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quality time and sharing interests


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Old 6th March 2011, 3:32 PM   #1
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quality time and sharing interests

i would like to know what is a healthy expectation of how much time should be spent together in relationship and, also, if it's ok to expect the other person to sacrifice some of their time to share in your interests, which may not necessarily be their interests....at all.

i feel that when you truly care about someone else, you WANT to take part in the things that make the other person happy....not all the time and not even MOST of the time....but some of the time, yes. you want to share in the experiences that make them who they are, even if it is not something you, yourself, would have any interest in otherwise.

even if you have no interest in their interests AND no desire to see the other person in their element, i think you should still (at the very, very least) be willing to set all of that aside occasionally and join the other person in their interests JUST because you care about them.

or is that too much to ask? i have asked my bf for this many many many times and he insists that his schedule is too busy and he just doesn't want to give up ANY of his time (zero) doing anything he doesn't WANT to be doing for HIMSELF. the most i can expect from him is to do something we both want to do, which he may not even want to be doing as much as something else.....that's his idea of sacrifice.

i think this is really selfish. i spend time with him doing things he wants to do and when i remind him of this, he says "but i don't FORCE you to do those things. you're welcome to come along if you'd like, but i never make you do something you don't want to do".

i'm not trying to make him do something....but why should either of us feel like i'm "making" him? why doesn't he want to spend time with me enough to come along to garage sales with me? or go shopping with me? or go outside with me while i take pictures? or go out to places I'M interested in?

then last night he asked me if i would want to go to any sports events with him ever and i immediately said "NO!" because i'm so resentful. i could see the disappointment on his face, but truth is, i would absolutely have no problem going if i felt like he would join me in my interests.

why is the act of just being with me not enough? why doesn't he have any desire to see me in MY element? it seems everything is on his terms and what he wants. we either do things that he wants, things we both want, but never things that ONLY i want. it really makes me sad and extremely bitter that he won't budge.

am i expecting too much?
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