luvflower Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Hello all. So I was just reflecting on my encounters with people in my line of work and even in my personal relationships. I've noticed more recently how a few of them smile even when they're explaining or discussing disturbing incidents in their lives. Im somewhat familiar with nervous laughter, but smiling when you're describing your unhappy homelife or smiling while showing me a few disturbing images from your 9-5 while keeping the streets safe...just strikes me as really not right. Is there a proper term for this? And how deep of an issue is this? Does age or gender matter? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I'm smiling right now. I wonder if it's appropriate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 How about when: 1. A grown man is smiling while showing me a picture of a dead man on the sidewalk whose head is busted and bleeding everywhere 2. A teenager smiling while discussing his/her unhappy homelife ...? Link to post Share on other sites
baguette Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 1) Seems like that person is deteched from the violence behind it. Doesn't mean he's a bad person or anything. 2) Maybe the teen is protecting him/herself. If I had a ****ty situation I'd try to laugh about it too. Link to post Share on other sites
HHC Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I'm a laugher when I get nervous or put on the spot. In mid argument it's pretty common for me to start laughing or smiling broadly I don't mean to it's just automatic. Link to post Share on other sites
Bellechica Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 My husband does this sometimes when we are having serious, painful talks. It has hurt me and made me angry, but I've come to realize it is a way of coping with difficult and sensitive topics. Perhaps there is a genetic component to this as my son does it as well, but I've been diligent about telling him why he shouldn't smile in certain situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Smiles can serve multiple functions. They can be about expressing emotions or they can be relational. In the two example, you expect their facial expression to be linked to the content of what they're saying. Meanwhile, it's likely they're smiling to you, as part of a show that they trust and like you, or otherwise to make you comfortable with the gory details of what they're saying. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 In my experience it's because I didn't understand my REAL feelings. I had learned to "pretend" to act happy no matter how bad things were. Learning how to acknowledge my real feelings and have my face show how I felt was a learning process. It takes a lot of UNLEARNING what I learned growing up = act happy no matter what you FEEL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 Interesting. .. The smiling from the bloody head busted is really ...interesting.im sir its a coping mechanism but shucks! Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Sometimes people do it out of anxious or nervousness. I've done it plenty of times. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Yoko Ono, criticized for not smiling all the time like a Western woman, said that in her culture and class (she was upper class in Japan) only shopkeepers smiled all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Hello all. So I was just reflecting on my encounters with people in my line of work and even in my personal relationships. I've noticed more recently how a few of them smile even when they're explaining or discussing disturbing incidents in their lives. Im somewhat familiar with nervous laughter, but smiling when you're describing your unhappy homelife or smiling while showing me a few disturbing images from your 9-5 while keeping the streets safe...just strikes me as really not right. Is there a proper term for this? And how deep of an issue is this? Does age or gender matter? Thanks! Technically smiling is a defense mechanism inherited from primates. Eyebrows lifted, grin showing teeth ... etc. Maybe it's just that in your situation, a way to say 'pls don't be mad about this or say something bad'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted May 27, 2012 Author Share Posted May 27, 2012 Thanks guys. I'll keep all this in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 (edited) I've certainly laughed or smiled at inappropriate times...and know other people who have. When you're discussing something that makes you unhappy, it can be a way of acknowledging that you're on a depressing subject. Almost like an apology for talking about something gloomy. The hardest thing is to know how to respond to somebody else doing it. Do you maintain a doe eyed frown in the face of their rictus grin...or do you smile along with them? There are different smiles for different occasions. The rueful smile might be a good response in one situation...a sad smile in another. There's a UK programme I've been watching lately. "Made in Chelsea". It's a reality show about a group of young people. Not quite aristocrats, but wealthy moneyed and public school (that means exclusive boarding school where I live) educated. The thing I find fascinating about it is the amount of time they spend just looking at eachother instead of saying anything....and often they will smile as a response to hearing another person's woes. It also reminds me of the character Bree in Desperate Housewives. Regardless of what's going on, she always maintains that poised little smirk on her face as a way of concealing her real emotions. A smile is one of the more attractive facial expressions, so it makes sense that if somebody is going to pick a "fits all occasions" expression, they're probably going to try to make it something approximating a smile. Here's a little piece about the "Stepford Smiler" http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StepfordSmiler Edited May 27, 2012 by Taramere Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 im sir its a coping mechanism but shucks! Not in my opinion. I'd rather have a light hearted banter or smile over something very serious than get all teary eyed. I dislike it when people judge others for using a sense of humour as a coping mechanism, that's much much easier to live with than full show of crying and anxiety. You should be grateful. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 i smile in the hope that any/my story of plight will be met sympathy Link to post Share on other sites
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