girlfriend's past and stuff making me crazy!!!

[floatonfreshies]

Let me start out by saying I love this girl, more than anything I've ever cared for before. When I am with her I am the happiest person on the planet, I've seriously never felt such joy in my life. I want to be with her, but my mind is having some major difficulties with her past...

 

Now, the problem I have is that, due to certain circumstances; we are thousands of miles away from each other. We've been together for close to a year now, and she moved back to Germany a couple months ago. She came back to visit me once already and I know that she has a lot of love for me. We really want to make things work out somehow, and I believe we both love each other enough and are patient enough to remain faithful to eachother for a pretty good amount of time. When I am with her, it's easy not to think of the things that bother me so much. Now that she is gone, it's so incredibly hard...

 

When we first started dating my girlfriend told me she had a threesome in her past with her two best guy friends. At first I really didn't care at all, she did what she did, who cares. I did not love her at this time.. I figured it would be kind of a fling since she was from another country, but as time went on my feelings for her grew enormously. My thoughts, still to this day, are constantly revolving around her. Most of the time, these thoughts are of great times we've shared and of the great times to come (hopefully). Every now and then though, the thoughts and images of the threesome just creep into my mind. Once these thoughts start to penetrate my mind I am completely miserable.

 

This is probably the worst, most miserable thought process, that I've ever experienced... I'm usually really happy and outgoing, but when these thoughts hit me, it's like I'm paralyzed with misery. I don't feel like doing anything or talking to anyone when I think about these things, and some days are worse than others.. It really wouldn't bother me that much if she just never talked to those kids again, but she's still best friends with them. I hate that she still hangs out with these kids... It really sucks, when there are people that can be like "ya see that super hot girl right there?, doubled teamed her with my buddy and it was awesome." I'm sorry, but %99 of guys are like that. The been there, done that persona I guess... We get a lot of pride from doing things that others can't, or have not done. I really wish that no one knew her in that way... I asked her if it was normal to have threesomes with your friends in Germany and she said it wasn't. Then I asked her if it was normal to have casual sex with your best friends in Germany, and she said it wasn't. So then I asked her if her best girl friend had sex with those 2 guys, and she said that she did, with both of them... So that kinda threw me off a little bit as well, if none of that is normal in germany, then why did it happen? Then when I first asked her about the threesome I asked if she would do it again if she got the chance (implying going back in time) and said "I don't mind." This bothered me a lot, where I grew up and how I was raised; and from all the girls I've known who have had threesomes, I always kinda viewed that sorta thing as just about the sluttiest thing a girl could do. A very unattractive thing to me.

 

So later on I asked her why she said "I don't mind," and she told me she thought I was implying if she would have one with me and her. This still bothered me and we've talked about this many times, and I have hurt her in my frustration with dealing with everything. It still bothered me that she was okay with having another threesome... so, then to see what she meant.. I asked her if she would want to have a threesome with me, her, and her best girl friend. Sure enough, she said that she wouldn't like that. So, at this point I am very confused. She told me she would get way too jealous, and that she wouldn't enjoy it at all. She then tells me I should just forget about what she said when I asked her if she would do it again. This just doesn't really make sense to me, and since it doesn't make sense to me, my mind starts asking questions like "is she just not cool with it all of the sudden because it's not me and another guy instead of a girl?"

 

I want to stop thinking about this more than anything, but it bothers me so much that I know their faces and that she will still hang out with them. I do not want to meet them. Ever. I hate that she likes to hang out with kids that know her in such a way.. I feel like her past isn't really behind her, because she still hangs out with them... and I feel like she may just go back to how she was when all that happened, cause she's home in Germany hanging out with the same people. I feel insignificant to their bond, and I feel like I am going to lose her. She says that it was "not that horrible," and that she did it cause she was drunk; but she knew exactly what she was doing. She was also shopping for clothes for one of the guys when she was here in the U.S. a while ago... and that really bothered me. I just don't know what to do, breaking up might be the best option, but the thought of losing her is worse than the thought of the threesome.... at the same time I hate how miserable I am when the thought comes to, and it really needs to stop asap or I'm gonna lose my mind.

 

The only girls, besides her, that I know who have had threesomes are all the sluttiest girls I have ever known.. We used to make fun of those girls all the time, and now one of my best friends is dating one of them haha. Once that happened, I promised myself I would never be with a girl like that.. I hate how my mind just throws her into the same category as those sluts. She told me it was a one time deal, but when she said "I don't mind" it is really hard to believe that..

 

I am also having trouble with this, because I have been planning on going to Germany and living with her for around three months this summer.. I'm just not sure if I should do this or not, I want to be with her and I know that being with her will for sure make the thoughts virtually disappear. On the other hand, I am afraid of meeting her friends. I know that my mood would instantly go sour and it would start eating me alive if I were to be placed in that situation. I don't know what to do... I assume, that if I love her as much as I say I do, I should just go over there and meet her friends, just face it and try to put it behind me... but I'm afraid that I won't have the strength to do that...

 

Yet, another thing that bothers me, is that when I look back at the past, and all the fun times I've had with my friends, I miss it a lot sometimes. And I miss all the people I used to hang out with. I just can't help but feel that she may feel the same way towards those kids... and if that's the case, I don't think I can deal with it anymore.. I don't really want to be in a relationship with someone who looks back on her memories with those kids and thinks about the threesome and misses it or those kids.. That's just weird for me to think about... I've had multiple opportunities to have a threesome, and I've declined every time.. just not my thing I guess. Maybe we are simply different people with different morals.... It would be cool to be with a girl who doesn't reminisce about people who she has had sex with... you know?

 

Well this is getting way longer than I thought it would, there is probably more to it, but the main points are in there I'd say. I've never felt so lost in my life and I really need some help. I appreciate everyone who took the time to read through this..

[tman666]

I think there are a lot of guys that have had to deal with retroactive jealousy in relationships, myself included.

 

Basically, you need to do some soul searching and establish what kind of behaviors are deal-breakers to you and which ones you can let slide. For example, you might feel icky knowing that your girl has been with, lets say,15 guys, but there are other factors involved: does she still talk to them/socialize with any of them? Does she compare you to them? Does she like to fondly reminisce about any of them? How long ago was it? Beyond your feelings about it, does it affect your relationship in any way?

 

In your case, you have a girl that engaged in something that obviously makes you want to puke, and she's freely admitted that she'd do it again if she had the chance. Also (this is the big one for me), she STILL hangs out with the guys she let MMF her. To be honest, if I were in your shoes, I'd be long gone. Save your time and money for some other girl. There's plenty of nice, not crazy, good looking girls out there who haven't ****ed every guy on the planet or had threesomes.

 

That's just what I'd do though. Your situation would constitute grounds for breaking up based on the fact that her actions go past what my personal boundaries are.

 

Figure out what your boundaries are, and stick to them.

[nana841121]

If her past behavior crossed your moral principle.

 

The problem will alway be there like a prick.

[mark982]

buddy, all i can offer i can offer is. Many years ago i was in the same spot as you, new gf admitted that she had a threesome in her past (with two brothers no less), i've always been the type of guy that whats in your past is in your past... As long as it stays there. Well me being young and dumb, i believed her. WRONG. Caught her a couple more times. hell even my mom caught her once when i was outta the country. she's all but admitted she'd do it again, especially with her still being buddys with her threesome partners, and you thousands of miles away. time to chuck and run in my opion.