Where is this headed...

[Sakura Blossom]

Hello, I am new to this forum.

 

Picture a scene where you and someone you have been seeing for a few months ( as friends, as dating? you don't know, it's that confused weird stage) sit down to talk about where this relationship is headed. I hope I am not over generalizing when I feel that it seems that women are the ones who tend to initiate this "big talk" a lot of the times. Forgive me if I am wrong.

The conversation goes like this:

 

Woman: Where is this heading...I want to know how you feel about me. You act like you care for me beyond friendship, you mention things about a relationship, you say you are attracted to me...I just want something clear, a closure of some sort, that's all, so I know what to expect, what I need to do..how do you feel about me?

 

Man: How do YOU feel about ME? Do you want to be in a relationship with me?

 

Woman: Do you want to be in a relationship with me?

 

Man: What about you?

 

Woman: I..I just..I don't know..

 

Man: You don't know? Well. Ok. I am not ready to be in a relationship. I just don't think it's the right time for us. I like you a lot, in fact, I think you're someone I can see myself with for a long time, but I feel bad asking you to wait until I am ready. I just don't have enough stability in my life right now to know if I can handle a relationship. I'm sorry.

 

Woman: Thanks for being honest. I guess I know now to move on and date others. I am not going to wait around..

 

Man: You're not?

 

Woman: No, with what faith can I ? You haven't given me any strong reason to, really...

 

Man: Well, I just thought...ok. Fine. Alright. So it would be pointless to hold on to you huh?

 

Woman: So we are just strictly friends then?

 

Man: If that's what you want...

 

Woman: What do YOU want?

 

Man: To be really close friends. Like closer than best friends...

 

Woman: Fine..

 

As most of you have probably caught on, this woman is me. And I feel like the stupidest person in the world because deep down I wanted to tell him I wanted to be with him but was too afraid to let the cards out on the table and risk rejection...I wanted him to somehow catch on to my real thoughts and ask me out. But he didn't. When a man says the things that this man said, is it his way of letting me off easy, but the real truth is: he isn't interested? Or are there cases where a man really does mean these things? Maybe it was for the best. If he just said he wanted to be with me I would have said yes in a heartbeat..I don't know why I am being such a coward..or am I just being proud...

 

I am asking this, because if there is a chance that this man does care for me, truly does want to take it slow, and meant exactly what he said, not as an excuse, I intend to go to him asap and tell him my true feelings than wonder about what could have been for the rest of my life...but if it is just his way of having his cake and eating it too, well I'd be best to move on..

 

What do you think?

[luvmyboys]

When a guy says it's not the right time, he's not ready for a relationship, yada, yada, yada, believe him.

 

If he wanted to be exclusive with you, he'd be much more open with his feelings and wouldn't give you that song and dance about not ready for a relationship crap. BTW, he'd have to be a total idiot NOT to know that you have strong feelings for him; you really shouldn't have to tell him, actions speak louder than words.

 

My guess is that he enjoys your company but still wants to be able to play the field so it's up to you whether you want to sit on the sidelines while he keeps checking out the team. But that's only my opinion, maybe others have a better solution.

[Sakura Blossom]

thanks luvmyboys..

 

I DID believe him when he said all that stuff, and my usual reaction to men saying this is just like what you said, that they still want to keep their options open, they don't want to be exclusive with the woman they tell this to, the woman is on the back burner, etc...

 

I guess my question is though, are there cases when men really do mean those words just as stated? As in, could they truly be concerned about where their own lives are headed, and they do sincerely want to be cautious about whether they really can handle a relationship with that woman? Especially if the woman also seems to have a lot headed her way in the near future? (like being set up for marriage) whereas the man still has school left to finish?

 

A male co-worker of mine says maybe he responded that way from a safeguard position because I said I didn't know in response to him asking if I liked him...

 

Maybe I am just holding on to some false hopes here...please any other advice would be appreciated. Thanks again.