Am I the only person like this??

[Casandra .]

I listen to radio talk show programs while driving too and from work, sometimes its Dr. Laura or Dr. Joy Brown or other local psychologists.

Almost always when a man or woman calls up with a problem with his or her spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend they get asked "How old are you?" and they say, for example 28, then they get asked "How old is your spouse?" and almost always they spouse is the same age or one or two years apart.

 

I am a person who has almost always had relationships with older men because I've never had much in common with guys my own age, but it astounds me to see just how the majority of Americans seem to fall into the "normal" category, and when I listen to these programs I wonder if I am abnormal or something.

 

My question is: Is it better to have a spouse/boyfriend exactly the same age, give or take two years, as you???

 

I just can't help thinking that it is a disadvantage for women to be with men their age because as myself, a person whose been with older men all my life, it seems that men who have been with, let's say their highschool sweethearts for over 20 years, they seem to almost always loose interest around middle age, and end up divorced.

 

What is your take on this?

[Pookette]

[color=darkred]I am 22 and married to a 33 year old guy. I think that it's fine if your spouse is older than you by more than, let's say, 5 years or so. In my own personal experience, older guys are more stable and not as immature. Let's face it, guys mature later than women.

 

My husband is able to give me sound advice without sounding like an authority figure and I think most importantly, he is able to carry on an intelligent, intellectual conversation with me. He's had the life experiences that I am going through and is stable and secure. There are other things that I like about him as well that I won't go into now

 

It seems older men have more respect for women, in that they don't call them "hos" or "b*tch*s" or generalized, degrading things that seem prevalent now.

 

But then again, it all depends on the guy. If he's a sweet, sensitive man when he's 21, chances are that behavior will extend throughout the rest of his life.

 

IMO, older guys are better. I wouldn't swap mine for Matt Damon or Ben Affleck or anything, but if Bogie were still alive...hmmm...LOL[color=darkred][/color][/color]

[yes]

i've never had a good experience with a guy my age. older guys are much better! i've in my early twenties, and i get along perfectly with guys in their early thirties.

 

they can give advice, they can take care of you, and also, you're not one of their first experiments, so you're viewed as YOU not as "a chick i'd really like to screw" (I know im generalizing terribly, but that;s how a lot of young guys are...)

 

so u're not alone =)

 

-yes

[clia]

I disagree, but there's no right or wrong answer here. It's all a matter of personal preference.

 

I've never long term dated a guy more than four years older than me, and I don't care to do so. I prefer to date guys who are at a similar point in their lives as I am, and those guys tend to be around my age. I've been on dates with older guys, and many of them are way too marriage/baby driven for me. I don't need to date a guy who owns a home and has a dog when I just got out of college and am living in a crappy apartment and running around with my girlfriends. I think it's just easier to relate to people who are around your age, but I suppose it depends somewhat on your interests. I've had fabulously intelligent conversations with guys my age, we listen to the same music, like to do the same things, etc. I haven't had maturity issues with any guy since around high school. Men do catch up with us by the time they are through college.

 

Personally, I would find it creepy to date someone more than 10 years older than me. I don't want to date my father. It makes me wonder what older men want with younger women. I've heard my guy friends comment on "getting them while they are young so they can mold them into whatever they want" or so they aren't bitter about men. Yuck!

 

Problem is, there is a huge gap in life experience between someone who is 22 and someone who is 32. There just is, and people don't realize it until they get to that age and look back on how they felt/thought when they were 22, and realize they really didn't know as much as they thought they did about themselves and what they wanted out of life. (BTW, I'm just using a random example here.)

 

But hey, to each his own!

[witchbreed]

I think both have their merits. Up till 5 years ago, I only had relationsships with men much older then myself, between 7 and 10 years age gap and I was fine this way.

 

Since men do mature later, its my opinion that a young woman is better of with a man 4 to 10 years older. On the other hand, now that I am 40 I am very happy with my bf who is the same age. Specially since women have the longer life expectancy, if you have an older man, there is a big chance of being a widow somewhere in your early to mid sixties when you are with an older man.

 

My father is 15 years older then my mum. They have a real good relationsship but I of ten worry about my mum. She is 63 now and my dad 78 and she will certainly be a widow in the next 5 to 10 years. They are both very healthy for their ages.

 

I personally am glad that my bf and I are of a same age, I wouldnt want to be a widow for decades.

 

I am European and we see more couples with a wider age gap over here, then you see in the States. Partially it has to do with different laws: in Europe one is alowed to have sex from age 16 on (regardless of the age of the partner, with less then 2 years age gap even before 16), drinking beer and wine are legal from age 16, drinking hard spirits from age 18. Lots of people stop school at 16 and then enter an apprenticeship, which means they work in their trade and go to trade school one day a week. So people do mix from age 16 with older people socially and work wise. I think that is the main reason, why couples with more of an age gap are much more common in Europe then in the States.

 

So from my point of view you are as "normal" as someone dating men of the same age group.

[Bill]

Since men do mature later

Huge generalization there. When I was 16, I was working for a large computer company. I was the one they sent out to speak with company officials. Of course, someone had to go with me, because I wasn't old enough to drive .

 

I agree with you on the majority, but not all.

[HokeyReligions]

I always thought it was better to date guys older, because of the maturity thing. Then I actually started dating. I've dated guys the same age, older, and younger. It all depends on the person, not the years.

 

I am married to a man older than me. His health is deteriorating. Because he is no longer able to be active, my lifestyle has changed too. We want to do things together, but we have to move at his speed and capabilities, not mine.

 

That is something to consider too. Not just being a widow at an early age, but also compromising your own health.

 

Yes, I could go out and do things on my own. And I do sometimes, but when we do things together we are limited. That can happen for anyone, but it's more likely to happen with age-related degeneration.

 

It scares the bejeebers out of me to think of being a widow. I think about the first guy I seriously dated - who was older than me. That was a long time ago, and I found out about a year ago that he had died. He was only 67. And I think that if I'd stayed with him, I would have been a widow.

 

 

Just consider these things when you accept a date from an older person. I sure don't think you are abnormal for dating someone older.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "Almost always when a man or woman calls up with a problem with his or her spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend they get asked "How old are you?" and they say, for example 28, then they get asked "How old is your spouse?" and almost always they spouse is the same age or one or two years apart."

 

My guess is that a great many of the callers are lying through their butts!!! They probably figure it just sounds better to say they're the same age or a few years apart, although in many cases they would get a more accurate solution to their problem if they were honest.

 

Some questions are more accurately answered by knowing the parties correct ages while others aren't.

[Ally Boo]

I am 25, and last year I dated a guy who was 40. It freaked me out one day bc I thought he was having a heart attack. He was having health problems, and I really couldn't deal with that. My bf before him was incredibly healthy and active. So, I agree with Hokey on this one.

[yes]

40-25 = 15

we were talking about 5-10 years difference here! also, ive met some guys who're about 30, and healthier than lots of 20-something guys i know.

 

so it really depends on the guy!

 

-yes

[Kidd Seuss]

[color=darkred]I think a lot of it depends on the maturity level and common interests of the individuals at hand. Thats why so many people date folks around their age is they feel they have more in common with them as opposed to someone significantly older/younger. You just happen to be a more mature person and prefer the same. I run into that a lot (though I still have my MANY immature moments). In my town, everyone my age is either humping or drinking and I think there's more to life than that, so I tend to go for the older gals myself. Its nothing abnormal at all. You are just going with what is considered normal in your shoes.

 

Drew [/color]