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More than a love triangle and hurt by "friend"


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Victim-Of-Love

Hi everyone.This is my first post here and I really didn't know were to place it.Here is my problem...

 

 

I have been involved with a man for more than 2 yrs. now.I am happy with him.The only problem is we are from 2 different races and cultures and his family forbids him to see me so,we have respected their wishes and not seen each other in over a yr.He still calls me every night,but I still get lonely,though.Lately I have been under a great deal of stress which makes me feel worse.

I live with my ex-bf,but we don't even talk to each other.

 

I'm a mod on another messageboard where I began openly flirting with this other guy,who reciprocated. Sometimes the replies got pretty steamy.We would post things that could be taken 2 different ways and both knew which way it was meant to be taken.He's also a mod on the same site.He has a live-in girlfriend, though.We exchanged e-mail addresses and began mailing each other long letters every day.I began falling hard for him.

 

The same day that I decided to break the news to my best online friend, who is also a mod on the same site,she guessed first that I had feelings for this guy and left me in on some info that she was supposed to keep secret.It turns out this other woman,who is also a mod on there,has developed feelings for the same guy.I don't know if she knows how I feel about him or if he even knows himself.

 

Him and I spent a lot of time getting personal with each other and sharing things,though.We remained just friends,but everyone on the boards started noticing the chemistry between us.We said we didn't care what they thought and kept up with our usual ways.

 

I was in a difficult situation that he has already been through with a relative and told me in his last mail that he would be there for guidance for me for the rest of my life.That all changed when I sent him my pic.

 

He really seemed like a deep guy before and wrote things that made me cry, but now since he's seen what I look like,he hasn't mailed me in 3 days.I'm a BBW(big beautiful woman).I am deeply hurt and it's so uncomfortable to go to the boards now.

 

I thought that being we are just long-distance online friends and nothing more,he wouldn't be so shallow,especially when he's always mentioning the song,"Don't laugh at me".I imagined us hanging out and doing things together and we even discussed things in a way as to sound like how we would react and what we would do in certain situations.

 

He told me I was under no pressure to send him my picture and always said that this is the net and everyone's fantasy and we could make it anything we wanted so why the sudden change?

 

I never realized I was that disappointing,especially when I have no problem getting men, regardless of the fact that I'm overweight.I have a great personality.

 

I almost questioned my own relationship for the sake of this man.I don't get why I'm so upset.I have a sweet,sexy,gorgeous, loving, caring,supportive,thoughtful,and hard-working boyfriend who I do love and who loves me just as much.

 

I guess I was just feeling neglected and this other guy offered me male companionship.I know I was fallng for him,but I wonder if he wasn't,too and felt I misled him somehow,even though u didn't.I am really in a lot of pain from this and not able to really trust going to anyone about it,especially any other member of that board.I don't have closure and I hate that,but I'm too proud to mail him,again.I just leave subtle little msgs in my signature on the boards hoping he'll know they're for him and he'll see that i think he's shallow and losing out.

 

I guess I'm just venting,but if anyone has read this far and could offer some advice on how to let go of the pain or anything else,I would greatly appreciate it.I just feel desperate.Help!!!Thanks!

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Let me get this straight. Which guy is your boyfriend? The one you've known for 2 yrs, who calls you each night, whose family forbids you two from seeing each other? Is that the boyfriend? What ages are you both? If you're "adults", how can anyone forbid you both to see each other?

 

Why are you living with an "ex-boy"? Isn't that kind of weird?

 

Now this online guy........Personally, I think the whole chat room/message board "cyber relationship" stuff is lame. People get way too caught up in this kind of thing.....and fantasy becomes a reality. Why not just make friends and spend time with people in real life? What's the real point of all this silly cyber-flirting with people in a room or on a msg board? Doesn't it all seem like a waste? And to believe some cyber-friend when they tell you they're going to be there for you, for the rest of your life......that sounds dramatic and silly to me.

 

Life is short. My belief is, why waste time investing it in some stranger on the net, from a chat room or msg board, when you can be spending time "in real life" with someone?

 

And did this guy know you're a BBW? Were you honest in telling him that from the start, or at some point? If you didn't, and he had no idea, I imagine he was likely shocked....and probably had already pictured you in his mind, to look a certain way...and when he saw your pic, he was just shocked.......and doesn't know what to say.

 

Why don't you just take a break from the message boards....and get out there in the real world instead, and get to know people that way.........versus getting all caught up with cyber-strangers, in the cyber-world, where it's really not very much about truth and reality.

 

Now back to this great, loving, supportive boyfriend you speak of..........if he's all that, then what the heck are you doing giving a crap about some stranger on a msg board? Isn't that kind of dishonest and deceitful? How would you feel if your b/f was doing the same thing?

 

It all sounds pretty bizarre.

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My suggestion is that you leave the Net and do some real dating. You've got a live-in boyfriend right there with you. Why not give him some of your attention again?

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