with personality diagnosis

[robert1966]

hi all

 

i have been in arelationship with s meone for a little over a year and she has some personality traits that im not sure i completly understand, but i am pretty sure that alot of her traits are somehow related. i will list them out and see what you guys can come up with, i really look foreword to your feedback...........

 

she is constantly late, very late usually and she makes no apologies for it. its like she thinks its cute to have someone waiting for over an hour for her to show up.

 

she is very easly startled. actually thats an understatement, if u leave the rooom for ten minutes and come back in she will scream at the top of her lungs and her heart will be racing . she is truely terrified after u walk into a room after just a few minutes of being away.

 

she never has her phone on her to where you can contact her. she just leaves it wherever and isnt concerned that someone may be trying to contact her. if she wants to talk to someon she will call them but other than that its almost impossible to contact her.

 

another phone issue is that she wont delete old voice mails, her voice mail box is full and no one can leave her a message but yet she argues and basically refuses to clean out her old voicemails.

 

she has a very hard time apologizing. you may get an "im sorry that hurt you" but never an emotional heartfelt apology.

 

she told me once that her X husband never bought her gift that she kept and that she would return any gift he got her and exchange it for something she liked. this really bothered her because as she puts it "after 7 years of marriage you would think that he would learn what i liked" i would try to explain to her that he probably hurt his feelings and had him feeling a little defeated but she would just reply with "well im a logical person and im not going to keep a gift that i dont like"

 

she is very honest. almost to the point of it being a flaw. if someone asked her how they looked or anyquestion like that she would tell them her honest opinion in a cold and heartless manner.

 

she loses everything. her phone, purse, debit card....... constantly

 

two times in one week she lost her 5 year old son. on a saturday evening she is getting gas in the bad part of town and he gets out of the car and goes inside to the mens bathroom. after she is finished getting fuel she just leaves and doesnt realize that he isnt in the car for a few miles. and then just three days late she leave him at school on a day hen they wasnt having school. it took about 3 hours for someone to track her down, ( see above commit about not answering her phone).

 

she is very well educated, a physician that speaks three languages.

 

she is a 38 year old asian that came to the states when she was 3.

 

she has a way of making everything about her. if u try to talk to her about how u feel she turns it around to be about her. if u try to tell her about a seafood restaurant that you like she has to make sure that yo uknow she doesnt like seafood.

 

and lastly she always makes sure that u know your good isnt good enough. i have bought her and her daughter all cars, dinners, trips and countless dinners over the last year and each and every time she makes sure that you know it just wasnt quiet right.

 

well thats just the hightpoints but maybe thats enough for some of you to give me some opinions about her personality type.

 

thanks in advance.

 

rob.

Edited November 27, 2011 by robert1966

[writergal]

You could always Google "personality disorders" and see if your girlfriend's traits that you listed fit any of the disorder criteria. Otherwise they just seem like her personality traits that bother you. Have you talked to her about your concerns?

 

As for forgetting her son twice, that's a bit extreme but it does happen. When my sister and I were little, our dad often bought us tickets to the Sunday matinee at the opera house in our town (weird, but my family loves opera, so you know). One Sunday he dropped my sister and I off without our tickets so we couldn't see the show. We had to wait for him to get home first, before he could come back with the tickets which took an hour. We had called home from the opera house and told our mom, "Hey, dad just dropped us off without the tickets." This was before cellphones in the late 1980s.

 

Once when I was in fourth grade, I forgot that my mom had told me to wait for my younger sister after school who was in 1st grade at the time. Before my sister entered 1st grade, my mom picked her up from kindergarten. Since we lived so close to the school, my parents thought it would be easier for us to walk home together. Well, one day I forgot to wait for my sister's class to exit the school and ran off with some friends to the local ice cream shop. I got into BIG trouble with my parents when I walked home because I left my sister at school waiting (she still gives me grief about it now as an adult). Does that mean I have a personality disorder?

 

If you don't like your girlfriend's personality traits (other than forgetting her son twice which is odd but can happen), I see that as the real issue; not whether or not she has a personality disorder.

 

If she does have a personality disorder, she is a physician so don't you think she'd do a self-diagnosis anyway? Or seek help from a colleague about it? Or maybe she knows but is in denial. Who knows. You could always break up with her if she really bothers you. Or you could talk to her frankly about what you've written here and see where it goes?

[Heart On]

http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/2011/10/characteristics-of-the-narcissist/

 

Not saying this is "her",but I would suggest that anyone who stays with someone with that many "issues" has issues of thier own.

 

Namely,codependency.

[robert1966]

http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/2011/10/characteristics-of-the-narcissist/

 

Not saying this is "her",but I would suggest that anyone who stays with someone with that many "issues" has issues of thier own.

 

Namely,codependency.

