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Never been so confused in my life...


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Old 5th October 2003, 11:44 PM   #1
*speechless*
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Never been so confused in my life...

I met this guy about a month ago. We feel like we've known each other for years. He says he doesn't believe it's a mere coincidence that we met...it's something more. Yet, he won't say what it really is. He's the exact opposite of what I am. He is a very outgoing, outspoken type of a guy. Senstive, yet, very bold. He leaves me speechless. I can't describe what it is...but it's left me very confused and frustrated.

He makes me wanna lose myself. I've always been so strong in my own beliefs that I never let anyone cross the limits. Yet, he's crossed all these limits and has forced himself in my heart, and I can't seem to stop him. At one point he seems like he's just flirting with me, and then the next minute he's talking about wishing to have me fall in love with him.

Because of the type of circumstances we're in, I know it's not possible for us to be together. I tell myself I will stop keeping in touch with him, but I'm losing this battle with myself. I don't want to be hurt again...and I know for a fact we can't be together. He knows that too. Some days I feel like he's just playing with me and my emotions. He tells me he knows I want to be with him. And I'm being cruel to myself. He makes me furious with myself and with him.

I've always believed that I'd be with someone who was like me so we'd have a better understanding of each other. This guy questions and opposes everything I believe. So much so, that it makes me quesiton my ownself. He says he feels like he's known me forever. One minute I want him to go away...and the next, I wanna fall in love with him and never let him go.

What does he want? More importantly, what do I want?
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Old 5th October 2003, 11:46 PM   #2
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Why is it not possible for you to be together?
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In the end one loves one's desire and not what is desired. -- Nietzsche
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Old 5th October 2003, 11:59 PM   #3
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Well...there are a number of reasons. The major one being religious difference. It might not be a big deal to many...but the position I'm in, it has to be taken very seriously.
Secondly, I don't even know for sure if he really is looking to get married or persue a serious relationship.
Third, he's exactly the opposite of what I've always wished in a guy to be. Someone more or less on the same page as me...someone who was down to earth and calm like me. This guy believes in doing things at the spur of the moment. Someone who can get tired of the same routine and find new pleasures.

To sum it all up, it's the religious beliefs, along with a bunch of fears lined up in my heart. :-)
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Old 7th October 2003, 2:36 PM   #4
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Well, sometimes opposites do attract. I know that was the case with me. Either way, don't fall too much into the trap of creating the 'ideal' mate and measuring everyone to it. The 'ideal' doesn't exist. It sounds to me like you might just be head over heels for this person. But if the religious differences are too wide and you don't see any way to resolve them then you should just move on. But love is blind, love often conquors all. i know it's cliches but I'm a hopeless romantic...
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