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Eh, I've never posted before and didn't know where to post... but I really need some outside opinions and advice...

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years now. But lately we have come to a stand-still. We haven't had sex in almost two months.

 

He says it's because I don't initiate. But when I try to, I'm always shot down, because he's busy, not in the mood (really?!?), sore, etc. So after various attempts and being rejected every single time, I just gave up. He'll let me know when he's in the mood, right? No... he'll just runaway with his laptop when I'm preoccupied and watch porn and masturbate. He wont even attempt to ask me. And on the off chance that he does accept my advances or decides to come on to me, it's only for a blowjob... during which he wants to watch porn.

 

He says I don't initiate enough. And when I do, he says that he feels like I'm just trying to get myself off. His exact words were, "I feel like I'm the only one interested in having sex."

 

What?!? Do strip teases and hot oil massages not scream "I'm interest in having sex with you!"??? We'll it seems like I've tried everything. Strip teases, wrestling naked, massages, text messages, pictures... But he still feels like I'm not interested in sex.

 

So what is going on? What am I doing wrong? I need more ideas. How do I turn him on? How do I initiate sex, and let him know that I want him? I'm lost. Just completely lost.

 

This is tearing me apart, the fact that I can't satisfy his sexual needs. Perhaps I should let him find a girl on the side who can do what I can't?

 

I just really need advice...

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It sounds like he's rationalising, trying to come up with reasons for something he doesn't properly understand himself. This is not fair as the outcome is to criticise you and it doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong. It seems he doesn't want to have sex with you for some reason. It's probably not your fault but something within him. He's not interested. Either he's lost interest in you or there is something he is not telling you. If he'd lost interest in you, one would think he might look elsewhere but, from what you say, he's more interested in porn. His behaviour doesn't sound normal to me.

 

What kind of porn is he watching? Is he watching women? I just wondered whether maybe he's bisexual or gay and just hasn't told you. If that was the case, he may not find a single, heterosexual relationship satisfying.

 

Whatever is going on, blaming you is very unfair when the crux of the matter is that he has lost interest in having sex with you. Only he knows the reasons but I doubt it has anything to do with what he's telling you. I think if he won't seek counselling with you and just continues to blame you without doing anything else about this situation, you need to considering opting out of this relationship. His attitude is only going to sap your confidence otherwise and I think what he's saying to you amounts to emotional abuse. You can do without that.

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It's not your fault. He's projecting his own problems onto you (he's the one who isn't interested in sex and only wants to get himself off) in an attempt to justify his behavior. First of all, don't let him watch porn while he's engaged in intimate activity with you. He can either watch porn or he can be intimate with you, but he can't do both at the same time. That's insulting. Second of all, stop giving him blow jobs until he learns how to reciprocate. Otherwise, you're just servicing him while he ignores you.

 

You're trying so hard to make him happy, but it sounds like he's totally stopped trying with you. No matter what you do, it will never be good enough for him because he's already checked out of the relationship. He just doesn't want to admit it, so he's trying to convince you that it's your fault.

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Eh, I've never posted before and didn't know where to post... but I really need some outside opinions and advice...

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years now. But lately we have come to a stand-still. We haven't had sex in almost two months.

 

He says it's because I don't initiate. But when I try to, I'm always shot down, because he's busy, not in the mood (really?!?), sore, etc. So after various attempts and being rejected every single time, I just gave up. He'll let me know when he's in the mood, right? No... he'll just runaway with his laptop when I'm preoccupied and watch porn and masturbate. He wont even attempt to ask me. And on the off chance that he does accept my advances or decides to come on to me, it's only for a blowjob... during which he wants to watch porn.

 

He says I don't initiate enough. And when I do, he says that he feels like I'm just trying to get myself off. His exact words were, "I feel like I'm the only one interested in having sex."

 

What?!? Do strip teases and hot oil massages not scream "I'm interest in having sex with you!"??? We'll it seems like I've tried everything. Strip teases, wrestling naked, massages, text messages, pictures... But he still feels like I'm not interested in sex.

 

So what is going on? What am I doing wrong? I need more ideas. How do I turn him on? How do I initiate sex, and let him know that I want him? I'm lost. Just completely lost.

 

This is tearing me apart, the fact that I can't satisfy his sexual needs. Perhaps I should let him find a girl on the side who can do what I can't?

 

I just really need advice...

He's not interested in you because he's addicted to porn. That is what is occupying his sexual energy right now. I would suggest you leave him. Not worth trying to fix a bf in that condition.

