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Link between Passive Agressive Disorder and Infidelity


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Old 9th August 2010, 4:40 PM   #1
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Link between Passive Agressive Disorder and Infidelity

A friend of mine was telling me about a article she read that related to people who have passive agressive disorder, and it talked about how they are more prone to infidelity. Now I know ANYONE can cheat, disorder or not, but do you feel there are some people who may be more prone to cheat than others if they do have a particular disorder etc? And yes, when its all said and done, it comes down to choice. To cheat or not to cheat.

Also to clear any confusion up, I'm not talking about how we all as humans can act passive/agressive at times. There is an actual disorder where some people behave in a passive agressive manner in all aspects of their lives.
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Old 9th August 2010, 5:05 PM   #2
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I don't know if people with PAPD are necessarily more prone to cheat, but people with this behavior pattern do often fear intimacy and have been known to be unfaithful out of anger or resentment. Of course, PAPD can cover such a broad range of behaviors that it's possible to diagnose just about any sh***y move as symptomatic of PAPD. Unless there is a pattern it can be really hard to detect. Or so I read in an article.
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Old 9th August 2010, 5:09 PM   #3
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I don't know if people with PAPD are necessarily more prone to cheat, but people with this behavior pattern do often fear intimacy and have been known to be unfaithful out of anger or resentment. Of course, PAPD can cover such a broad range of behaviors that it's possible to diagnose just about any sh***y move as symptomatic of PAPD. Unless there is a pattern it can be really hard to detect. Or so I read in an article.

I know! Tsk silly articles!
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Old 9th August 2010, 5:28 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by PandorasBox View Post
A friend of mine was telling me about a article she read that related to people who have passive agressive disorder, and it talked about how they are more prone to infidelity. Now I know ANYONE can cheat, disorder or not, but do you feel there are some people who may be more prone to cheat than others if they do have a particular disorder etc? And yes, when its all said and done, it comes down to choice. To cheat or not to cheat.

Also to clear any confusion up, I'm not talking about how we all as humans can act passive/agressive at times. There is an actual disorder where some people behave in a passive agressive manner in all aspects of their lives.
I grew up a victim of passive aggression by my younger sister. She would wage this little war of doing sneaky things that she knew bothered me and kept doing them until I couldn't stand it and lashed out at her and then my parents would beat me as the apparent aggressor. She would always do this act of crying and protesting that "he keeps on hitting me". My uncle actually assaulted me at age 9 by punching me square in the stomach as he witnessed only my reaction to hours of her taunts. I never forgave him. He to this day thinks he was right. I'd bust his jaw for him if I ever hear him affirm that crap again like I did 8 months ago some four decades after the incident.

My sister acts contrite now and always sends me a cash gift on my birthday. I had to reason that she was just acting like other animals do--little bear keeps bitting brother bear's @ss. Brother bear has enough and attacks little bear. Mother bear witness nothing and knows nothing of little bear's constant attempts to seize power and attention by biting brother bear's @ss. She goes postal on brother bear. Brother bear is twice wounded and not allowed to be simply happy on his own.

So, I forgive this misery to animal heritage but not those who should have known the scenario and asked why should I turn brutal toward her and only her when I have seven younger siblings? And why would I turn from her dutiful protector when she was a baby to the opposite in her adolescence? My mother and her brother are in their 70's now and still don't know that they were dupes in a passive aggressive adolescent power play. Effen pity.

Adults who wage passive aggression--doing little things to make others look like aggressors--are simply persons of arrested development and social developmental neglect. I find it repetitively unfortunate that people who mod forums often don't understand passive aggression and fall for the illusion--leveling infractions upon those who have been given the sly bird gain and again by some passive aggressive who laps up the controversy they cause but are never caught for as instigators. I guess it symbolic of our society's social development shortfall and denial.

As to the idea of passive aggression being some kind of disorder, I'm not sure I can buy it. I see it more as a defacto result of parental and societal neglect which the passive-aggressive person doesn't even have an understanding is sociopathic if allowed to go on into adulthood unchallenged. Certainly such people are 100% manipulative and acts to gain power and leverage can include real or staged acts of infidelity.

Being a victim an finding the key to forgiveness has empowered me to see it when it happens. Most times I can't argue it as a case because so few people generally believe that people can be that duplicitous. They can and too often are.
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Old 9th August 2010, 5:43 PM   #5
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Thanks for sharing your story Feelin! I'm also sorry that happened to you.

I think my friends article she told me about rang true for her and her relationship with her husband. She had told me of his childhood, how chaotic it was. Cheating/alcoholic father. A mother who turned the other cheek and stayed. She liked to critisize others (mainly her own kids) because of her own unhappiness. There was no real emotional connection or communication between any of them. He really knows nothing much of real intimacy or how to connect with others. He blames everyone for everything , its always someone elses fault etc. He himself is a recovering alcoholic as well. She stated how he lived his life in a passive aggressive manner. Pretty much thats how he knows how to deal with or not deal with things etc.

She said its been a hard 20 years to live like that. She did say she was learnign ways of dealing with or should I say, comminucate better with a person with PAPD.
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Old 10th August 2010, 8:23 AM   #6
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Thanks for sharing your story Feelin! I'm also sorry that happened to you.

I think my friends article she told me about rang true for her and her relationship with her husband. She had told me of his childhood, how chaotic it was. Cheating/alcoholic father. A mother who turned the other cheek and stayed. She liked to critisize others (mainly her own kids) because of her own unhappiness. There was no real emotional connection or communication between any of them. He really knows nothing much of real intimacy or how to connect with others. He blames everyone for everything , its always someone elses fault etc. He himself is a recovering alcoholic as well. She stated how he lived his life in a passive aggressive manner. Pretty much thats how he knows how to deal with or not deal with things etc.

