Married, am I still considered attractive to others?

[30something]

This is sounding so stupid in my head but I've been pondering it so often that I thought I would see if anyone here has had the same situation. I've been married for 8 years and lately have been constantly wondering if other men find me attractive anymore? I know my husband finds me so, but for some reason it's not enough anymore. Most times I'm carting around my young children, and I don't work, so I'm never really around men. I guess I just miss the way men would look at me. I don't pay attention to my surroundings much (my focus is usually on the kids), but the only times I notice a man looking at me is when he about 15-20 years older than me, and then I'm not sure if he's looking at me or reminiscing about his olden days. Theres no real rhyme or reason to it, I just find myself sometimes searching out an attractive man to see if he notices me. God that sounds lame. Has anyone else been through this? Please tell me I'm not alone in this!

[JackJack]

If another man did find you attractive and they make it known to you, then what? Do you feel that would be enough for you? Or would you possibly wonder anything else?

 

I do think its human nature for people to want to be loved, wanted and desired. To be thought of as an attractive person. But if your husband does, then why do you feel its no longer good enough?

[30something]

Nothing would happen. I guess I just kinda miss the flirting? I know it sounds stupid, but it's been on my mind for months now.

[GorillaTheater]

I get this to a point. I get a real kick out of being flirted with, but will generally mention it to my wife, particularly if I found it funny. Would you share with your husband the fact you were flirted with?

 

Secondly, I don't feel any need to be validated by women other than my wife. Yes, the validation is nice, but I can take it or leave it. I'm sensing a need to be validated by other men in what you're saying, and I hope I don't need to tell you that you may be entering onto some treacherous ground.

 

Ideally, the best validation you can get from anyone is from yourself.

[30something]

Yes, I would share it with him. He has even mentioned to me when he's noticed someone checking me out. Says he likes it. I don't need anyone to validate me, it's really just me noticing (or realizing) that I miss catching men checking me out.

I'll just get over it. I love my husband very much and we have a great marriage, maybe what I really need is more "spunk" in our relationship. If I truly evaluate our situation, I'm feeling like it's stagnant and boring. I can blame kids, time, job, etc. but truth be told we don't make enough effort with each other.

[GorillaTheater]

Yes, I would share it with him. He has even mentioned to me when he's noticed someone checking me out. Says he likes it. I don't need anyone to validate me, it's really just me noticing (or realizing) that I miss catching men checking me out.

I'll just get over it. I love my husband very much and we have a great marriage, maybe what I really need is more "spunk" in our relationship. If I truly evaluate our situation, I'm feeling like it's stagnant and boring. I can blame kids, time, job, etc. but truth be told we don't make enough effort with each other.

 

I understand, it's way too easy to get caught up in busyness and the daily routine. Sit down and talk with him about it, about what you'd like to see change. And that night go for the lingerie and high heels. I bet you'd get plenty of validation!

[lovingone]

This is sounding so stupid in my head but I've been pondering it so often that I thought I would see if anyone here has had the same situation. I've been married for 8 years and lately have been constantly wondering if other men find me attractive anymore? I know my husband finds me so, but for some reason it's not enough anymore. Most times I'm carting around my young children, and I don't work, so I'm never really around men. I guess I just miss the way men would look at me. I don't pay attention to my surroundings much (my focus is usually on the kids), but the only times I notice a man looking at me is when he about 15-20 years older than me, and then I'm not sure if he's looking at me or reminiscing about his olden days. Theres no real rhyme or reason to it, I just find myself sometimes searching out an attractive man to see if he notices me. God that sounds lame. Has anyone else been through this? Please tell me I'm not alone in this!

 

I truly don't understand married women who worry about whether other men think they are attractive, unless you are unhappy in your marriage.

 

Let me put it this way....

 

I was looking up baseball pitcher Randy Johnson on Wikipedia. He has a wife, several children with her, and one daughter from a previous relationship. Wiki went out of their way to get hid wife's name right and the full names and birthdays of all their children right. And at the bottom was the out of wed lock daughters name, even though she was the oldest, and hardly any mention of her mother.

 

You NEVER want to be the flash in the pan. All the respect goes to the wife.

 

So if I was with a great husband, I would love it because I could finally care less what every Tom, Dick and Harry thinks of me.

 

Ya they may eye me, they could do the same for a prostitute on the street they spend all of 20 minutes with. It is no honor at all, the legal papers on the other hand are.

[30something]

Thank you very much, great point!

[TerryH]

You really shouldn't worry about this, it leads down a terrible path, first you wonder if you attractive, than if you are desirable, then when someone finds you attractive, then what...if your hubby finds you attractive you are ahead of the game, especially after 8 years, be happy with that

[Yamaha]

I know my husband finds me so, but for some reason it's not enough anymore

 

This is a real problem to someone that's married!!!!!!

You need to find out why ur husbands interest isn't enough for u.

 

Yes. It's nice when someone else finds you attractive but ur statement of needing attention from others is a red flag.