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This is tearing me apart, the fact that I can't satisfy his sexual needs. Perhaps I should let him find a girl on the side who can do what I can't?

 

never do this. it will not end well.

 

i was in a relationship kind of similar whre he wasnt interested. everyone told me they thought he was gay.

years later (i am not with him anymore) I saw a therapist and he told me that going by what i had said had i ever considered that he might be gay?

of course i still dont know for sure, and not saying this is what your situation is like, but my point is when we are inside a relationship its very difficult to see things how they really are.

 

sounds like you've done all you can. there are so many men out there who would jump at the chance to have a lady so eager to fulfill them.

 

if you are not careful you will end up like me paying lots of money for some much needed therapy due to the continuous rejections.

 

if i knew then what i know now i would not have stayed and done myself a huge favour, and wouldnt have wasted years and years that i could have spent being happy.

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Here's some "no punches pulled" advice...

 

You can do all that stuff you are doing trying to get him interested but that is not the problem. The problem is you aren't ****ing him right.

 

There's making love, having sex, and ****ing. They're all different and it sounds like your man needs to be ****ed! Sometimes all that extra effort you are putting in just ends up being pressure on a guy.

 

A few little suggestions.

 

- Be more spontaneous

- Have some wham bam thank you maam sex

- Be more vocal. Scream loud, moan, and beg for it

- Talk dirty

- Be dirty

- Have sex in an unusual place

- Worship his penis. Tell him its huge and you can't get enough

- **** his ass off and then want it again right away.

 

Wait until he comes home one day and greet him at the door with a huge kiss and a penis grab. (Don't be all dressed up like you had it all planned. This is supposed to look spontaneous) Give him oral sex right there. Before he finishes, stand up, turn around, bend over, and beg him to **** you right there in the entrance way.

 

Not every man wants or needs sex like this every time but every once in a while it goes a LONG way towards keeping him happy!

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This is tearing me apart, the fact that I can't satisfy his sexual needs. Perhaps I should let him find a girl on the side who can do what I can't?

 

Never play 2nd fiddle to anyone. If you've spoken about it and not coming to any solution, leave him. Respect yourself.

 

I also agree with the suggestion of not giving him head while he's watching porn...that just makes it all about him being a selfish £"$%!!!! What about your needs?

If he's that obsessed with porn and beating off why does he need a girlfriend? Maybe he's expecting you to do a bit of role playing like the girls on the porn...that is of course if he is looking at girls!

 

Good luck

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dreamingoftigers

You've got yourself a porn addict, dump and run sweetheart. It only gets much, much worse.

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Forever Learning
It's not your fault. He's projecting his own problems onto you (he's the one who isn't interested in sex and only wants to get himself off) in an attempt to justify his behavior. First of all, don't let him watch porn while he's engaged in intimate activity with you. He can either watch porn or he can be intimate with you, but he can't do both at the same time. That's insulting. Second of all, stop giving him blow jobs until he learns how to reciprocate. Otherwise, you're just servicing him while he ignores you.

 

You're trying so hard to make him happy, but it sounds like he's totally stopped trying with you. No matter what you do, it will never be good enough for him because he's already checked out of the relationship. He just doesn't want to admit it, so he's trying to convince you that it's your fault.

 

Yes, agreed. This guy is mentally abusing you at this point. Some folks do it for fun. They are mentally ill. They have personality disorders or other problems.

 

Now it might seem hard for you to comprehend how you guys can go from getting along great to getting to this point. But relationships go through different stages, the infatuation stage is usually smooth sailing for everyone. Once that part fizzles out, a new stage emerges, and sometimes you start to see a person's true colors.

 

This guy is abusing you. Stick around, and you might just end up bat-sh*t crazy from it. Try counseling if you feel up to it or if you think he's worth it. Only give him a set amount of time to get his act together though, weeks/ months, NOT years.

 

I think your prince has just turned into a toad, pretty much. (But not a horny toad, LOL):laugh:

 

You might just want to end this relationship here and now, no counseling required, no wasted time down the drain, no more emotional agony from this pr*ck.

 

Life is short, there are so many other men who would WORSHIP and CHERISH having a wonderful lady like you. Remember that! It's true! You are one of the cool chicks. This dude of yours is a real assclown.

 

p.s. - no matter what, don't bring a 3rd party into this mess or suggest he go to other women - no good will come of it, guaranteed. Don't.

Edited by Forever Learning
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