When ' advising' becomes 'meddling'. Don't know if/what I can say to my friend.

[thatdog]

Ok. So I know everyone has probably had friends in bad relationships and usually unless asked the best thing to do is just sit by and let them ride it out. But I've been waiting years and from what I can see things are just getting worse.

 

My best friend has been with this girl for about 7 years now. AFAIK things were fine for about the first 4 but since then their relationship has gone downhill. They fight on a near weekly basis. She regularly kicks him out of the house or moves out herself for several days at a time. I'm always there for him but after so many years it gets harder and harder to hold my tongue when he wants to talk about it.

 

2 years ago he told me he was going to propose (about 2 weeks after their most recent 'separation'). I told him I was worried about him and that I didn;t think ti was such a great idea considering what they had just gone through and maybe he should wait a little longer. He responded with something along the lines of 'yeah I thought about that, but I think she is getting unhappy because we have been together so long and haven't progressed. I reckon she will be much happier and we will get along once we get engaged.'!

So they got engaged. the fights stopped for a few months then started up again 'because of the stress of the wedding...'. They've been married about a year and a half now and i think one of the other has moved out 3 or 4 times since then.

She moved out last weekend and last night I spoke to him about it some more. He told me that they had been trying to have a baby and she was probably just upset and stressed about not getting pregnant yet. "Once we have a kid things should get better...". I'm getting more and more worried here as they both seem to be just digging themselves deeper into a terrible situation it will be harder to get out of.

 

Also the things they fight about have nothing to do with these issues. They are almost always about either money, health (she's putting on too much weight, he's drinking too much), or lately respect. They seem to be far too picky of each other complaining the other wears the wrong clothes, holds themselves the wrong way or just speak in a condescending manner etc etc.

 

I've never even thought it was my place to suggest they should break up back when they were dating even though I thought it. Now that it would entail divorce it's even harder for me to broach.. But I see them both becoming more and more miserable, and my best friend is slowly turning into something I never imagined he could become.

 

What if anything should/could I do here?

I feel like it isn't my place, but I have to deal with this everytime something happens and often their fights ruin my own weekends when we have double dates arranged or whatnot and suddenly I get a last minute call saying they can't make it because they're too busy tearing chucks out of each other...