girls, teach me how to find the special one

[bc-05]

I dont know whether or not this is appropriate for this place. But anywhere i go to ask this, i get flamed. So this is the place im hoping to get answers .

 

This might be a long post but i hope (especially if you are a girl, please help!).

 

I am 25 and yes i havent had any sex with anyone yet in my life. Partly is maybe because i was very shy when i was younger and ive always been insecure most of my life. The reason is because im chinese, and i grew up in australia. So in a way im wired to accept the western culture and infact i am really attracted to the western culture; hence my preference is western girls.

 

But being an asian and not so attractive one. Ive always been paranoid about myself of getting a pretty western girl. In addition to this, i still have some asian in me, in that i believe that family is the most important thing to me.

 

So while i was insecure in my younger days, ive always had a dream to be the best husband and father. And to do this, i believe that i should be able to give them the world. Hence why in the past ive been working hard to say that now i can say that i atleast can satisfy whoever that are willing to love me in terms of materialism. And during this time i never really cared to find anyone as i believe i only needed to find one that is special to me.

 

However, now that im 25 and still havent found anyone yet, i kind of believe there is something wrong with me. Especially attracting the western girls (who i really have much interest to). However, from what ive seen, they dont really value what i value as high. They value more on how handsome the guys are, how hardcore and cool (at least in their view of what cool is) Maybe its because i guess any pretty girls can get any guys they want, they can get any handsome guys they want and then divorce them down the line to meet any other ones.

 

But really is it weird that i feel really attracted so much to the culture of the west and get really attracted to the girls here? And is it even possible for any white girl to be interested in someone like me?

 

i dont know what to say to her, or do to her to even interest her? So any help would b appreciated

Edited May 29, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[xisnotx]

I once asked a girl in real life this very same question.

 

She told me this...

"Inside every girl...is a bitch."

[carhill]

Hi OP, welcome to LS

 

This is called 'pedestal building' and is often the work of virgins. I have a similar picture I could share with you from when I was 25 many years ago. I built that pedestal and it would rule me for many years.

 

The quickest way to grow from this in a positive way (don't take years to learn this like I did), is to put on your best 'face', ratchet up your confidence and ask her out on a date. You have a 50/50 chance of success. If yes, date. If no, pedestal removed, pain felt and healing occurs. Then you take another wonderful picture and do it all over again. Over and over again until you're dead. Hopefully that will be a long time from now. In between, you might experience the love of a good woman if you're fortunate. On the other side, I can tell you that isn't nearly as important as it appeared at 25. Good luck

[Teknoe]

BC, your issue is in your topic title. "FIND the right one."

 

It's not about finding the right one, bro. It's about BECOMING/BEING the right one.

 

I tried to private message you but because you are a new member I cannot. I encourage you (or anyone interested in dating, love or sex) to watch this and process it as you wish. But watch it beginning to end, and see how it strikes your fancy.

 

 

http://www.northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating

[spiderowl]

Any girl from any culture could, theoretically, be attracted to you. If you are attracted to women who do not share your values then what exactly are you attracted to? Surely it must be their appearance or some other feeling that you have about western girls. Maybe you like their sense of freedom (if it is any greater than other girls) or maybe you share other goals with them.

 

You may be better off making a list of the traits you like and ignoring the idea of ethnicity for the moment. What girls fit the list that you have? Are they western girls, asian girls who have been brought up in the west, or other? I think it may help you to look beyond the superficial and look for the kind of person you want - kind, perhaps, or family orientated - and then see what happens. Imagine you cannot see these girls who you meet, can only talk to them and find out about their personalities. Does this make a difference to who you would choose?

 

The other matter is your confidence. You'd need to get used to talking to women as friends and getting to know them. It sounds like you've cut yourself off somewhat for a while. I'm sure if you start out with the aim of just making friends and don't put pressure on yourself for anything else at the moment, things will become clearer. There are videos on Youtube with dating tips too, if you are not sure how to approach women. Basically though, make new friends, network, show your positive qualities and simple encourage women to be in contact with you. You will soon find out if there is real attraction there as the ones who are interested will reappear in your life again and again.