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Do some men just never get over an girl?


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samsungxoxo

It seems to be happening with my ex BF (now my friend). I'm the one who broke it off and yet he still has our pictures and calls sometimes.

 

He was telling my parents about his failure relationships and how all the other girls were just bad news.. with the exception of me...and how he can't get over me, that he always will have me in his heart.

 

Today he called my mother, telling her about how he always talked about me with his last ex GF and other girls but unfortunately they all get impatient and send him to hell.

 

So basically his future GF or possible wife material will be in 2nd place.

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I think it is possible, though it would take a long time before I believed it. In my case, fifteen years of no contact and she is still #1, the one I picture when I hear a love song playing, and the one I typically dream about at night. Is that what you're asking about? :D

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somedude81

It's hard to get over somebody you really like or love.

 

I've been stuck on the same girl for over a year and I haven't even kissed her.

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samsungxoxo
I think it is possible, though it would take a long time before I believed it. In my case, fifteen years of no contact and she is still #1, the one I picture when I hear a love song playing, and the one I typically dream about at night. Is that what you're asking about? :D
Yup you got it... I guess we move on faster than you guys... Oh well....
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Yup you got it... I guess we move on faster than you guys... Oh well....

It may be that guys are typically less emotionally available than women, so while we are less likely to initially establish that level of bond, when we do it makes a longer lasting impression. After that, any other women that come along not only have to try to get us to open up to that degree again but they also have to be "better" than the one we are still carrying around in there.

 

Just a speculation.

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TheLoneSock
Yup you got it... I guess we move on faster than you guys... Oh well....

 

Lol, terrible generalization. Every person is different.

 

The rate at which someone disconnects emotionally is different in every single person.

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I think some guys do.

 

Although mine story is a bit different.

 

My boyfriend of six years, still talks about his exes to me!

 

It's annoying to say the least. Especially since we have been together for so long and these girlfriends are from 20 years ago!

 

He used to talk about his first highschool girlfriend. Nowdays it is about his first serious girlfriend. Always reminescing, and how much of a whore she was. If I say one bad word about her (he tells me all the time that she used to date his older brother before she moved on to him. And how she cheat on my boyfriend with his best friend and some other random strangers).

 

As I was saying. If I say one bad word about her such as "Gee she is a whore then."

 

He gets all defensive about her. Even the other day he said I shouldn't make fun of her as she has child that has disabilites. With adding "I should send her some money to help her out."

 

You know what I did. I turned to him looked him in the face and said.

 

"Dickstick, you haven't been together for 20 years. She is most likely married. If she wanted to contact you she would have by now. No she hasn't. You have a girlfriend standing in front of you."

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It seems to be happening with my ex BF (now my friend). I'm the one who broke it off and yet he still has our pictures and calls sometimes.

 

He was telling my parents about his failure relationships and how all the other girls were just bad news.. with the exception of me...and how he can't get over me, that he always will have me in his heart.

 

Today he called my mother, telling her about how he always talked about me with his last ex GF and other girls but unfortunately they all get impatient and send him to hell.

 

So basically his future GF or possible wife material will be in 2nd place.

 

Not sure if this is a 'man thing'. Must admit that I have heard of situations which span far greater years with men at the center though.

 

For example, my ex. My ex is now in contact with my youngest daughter and talks only about me to her. He does shady things like trying to get our address etc from her. He was done like 14 years ago.

 

My daughter has had to tell him to stop asking questions about me. I have had to tell him to stop calling my house phone - he leaves silly messages and it is clear that he is phoning to see if I will pick up the phone.

 

He was telling me on our initial meeting that he did marry someone but the marriage failed really quickly. He has been on his own since then.

 

My Hubby has had to talk him down a couple of times already.

 

Anyhow, I had to allow my daughter the chance to see for herself. She is getting sick of him now.

 

Don't know, for some love is an obsession, methinks. He was a nice person before he got all weird.

 

He blew his chance and knows it.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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I dated my ex for about four months before I dumped him; he was still obsessing about it a couple of years later, still sending me occasional moany emails which I ignored. It seems somewhat ridiculous to spend so long hung up on a brief relationship which only lasted a matter of weeks - his obsession was half a dozen times as long as the actual relationship was!