[Yvette_Sveden]

I think she has these thoughts are bothering her more than what she's letting on. It all starts with a small dose, meaning that she'll feel validated by having random guys undressing her with their eyes. Then when that does wears out, she might want a stronger fix. That's where flirting comes in. When that wears out, a stronger fix is needed. Then, all it takes is the right guy at the wrong time and you're in the middle of an affair.

 

Playful flirting is always fun, but make sure you do nothing out of the ordinary.

[Joe Normal]

Anyone want to lay odds we see this poster appearing in the infidelity forum in a year or two?

 

Cmon lady, get your act together - you are married, your job is to have a strong relationship with your husband, not wonder if other guys get erections from looking at your rack. For what it's worth, most men will check out even a plain looking woman - any port in a storm and all that. So it's attention that means little other than that men like sex with any passable female who'll spread her legs for them.

[ConstantCraving]

This is sounding so stupid in my head but I've been pondering it so often that I thought I would see if anyone here has had the same situation. I've been married for 8 years and lately have been constantly wondering if other men find me attractive anymore? I know my husband finds me so, but for some reason it's not enough anymore. Most times I'm carting around my young children, and I don't work, so I'm never really around men. I guess I just miss the way men would look at me. I don't pay attention to my surroundings much (my focus is usually on the kids), but the only times I notice a man looking at me is when he about 15-20 years older than me, and then I'm not sure if he's looking at me or reminiscing about his olden days. Theres no real rhyme or reason to it, I just find myself sometimes searching out an attractive man to see if he notices me. God that sounds lame. Has anyone else been through this? Please tell me I'm not alone in this!

 

If your HUSBAND finds you attractive, that is ENOUGH isn't it?

 

Why do you seek validation or unwanted advances from men who you have no interest in?

[amerikajin]

Meh, I don't think it's unnatural to want to be wanted. We're not supposed to come out and say it, but the truth is, we all enjoy the ego boost of being flirted with (healthy flirting, not actually getting to the point of crossing lines, that is). Anyone who says otherwise is full of it.

 

At the same time, keep this desire within its normal boundaries. Don't put yourself in a position where you end up taking someone up on offers to spend time outside of your marriage. As long as you can control your behavior, I see no reason to not smile at someone you find attractive, or to not laugh at their jokes. Actually engaging in serious flirtation, no - that's outside the lines. But even the most happily married people engage in harmless flirting once in a while. It's 'harmless' because it's brief, not sexually suggestive in any way, and it's just plain understood by both parties that nothing is going to come out of it.

[threebyfate]

This is sounding so stupid in my head but I've been pondering it so often that I thought I would see if anyone here has had the same situation. I've been married for 8 years and lately have been constantly wondering if other men find me attractive anymore? I know my husband finds me so, but for some reason it's not enough anymore. Most times I'm carting around my young children, and I don't work, so I'm never really around men. I guess I just miss the way men would look at me. I don't pay attention to my surroundings much (my focus is usually on the kids), but the only times I notice a man looking at me is when he about 15-20 years older than me, and then I'm not sure if he's looking at me or reminiscing about his olden days. Theres no real rhyme or reason to it, I just find myself sometimes searching out an attractive man to see if he notices me. God that sounds lame. Has anyone else been through this? Please tell me I'm not alone in this!

Ever heard of the seven year itch? You're bored and lonely.

 

I'd seriously work on "why" you feel this way, instead of "what" you're feeling. "What" you're feeling is just a symptom.

[goingstrong]

This is sounding so stupid in my head but I've been pondering it so often that I thought I would see if anyone here has had the same situation. I've been married for 8 years and lately have been constantly wondering if other men find me attractive anymore? I know my husband finds me so, but for some reason it's not enough anymore. Most times I'm carting around my young children, and I don't work, so I'm never really around men. I guess I just miss the way men would look at me. I don't pay attention to my surroundings much (my focus is usually on the kids), but the only times I notice a man looking at me is when he about 15-20 years older than me, and then I'm not sure if he's looking at me or reminiscing about his olden days. Theres no real rhyme or reason to it, I just find myself sometimes searching out an attractive man to see if he notices me. God that sounds lame. Has anyone else been through this? Please tell me I'm not alone in this!

 

 

Man do i feel sorry for your husband.

[Graceful]

I think it's natural to want to be attractive enough to still think men notice you, but it should not be at the forefront of your mind when you have a good marriage, nice children, and a nice life.

 

Please get your priorities straight.

 

You say you do not work, and you're always with your kids, so maybe you need a part-time job so that you are with adults more often, and keep your mind busy! Not saying this is you, but lots of young mothers do put their kids first and/or don't have a lot of time to worry about clothes and make-up, but you might want to try to make more time for yourself, even getting a new hair cut can make you happy and make you like yourself again. I don't think you really want attention from men, I just think you're in a rut with yourself, and I think that's normal for a lot of women.

 

I hope these thoughts leave your mind b/c it is nothing but trouble if someone paid attention to you when you are feeling this vulnerable and needy for attention. That is a path you do not want to go down. Good luck.