The girl I like and my friend.

[Daviss]

I just found out that my best friend slept with this girl I really liked. He knew that I had feelings for her and still proceeded to "F" me over. I guess this has been going on behind my back for quite some time now. One night, she asked if she could stay for the night because she attends classes that's a lot closer to my place than it is from her place. She didn't feel like driving the distance from her place to school.

 

So me, being the nice guy I am, I said yes.

 

That night, I couldn't fall asleep, so I decided to go out to get something to eat and I noticed that she was in my friend's bedroom. So I asked them about it the next day, and they both said that all they did was watch a movie and fall asleep. But now I know that wasn't the case. They had had sex that night.

 

When I found out about this, it crushed me. I don't know who to trust anymore.

 

What do I need to say to my best friend about this? How do I handle this?

 

Thanks.

[zerovandez]

Confront him about it just once. Do this in the most civilized way possible. Get everything off your chest about the situation. In the end, you have to let small things like this go. Ask yourself, was she really yours? Or a work in progress? It doesn't sound like you were dating her in any way, shape or form. Your "friend" just jumped at his first opportunity to get laid because you didn't make a move on her. Is he a jerk? Yes, perhaps. Now ask yourself this; Do I need a "friend" that can go around my back like that? Does my "dream girl" give it up this easy?

 

I'd answer NO to all the above. Why surround yourself with people like that? It's a waste of time. On to the next, my friend.

[Nemicron]

I'd set his bed on fire. lol j/k Actually I agree with someone else. That isn't cool You dont step on a friends toes no matter what it is. He isn't much of a friend and I'd either make him leave or leave yourself if you can. I think you should confront him calmly and her.

[deebeechrisyo]

Daviss, Daviss, Daviss.

 

The big clue is you're talking about being a nice guy.

 

Write this down, Daviss: Nice guys don't get laid. Nice guys don't ... get ... laid. The reason she didn't tell you she had sex with your friend, is because she knows you're a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. She's also not attracted to a nice guy.

 

Let me make this simple for you: Women are not attracted to nice guys until their looks start to slip, until their biological time clocks starts to tick. Women are not attracted to nice guys until their market value starts to slide. Women start to feel desperate and starts to latch onto any guy who likes them. Anyone who seems reasonable, logical, reliable, dependable. Nice guys like you don't get half way decent chicks until later on. That's after they had sex with every bad boy in town -- every jerk, every unreliable guy, every creep. Once these guys start to put some mileage on these women's odometer, once their crow's feet start to kick in, once the turkey neck starts to show, once these girls can't get hot, rich, successful guys anymore, these women let their standards slide a little bit, and they go from really hot bad boys to nicer, more reliable people like you. The same guys who never got laid while these girls were busy partying their way around the campus, around the country, around the world at other people's expense.

 

It is as simple as that.

 

I do believe that your friend screwed you over, here. But I must say that I find it hard to believe that most guys would turn down a hot chick walking into their bedroom and shutting the door.

 

You paid for being a nice guy. You ALLOWED this to happen by saying that she can sleep over at your place.

 

The answer is NO.

 

When a woman asks you that question, the answer is no.

 

NO.

 

No.

 

Just say no.

 

Let me make this simple for you: Don't be a nice guy to chicks you're trying to bang!

 

Don't. Because this is what they'll do to you.

 

Just because you were attracted to a woman who had NO interest in you, means she owes it to you to say who she's having sex with because, in your mind, you had a relationship of some kind? She can have sex with whoever she likes. I know who she doesn't want to have sex with: YOU. You.

 

You're the one. The one she has no interest in. Are you listening? She has no interest in you. And you should stop having the feeling that your property rights have been violated. You do not have the rights to her, you do not have any possession of her, she is not interested in you, she used you for a place to stay that was close to campus, and you STUPIDLY said yes. Whose fault is this -- hers or yours?

 

And what I find fascinating about this, is that you want to blame everybody but yourself! It's your best friend's "fault" for nailing her, it's her "fault" for lying to you, "oh, who do I trust now?" What made you think she was going to have sex with you?

 

"Who do you trust now?"

 

Unbelievable!

 

You had no right to expect her to be trustworthy with you. You did not have anything with her. I bet she's had sex with OTHER people during this time you had a crush on her. And she had every right to do it.

 

If a woman is not giving you what you want, start saying no.

 

No, you cant' sleep at my apartment.

No, you can't come to my house on the holidays.

No, you can't come to my Fourth of July barbecue.

No, I'm not going to buy you a beer.

 

No, no, no, no, NO.

 

No.

 

Say no.

 

I know it's hard for a nice guy like you to say no. But Daviss, if you don't learn how to say no, this is going to happen to you time and time again.

 

Time ... and time ... again.

 

Telling your best friend you really like a girl, all you're really telling him is that you did not have what it took to close the deal. And it was SHE who asked for the opportunity to stay at your place.

 

That meant she really knew what she wanted. And it wasn't you.

 

Am I that far off?

 

You have been reading a lot of PUA e-books huh? It's always the nice guy's fault.

 

To the OP: I agree that standing up for yourself should be a primary trait, but blaming yourself for a dick move that your friend did is wrong. Both your friend and the girl (who I'm sure knew that you liked her) should take responsibility for their actions. My friends would never do something like that to me, because they would cease to be my friends if it happened.