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phepchuntee

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collegeguy_24

I still think and obsess over the ex. Our relationship was only 4 months long, but I fell for her hard, especially after she said I love you, and I reciprocated.

 

My story is pretty well known, but I still can't get over the ex. hell me and my current GF just fought about last night!

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I still think and obsess over the ex. Our relationship was only 4 months long, but I fell for her hard, especially after she said I love you, and I reciprocated.

 

My story is pretty well known, but I still can't get over the ex. hell me and my current GF just fought about last night!

 

Collegeguy.. work on yourself. No excuses now. :sick:

 

Please don't waste your life like my ex. Move on and work on yourself.

 

Truth is, I was relieved to be free of the twat. I have never thought about him for more than 2.6 seconds since I dumped him. I have thought about him probably 7 times in 14 years. My girls are 100% healthy because of me and my Hubby.

 

He is like a sperm donor.

 

He was weak because he was unable to be happy.. seek out and find happiness. LEARN.

 

There is a trail you are leaving behind CG, with consequences. Though of course, you may deserve these consequences.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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Agettyaideria

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samsungxoxo

Wonder what both posters phepchuntee and Agettyaideria are trying to say in their weird language!!!!:confused:

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Humans have historically gotten over everything, be it girls or religion or grudges. It's just that for many, the release is death and they hold their emotions until the grave =)

 

But basically to me it's not so much an issue of 'never' so much as a prolonged period and a good memory and no resolution.

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Wonder what both posters phepchuntee and Agettyaideria are trying to say in their weird language!!!!:confused:

 

It's not a weird language, they are speaking in Russian.

 

Phepchuntee and Agettyaideria are adverstisingbots.

 

Phepchuntee is trying to sell jobs, while Agettyaideria is talking about Russian Mail Order brides. I have reported them.

 

As this thing about ex girlfriends. Collegeguy you really need to get over this girl.

 

As I meantioned to my boyfriend of six years who still's obviously thinks of his exes.

 

"Do you think your ex is thinking of you?" Most likely not. She has moved on.

 

"How would you feel if she did or is thinking the same way as you? Would you appreciate it? Especially if you were the dumper?" Answer is no way.

 

It's going to be hard but you really need to move on. There is plenty of girls out there for you.

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collegeguy_24

Belive me I've tried. I've been in therapy for 6 months before I had to stop cause I couldn't afford it anymore. I've tried dating oter people. Hell, I've been in an 7 month relationship, trying my best to create new memories with this person, and it still doesn't work!

 

I can't get over her, I've tried. I know she isn't thinking of me, that would require her to actually think of someone other then herself.

 

I know she can't commit. Her entire relationship history is nothing but FWBs, and thats it.

 

Not positive traits, and the list is even longer. I tried useing that list to make myself think why I ever loved her in the first place. But it doesn't work.

 

I just don't know what it is. It freaks me out, makes me feel like I am a weirdo for still thinking of her even after this time. I try to distract myself with my job and other things, but a the end of the day she still enters my mind.

 

It frustrates me to no end.

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SamSung,

 

Give him some time. He will get over you, and find someone else. You probably hurt him and he is trying to deal with this heart-break :(. I feel bad for him, he must really have loved or you.

 

 

It seems to be happening with my ex BF (now my friend). I'm the one who broke it off and yet he still has our pictures and calls sometimes.

 

He was telling my parents about his failure relationships and how all the other girls were just bad news.. with the exception of me...and how he can't get over me, that he always will have me in his heart.

 

Today he called my mother, telling her about how he always talked about me with his last ex GF and other girls but unfortunately they all get impatient and send him to hell.

 

So basically his future GF or possible wife material will be in 2nd place.

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CollegeGuy,

 

Been there and done that. A lot of schools offer free therapy if your in the United States. Look it up, its part of your school tuition fee that you over pay for :-). I did my fair share of talking through relationships and now I have my own wonderful insecurities. Wonderful huh?!

 

I understand what your saying. Remember its always easier to look at your past relationship with rose-tinted glasses. I am guilty of this now, I still wonder how my ex-gf is doing, and wonder if I am making the right decision now.

