercise with me every day; to see who can beat the other.

[Curt]

Many women put on extra pounds during pregnancy and find it difficult to get back into shape after their children are born.

 

In some cases this is due to the fact that they are so busy raising the child, etc., that time for personal activities is often difficult to find.

 

Yes, there are people (men and women) who will just let themselves go...but that's a choice). In much the same way, it is a choice to get oneself into shape after pregnancy and childbirth.

 

It's extremely important that fathers be sensitive to the need of their partners to have personal time to work on same if they so desire.

 

It's important to be there to support your partner in all aspects of life.

 

Just my $0.02!

 

Curt

[moimeme]

First of all, obesity stats show that there are more obese men than women. Go down the street and see how many married guys don't have guts before you make your assumptions.

 

Both partners tend to get fat because they keep each other company to eat. One wants lunch; the other might not be hungry but eats with the partner. If life gets to busy, they both resort to lots of fast food and, again, eat more in company than they might alone.

 

I've even gained weight in relationships; and I've usually been able to maintain my weight very well. I know how it happens and won't let it happen again, but it's very easy to fall into the habit of eating for company.

[befuddled11]

I am a female (who's not obese by the way) who knows plenty of married guys my age who packed on the poundage after being married for a while. What's up with that?

 

As for your rather ignorant comment about how supermodels can pop out kids and then get right back into shape....well let's see now. Most supermodels make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, if not more. They can afford to hire personal trainers and professional chefs.....all of which help them to stay in shape. They can also, and do, hire nannies and housekeepers and personal assistants and the like, to help them so that they have the TIME to devote to their bodies. Tell me how many housewives out there live this kind of pampered lifestyle? I'll tell you: none. Most housewives who have children to look after barely have time to brush their teeth and comb their hair.....between getting everyone ready in the mornings, running the household, ensuring the bills are paid, making school lunches, doing the shopping, doing the laundry,etc etc. When exactly does she have the time of a supermodel, to devote hours each day to working out and having the services of a personal trainer? Don't be so ignorant.

 

It's a well known fact that most housewives get stuck with the brunt of things: laundry, shopping, cleaning, running the kids everywhere, etc etc........maybe they gain weight because their husband think his only obligation is to go to work each day, then come home and plop himself down in the Lazy Boy while she fetches him his dinner. Know many husbands who do their fair share of running the household? I don't.

 

I've got some questions, though....

 

1) Why in the beginning of a relationship does a guy be all sweet and thoughtful and romantic, bringing flowers and taking her out to nice restaurants and giving her sweet cards....but once they're married, this all stops?

 

2) Why in the beginning of the relationship does the guy pay attention to his appearance and dress nicely and take pride in how he looks, but once he's married, he can't see past the hair growing out of his nose, he thinks he's "hot" wearing his old baggy sweatpants around the house, that 'six pack' of his was trading for the Keg he wears around his waist, he thinks it's a scream to fart at any given time, etc. ???

 

You seem to have a really big chip on your shoulders toward women. Do you think that all housewives, or wives, just sit around the house stuffing their faces with Twinkies, watching Oprah? If you think this, you outta become a little more informed. Sure, there are those that do....just as there's husbands out there who become Barca-lounger test pilots whose idea of helping around the house is lifting a can of beer to their piehole.

 

In any relationship, people can get comfortable with each other, and stop trying so hard...but it goes both ways, it's not just women. If you have a wife, my condolences to her.

[slimjim]

hey befuddled---cant you read??? didnt i say in my post that this goes for the guy too?? who wants to marry a beer gutted slob?? did you get that?? in law school i brought up this fact in a family law class after i was called on (have you seen the "paperchase)?? we were discussing prenups, and i wanted to stir the hornets nest and said i would put a weight clause in there-- for both sides, and if you were so many pounds over an agreed upon weight that you sacrificed $10,000 per pound overweight. this served 2 purposes - it keeps their weight low, and if fatty (either side) all of a sudden starts losing weight after you know that things are going downhill, then you start hiding assets like a madman!!!1 you can then see the light in the end of the tunnel, and you know its the train, so start protecting yourself. in reality, boith sides become complacent like you said and take things for granted. you blame me for making stereotypical remarks, then you blame guys but for doing nothing but "go to work" and paying for everythihng. i know guys who come home and help out with the kids, chores, etc, mainly because there fat wives are having a diabetic headache or something.

 

also in reality, women are also hunters, not always nesters. they are in the hunt until they marry. now they have their quarry and dont have to try anymore, just like the male slobs who retire to the couch and drink beer and miserable away in life with their likewise wife. you see it all the time.

