Jump to content

why was my ex so cruel?


Recommended Posts

I was dating a friend of a friend for about 10 months everything seemed fine, no fighting. Then out of the blue, he phones me and dumps me by phone. We weren't even LDR, he lives 30 mins from me. He didn't even have a reason. I was in total shock. Confused, I asked one of his friends for answers. She said that he's always fickle and wants to be single.

Not to blame myself. Then why didn't he just say that, in the first place?

 

The next day, he texted me. He said that I have no social skills and no self esteem. How ironic for someone who was texting me and didn't even dump me face to face. This isn't true as I had become close friends with his friends. To rub salt into the wound he then added

"I should've dumped you a long time ago". I was devasted, as if being dumped alone wasn't bad enough. I went straight into NC. Its been months and he hasn't even contacted me once. Its been difficult, but I haven't contacted him once and haven't stalked his fb even once. I lost our mutual friends as he turned them all against me.

I can't get rid of the gut feeling that he cheated on me. It would explain his behaviour. I know he had the opportunity too.

 

I feel stuck and I never got any closure. How could someone be so cruel?

Link to post
Share on other sites
I was dating a friend of a friend for about 10 months everything seemed fine, no fighting. Then out of the blue, he phones me and dumps me by phone. We weren't even LDR, he lives 30 mins from me. He didn't even have a reason. I was in total shock. Confused, I asked one of his friends for answers. She said that he's always fickle and wants to be single.

Not to blame myself. Then why didn't he just say that, in the first place?

 

The next day, he texted me. He said that I have no social skills and no self esteem. How ironic for someone who was texting me and didn't even dump me face to face. This isn't true as I had become close friends with his friends. To rub salt into the wound he then added

"I should've dumped you a long time ago". I was devasted, as if being dumped alone wasn't bad enough. I went straight into NC. Its been months and he hasn't even contacted me once. Its been difficult, but I haven't contacted him once and haven't stalked his fb even once. I lost our mutual friends as he turned them all against me.

I can't get rid of the gut feeling that he cheated on me. It would explain his behaviour. I know he had the opportunity too.

 

I feel stuck and I never got any closure. How could someone be so cruel?

 

Sugarkane you have dodged a massive bullet!

This guy has some serious issues and tries to put you down to make him feel good. He did not have the guts to leave you before, so he gatherer aggression and all the small things that he could find fault with you until he had enough to blow up. Sometimes NC, isn’t going to make the problem go away, it is just going to make it bigger.

 

Have a more hands on approach:

 

You can't get closure? Go get closure...do you think waiting for months to get closure is going to get you anywhere? What if you just write him a letter (not expecting anything back) and tell him all your feelings and then find closure in that?

 

I don't have closure, and so many questions but I have decided to write a letter and then close the chapter...you can decide, when you want closure....

Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow! This is horrible. I'm so sorry this happened to you. This guy is about as bad as they get and I agree with the above post that you dodged a bullet (although I'm sure you don't feel that way right now). I have no earthly idea why anyone would do what he did. It's quite deplorable.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose

What an *******!

 

He probably does that to all the women he is with. It doesn't seem like an issue with you, more of an issue with him.

 

His friends said he is fickle. I guess their definition of fickle is "Date a girl a while then take the coward's way out by dumping them by phone and insulting them via text."

 

His friends were sugarcoating it for you. A person's real colors come shining through when a relationship ends. Just stay on the high road with NC and the men that are up there with you will be happy you did :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thankyou for your replys, its good to get an outsiders perspective on things. This is the worst breakup I've been through thus far. I was really in love with this guy and that doesn't happen to me often. I was really depressed after this event happened and I blamed myself for a long time. It took me a couple of months to feel normal again. I've never felt to much rage against someone before. I wanted revenge and I guess I still do. I feel like he got away scot free.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

The only reason why I didn't do the letter thing is because I'd give him an ego boost and he'll probably come back with something even nastier

Link to post
Share on other sites
The only reason why I didn't do the letter thing is because I'd give him an ego boost and he'll probably come back with something even nastier

 

You're right. By totally ignoring him, you shot his ego down big-time. I really admire you for that because there are a lot of women who would act so dumb in this kind of situation. Your silence tells him everything - that you have too much self-respect to chase after a loser. And he is a loser in a big way. I'm sure he didn't expect you to act that way. He knows who he is and feel pity for him that he has to live in his own skin. That alone is revenge enough. haha. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

But on the other hand I feel like he got away with it scot free. And I never got a chance to say anything. There wasn't any conversation, he just completely cut me off.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Sugarkane, your story sounds similar to mine. I got dumped over facebook messenger and he called me the next day and insulted me and I took it like a champ.

 

You think he's getting away scott free. But he won't. You can't treat someone like sh*t and not have it come back to you at some point. Your ex is an ugly person. Sometimes it takes karma a while to come around.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author

I'm so angry I've done everything right and have not even been contacted once. What was the point in doing the right thing? I've done everyhting right, but I don't know if I'm making any progress. None of my answers were ever answered. I can't make sense why someone would pull a 180 on me. I don't want to waste any more time than I already have. Or I'll never be able to find Mr Right. It also makes me angry that guys think that its only girls who do this. They are so wrong!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I know that my ex has too much pride to ever apologize and come back. I often wonder if he ga undiagnosed asperbers or is just a jerk? He'll never learn, as he is attractive and has no problem getting women. I can't stand his arrogance, its repulsive.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I want revenge. I just wish someone would completely screw him over like he did to me. I'd have no sympathy for him

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sugarkane, your story sounds similar to mine. I got dumped over facebook messenger and he called me the next day and insulted me and I took it like a champ.

 

You think he's getting away scott free. But he won't. You can't treat someone like sh*t and not have it come back to you at some point. Your ex is an ugly person. Sometimes it takes karma a while to come around.

