I have nowhere else to turn, so here I am.

[Alphie]

My mother left when I was 2. My Dad remarried when I was five to a woman who was mean to me. Then he remarried again when I was 8 to her twin sister who was also mean to me. I got pregnant & married when I was 17. I am now 44 & still married to the same man & my son is now 27 years old. When I was 19 we moved 800 miles away from my Dad because I found out my husband was doing cocaine & I wanted to get him away from it & the people he was doing it with.

 

Then he abused alchohol for a long time, but finally quit doing that. At the time, I thought it was a good thing that he had quit, but later found out that it was because he had found a new drug... Crystal Meth. I was starting my 3rd year at a junior college when I found out. I was trying to get an associate degree in computer science programming & had a GPA of 3.57. This devastated me & I quit college & quit seeing any of our 'friends' because everyone knew he was doing it except me. Even his family knew it & thought that I was doing it also. I was not.

 

We went back to my Dad's for 4 months & then returned to our place. I quit going anywhere & I cannot trust anyone anymore. I haven't driven or gone anywhere in at least 10 years now except to go to my half sisters mothers funeral & to go to my husbands parents house on Christmas & Thanksgiving.

 

My stepmother was recently diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia & I need to be with my Dad, but I have 14 animals that I am responsible for & cannot leave them. I cannot talk with my Dad about my problems because he has enough of his own & is going through a really bad time with my stepmother.

 

I had finally got a job working for an old friend from college, but it is as a sales rep for a newspaper & I am not good at it & don't like it at all. My husband & son go everywhere together. One cannot even go to the corner store without the other. I am always left sitting at home. Neither my husband nor my son have any respect for me whatsoever.

 

The night before last my son was here until 2:30am before I finally told him I had to go to bed so I could get up early & make calls for my job. Then last night he was still here at 1:00am & I asked him 'Isn't it about time for bed?'. Well, he got mad & said he didn't know he was bothering me & went & sat outside. My husband woke up & asked me why he was sitting outside & I told him & he then got mad at me & said his mother would never do something like that & screamed at me for another hour & said he was leaving me & would be gone in the morning.

 

My son comes over & sits in a chair at my table for 10 to 12 hours at a time playing games on his computer. He is here before my husband gets home from work & stays until all hours of the night. Neither one of them knows where the garbage can is. I cook for them, clean up after them & am not allowed an opinion on anything.

 

I don't know what to do to change any of this. I don't have a car, or any friends or family here. I am stuck & absolutely miserable.

[NXS]

Sounds like you need to just take off and go to see your dad for a few weeks.

 

Can you get a bus/train/plane?

[tman666]

Both your husband and your son are big boys. They should be fully capable of taking care of themselves. As far as the animals go, consider giving them away.

 

Honestly, it sounds like you need to move far, far away, permanently.

[Alphie]

My animals are my only family. My bird is 25 years old & my oldes cat is 21. I cannot & will not abandon them. They are all I have & I am all they have. When we went to my Dad's for 4 months my son was supposed to be watching after my animals. My oldest cat at the time & my favorite died while I was gone & my son didn't let me know until two weeks later.

[GorillaTheater]

Honestly, it sounds like you need to move far, far away, permanently.

 

That was my inclination as well, although it could just be the mood I'm in now.

 

You've had a tough road, no doubt. But if things are going to change, you need to be the one who changes them and you need to start with making changes to yourself.

 

1) Walk away from abuse. Just leave the room or house. You're nobody's punching bag.

 

2) Practice driving, as much practice time as you can manage. If you're scared to drive, so much the better, because if you can overcome your fear of driving, it will dawn on you that you can overcome and conquer your fear of anything else in your life.

[NXS]

My animals are my only family. My bird is 25 years old & my oldes cat is 21. I cannot & will not abandon them. They are all I have & I am all they have. When we went to my Dad's for 4 months my son was supposed to be watching after my animals. My oldest cat at the time & my favorite died while I was gone & my son didn't let me know until two weeks later.

 

Did your husband go with you?

 

Why not leave him to look after the animals and just go on your own.

[Alphie]

I am not afraid to drive. I don't have a vehicle. I live in a rural area in the poorest state in the us. I don't have a way out, & if I did, I don't have anywhere to go where I can take my animals with me. I know how it feels to be abandoned & to have nobody who cares or loves & I cannot do that to them. They are the only reason I am still on this earth & without them I truely have no reason to stay.

[GorillaTheater]

I am not afraid to drive. I don't have a vehicle. I live in a rural area in the poorest state in the us. I don't have a way out, & if I did, I don't have anywhere to go where I can take my animals with me. I know how it feels to be abandoned & to have nobody who cares or loves & I cannot do that to them. They are the only reason I am still on this earth & without them I truely have no reason to stay.

 

Gotcha. My family's originally from rural eastern Kentucky, so I got the picture.

 

How do these options strike you?

 

Divorce and try to keep your place.

 

Move (yourself) closer to work in a place where you can keep your animals.

 

I'm not pushing you in one direction or another, I'm just exploring options with you.

[Alphie]

Yes, my husband left this morning because I asked my son last night if it wasn't about time for bed. Or according to my husband I kicked my son out of the house (my son lives right across the road from me).

 

My Grandmother was originally from Kentucky. She has been gone for 12 years now & I sure do miss her.

 

My job is trying to sell ads for a newspaper. I make 40% commission only. Nobody is buying & 40% of 0 is 0.

 

I'm in an impossible situation. I am not a stupid person, financially challenged, but not stupid. I have been racking my brain trying to figure a way out of my situation. I just can't find one.

 

My land is paid for, been here 14 years. 7 months ago my husband got a mobile home from his boss which he has been paying for & still has 2 years to go until it is paid for.