 

i read throught the 46 characteristics in your link and i looks like she exibits 35 to 39 of the traits of a narcissist.

 

as far as your comment about me staying with some who has so many issues your probably right about that to. i guess it just hard to know when to walk away from someone that you love. in hindsight i should have recoginized the signs before i got in to deep!!

[Heart On]

i read throught the 46 characteristics in your link and i looks like she exibits 35 to 39 of the traits of a narcissist.

 

as far as your comment about me staying with some who has so many issues your probably right about that to. i guess it just hard to know when to walk away from someone that you love. in hindsight i should have recoginized the signs before i got in to deep!!

 

The only reason I know about Narcissism and Codependency is because I fell hard and fast for a man who had ALL those charateristics and became Love addicted to the image he portrayed to hook me in and "missed"/ ignored the red flags because I too couldn't walk away from who he made me think he was.But not because it was a healthy relationship,but because I was conditioned to tolerate abuse thanks to my childhood,and typically Betrayal Bonded to exploitive people in my life.I could answer "YES" to all these questions at one point or another in most of my adult relationships.

 

Take this test honestly and you will see just how much a part of the problem your reaction has been to her.Not fun to face,but for every Narcissist,there is a duped and codependant person striving for acceptance from someone who LACKS empathy.But while you are enmeshed,it's SO hard to see,let alone get away from!

 

http://www.sexhelp.com/am-i-a-sex-addict/betrayal-bond-index

 

Hind sight IS 20/20 but if you now know the probable issue,and that you will NEVER change her or even really have any effect on her,what will you choose to do? Continue to seek out her validation,or WALK!?

 

Don't bother to call her out....the whole premise of Malignant Narcissism is that these people's Defense Mechanisms are in HIGH over drive.

 

They lie,they deny,they manipulate, they pity ploy,they drive you INSANE.

 

And they are NEVER wrong in thier minds.

 

Is there anyway you can extract her from your life with minimal colateral damage to yourself? If you just dump her out of the blue,she won't "allow" you to leave her.Narcissism stems from some SERIOUS abandonment issues from her childhood,so you just leaving her,without it being HER idea won't go over big.

 

They don't go to therapy,they don't see anything wrong with how they are.

You have no control of her,only your REACTION to her.

That is your choice.And while she may be sexy and great in bed,all the rest of her "traits" will take you down if you let them.

 

For future reference and fair warning!

 

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Beware_Of_Narcissists.html

Narcissism is a personality disorder. It stems from childhood abuse. When children decide that the world, and the people in it, are bad and that they are good, they have a skewed vision of life. They see the whole world as revolving around them. They see others as objects to gratify their needs. They lack compassion for others. In general they are incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship because they have to be in control all of the time.

 

Often, narcissists are very charming in order to seduce people into liking them. Their ability to seduce people is amazing. They appear confident and therefore exciting. They want you to fall in love and bond with them so they can finally emerge as their true selves without being abandoned.

If you keep your eyes open, you can detect a narcissist’s need for control and his or her self-centeredness. If you make a mistake they will be critical and unsympathetic. They will hold you to a high standard and exhibit disdain for what they consider weakness or vulnerability.

Both men and women are narcissists.

 

When it comes to relationships, they usually fear engulfment and they:

⋅ Fear losing their identity.

⋅ Fear dependency and avoid bonding.

⋅ Create rigid personality boundaries (can't get close).

⋅ Are sensitive to everything that leads to bonding.

⋅ Lose interest in sex that leads to bonding.

⋅ Seduce and withhold to avoid bonding.

⋅ Minimize feelings that lead to bonding.

⋅ Get nervous when things go well or bonding occurs.

⋅ Pick fights and create uproars to avoid bonding.

⋅ Want more space or have to run.

⋅ Can't make a commitment.

⋅ Are indifferent to others.

⋅ Feel entitled to be taken care of their way.

⋅ Won't put up with discomfort.

⋅ Have complete control of the schedule.

⋅ Say to their partner “Just stay put while I come and go.”

 

Narcissists can also be love addicts. O.J. Simpson was a love addict. He had affairs and did want he wanted until Nicole divorced him and then he went nuts. While it may seem that narcissists are only men, this is not true. Many women narcissists seduce codependant men. There is really no difference between male and female narcissists. Female narcissists used to be called black widow spiders. The male narcissist is Don Juan or a Casanova. Women can also be as physically abusive as men. Love addicts should go on the internet and learn as much as they can about narcissists so they can see through their charm in the early stages of the relationship. The most common toxic relationship is between the codependant love addict and the narcissist love addict. Opposites attract and love addicts are vulnerable to charming people.

 

http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/06/28/relationshipstrategies/20-identifiable-traits-of-a-female-narcissist/

 

Knowledge is Power.