 

Collegeguy is this your FIRST relationship or perhaps yoru LONGEST relationship? I am trying to figure out how you have built such a strong connection with this person?

 

 

 

Belive me I've tried. I've been in therapy for 6 months before I had to stop cause I couldn't afford it anymore. I've tried dating oter people. Hell, I've been in an 7 month relationship, trying my best to create new memories with this person, and it still doesn't work!

 

I can't get over her, I've tried. I know she isn't thinking of me, that would require her to actually think of someone other then herself.

 

I know she can't commit. Her entire relationship history is nothing but FWBs, and thats it.

 

Not positive traits, and the list is even longer. I tried useing that list to make myself think why I ever loved her in the first place. But it doesn't work.

 

I just don't know what it is. It freaks me out, makes me feel like I am a weirdo for still thinking of her even after this time. I try to distract myself with my job and other things, but a the end of the day she still enters my mind.

 

It frustrates me to no end.

Edited by VicJay79
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collegeguy_24
CollegeGuy,

 

Been there and done that. A lot of schools offer free therapy if your in the United States. Look it up, its part of your school tuition fee that you over pay for :-). I did my fair share of talking through relationships and now I have my own wonderful insecurities. Wonderful huh?!

 

I understand what your saying. Remember its always easier to look at your past relationship with rose-tinted glasses. I am guilty of this now, I still wonder how my ex-gf is doing, and wonder if I am making the right decision now.

 

Collegeguy is this your FIRST relationship or perhaps yoru LONGEST relationship? I am trying to figure out how you have built such a strong connection with this person?

 

Thats where I got the therapy, but heres the thing, I graduated in December, so I can't use the service anymore. I am working on getting into Grad school, and when I am accepted I will get the free service again.

 

It was my second relationship, and it was only 4 months long, which makes my obsession worse. The reason I still love her is because of what happened.

 

Her and I had been through quite a bit, including bailing her friend out of a bad situation, a car wreck in which we could have died and such. In fact, she was the first person to say the word I love you.

 

When she said it first, I barly heard it because she whispered it, and I couldn't respond because she closed her door afterwards.

 

At the time it happened, I was still a little closed up, because in my first relationship, my GF of 11 months cheated on me, with a woman.

 

But Jen, the one this is all about, helped me open up and I fell for her, hard. She encouraged it!

 

She told every member of her family how much she loved me and saw me as a possible future husband. I fell for her hard, and they wanted to meet me. For the last two weeks before she dumped me, she told me she loved me every day and saw a long term future for us.

 

Then one day she called, asked to meet, and dumped me. Less then 2 weeks later she jumped on to someone else, a friend of hers.

 

It was quite literally, the happiest time of my life. and I tried moving on, tred forming other happy memories, but nothing can give me the happieness that that relationship gave me. I tried!

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CollegeGuy,

 

We seem like very similiar people my friend. Honestly, I have been in pretty short-lived relationships where I have falling pretty hard. There is much that needs to be analyzed in regards to why we fall in love so fast. Perhaps, it deals with cultural issues, or the desire to be loved, or feeling wanted or fears of abandonment or some other insecurity. I am interested in in exploring this issue further if you are. I think getting to the bottom of this is perhaps the most we could ever get out of this discussion forum and ourselves. At the end of the day these insecurities will show themselves AGAIN in our next relationship if they are not handled properly.

 

Here are some of the things that I realized. I go through rollercoaster of emotions. Much of it is very much attached to how much attention I get from my loved on. If I get a 'sufficient' amount, then I am happy and if its less then that, I tend to be a bit down, and start doubting myself. My emotions are somehow tied to another person, which makes me more upset at myself then anything else. I have also realized that perhaps no one will ever be able to give enough of the love that I need. This makes me very sad, and I have not yet came to terms with HOW exactly I approach and attack this problem?! Suggestions similaries?

 

My first relationship was very similiar to yours. It lasted for 3 months, I fell pretty hard, and she broke up with me pretty much out of the blue. It was tough and very unjustified. I felt betrayed, and lied to on top of that. It took me several relationships till I finally moved on from her, but there was always something missing that the prior relationship had. I eventually did move on but that path was LOONG and full of tears. I wish i had forums like this to figure things out, and not books from bookstores that gave far to vague answers for the problems I had.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thats where I got the therapy, but heres the thing, I graduated in December, so I can't use the service anymore. I am working on getting into Grad school, and when I am accepted I will get the free service again.