 

I think he has been done with the meth for the past 7 years or so, but cannot be sure as I didn't know he was doing it for all the years that he was. He has been trying to do right. And by this I mean, he has been paying the bills & not taking off to do who knows what anymore. I do know that he takes pills called loratab, but don't have any idea how many or how often he takes them & really at this point I don't really care.

 

I have been 'checked out' for quite some time now. I've been with him my entire adult life & have never been on my own. He has said & done things that I cannot forget or forgive. I have love for him but am not in love with him. My feelings are just so messed up because on the one hand he has hurt me so badly that I cannot trust anymore, but on the other, he has stayed with me & taken care of me for my entire adult life.

[tman666]

I might not know what I'm talking about here, but it seems like you could potentially call some sort of state services to help you get out of your situation, as in helping you find intermittent housing, counseling, temporary foster caretakers for your animals, etc.

 

You might also consider saving up some cash for a taxi, or possibly even a moving service, to come pick you up. Have a suitcase prepared with the essentials of what you need and all of your valuables.

 

There's got to be some way out of the mess you're in.

[VicJay79]

Alphie,

 

You are not alone, we are here.

 

1. Your confidence should not be attached to others. You are a wonderful person, and that is hard to find. Career, wealth, fame, and etc are things acquired but never matured from within.

 

2. You really should get out of the house for a while. Its a sad reality when people take advantage of people or don't appreciate them. It happens with time, and its something we all need to make sure we don't do. Effort in a relationship does not decrease as the years push forward.

 

3. Your house is toxic. You really should find a way to leave. Life is all about being happy, find soemthing that makes you happy and DO it

 

 

My mother left when I was 2. My Dad remarried when I was five to a woman who was mean to me. Then he remarried again when I was 8 to her twin sister who was also mean to me. I got pregnant & married when I was 17. I am now 44 & still married to the same man & my son is now 27 years old. When I was 19 we moved 800 miles away from my Dad because I found out my husband was doing cocaine & I wanted to get him away from it & the people he was doing it with.

 

Then he abused alchohol for a long time, but finally quit doing that. At the time, I thought it was a good thing that he had quit, but later found out that it was because he had found a new drug... Crystal Meth. I was starting my 3rd year at a junior college when I found out. I was trying to get an associate degree in computer science programming & had a GPA of 3.57. This devastated me & I quit college & quit seeing any of our 'friends' because everyone knew he was doing it except me. Even his family knew it & thought that I was doing it also. I was not.

 

We went back to my Dad's for 4 months & then returned to our place. I quit going anywhere & I cannot trust anyone anymore. I haven't driven or gone anywhere in at least 10 years now except to go to my half sisters mothers funeral & to go to my husbands parents house on Christmas & Thanksgiving.

 

My stepmother was recently diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia & I need to be with my Dad, but I have 14 animals that I am responsible for & cannot leave them. I cannot talk with my Dad about my problems because he has enough of his own & is going through a really bad time with my stepmother.

 

I had finally got a job working for an old friend from college, but it is as a sales rep for a newspaper & I am not good at it & don't like it at all. My husband & son go everywhere together. One cannot even go to the corner store without the other. I am always left sitting at home. Neither my husband nor my son have any respect for me whatsoever.

 

The night before last my son was here until 2:30am before I finally told him I had to go to bed so I could get up early & make calls for my job. Then last night he was still here at 1:00am & I asked him 'Isn't it about time for bed?'. Well, he got mad & said he didn't know he was bothering me & went & sat outside. My husband woke up & asked me why he was sitting outside & I told him & he then got mad at me & said his mother would never do something like that & screamed at me for another hour & said he was leaving me & would be gone in the morning.

 

My son comes over & sits in a chair at my table for 10 to 12 hours at a time playing games on his computer. He is here before my husband gets home from work & stays until all hours of the night. Neither one of them knows where the garbage can is. I cook for them, clean up after them & am not allowed an opinion on anything.

 

I don't know what to do to change any of this. I don't have a car, or any friends or family here. I am stuck & absolutely miserable.

[Eve]

Where did you get that heart of yours?

 

Even though things have been hard for you, you really come across as a very loving person!

 

If I was nearer I would help you out. Seriously.

 

Ok, my senses tell me that your way out of this current situation is through your animals. They have kept that heart of yours strong. I have this feeling that if you had to re-house them that you would find an opportunity to re-house yourself. I can picture you probably getting on better on a farm somewhere than your current job.

 

H'mm.. the one person who you have not counted on within your post is yourself. You are far stronger than you currently know. I just think that you have had a lot to deal with from an early age and so got wired into problem solving for other people more than yourself. This happened to me for a time.

 

Now, I can't tell you to leave your Hubby and Son but I do feel that they are keeping that good heart of yours for themselves. They seem like the type to learn the hard way but seem resilient enough to bounce back from the edge. Dunno, sometimes new beginnings are just better. Have a look around at what you could get for your money if you were to leave. Maybe someone has some land somewhere that you could buy and you could make home and farm produce to sell? Or something like that.. ? The world is your oyster. You just have to invest in what you love and not invest in what you do not love.

 

Lastly, if you feel that regardless of the past, you need to help your Dad, that is very noble - just make sure to factor in yourself. This is so important!

 

Also, may I ask something animal related? I am soon to move and I am in the early research stages of thinking about having a few animals. Now with chickens, goats and sheep, what do you do? Do you buy them as babies and raise them or do you buy a mixture of males and females and let them do their thing? I want a connection with them from when they are little but was considering that they will still need to have their own kind too. I don't know if I would have a connection with a lot of already mature animals.

 

How did you start out with your animals?

 

I hope it is ok to ask this. Any advice appreciated. Sorry if this is a silly question at this time.

 

Take care,

Eve x