read and give input its long but read !!

[lostleoforlibra]

I want to first start by saying this is a long story however I want to give the entire situation in order that I may get the best advice and support. I really wish I didn't have to write so much cause I know the longer the message can tend discourage people from taking the time of reading, however please take the time because at this point I'm desperately crying out for HELP! So here goes ....

Three years ago I meet online (myspace) a man I wasn't using the site a a dating mechanism just as a social forum for friends and family. The man emailed me with interests of getting to know me... I initially declined explaining that, that's not what I was on the site for... however he was very persistent, needless to say I gave in he was attractive, charming, and seemed to be a nice guy. We chated online for a few weeks, which lead to the exchanging of phone numbers. We talked over the phone for a few more weeks, then decided to meet. The topics of marriage did come up when I directly asked him if he was married or ever been married... he in turn told me indeed he had been married and technically he still is, however he and his wife were no longer together because she was not accepting of his daughter that he had before he had even meet her... he said she was horrible to his child and he had to leave because of that. I being a single mother of two children myself understood this and could understand his reasoning for the separation of the union therefore I continued to speak with him and then like I said earlier within 2 months time we arranged our first meeting. We went out to eat and had wonderful conversation which was surprisingly refreshing to find that we had so much in common not just over the phone and via email we actually had wonderful chemistry in person! Three months went by and he and I became intimate for the first time... after that things where steady, communication was regular and visit where the same. After about 8 months into the courting (5 additional months after becoming sexually intimate) I noticed changes like I would speak with him only at curtain times of the day and conveniently he would quickly say before he would walk into his house "hey baby, I'm gonna call your back I'm about to walk into the house" the first few times I dismissed it as well he's on his way into the house you know to settle himself you know getting out the car after work to go in after a long day at work... when it seemed he would do this regularly, it sent a red flag to me that he never talks to me when he is home or ALWAYS gets off the line with me before he enters his house... he had told me when he separated from his spouse he was living with his mother so I did give him the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe he didn't want his mother to know just yet that he was dating while still legally married, and perhaps it was just a respectful thing to do considering his situation. But my woman intuition, along with curiosity got the better of me so I decided to call his bluff and ask him one day when he was on his way in the house just before he would say his usual line "let me call you back babe" I quickly asked "Why can't you speak with me when your going into the house" ? He said that he could and carried on the conversation as he went in to satisfy my suspensions... saying "You see, I have no problems with that" so I hesitantly left it alone... and carried on with business as usual things continued with us still seeing each other but I was noticing the visit had now become less frequent, I sometimes wouldn't hear from him after curtain times of the day until the next day when he was at work and if I called him late evenings to maybe say good night he wouldn't answer calls or texts... this carried on for roughly a month or so I then bluntly asked him one day out the blue, not having any hard proof of my question only my suspension "So when were you going to tell me you're back with your wife" he then became very silent and answered with he was going to tell me but he was afraid of loosing me and he didn't want that to happen since he was only back in the home because she was unable to afford things alone and he was just trying to help until the could workout the financial aspects of the marriage. I at this point was very upset, hurt, and I'll admit confused! I had never been with a married man, so I didn't know how to handle the situation because by this time very close to a year into it with this man I had developed feelings for him. I did what my heart told me to do which was be understanding and trusting to what he was telling me (major mistake), and continued to see him.

Fast forwarding to year 2 things got hectic for me I lost my job at the large credit union I worked for, and became a full time student to re-educate myself while I pursued different career options. He attempted to be very supportive mentally and emotionally NOT financially and to his defense being as independent as I am I didn't ask... he just was more in the physical coming around to cut the grass and help me from a mental and emotional standpoint. I had savings and came into other LARGE sums of money from school and other sources, so I didn't need any help in that area at first, but he on the other hand did... he always seemed to want and need things crying that his wife was basically not doing her part with the household bills which made things difficult for him (which is another reason I didn't seem to ask for him to pay for any of our outings), he would use this as somewhat of a leverage on me saying things like "Baby I really want to see you but gas is sooo tight this week so I don't know if I can or how im going to make it all the way out there" (I live in a different city than him which is about a 25 min drive w/o