 

It was my second relationship, and it was only 4 months long, which makes my obsession worse. The reason I still love her is because of what happened.

 

Her and I had been through quite a bit, including bailing her friend out of a bad situation, a car wreck in which we could have died and such. In fact, she was the first person to say the word I love you.

 

When she said it first, I barly heard it because she whispered it, and I couldn't respond because she closed her door afterwards.

 

At the time it happened, I was still a little closed up, because in my first relationship, my GF of 11 months cheated on me, with a woman.

 

But Jen, the one this is all about, helped me open up and I fell for her, hard. She encouraged it!

 

She told every member of her family how much she loved me and saw me as a possible future husband. I fell for her hard, and they wanted to meet me. For the last two weeks before she dumped me, she told me she loved me every day and saw a long term future for us.

 

Then one day she called, asked to meet, and dumped me. Less then 2 weeks later she jumped on to someone else, a friend of hers.

 

It was quite literally, the happiest time of my life. and I tried moving on, tred forming other happy memories, but nothing can give me the happieness that that relationship gave me. I tried!

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collegeguy_24

I know, my current GF is trying, she really is, and I'm trying, but we seem to lack the connection I had with the ex.

 

She knows that, and she's trying. So am I, cause I don't want to hurt her as she is kind and sweet. And I know if we break up because of this it will be devastating to her, so I am trying my best to move on from the ex so my GF doesn't have to deal with this drama anymore.

 

I really want to move on, but I think this is kind of backfiring on me. I mean, for the past 4 days I have thought of the ex far less then normal because I've been trying an exercise.

 

The exercise is this: Every time of I think of the ex, I pinch myself and switch thoughts to something else, like my work, or my dogs, or other memories that don't include the ex. That has worked well for me these past couple days.

 

Problem: This moving on from the ex, is also distancing me from my current GF.I have been noticing other women, how pretty they are and what not.

 

This makes me feel like a weasel because it feels like I am cheating, even though technically I'm not.

 

I despise cheating.

 

I like my GF, we want to try and get this to work. We agreed to try this summer by doing a lot of activities such as hiking. In the hopes that we can create new memories that are fun and help me move on from the ex.

 

But someone once pointed out to me, that perhaps its to late for us to work because the relationship is already tarnished by my pining for the ex.

 

Thought and opinions on that? I don't think it is, and she doesn't, as far as I know at least.

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CollegeGuy:

 

Wierd, doing something really similar. Do you have instant message id, i would love to talk about this in a non-logged and public forum :-)

 

Message it to me.

 

 

 

I know, my current GF is trying, she really is, and I'm trying, but we seem to lack the connection I had with the ex.

 

She knows that, and she's trying. So am I, cause I don't want to hurt her as she is kind and sweet. And I know if we break up because of this it will be devastating to her, so I am trying my best to move on from the ex so my GF doesn't have to deal with this drama anymore.

 

I really want to move on, but I think this is kind of backfiring on me. I mean, for the past 4 days I have thought of the ex far less then normal because I've been trying an exercise.

 

The exercise is this: Every time of I think of the ex, I pinch myself and switch thoughts to something else, like my work, or my dogs, or other memories that don't include the ex. That has worked well for me these past couple days.

 

Problem: This moving on from the ex, is also distancing me from my current GF.I have been noticing other women, how pretty they are and what not.

 

This makes me feel like a weasel because it feels like I am cheating, even though technically I'm not.

 

I despise cheating.

 

I like my GF, we want to try and get this to work. We agreed to try this summer by doing a lot of activities such as hiking. In the hopes that we can create new memories that are fun and help me move on from the ex.

 

But someone once pointed out to me, that perhaps its to late for us to work because the relationship is already tarnished by my pining for the ex.

 

Thought and opinions on that? I don't think it is, and she doesn't, as far as I know at least.

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collegeguy_24
CollegeGuy:

 

Wierd, doing something really similar. Do you have instant message id, i would love to talk about this in a non-logged and public forum :-)

 

Message it to me.

 

Not on this site, but on MSN I do

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