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Give Her My Seat?


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I took my son to get his learner's license yesterday. In the area with the License Examiners there is limited seating for those who have to wait, and it was pretty busy yesterday. As I sat there waiting for my son, a 16-year-old girl came and stood next to her mom, since there were no more seats for those waiting. The mom was sitting in the waiting area, and I was sitting nearby, and I wondered if I should have given the young girl my seat.

 

Should I have?

 

I was a little afraid that she or her mother would think I was flirting, like a dirty old man (I'm 51). Physically, she was all woman, with curves that girls didn't have when I was that age. Moreover, she was ridiculously attractive for a 16-year-old, and I have no doubt that some men, who are WAY too old to be doing so, flirt with her. That's why I hesitated.

 

For the record, another mom soon came up and stood at the waiting area. I did give her my seat.

 

I would be interested to hear what women think.

 

Should I have given my seat to a 16-year-old girl? Was this unintentional age discrimination?

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IMO, young people should give up their seats for older people (and then I make exceptions for those who are pregnant or carrying babies, on crutches, and so on). I don't think men need to give up their seats for women, based on gender. So, if you're 51, I think you're more entitled to the seat your were sitting on than a 16 year old. I certainly don't see any kind of discrimination in your behaviour.

 

However, had you wanted to offer her your seat, I don't think it would have come across as 'dirty' unless you specifically made it so (as in e.g. eyeing her up and down or throwing out some sleazy comment).

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Thank you, Denise, for your response.

 

If she had been in her early 20's, I would have given her my seat. I'm a Southern boy. I will always give up my seat to women, hold doors, etc. I guess I still believe in chivalry.

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Physically, she was all woman, with curves that girls didn't have when I was that age.

Umm. I don't think human beings have evolved all that much in several decades. Girls did have curves just like that when you were that age; they just didn't show them off as much.

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Umm. I don't think human beings have evolved all that much in several decades. Girls did have curves just like that when you were that age; they just didn't show them off as much.

 

Yeah. I know. I was more implying how we don't appreciate youth when we have it. I sure as hell didn't.

 

I might point out that this girl was not dressed in any way that was inappropriate - jeans and a sweat shirt. And she seemed like a polite, well-mannered kid.

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[i'm a 40-year old woman, btw]

 

I give up my seat when there's a seat next to me and a mom and teen ager get on the subway. It seems to make sense to let them sit together b/c they are going to be talking over me anyway.

 

I don't think it's creepy to give up your seat at all. And nobody would think twice about it unless you hovered or struck up conversation with the mother and/or the young woman.

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[i'm a 40-year old woman, btw]

I don't think it's creepy to give up your seat at all.

 

"Creepy." That's the word! That's exactly how I didn't want to come across.

 

Thank you, Cee!

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I think you did the right thing by keeping your seat. Now, I'm not bitter or anything, but I'm of the opinion that some young people (both male and female) that are shown consistent courtesy from such a young age begin to develop superiority complexes. As an attractive young female, she's probably already has people bending over left and right going out of their way to be extra "gentlemanly" or extra friendly many times a day.

 

Ask yourself this: if she was pimply, overweight, and not well-dressed (whatever your definition of "dumpy" is) would you have wrestled with the same dilemma? You don't have to answer us, but be honest with yourself. Don't feel bad if the answer is "no". That's just biology.

 

That's not to say that if she was with child, sick, or injured that you shouldn't have given up your seat. However, I think that a 51 year old jumping up to allow a perfectly healthy 16 year old to sit down sends the wrong message. I'm 25 btw.

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You obviously wanted to give up your seat there for you should have. The fact that she was an attractive 16 year old girl shouldn’t make you afraid of being polite.

 

There was also nothing wrong with staying in your seat.

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Well, I'm a girl and I've given up my seat (in addition to the typical old people, pregnant women, etc) to women in high heels before, although I always questioned the sensibility of women who wear high heels when you know you'll be taking a 40 minute ride in public transport during rush hour. Have also sat on the floor and let female friends in skirts sit on the chair.