 

my fat cousin, who i also bet with another person on what would happen and i won the money, started dropping weight like an eithiopian marathon runner after her divorce-----she was "back in the pack and on the hunt""... its just reality , if you are intellectually honest. i know , i know, prenups--- yu love your money more than her--- but divorce is 54% right now--- you wouldnt even invest in a stock with those odds for failure. i have no problem with women---but sometime i think ye protest too much--- you're geared for the kids so dont bitch when you get your womanly desire to have them. if you have half a brain, you would realize this before you jump into life's commitments. like the guy said in the movie---how do i write for a woman--- i think of a man , and then take away all reason and responsibility.

[slimjim]

oh, also i dont know what kind of guys you go out with with hair growing out of the back of their noses and farting and whatnot.. you must be exposed to this type of personality to know about these things. the supermodels thing--- you can do piliates while watching oprah, and not eating costs nothing.

 

guys do all the things they do at first just to get laid --thats the entire goal. once they are in, they get comfortable, like you said, and just quit trying. but not all----the comedian red skelton wrote a love letter everyday to his wife after he married her . he got up everyday at 5am and wrote it, and upon his death volumes upon volumes were found. we all wish we could find someone who could stir that kind of commitment , but its rare as hen's teeth. the moral is , MRS> SKELTON WASNT FAT!!!!! god , befuddled , i'd like to cross examine you--- i bet i could get you so mad you'd cop to the 911 attack and al queda!!! jsut joking.....

[traveler]

slimjim, one can tell your a lawyer - very aggressive approach, which i suppose is natural for a litigator (or soon to be one). people take exception with weight gain, and it is especially a sore subject for women. just look at all they put up with---fashion magazines with slim supermodels airbrushed and representing an unachievable goal for most living in the real world. but we are just constantly bombarded with this on TV as well. just look at the insulting superbowl commercials geared towards beer guzzling men with all the beautiful women.

 

life is the ultimate equalizer, and in a committed relationship one just has to love unconditionally and nothing is certain except death. love is looking into someones eyes and knowing that they will always be there and will be willing to die for you---someone who will look at you in 20 years and see you the way that you think you look-- looking through the facial lines and wrinkles years of lifes travails and tribulations....looking at the soul and seeing thru the superficiality of the container that the soul is housed. if you can find someone like that , you would be very lucky, as i am, even if she was obese. you seem to be smart enough to learn that one day, but as many people today are, you are a victim of the superficial standards placed on society by advertisers and magazines and hollywood.

[jester]

I love this place!

 

slimjim, you make a good point: when does a spouse's weight/appearance balloon to such an extent that he/she is in breach of an implied marital agreement to maintain one's appearance/weight within reasonable limits, thus excusing the innocent spouse's non-performance under the marriage contract.

 

Appearance matters. A spouse who lets himself or herself come to resemble a whale is skating on very thin marital ice. One can call this fatty aversion superficial, petty, shallow, selfish, sexist, etc. It doesn't matter. What matters is that revulsion at your spouse's appearance does not make for either a long or happy marriage. You can't legislate physical attraction. Nor can it be commanded or counseled.

 

Pity the marriage burdened by one spouse's obesity.

[jester]

Law students are sometimes quite full of themselves.

 

The young...

[Befuddled11]

Originally posted by jester

Law students are sometimes quite full of themselves.

 

The young...

 

And often they're full of s***, too.

 

Of course Slimjim can sit there at the comfort of his keyboard and spin yarns about having a supersharp, openminded lawyer girlfriend, when in fact he might just be an unemployed ex-greeter at Walmart whose actual girlfriend is one that requires a pump to blow her up with. I would imagine that 2 successful lawyers would have better things to do than surf the net, looking to purposely antagonize complete strangers, just for kicks.

 

Wow, look at the time. I'm scheduled to perform brain surgery in a few minutes, gotta run! ;-)

[Paul]

Originally posted by moimeme

Clearly, slimbo, you are more invested in parroting ignorant, stereotypical cliches than in getting genuine answers to real questions.

 

...

 

Originally posted by befuddled11

It's a well known fact that most housewives get stuck with the brunt of things: laundry, shopping, cleaning, running the kids everywhere, etc etc........maybe they gain weight because their husband think his only obligation is to go to work each day, then come home and plop himself down in the Lazy Boy while she fetches him his dinner. Know many husbands who do their fair share of running the household? I don't.

 

What a shame that some of the replies here counter the ignorant, stereotypical cliches with ignorant, stereotypical cliches. Excuse me while I fart and scratch my ass. You know it, I know it, and the American people know it.

