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Why is he suddenly ignoring me?


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SwissMiss88

Hi everyone

 

I just signed up on here, mainly because I'm in a very desperate situation right now and don't know how to act or respond to it.

 

To give you the story in a nutshell...I have been talking to this awesome guy for weeks now, but we haven't seen each other in person yet. I have met him through another friend of mine and we all used to play videogames online together. Although they both live in different states, they have known each other for years and are fairly close. The problem is, this mutual friend, unhappily married (he was forced into it because he's a member of Jehovah's witnesses), had started to try and talk to me even before the guy I like now. It never developed into something, because I wasn't interested and also, me and him used to get into a lot of heated discussions/arguments about anything from religion to politics, etc. We are both very opinionated and just butted heads constantly, and after a while I realized I didn't even really like this guy. Although I can be combative, I never cross lines and make it personal, but he's different. More and more he started to be this vile, mean person. Then, one day, the three of us were online (at this time I wasn't talking to my guy yet) and we started having a discussion about Tiger Woods (ugh..lol). He ended up completely flipping out on me because I didn't agree, and started to call me names, saying I was an idiot, was too dumb to talk about this, that I don't know English (I'm not American), and other nasty things. I just signed out. After that he texted me, but didn't really apologize. I, however, was over it, told him so in my reply, and wished him a good night. After that we didn't really speak anymore, I guess I was really turned off and he was probably embarassed deep down, although he doesn't seem to understand when he goes too far.

 

Then, me and my guy started to talk. We got really close over a few weeks and shared a lot of thoughts and feelings. He really opened up to me and I saw a side of this guy that I had never known existed. He never seemed like the type of guy that would talk about feelings to anyone, but he felt so comfortable with me that we started to talk for hours at once, just about the two of us. Soon, he told me he wanted to see where this was going with me because we clicked so well, it really seemed like we were soulmates (he seemed to be the male version of me..we're both pisces so he's sensitive). And we made plans for me to go see him at the end of April. I bought the ticket and we were both on cloud 9 as everything was literally, absolutely perfect and we were all about each other.

 

Then, he told me he was going to visit his friend for two weeks. I started to have concerns because I knew that we weren't on speaking terms and I also knew this guy can be nasty enough to talk badly about people, even though I never did anything to him. That's why I tried to reach out to him, because I feared things would get really awkward as me and my guy had started making plans to see each other, and I didn't want this little problem between me and his friend to bring in negativity. But....all that I got in return was him continuing to disrespect me. At that point, I had enough and didn't contact him anymore. I started to get worried because I knew for a fact he was going to try to make me look bad in front of my guy when he's there. And I was right. It took one day for things to change. I got less and less messages, he would "fall asleep before calling me", and just take really long to answer to my messages and calls. I just sensed something was wrong. At first when I asked him, he said he was just busy doing things. I understand that and I wasn't trying to be all over him during his vacation, but it really started to be extremely noticeable. I turned to another mutual friend of ours who lives down there as well, and he told me that the other guy had talked badly about me.

 

And now I'm sitting here and haven't heard from him in about 3 days. The last time we talked I broke down and asked him what was wrong, and his answer was that he's so emotionally invested in me and that he really fell in love with me, but that he's not sure about the long distance factor in the relationship and he just doesn't know how it's gonna work out. But, we had talked about that before and it didn't seem to bother him much, he was always happy to discuss options, even those that included him possibly relocating (he lives in AZ and I live in CA). Then he went on to say that he wouldn't want me to come see him and have things happening between us but then the relationship can't progress because of the distance. That he's not that type of person. He also said that he does not want to "break up" with me and that he doesn't want me to leave him alone after I asked if that's what he wanted. I was completely shocked at his behavior. He asked me if he could call me back later, but hasn't. I tried to reach out to him twice, sent him a message as well as a voicemail and explained to him that I had heard that the guy was talking negatively about me and that I think it has something to do with his current behavior. The only thing I got was a text from the other guy whose number I had deleted a long time ago out of anger, saying "Hahaha. Blame me for your psycho issues." I felt completely disrespected.

 

Basically, this leaves me with nothing to deal with, because I don't know what's going on. I haven't been contacting him and won't, at least until he gets back home and away from that nasty person. What do you think I should do after that? I'm just longing for a conversation, for answers. I can't believe this is how it's going to be, because when he was on the way to the airport everything was still perfect.

 

Please help, I'm extremyl hurt :(

Edited by SwissMiss88
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never met the guy? internet relationships? Jehovah's witnesses and arranged marriages? the first sentence or so says enough. ditch the drama and get into the real world if you want real relationships.

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make me believe

I'm sorry that you're hurt, swiss miss (cute name, btw). But when you say that you don't know what to do because you don't know what's going on, you are wrong. He told you that he doesn't want an LDR, and whether it's because this other guy sabotaged things for you or he thought things through and came to this conclusion doesn't really matter. I know it sucks but you have to listen to what he's saying and accept it. Even if he is saying this because the other guy said bad things about you, do you want to be with a guy who is so easily swayed by an outsider's opinion?

 

I think you two probably got a little too swept up in the "soulmate" thing. The fact of the matter is you've never even met this guy in person. You have no idea what he's really like in real life. He could have a dozen "soulmates" that he chats with online and strings along until he's bored with them. I think you should try to forget about this guy (both of them, actually), and move on. I'm sorry :(

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