Much as I'd like to believe it, I am beginning to think that some people get away with everything and that the mystical and justifiable karma never actually happens to them!:mad:

Link to post
Share on other sites
I want revenge. I just wish someone would completely screw him over like he did to me. I'd have no sympathy for him

 

well if there is any justice in this world he will get his. nothing you can really do about it, I guess the proper perspective is at least you don't have to deal with him anymore? good job on the NC.. anything else would've just added insult to injury. I wish I had the discipline and strength to have done that when my ex left but I didn't. Feel good about that, its not easy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I was dating a friend of a friend for about 10 months everything seemed fine, no fighting. Then out of the blue, he phones me and dumps me by phone. We weren't even LDR, he lives 30 mins from me. He didn't even have a reason. I was in total shock. Confused, I asked one of his friends for answers. She said that he's always fickle and wants to be single.

Not to blame myself. Then why didn't he just say that, in the first place?

 

The next day, he texted me. He said that I have no social skills and no self esteem. How ironic for someone who was texting me and didn't even dump me face to face. This isn't true as I had become close friends with his friends. To rub salt into the wound he then added

"I should've dumped you a long time ago". I was devasted, as if being dumped alone wasn't bad enough. I went straight into NC. Its been months and he hasn't even contacted me once. Its been difficult, but I haven't contacted him once and haven't stalked his fb even once. I lost our mutual friends as he turned them all against me.

I can't get rid of the gut feeling that he cheated on me. It would explain his behaviour. I know he had the opportunity too.

 

I feel stuck and I never got any closure. How could someone be so cruel?

You did absolutely nothing wrong, I can promise you that! That guy is such an *******! He's mean and has no problem being cruel. Trust me, you do not want a guy like that in your life! He did you a big favour by ending it.

 

I know you're hurting and sorry for your pain. This guy though isn't worthy of ANY your tears!

 

Listen to your gut, it usually right.

 

Have a good cry, get some of your favourite junk food, call a good friend to come hang out with you, have a bitchfest about the dickhead and then burn anything he gave you! Make that your closure. Write him letters, but don't ever send them! This is to help you get over him. DO NOT contact him, ever. IF he contacts you, IGNORE him. He might come looking for an ego feed or call to be mean again. You don't need that in your life.

 

Take care and please, do NOT blame yourself or take his cruel words to heart. He's full of crap.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...
  • Author

I found some memontos of ours by accident the other day. They were tickets to a show we saw, a week before he dumped me. I tore them up and threw them the bin. Its been almost a year and he hasn't contacted me even once. And he never gave me back the stuff I had at his house.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan

Really sorry to hear about what he did. I can't understand how anyone could do that to someone.

 

Just be glad you aren't with an ******* like that anymore.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

All I think now is what a waste of time and energy that relationship was.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

It was almost a year ago and I still can't make any sense out of this. Its like my ex had a personality transplant.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I think I still think about him because I:

a) Everything was fine and it happened completely out of the blue. No warning, no nothing

b) Never found out what happened

c) Haven't found someone better yet, as I don't want to trust someone and be taken for a ride again, without any answers.

Link to post
Share on other sites
betterdeal

His rejection and following texts are classic examples of projection. No-one knows why he's like this. He probably doesn't know. But, one thing is for sure, and that is he is like this. Fickle, unreliable, cowardly, aggressive.

 

You wishing to understand the causes is a sign you are much more balanced and wholesome than he is. Be glad for the good times, delete him on Facebook and your phone, spend a week or however long it takes to mourn the loss, then move on and do better, happier things.

Link to post
Share on other sites

SugarKane,

 

Move on, you just need to understand in relationships either side can leave at any given point in time. It does suck being dumped, and its even worse when you haven't done anything wrong.

 

Its just all the part of the growing experience. I am sorry your going through this.

 

 

 

I was dating a friend of a friend for about 10 months everything seemed fine, no fighting. Then out of the blue, he phones me and dumps me by phone. We weren't even LDR, he lives 30 mins from me. He didn't even have a reason. I was in total shock. Confused, I asked one of his friends for answers. She said that he's always fickle and wants to be single.

Not to blame myself. Then why didn't he just say that, in the first place?

 

The next day, he texted me. He said that I have no social skills and no self esteem. How ironic for someone who was texting me and didn't even dump me face to face. This isn't true as I had become close friends with his friends. To rub salt into the wound he then added

"I should've dumped you a long time ago". I was devasted, as if being dumped alone wasn't bad enough. I went straight into NC. Its been months and he hasn't even contacted me once. Its been difficult, but I haven't contacted him once and haven't stalked his fb even once. I lost our mutual friends as he turned them all against me.

I can't get rid of the gut feeling that he cheated on me. It would explain his behaviour. I know he had the opportunity too.

 

I feel stuck and I never got any closure. How could someone be so cruel?

Link to post
Share on other sites

SugarCane;

 

1. Yes. You sound very young and new to relationships. Guys and Girls break up at a whim during their younger years. They don't understand the responsibility they have to others and their hearts to be gentle.

 

2. You will never find out what happend. Chances are he found someone else he liked more. SUcks I know.

 

3. This takes time... I would suggest you work on yourself, and give yourself time to heal. This is a hard situation to go through.

 

I think I still think about him because I:

a) Everything was fine and it happened completely out of the blue. No warning, no nothing

b) Never found out what happened

c) Haven't found someone better yet, as I don't want to trust someone and be taken for a ride again, without any answers.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Sugarkane

It seems really funny now but I was really serious about this guy! His best friends married young and I wanted that to be us eventually.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author

I honestly want to contact my exes friemds amd say that if they're that stupid to take his side, than they truely deserve him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...