goldenbrown Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 So I recently got married. Prior to marriage, my (now) wife and I lived with her mom and step father as well as her sister for a while, and over time her sister and I have become like brother and sister. My sister in law is always in and out of relationships and lacks what my wife and I think are common sense boundaries - in the past she has dated ex boyfriends roomates as well as my wifes friends. All of these experiences have changed if not ended friendships. My best friend also doesn't have a very good history with women. We were roomates for several years on 2 separate occasions and he's always been a ladies man and a booty call connoisseur. He rarely has a "girlfriend" and when he does it usually ends up with him cheating on her. At our wedding, my sister in law brought a date, and then later in the night wanted some old friend of ours that she has had an on again off again thing with to come to her room with her. She ditched her date and threw a fit when we tried to carpool because she couldn't drive 5 minutes with him alone. My best friend (who was also a groomsman) hooked up with another of my wife's brides maids. About a month later, my sister in law was coming over our house (she lives with her parents still about an hour away) and was coming from my friends house because she'd spent the night. I was immediately angry about it because I felt that she (and him) had broken our trust and changed the way my relationships would be with both of them. Am I wrong to be mad about this? They are still seeing each other several months later, and I am still pissed off about it. I just can't see anything good coming out of this unless they end up happily ever after. If not it just creates awkwardness in my relationship with the two of them and my wife with the two of them as well. She is pissed at my best friend for sleeping with her sister and using her other close friend to get laid. Am I justified in my anger, or am I just being obtuse? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 are you less happily married as result? i can't see why you would be tbh Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Neither your sister-in-law nor your friend owe you first right of refusal regarding who they date or have sex with. They don't need your approval to have a relationship. I have no idea why you are so angry and what "trust" was broken. Trust? What trust? How does trust even come into play here? Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) It seems that their relationship choices and behaviors have always offended you, or at the very least have not lined up with your idea of what a relationship should be. Now that they are fooling around with one another, the line between friends and family are getting complicated and blurred. It's normal to feel uncomfortable, but I think your real fear is that you do not want to deal with any sort of fallout that might result when their relationship fails. When this happens, it might not be fun to deal with, but you should not feel threatened or like any trust has been broken. They are both adults making their own choices. Your innermost family circle, with your wife, is intact. Be grateful for that and try to focus on other things. Edited April 8, 2012 by ScienceGal Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldenbrown Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 My problem is that I expect a fallout that will create awkwardness between my wife and my best friend. Her sister is a major part of her life and around our family (we have a 2 year old daughter) a lot. I've never approved of their relationship styles because they have no concern for other people involved - my sister in law started dating my wife's friend a few years ago and after a bad breakup my wife has never been able to even talk to him again. I know they are adults and their choices are their own, but those choices have effects upon my life as well. They will alter the way my wife feels about my friends and how I feel about her sister. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 They will alter the way my wife feels about my friends and how I feel about her sister. That will only happen if you and your wife allow it to. Who your friends and siblings sleep with should have no affect on you at all, unless you're being nosy and putting yourselves in the middle of things. Do your own thing, live your own lives, and if any of those people stop being friends with you through no fault of your own, there's nothing you can do about that. Their dating choices might be stupid to you, but you still have to have a level of respect for them, meaning don't get involved or too judgmental. Link to post Share on other sites
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