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Boyfriend still in love with ex


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I love my boyfriend very much and believe he is a good man. We have been together a little over a year and I feel like there is one central thing wrong with the relationship I need to confront somehow. He is in love with his ex girlfriend whom he dated a long time ago and considers her the one that got away. The trouble is, he is still attached to her, talks about her frequently, speaks to her often and acts like a little kid when he tells me what they speak about. He has keepsakes/photos of her around his house that he treats like treasures. It's honestly hurtful and a little weird. She has been dating someone for years that she won't let him meet when they do see each other. That tells me something is off, and that if everything were healthy between them, it wouldn't be an issue!

 

I am happy that he is open with me about it and I am open to the point that I believe people can and do love many others. The trouble is, there is that important part that you share and give to the person you are in a relationship with or it cannot move forward with trust! I know he loves me, but I feel that he loves her more and refuses to give up this fantasy. When I ask him about it, he will brush it off and say that she is just someone he cares about. I also feel from her end that she manipulates his feelings, enjoys the admiration and is a bit jealous of me being important in his life. I don't feel integrated as of yet. I have let this slide for a long time but am starting to realize that I am playing myself for doing so, and just either want out or want my boyfriend to let go of this past and give the part of himself to me that I deserve. I used to feel like I was being unreasonable for questioning this, but am now confident I am not. This is one central argument in our relationship and I feel like his attachment to her is unhealthy, I am a really good girlfriend and I deserve more!

 

Does anyone have any advice of how to confront this?

 

-Milly

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stillafool

I don't think I could handle being second. I would tell him to go get her if he's still in love with her, but that's just me.:) You definitely need to talk to him and find out the truth about this.

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Whoa. This is totally unacceptable. I don't even believe people should be friends with their exes. Maybe acquiescence but definitely no regular contact. It's totally disrespectful to the new relationship.

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The Non-Student

For me this would be a deal breaker. My ex was the same way with his high school crush. About a year after he broke up with me, they were in a committed relationship. He's got to move on in order to give you what you deserve--his total commitment.

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As the one that was in love with ex, you need to run. I was competely still in love with my ex when I met my ex husband. I was crazy and tried to make it work with my ex husband. We got married and were married for 6 years. Eventually, due to MANY reasons, I divorced him.

 

Guess who I am with now? You got it, the ex I was competely in love with. We have been back together for 9 months.

 

I know the entire time my heart still belonged to my ex. I am sorry, but if he is still in love with his ex he isn't giving you his entire heart.

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january2011

I was in your situation. He ended up marrying her.

 

Don't be a fool. I'm sorry but the damage has been done already and the fact that he still maintains contact with her is a huge red flag. Please don't kid yourself that just because everything is out in the open, it's okay. It's not. It allows you to delude yourself, and enables your boyfriend to think that it's okay just because you know. It really is not okay.

 

You do deserve more and he's not able to give it. Walk, don't run. No matter how much time you've invested so far, it really is not worth sacrificing the rest of what you have left for this man.

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You need to get rid of him Milly. He's only gunna continue to cause your more pain in the future. Also whos to say that he might not want to become even closer to her and eventually they could end up having an affair. I think you know this relationship will not last soo long as he has feeling for another woman. You owe it to yourself to let him go and find someone who will love you completely.

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As the one that was in love with ex, you need to run. I was competely still in love with my ex when I met my ex husband. I was crazy and tried to make it work with my ex husband. We got married and were married for 6 years. Eventually, due to MANY reasons, I divorced him.

 

Guess who I am with now? You got it, the ex I was competely in love with. We have been back together for 9 months.

 

I know the entire time my heart still belonged to my ex. I am sorry, but if he is still in love with his ex he isn't giving you his entire heart.

 

What major red flags should the OP watch out for.

 

What things would you do and say to your now ex husband which really should have made him walk away before marriage?

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What major red flags should the OP watch out for.

 

What things would you do and say to your now ex husband which really should have made him walk away before marriage?

 

I am not sure if I gave red flags. I didn't have any contact with the guy. I did still keep a picture, but hid it from my ex husband. I did mention how the guy was with my daughter, from a previous relationship.

 

You know there was one time there was contact with the guy. When my dad passed away he came to the funeral. My heart dropped when he walked in. He came up to me and I broke into tears and he hugged me. I am not sure my ex husband saw it as he was in the back room tending to our baby.

 

I left my ex husband due to verbal and emotional abuse. I got back into contact with my BF after the divorce.

 

I didn't give my ex husband all my heart, because it still belonged to another guy.

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Yeh you did say there were other issues with the ex husband.

 

Do you think a lot of problems in that marriage stemmed from your inability to love him fully? I mean, people are a lot more perceptive than we give credit for and maybe it was frustration on his part (not justifying, just trying to understand :-) it must have been hard on both of you

 

sorry op, promise not to hijack yr thread anymore...

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My ex who I was in a relationship for 4 years basically strung me along after seeing her high school ex in which they have never been in contact with for 10 years (lived in her home country).

 

A side of me hurts like hell, BUT its a relief that I broke it off after snooping and her change in personality (else I would have never known!). Never let anyone string you along, you should always be number one.

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