[slimjim]

natasha---- i used the post sentence to attract more women than men because that's the group i was most interested in getting replies from. later in the text i applied to both genders. jester, the weight limits are contracted by negotiation during the prenup, and the parties set the limits--- but i think it would be judicial notice if he or she was big enough to sell advertising space to goodyear. hahha i love these people,,, you make a point and they look for grammar---- its like reading the directions to disarm an activated nuclear device and they complain about a spelling error. they crap elephants and strain at gnats.

have to go and i hope more women address this issue realistically because a lot of men think that women getting fat is a sign of disrespect towards them, and i suppose it is with women towards men. (just no one says it and i see a lot of divorces where i think about it and wonder if down deep that wasnt a root cause of many problems ---hidden resentment.

 

just nobody seems to have a pair of gnads to address the issue--- its better to curse the messenger and make excuses than to just get it done. and you ALL know that if your significant other were to leave you would go back to looking better, and grooming better, and be more polite towards others--- so right now go write your lover and love letter and do something for them or to yourself to improve things between you. i think traveler has it going on, and is the consumate romantic and has the insight that most people never strive for or realize.

 

there is ALWAYS room for improvement in a relationship, and i KNOW i have planted the seed of the weight clause prenup that you will never forget, and will probably be telling someone else about tomorrow. my work here is done. good nite , you hornets!!!!

[Paul]

Originally posted by Befuddled11

Of course Slimjim can sit there at the comfort of his keyboard and spin yarns about having a supersharp, openminded lawyer girlfriend, when in fact he might just be an unemployed ex-greeter at Walmart whose actual girlfriend is one that requires a pump to blow her up with. I would imagine that 2 successful lawyers would have better things to do than surf the net, looking to purposely antagonize complete strangers, just for kicks.

 

Apparently the ability to disrespect fellow community members broadly crosses occupational lines.

 

Wow, look at the time. I'm scheduled to perform brain surgery in a few minutes, gotta run! ;-)

 

What exactly are the differences between a lawyer and a registered nurse?

[Karlise]

SlimJim

 

I'm not sure what kinds of answers you're expecting here.

 

As for why some women get fat.....I dunno. Maybe they're bored in their marriages. Maybe their husbands are big fat duds. Maybe they get no help around the house. Maybe chronic depression is a really huge epidemic right now.

 

I'm a dietitian and I'll tell you...it's not just women. Men are keeping up with them pretty well. About 1/3 of the American population is overweight with a good percentage of them headed into obesity.

 

That said, people 'letting themselves go' usually goes hand in hand with unhappiness or low self esteem.

I think there's a lot of that going on in American society too. (Try reading 'Listening to Prozac'.....it's very enlightening)

I think too many people try to wedge themselves into roles that society dictates are 'proper' or 'expected' of them. Then they wonder who they are? Why don't they feel a sense of identity anymore? Who's this person they married?

 

I have a number of friends who have told me, quite honestly, the only reason they got married when they did is because they thought it was 'time'.

 

 

 

I'm 37 and I weigh the same I did in High School. My mom is 60 and she's a size 6.

Maybe it's because we're not in bad relationships that fritter away at self esteem? She got out of a bad marriage about 6 years ago. I'm living with a wonderful man (whom I don't plan to marry because I don't believe in marriage) and I feel really good about life.

 

I think there's a lot of sucky marriages out there. There's a lot of sucky lives out there. People are afraid to make tough choices so a lot of times they let other people make choices for them. Then they're stuck.

 

Ah but well...there's always food. Drug of choice for many since it's legal, plentiful, cheap and you don't have to go to the bad neighborhoods to get it.

[purpleknif67]

Karlise--you made a really good point about how many people don't want to make the tough choices in life so they let others do it.

 

I find when I am single I actually let myself go--and now that I am getting older, my metabolism is slowing down. I've got that dreaded fifteen pounds thing .

 

When I am in a relationship I actually take care of myself better than when I am single, including exercising on a regular basis(3 to 5 times a week). Ultimately, I don't think that is good either--one should always be exercising and eating right as consistently as possible. I can sympathize with busy mothers that have a lot to do though..

 

One guy I was going out with, who had terrible eating habits and did not exercise actually had the nerve to tell me I could drop a few more pounds--I was a size 8 and he had a beer belly--I broke up with him soon after that

[Reckless]

1. Women carry proportionally more weight than men; they find it harder to lose and easier to gain.

 

2. Children - related to that, post pregnancy weight his hard to shift and and many never manage it, piling on more weight with each child.

 

3. Time. (as has been said) Single women have much more time to devote to themselves (and their bodies) children, marriage and running a household reduces this drastically.

 

4. Energy. Related to this is that at the end of a working day many just don't have the MENTAL energy to concentrate on self improvement.

 

6. Priorities. Keeping slim fails to be a priority. The pressure is off to find a man, they relax and concentrate on other things - the pounds creep on. They think it doesn't matter so much to remain trim and attractive to a man that is already committed.

