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why do men cheat when they have a good woman at home?


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I have been doing a lot of reading and watching various so -called experts say that the new "trend" today is infidelity. I am very frustrated by everyone who talks like this. It makes me wonder how anyone can feel comfortable in relationships anymore. I've also heard that 80% of married men are unfaithful in America.. So, my question is this:

 

why does a man cheat when he has a good woman at home?

 

i'm interested to see people's opinions.. esp. the men. :) thanks!

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From guys that I've talked to, I've gathered that guys just don't want to settle for just the same thing for the rest of their life, but I do not get why they got married in the first place... People are dumb and do more impulse decisions now than before (I think).

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Why do men cheat? The reasons vary with the man providing the answer.

 

A cynic would answer "because they can." That's too simple, however, and strips away the individual. But there's an element of truth to it.

 

Most men, I suspect, do not wake up one morning and tell themselves "I'm going to cheat, today." There's rarely premeditated cheating.

 

What often happens is that a man and a woman work together. These colleagues become friends. They start confiding more and more with one another and, as a result, become closer friends. At the firm Christmas party or maybe with drinks after work they loosen up, feel an attraction for one another and go over the edge. The man may want sexual variety, the woman may want that, too. Or one or both may believe they have emotional needs going unmet at home. Or none of these reasons applies.

 

Work, friendship and alcohol, however, incubate many affairs.

 

These colleagues and friends become passionate lovers. The betrayed spouse recedes into the background and Eros takes over (along with the lies, deceit, betrayal and double life).

 

Affairs frequently happen because they can. (Moralists please note: This is an explanation not an excuse!).

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they have emotional needs going unmet at home

 

There you have it folks. The answer to all the problems in the world. WAKE UP PEOPLE. Get off the message board and talk to the person who can acutally give you the answer and if they can't it's b/c they either never loved you or you waited way to long to salvage anything. They are dead inside and emtionally already left the marriage before their clothes ever came off.

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Most men where I work (and there are 1000's of them) would cheat if given a chance. I always assumed they do it to get layed elsewhere. Then again...it's a Navy Base.....certainly not the high point of morality going on THERE!

 

Generally though, they go out of their way not to get caught. They love being married and seem committed to their families. They just seem to have a "zipper" problem.

 

It may start out as infatuation, but it always ends up just being about sex.

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Arabess, you're right. For many guys "it's about sex." (I'm not saying all).

 

Even when you love your "other woman"--it's still about sex. Sex, at least temporarily, validates many an affair for men. New sex is why we take such risks. The other validation markers--children, marriage--are missing.

 

We men frequently want to inhabit both worlds: the NIGHT world of the affair; and the DAY world of marriage and family.

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that sucks bark. why can day and night merge harmoniously. Should we give up on finding that? It is the first marriages (or at least the first marriages that are in distress) that lack this balance and are confused as to how it was lost or how to get it back. and like you said before it's pretty unlikely that it is ever found again. I hope the next person I meet is divorced. I don't want to meet someone with grandios ideas of what marriage is "supposed" to be.

 

People who have been through divorce have certain advantages in remarriage. We have felt the suffering and the pain and do not take for granted letting the relationship that slip away again. We will work harder and be even more determined to see the "warning" signs before its too late. We have alittle more insight than the people who remain in the orginal marriages. and their is something about going public with your divorce that makes you look back, reflect and realize that you are a much stronger and determined party willing to love again.

 

Quote from Erich Fromm: "Love.....is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place, but a moving, growing, working together."

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You're right, rainbow, it does suck. Many (notice that I don't say all) men will use an affair to help them tolerate a bad marriage. A passionate , intense affair will make the worse marriages tolerable. The affair, in effect, is a marital safety net. The affair , of course, also removes any incentive to work on a bad marriage.

 

I suspect that many a marriage ends once the affair ends assuming the husband is unable to replace his paramour.

Without the affair as a distraction and outlet, the husband inhabits a marriage he has permitted to wither because he was tending to the affair.

 

The wife is a double victim: she is a victim of the betrayal in the marriage, and of the neglect of the marriage.

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I agree. The affair feeds your desire and effectively paralyzes you from confronting issues. BUT is neglect only on one side. if the spouse initiated confrontation it would all crack open. the denying spouse is also responsible for feeding the affair. Like blowing air on a fire.

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