How much do you care about what others think of you in real life?

[orangelady]

Let's say you're a lost soul.

 

People around you can tell - especially lecturers and employers. I've had my ex boss said to me "You're not sure what you want in life." Gawd that's true and she had only known me for 3 weeks.

 

 

I feel like that is what people are feeling about me in real life.

 

Its true and I don't want to care about what others think - how do you do that? I wanna be myself damn it!

[Eddie Edirol]

How do you do it? instead of concentrating on what people think of you, concentrate on how to NOT be a lost soul.

 

That or OWN that you dont know what you want in life. Be proud of it. Worrying about what people think about you is as useless as this countrys D.E.A..

 

Think about how THOSE guys have to look at themselves in the mirror.

[orangelady]

How do you do it? instead of concentrating on what people think of you, concentrate on how to NOT be a lost soul.

 

Am working on it. But true...

 

That or OWN that you dont know what you want in life. Be proud of it. Worrying about what people think about you is as useless as this countrys D.E.A..

 

Thanks, true true......It's just, we always don't want people to think the worst of us.

[laRubiaBonita]

Let's say you're a lost soul.

 

People around you can tell

 

I doubt if they can tell that you are a 'lost soul'. maybe they see that you are distracted. maybe you do not seem to have attentiveness....

 

but i can pretty much say that there are fewer persons than you think that can read others that well.

 

i would think that whatever it is that you think is so obvious to other people about you; you already know about.

 

if you feel lost, why not take some time to find yourself/ try different things- do something for you. see if you really are lost or just undefined or undecided or just fine.

[Eddie Edirol]

Am working on it. But true...

 

That or OWN that you dont know what you want in life. Be proud of it. Worrying about what people think about you is as useless as this countrys D.E.A..

 

Thanks, true true......It's just, we always don't want people to think the worst of us.

 

But if people are thinking things about you that arent true, why would you care about what they think, especially if they dont know you well enough?

[Miss M]

Ellen Degeneres once said in one of her stand up acts that it's funny how we worry so much about what people think of us, when all they are worrying about, is what we think of them.

[laRubiaBonita]

But if people are thinking things about you that arent true, why would you care about what they think, especially if they dont know you well enough?

 

if they are thinking untruths about you, then obviously they do not know you at all.....and you have to decide:

1. if you care enough to get to know this person and hope that they also care to get to know you

2. why you feel the need to be acceptable in everyones eyes- what if the acceptable to the public you is not the real you?

[threebyfate]

No matter what you say and do, people will believe what they want. So screw it and stop worrying about externalities!

[D-Lish]

You might always have that feeling of caring about what others think- but you don't have to show it, you can present people with the illusion that you feel otherwise.

 

In my professional life I often get feelings of insecurity, and I really do care what other people think of me, but I present differently, I never show it.

 

It's not that hard to do- sometimes you have to let that actress in you take over.

[Star Gazer]

I've had my ex boss said to me "You're not sure what you want in life." Gawd that's true and she had only known me for 3 weeks.

 

I wanna be myself damn it!

 

How can you be yourself, when you don't know who yourself is?

[orangelady]

How can you be yourself, when you don't know who yourself is?

 

I do know. I am a lost soul. I am 28 and still don't know what I should do in my career. I know I am not confident and all the negative stuff. But one thing I know, and that is I'm nice and helpful but that is not important in this world.

[orangelady]

if they are thinking untruths about you, then obviously they do not know you at all.....and you have to decide:

1. if you care enough to get to know this person and hope that they also care to get to know you

2. why you feel the need to be acceptable in everyones eyes- what if the acceptable to the public you is not the real you?

 

Good questions. So what about you. Who is the real you?

[laRubiaBonita]

I do know. I am a lost soul. I am 28 and still don't know what I should do in my career. I know I am not confident and all the negative stuff. But one thing I know, and that is I'm nice and helpful but that is not important in this world.

so you define who you are- how to direct your soul- by the career path you have chosen?

Good questions. So what about you. Who is the real you?

i know who the real me is (i think). others around me can see "Me" in most everything i do- if they look.

i am not much older than 28 myself, and my job not is not what i wish to do forever- in fact i feel i need a change. but until i make efforts to change my situation i am still going to give my job my attention a do good work and be a great employee/ peer; cause that is who i am.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I always care about what others think...to my detriment.

 

But I think that is in part because I am hugely sensitive and generally very respectful of people. I like to feel the world is fair and just, and I like to behave in a fair/just/respectful way and for people to see me as such.

 

I don't like people to look down their noses at me or say horrible things, but of course, in the real world, people aren't always so nice or predictable.

 

I do care...but I don't really know how to stop that. I think it would be very liberating to NOT care. At the same time, a lot of people that I know who claim they don't care what people think of them at all, act like complete idiots, and it seems to me that deep down what they want IS for someone to care.

[Baroness67]

I think you stop worrying about what people think about you when there are no consequences that matter to you that are attached to anyone else's opinion.

 

For example, it's easy not to worry about people thinking you're weird and not inviting you to their parties, when you realize you don't want to go to their parties anyway.