 

Yeah, I'm chivalrous. :p

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I think you did the right thing by keeping your seat. Now, I'm not bitter or anything, but I'm of the opinion that some young people (both male and female) that are shown consistent courtesy from such a young age begin to develop superiority complexes. As an attractive young female, she's probably already has people bending over left and right going out of their way to be extra "gentlemanly" or extra friendly many times a day.

 

Ask yourself this: if she was pimply, overweight, and not well-dressed (whatever your definition of "dumpy" is) would you have wrestled with the same dilemma? You don't have to answer us, but be honest with yourself. Don't feel bad if the answer is "no". That's just biology.

 

That's not to say that if she was with child, sick, or injured that you shouldn't have given up your seat. However, I think that a 51 year old jumping up to allow a perfectly healthy 16 year old to sit down sends the wrong message. I'm 25 btw.

 

If she develops a superiority complex, that's her problem. I'm not going to allow that possibility change the way I behave. On the other hand, I think showing kindness and good manners develops kindness and good manners.

 

Her good looks were a big part of the issue. I was trying to point that out in my original post. There were other 16-year-old girls there who looked like your typical 16yo. Would I have given one of them my seat? I really don't know. I guess I am now wondering where I draw the age line. I mean, I'm not going to give my seat to a 13-year-old girl.

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If she develops a superiority complex, that's her problem. I'm not going to allow that possibility change the way I behave. On the other hand, I think showing kindness and good manners develops kindness and good manners.

 

Her good looks were a big part of the issue. I was trying to point that out in my original post. There were other 16-year-old girls there who looked like your typical 16yo. Would I have given one of them my seat? I really don't know. I guess I am now wondering where I draw the age line. I mean, I'm not going to give my seat to a 13-year-old girl.

 

Of course it shouldn't change how you behave or approach such a situation, especially if it's not in line with your beliefs. I was just stating that from my viewpoint, what you did was perfectly fine.

 

It sounds like your primary concern was not wanting to appear creepy for focusing your attention on this one attractive girl. In this day and age, I can't say I blame you.

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Some one will think you are a creep no matter what you do. What does it matter?

 

Just be yourself.

 

LOL! Ain't that the truth?

 

I normally do "be myself," but at the time, I just didn't know what "myself" would do under the circumstances.

 

If I faced it again, I'd probably give her my seat. If my 15-year-old son had been sitting in the area at the time, I would have made him get up and give her his seat.

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Since you asked....

 

In my books, when a 51 yo finds a 16 yo ‘ridiculously attractive’ it’s creepy.

Man, you could almost be her gradfather. It’s just … wrong :sick:

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Since you asked....

 

In my books, when a 51 yo finds a 16 yo ‘ridiculously attractive’ it’s creepy.

Man, you could almost be her gradfather. It’s just … wrong :sick:

 

Welcome to reality.

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I still think its hilarious that he considers himself a gentleman when he thinks 16 year old girls are attractive, would not have been chivalrous if she wasn't good looking and is now posting about all this creepy behavior on an online forum. There is a gentleman for you.

 

I have a 6-year-old niece that I think is beautiful! I must be a real sicko, huh?

 

And you have it backwards....I was not chivalrous to the beautiful girl. I did not give her my seat.

 

Darlin, humans don't lose their ability to recognize beauty as they age. Now that you know, there's one less thing you have to be curious about.

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I'm a guy so please don't call me darlin.

 

And if you said your 6-year-old niece is beautiful that does not make you a sicko. But in this case you said you found this 16 year old girl attractive. There is a difference between finding someone to be beautiful and finding someone to be attractive.

 

I don't really believe in chivalry. I just think it is hilarious the guys who advocate chivalry are not as gentlemanly as they like to make others think.

 

Sorry. Given the content of your post, you sounded like a "darlin."

 

If guys who advocate chivalry are not gentlemanly, then are you suggesting that guys like you who don't believe in chivalry ARE gentlemanly? Because the only other option would have to be that NO men are gentlemanly. Right?

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Sorry. Given the content of your post, you sounded like a "darlin."

 

If guys who advocate chivalry are not gentlemanly, then are you suggesting that guys like you who don't believe in chivalry ARE gentlemanly? Because the only other option would have to be that NO men are gentlemanly. Right?

 

Like I said people will always think you’re a creep no matter what you do.

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