 

5. Support. As a single woman time at the gym or going out for a run is a relatively simple endeavour, married (and possibly with children) a degree of co-operation and support from her partner would be necessary, many lack the motivation or the drive to ask for this. Related to this is that mealtimes become more 'complicated'. She may snack with the children and eat again with her husband later. Changing her diet may involve cooking a third meal or at the very least sitting and watching temptation at the same table while she denies herself food she craves.

 

7. Unhappiness. Some women can't eat when they are unhappy but many women eat more. There are a lot of unhappy, emotion-less and sexless marriages out there (Chocolate stimulates enough endorphin production to be a recognised mood enhancer) and the vicious circle of feeling (emotionally or sexually) neglected, isolated in the home as chief caretakers or depressed because of marital problems can lead to them turning to food for comfort which in turn adds to the problem.

 

I thought I could think of (10) but I can't think of any more reasons apart from the natural weight gains as we get older or sickness...

[tommyd]

very thought provoking answers later in this post after the stereotypical answers were exhausted at the beginning. he suckered them in and slammed a few of the unsophisticated knee- jerkers who provide excuses with no insight. and he did it in typical attorney cross-xamination mode, to which have been exposed to. i think slimjim opened an area that is the un-talked about things in relationships, but may have a causal effect in realtionships that is greater than we know. if he is a lawyer, and he probably is, he sees the deterioration of marriage in society today and maybe is just searchng for a deeper cause. no one wants to seem superficial in this day of PC, but it seems that when someone marrys and their spouse gains substantial weight this might cause resentment, especially if he or she changes drastically from the start. like a previous post, everybody so badly craves honesty in a relationship and when one party discussed weight, then this seemingly solid relationship hits the rocks rather quickly. some women out there--- please answer his question -- how does one discuss this with your spouse?? a man's question from hell, which has been the brunt of many a bar joke and discussion, is , what is the answwer when your wife is looking in the mirror and says " honey, do you think i'm fat?" talk about a thin ice moment --- i bet 100% of men who want no problems just lie. as far as supermodels having time and money - the time thing is a worn out excuse. nobody is paid to do the work for them - thye still have to pu forth the effort-- and its amazing the time we find when we have cancer and have to rearrange things to get chemo, nd come to realize how we have wasted so muh time. . thats something that no one on the planet enjoys--- too bad we cant find this same time to do a little self improvement that could lead to possibly a happier life. ,

[Arabess]

There ARE different body shapes. Some people are naturally more heavier than others. Some of the heavier ones are more sexier than the thinner ones. Some men prefer them.

 

With THAT being said.....I will add: SOME women are just fat because they won't take the innitiative to change it. They whine and defend it because it's easier to keep pulling thru the McDonald's drive thru than exercising and going on a diet. Married or not.

 

If your spouse doesn't find the extra 50 pounds as being attractive....then you owe it to them to TRY to lose it. I took a year after my daughter was born and lost a 100 pounds....WHY??? Cause I looked like a COW!

 

I can't imagine ANY woman not having enough self respect alone to be the best she can be. She doesn't have to look like a 21 year old, and certainly the word 'perky' will no longer apply after some point, but to just keep putting on the pounds while wallowing in self pity....is sad.

 

Again, this is NOT to be confused with a woman who is larger boned or a larger woman. I'm medium sized myself. I'm just addressing the flabby crap which CAN be dealt with......and should.

[moimeme]

I can't help but wonder how many people theorizing on this thread have achieved and maintained their ideal weight.

[Arabess]

Varying somewhat from an ideal weight is different from just letting yourself go though.

[moimeme]

Let's not split hairs, Arabess. You know what I mean.

[Tony T]

I don't think women get fat after they get married....they just appear that way.

[HokeyReligions]

Thanks so much! This whole thread is fricken' hilarious!

 

Slimjim -- make friends with a good divorce lawyer --- you are going to need one many times in your life!

 

Oh, and you might want to make sure you have a good doctor too just in case you end up with some kind of disease or accident that limits or prevents you from increasing your exercising througout your life -- and you might want to pace yourself now, just in case you are one of the millions of people who are genetically geared to lose mobility and have an increasingly more difficult time losing weight as you age!

 

Oh, this is just so funny! :lmao: Thank you all!

[BlockHead]

slimjim

just nobody seems to have a pair of gnads to address the issue--- its better to curse the messenger and make excuses than to just get it done.

Don’t be the bearer of bad news. The reason is because people tend to associate the bad feelings for the problems with the messenger.

 

There are a few problems with this argument.

1. Women who understand and agree with you will never admit to being shallow.

2. You challenge a woman’s vanity.

3. Women want their minds valued more than their bodies.

 

slimjim

like the guy said in the movie---how do i write for a woman--- i think of a man , and then take away all reason and responsibility.

I believe the words were “reason and accountability.”

Exactly how many women are willing to admit to making mistakes?