traffic) so I found myself footing the bill on all occasions when it came down to us seeing one another or spending time. Falling deeper into a emotional, and financial investment with this man. Last year around this time in May he left his wife and moved in with me in my at the time brand new home... in June fathers day weekend he explained that he had planned a weekend trip to DC with the fellas, which before he left for the weekend I found out was a lie he was going out of town with some other woman(not his wife)... shocked I couldn't believe it I confronted him about it he proclaimed she was ONLY A friend he was not upfront about it because he felt that I wouldn't understand it was only platonic and other people were going as well it was everything far of a couples thing... hurt I allowed him to go on his trip after he assured me that he would call me both day and night and I was welcome to do the same... turns out when I did try to call him he became angry cussing at me and called me "A BLACK B**CH" I promise you this is something he has never said to me before carried on like a mad man saying when he came back he was leaving packing his stuff and never wanted to see me again and that he never thought he could hate anyone before until he met me... all of this because I called him.. what I did next was out of pure raw emotion and anger and outright rage.. I disposed of all his belongings he had nothing left (half of which I brought and paid for) for him when he returned, then I called his wife an made her aware that I was seeing her husband for 2 yrs and that he would now be coming back home because I was putting him out! We talked I learned a lot about this man I thought I knew ... needless to say he came back begged for my forgiveness saying that he didn't have any place to go or clothes or money and he needed a place to stay, I felt horrible so I took him back stupidly. He stayed for a week it was pure hell in my house to be with him he was rude mean and disrespectful saying I destroyed his life and he was trying to get over it... all in all we lived together for approximately 6 weeks before he told me he loved his wife and that he just wanted to go back home and be with her. I let him go peacefully. A few days seven days to be exact (june)later I began to receive horrible calls from him saying his wife had told him to come to work on things but she felt afterwards that she wasn't going to to be able to forgive him.. he blamed me said he wanted me to pay for things I had caused him to loose everything that he had and loved. I agreed to give him 700 towards the purchasing of new clothing even though I was the one that spent thousands on the clothing (and him to say the least)I still had a warm heart because of the childish way I acted by getting rid of his stuff. I gave him 300 up front. He then left me alone for a while then he started back calling in july 2010 saying he had mad a huge mistake he had hind sight love blah, blah, blah. Stupidity is my middle name obliviously because I began to see him again he at this time also told me he had left his wife (After a week of reconciliation) and was staying with a girl that he knew like him as more than a friend but that's all they are and he really didn't want to be there he had not other place to go he knew that he couldn't come back to my home... either way it was all lies found out he was sleeping with the girl and she was all in love with him after a short period of time(so he says) either way we went back and forth email text over the phone seeing each other here and there I became his crutch call on person when he was in need mentally AND for money!! Finally I want to fast forward to the present back in Dec 2010 I reconnected with a high school friend of mine whom I never dated but he always had a huge crush on me... we talked and went on a

few dates...then february HE resurfaced saying he was done playing he realized now I am going to be that woman I am supposed to be with him and he wanted me back... I entertained it, I mean it was HIM right? This is what I had been waiting to hear, I should at least see what he's gonna do right my hight school friend and I weren't that serious yet (my eyes) although he's a good man and reality seems to want to have something long term with me... I had to at least see what HE was going to do right, I mean I had invested a lot in him and that relationship right? Well I once again I allowed him back into my life but this time with rules limitations... he didn't seem to mind at first for about (2 weeks) well ether way he told me that his wife was going to give him another shot!! And he didn't want to have anything else to do with me he couldn't he had to sever all ties I learned I was pregnant a few weeks later shared this with him he was livid saying he kick it out of me he couldn't let this ruin his marriage I had to get rid of it and he expedited funds for me to do so. I terminated the pregnancy and went on with my life... 3 months later he's back... me and my high school friend have become closer and he has definitely stated his intentions to one day make me his wife... I am not going to say this makes me happy because he like anyone else has his own issues no ones perfect however im not sure im equipped to deal with some of this problems he has after going through what I have for the past 3 yrs! So now he back and here's my problem it obvious something is wrong with me because I wont tell this man where he can stick it... I have somewhat an attachment to him seems like im fixated to him and can't break free. I want to because remember the girl I told you about well she is 3 months pregnant as I write this and THEY are in vegas for fathers day and he doesn't know that I KNOW ! He lied to me sayinhe was going to florida to see his daughter and just before he left he asked me for money... a small amount nevertheless I still gave it to him... I need help I just want to get away from him in my heart and in my mind. I want to telll him so bad when he returns that I know all about your trip and that baby and all the lies you've beem feeding me... but I have done all this before so what's the point he wont care. At this point I just need for someone anyone to tell me how to handle this situation where I can come out on top and tings work out best for me... I thought of changing my number can't I know have my business that I run from my cell phone all my business card and advertisements connect with this number.. he would just email if he can't get a hold of me via phone heck he might even show up at my house so somehow I know taking a bow by not saying anything wont work ... but saying the words to him doesn't even seem possible... maybe bacause I choje evey time I hear his voice I even though about send a letter but he wont read it he would just call or come. Would some please tell me how they would handle this situation, what and how you would do it! Please im going out of my mind.

[TeeStar]

I've been on this forum for a little while but have never posted &/or commented.

Having read your post, I can't help but comment.

 

This man is not only completely using you, he completely disrespects you. constant lying, racist comment (anger is not an excuse), blaming you for what his own actions have caused (takes no responsibility).

 

You said you're a mother of two children....

(I'm assuming they are young-ish) Imagine if they were (older &) in a relationship like what you have described. What would you tell them to do??

 

Have 1 final conversation with him where you tell him you no longer want him (& his childish behaviour) in your life. You have far more important things to focus on (your children, business, your OWN HAPPINESS! etc..)

 

I don't know what country you're in but I know that some phone companies are able to block a number for you (can say you are being harassed). Ignore his emails. If he does turn up at your door - do not let him in, close the door & don't even try to have a conversation with him.

 

If a woman was treating him the same way he's been treating you, do you think he would stick around???? Hell, no!!

 

You know what you have to do. Be strong & do it! It may take a while for him to realise you actually mean it & it will be difficult but it is not impossible (even though it may seem so)

 

Good Luck!

[jandm05]

whatever you do you need to get away while he is gone. Cancel credit cards get new ones, get a restraining order. do whatever you need. this man has definitelt damaged you enough. you deserve soooo much better and you will find someone better. you sound like a great person and he does not deserve that. by all means get away from him and start a new life if you can! i really hope this helps.