 

Now if you want to go to the party, and someone else is making the decision for you, then I guess you'd care what they think of you.

 

One lovely thing I have discovered about getting older is that you really do care less and less about what others think - and more about what you yourself think. Yours is really the only opinion that should matter to you. Stop worrying about who likes you - do you like them?

[orangelady]

I think you stop worrying about what people think about you when there are no consequences that matter to you that are attached to anyone else's opinion.

 

For example, it's easy not to worry about people thinking you're weird and not inviting you to their parties, when you realize you don't want to go to their parties anyway.

 

Now if you want to go to the party, and someone else is making the decision for you, then I guess you'd care what they think of you.

 

One lovely thing I have discovered about getting older is that you really do care less and less about what others think - and more about what you yourself think. Yours is really the only opinion that should matter to you. Stop worrying about who likes you - do you like them?

 

 

People in their 40s and 50s tell me the same thing. I am 28 and I very much still battle with this. I really want to change and I'm trying so hard.

 

The problem is, yes, sometimes I do like someone and I wonder why they ignore me or just are not interested in me. But if that's the case (that I don't really even like them) then I feel lonely. I could think "Gee, who cares if they don't even talk to me or include me, coz I don't even like them." But it does make you alone even more. Sometimes I just want to get along. Oh I don't know.

[Ross MwcFan]

I'm not sure how much I care, but it isn't as much as what it used to be.

 

I guess what can help is to think, do you want to spend the whole of your life living it for everyone else, or would you rather live it for yourself and do what makes you happy?

[carhill]

I've often felt like I perceive Michael Cerveris, who plays the 'observer' on Fringe, to be. Watching, making notes and comparing to what history already shows to be self-evident.

 

IRL, I've had my reputation sullied a number of times, both personally and professionally and, while it can hurt, believing in one's path usually mitigates the long-term effects of such hurt. Also, having a small group of trusted and loved and loving friends is wonderful for meeting such challenges and assuaging such pain.

 

I really don't care what people think but do care what they say and do if it interferes with my path. I'm pretty assertive in that one area.

[orangelady]

I'm not sure how much I care, but it isn't as much as what it used to be.

 

I guess what can help is to think, do you want to spend the whole of your life living it for everyone else, or would you rather live it for yourself and do what makes you happy?

 

Ross, your posts have been so wise of late. I wonder what got into you...

[orangelady]

I've often felt like I perceive Michael Cerveris, who plays the 'observer' on Fringe, to be. Watching, making notes and comparing to what history already shows to be self-evident.

 

IRL, I've had my reputation sullied a number of times, both personally and professionally and, while it can hurt, believing in one's path usually mitigates the long-term effects of such hurt. Also, having a small group of trusted and loved and loving friends is wonderful for meeting such challenges and assuaging such pain.

 

I really don't care what people think but do care what they say and do if it interferes with my path. I'm pretty assertive in that one area.

 

Yeah there are certain things that I *do* care concerning my performance at work especially. Loving friends - they are rare but that's another topic altogether.

[cerridwen]

In my teens and 20s I cared A LOT.

In my early thirties now I couldn't care less.

[TaraMaiden]

...and in my 50's, I fell sad for people who still think it matters what other people think.

 

"People would worry less about what others think of them, if they only knew how seldom they do...."

 

It may already have been said (haven't looked at the thread) but it bears repeating.

 

I would point out:

 

"People would worry less about what others think of them, if they only knew that others are worrying about what others think of them too...."

[orangelady]

 

"People would worry less about what others think of them, if they only knew that others are worrying about what others think of them too...."

 

You are in your 50s eh. OK yes, I've meditated upon this, but can I ask you something? Hmm I am in a class (communications and media) where everyone is just crazy, wild and outspoken. They really do not give a damn about what others think of them. So how can I think that they are worrying about what I think of them when it's not true?

[TaraMaiden]

You are in your 50s eh. OK yes, I've meditated upon this, but can I ask you something? Hmm I am in a class (communications and media) where everyone is just crazy, wild and outspoken. They really do not give a damn about what others think of them. So how can I think that they are worrying about what I think of them when it's not true?

 

Do you know this for sure, or are you assuming?

And even if they say they don't care what others think of them - is it just bravado?

 

(If people are brash and outspoken, I've found in my experience that it's usually a bit of a front.)

 

And is it just limited to this class, or do they feel this in every sphere of their lives?

If they're in a relationship, I'm betting you they bloody well do care about what at least one person thinks of them!

 

People who really don't care what people think of them have an air of quiet confidence, dignity and serenity. They don't get drawn into arguments, but state their case with conviction and clarity.

[TaraMaiden]

I don't know if it's been mentioned, but I think we need to differentiate between "how much we care about what others think of us IRL"

 

and -

 

being sensitive, or capable of being hurt by the opinions of others, in the way they're communicated.

 

I actually don't care what people think of me - but I still have feelings, and I am still capable of being hurt by the attitude demonstrated by others.

There's a difference. And an important distinction at that.