She said its been a hard 20 years to live like that. She did say she was learnign ways of dealing with or should I say, comminucate better with a person with PAPD.
Your friend's husband sounds very much like my one of my brothers. We had a large family and he was a middle child. My father was a functional alcoholic, abusive to my mother (although faithful to the best of my knowlege), and neglectful of his children. My mother was always submissive, but would transfer her resentment onto us in the form of hypercriticism. There rarely seemed to be any emotion in the house other than simmering rage. I believe this affected my brother profoundly.

He is passive-agressive in every aspect of his life, a life which has become a carousel of grandiose plans followed by grander bail-outs when the least little thing goes awry. This, of course, is not because anything was wrong with the plan. People he was depending on dropped the ball, you see, or otherwise prevented his world domination either deliberately or through incompetence. This inevitably leads to bouts of severe depression and alcoholic binging, not that he has a problem, since it's only beer and not the hard liquor dad drank.

He can be excused, of course, since dad terribly abused him both physically and emotionally all through his childhood, at least in his mind. Beatings piled upon cruelties have left him the broken man he is today. I would have thought that growing up in the same household and being only a couple of years separated from my brother I would have witnessed at least one of these elaborate tortures, but alas, I'm in denial, according to him. If dad was guilty of anything with regard to our upbringing it was disinterest.

Now since the world is out to get him, and because nobody loves him, he has carte blanche to treat everyone else like the pieces of sh*t they are. No woman is good enough, because they only try to set you up to bring you down. They are to be used and discarded. No man can be a true friend because they will only let you down by not dropping everything to cater to your latest wild-hair. Rules are only for stupid people who are sheep, BTW. His latest scam is that he is lobbying for the lion's share of the inheritance when my mother passes because he's sponged off her, I mean "taken care of her" since dad died.

The funny thing is, if you were to meet him you would think him the salt of the earth. I love my brother and would die for him. I just don't like him very much.

Last edited by Shakz; 10th August 2010 at 8:35 AM..
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Old 3rd September 2010, 9:25 PM   #7
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I know I'm late into this thread, but I was googling PAD and this came up
This thread was posted the day after I caught my ex cheating on me
My ex is a recovering alcoholic and for the 5 yrs we were together, I could NOT for the life of me understand his behaviors. They were so strange. Lots of crazy making.

Right after he cheated, I asked him why he did it and he blamed me. He always blamed me for everything, every fight, every time we would break up etc.
He would deny things, like when he would come into my house when I wasn't home, go into my pc etc and denied it. I would be in shock and could never understand it

Then he told me he may have cheated in spite. To get me pissed.
Then someone in my al anon group told me that he sounds like he has passive aggressive disorder which is common with addicts.
My ex is sober and when he got dry, he got worse.
Not sure the behavior would change once he worked his recovery since there is no way to know it the booze caused the issues or he was always like this.
But he was NOT like this when he drank

So YES, people with this personality disorder DO cheat.
I left him and won't ever go back. He was a good man, but has some sickness that is too big for me to take on
I thought I was going crazy!
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Old 3rd September 2010, 9:57 PM   #8
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I couldn't say as to whether this is a trend to keep an eye on, as I only know one person who I would say has enough of a problem with passive-aggression-as-unbreakable-lifestyle to be called disordered. But that one person was in fact unfaithful in her marriage, out of resentment. So.

They need a shrugging smiley.
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Old 3rd September 2010, 10:02 PM   #9
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I think people with pretty much any personality disorder are prone to self-medicating whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling or cheating, etc, or any combination. They're looking for external fixes for internal issues.
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Old 3rd September 2010, 11:12 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by PandorasBox View Post
A friend of mine was telling me about a article she read that related to people who have passive agressive disorder, and it talked about how they are more prone to infidelity. Now I know ANYONE can cheat, disorder or not, but do you feel there are some people who may be more prone to cheat than others if they do have a particular disorder etc? And yes, when its all said and done, it comes down to choice. To cheat or not to cheat.

Also to clear any confusion up, I'm not talking about how we all as humans can act passive/agressive at times. There is an actual disorder where some people behave in a passive agressive manner in all aspects of their lives.
Interesting I guess but I don't see what is so profound about this, to me it's almost like saying sociopaths are more likely to have issues with morality. Also I think it's more previlent in men which makes sense since it stems from (aside from genetic factors) a persistent repression of expressing oneself throughout childhood. Plus this disorder is about a resistance to authority and responsibility, cheating would be a great way of skirting all these things ..
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Old 4th September 2010, 11:11 AM   #11
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Until you see a scientific study with double-blind testing and controlled variables, I would be highly sceptical of pop-psychobabble claims like this, most are pure unsubstantiated BS.

Concentrate more on selecting the right lover and having a good relationship with them, that will take care of 98% of any worries.
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Old 5th September 2010, 1:13 AM   #12
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Until you see a scientific study with double-blind testing and controlled variables, I would be highly sceptical of pop-psychobabble claims like this, most are pure unsubstantiated BS.

Concentrate more on selecting the right lover and having a good relationship with them, that will take care of 98% of any worries.
How passive aggressive of you ...
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Old 5th September 2010, 1:36 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by threebyfate View Post
I think people with pretty much any personality disorder are prone to self-medicating whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling or cheating, etc, or any combination. They're looking for external fixes for internal issues.

Yep I agree totally!
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